Highland Grace

by K. E. Saxon

  Thankfully, none of her other family knew of Lara and Graeme’s affair—not even Daniel—until today, when she’d told Bao. ‘Twas something that had happened not long into her and Graeme’s union, when he’d left their cottage after an argument. He’d accused her of being too timid with him, of being too rigid in her understanding of when and where a man and his wife should make love and she’d accused him of being a deviant for wanting to mate with her on the same table from which they ate. He’d accused her of being cold, unwomanly—even said he’d wed her only for the sake of his bairn. She rolled on her side and bit down hard on her lower lip. How long would it be before Bao complained of just the same with her? A moon? Two moons?

  Would he storm out as Graeme had? Not return until early the next morn, leaving her to wonder and worry, as Graeme had? Would he lay down beside her, smelling of another woman, of venery, of stale ale, as Graeme had?

  A dry chuckle escaped her throat. Oh, how relieved that younger Jesslyn had been when her husband had returned that morn. She’d even begun to apologize until she’d gotten a whiff of him. Then she wouldn’t let him sleep until he told her where he’d been. He’d finally relented and told her about Lara, the letter he’d written breaking their affair, and the woman’s subsequent arrival back on her uncle’s holding in order to keep their relationship going with the promise of a lieutenancy.

  He’d sworn it had been a singular event—something that would never occur again. That the cruel words he’d said to her earlier had been said in anger and that he was happy to be wed to her. That he loved her.

  Jesslyn let out a whimper and covered her eyes, tormented as she recalled the vicious words they’d exchanged then. Their earlier quarrel had been naught to what had taken place afterward. What had begun as a dispute between two people trying to learn to live together had, with her discovery of his faithless actions, turned into a fight that had had the ability to break the bonds of their union for evermore.

  She’d almost left him, even gotten as far as packing a satchel and wrapping the babe in a warmer blanket for traveling. But, he’d stopped her and she’d let him. Nay, she’d been too young, too unsure of her ability to care for herself and a bairn, and too unwilling to leave Alleck without a mother to care for him.

  So she’d kept the peace. And, after a time, when she’d believed he’d truly broken the affair and devoted himself only to winning her love back, she’d forced herself to forgive the transgression.

  Except, he hadn’t broken the affair. And how her insides cringed now, how she squirmed to remember how he’d gulled her into believing she was enough for him. How devotedly she’d served him, cared for him. Loved him.

  But now, with Bao, she wasn’t about to do the same. This time, she was older, wiser, a lady who’d been forced by circumstances to fend for herself—and done well at it. Aye, she’d not forgive this time; she didn’t have to.

  * * *

  When Bao arrived back at the keep, he made a direct dash up the stairs to his bedchamber and locked himself in. Fate—everything—was against him. He paced over to the hearth and poked at the fire, then fell into the chair nearby and gazed, unseeing, at the gray-blue sky outside the window.

  He was ill-prepared for this. What did he have to offer her that might persuade her to stay with him? He was naught but a soldier and a whore. Aye, he had coin. And, because of her, he had this keep as well. But what were they against her disgust of him?

  To push, or not to push? ‘Twas a thin line he walked, with snapping, raving monsters on either side. He bolted from his chair and grabbed the few items of his that hung on their hooks, then tossed them in his chest. He was just gathering the items off the washstand when a knock came on the door.

  “Enter!”

  “What’s this? Are you leaving? Why? What happened?” his grandmother said as she shut the door behind her.

  “’Tis a long tale, and one I won’t burden you with, but aye, I’m traveling back to Perth forthwith.”

  Her gaze grew keen as she regarded him in silence for a moment. “Where is your wife?”

  He turned back to his packing. “She’s living back at her cottage. She’ll be up here soon to gather Alleck as well, I’m sure.”

  “I believe I shall go have a little visit with her.”

  “Don’t, please. She will not appreciate the company just now.”

  “Oh, I shan’t stay long.” She turned him around to face her with a hand on his arm. “And you cannot leave, you know. Have you forgot our dread of siege by Branwenn’s royal kin?”

  Bao’s hands, full of sundries, stopped midair. “Blood of Christ!”

  She went up on tiptoes and kissed him on his cheek. “G’day. I’ll see you in an hour or two.”

  * * *

  CHAPTER 14

  Bao remained in his chamber, awaiting his grandmother’s return. It was foolish, mayhap even insane, but still a last remaining ember of hope in his chest refused to die out. His grandmother was a persuasive woman. She might be able to turn around Jesslyn’s decision to leave him. And that was all he needed. Just a crumb of her willingness. He could build upon that, he was sure of it.

  When the knock came on the door, he jogged over and opened it. “Did she tell you why she left? Does she still insist on staying in the cottage?”

  His grandmother sighed and nodded as she handed him her mantle. “Aye, lad. She refused to stir from that place, no matter what good reasons I gave her to do so.”

  Bao stood quiet and still. Folding his arms over his chest, he bowed his head in resignation. After a moment of silent contemplation, he said, “Does she have all that she requires?”

  She walked over to the chair by the hearth and sat down creakily. “Aye, as far as I could see,” she said. “Tho’ ‘twould be best to make sure she’s a large enough peat stack available to her right away. The nights are even more bitter with cold than are the days.”

  “Aye, ‘twill be done.” He moved to the door and flagged down one of the servants, then gave him the order to get the deed accomplished. Afterward, he strode to the stool opposite his relative and lowered himself onto the seat. Leaning forward with his forearms on his thighs, he said, “What am I to do? How can I allow her to stay there on her own in this weather while she carries my babe in her belly?” Pointing to the window, he continued, “Even now the snow drifts pile high against the curtain wall, and once the sun has set, the cold will pierce like a dirk, straight to the bone. The cottage will not hold heat well and that cannot be healthy for either her or our babe.”

  “Aye, but the lass is adamant. She’ll not live here with you another moment longer. Those were her precise words, as I remember.”

  “I swear to you I did not break my vows to her, Grandmother.” He jumped to his feet and began to pace. “But, I would have. For Branwenn, I would have.” He lowered his head into his hands.

  “Callum was right when he called his wife an adder,” Lady Maclean said coldly, her heart aching as she watched her grandson anguish over his predicament.

  Lowering his hands to settle on his hips, he looked over at her. “I shouldn’t have told you of that afterward,” he said sheepishly.

  She shrugged, ignoring his unease. “She’s the devil’s own, I trow. And my poor, dear Callum is yoked, like some miserable ox, to her for life.”

  She stood and walked over to him. After giving him a long look, she said, “You asked me before what you should do, and now I will answer: You must not let one night pass with the two of you housed in separate places. And, since she is set on staying in the cottage, there too, shall you reside as well.” She turned then and walked back to her chair. Sitting down, she continued, “I think it best you know that I put her to bed before I left. Her back was aching, I could tell, and that is not a good sign at this stage in her childing. Not a good sign at all.”

  It felt as if strong hands crushed his throat. He swiveled around and jogged to the door. “I’ll retrieve Alleck once I check on her.”

 
“No need. She sleeps peacefully.”

  Bao halted and turned to look at his grandmother.

  “Get the lad first and be gone to your new dwelling,” she said.

  When her grandson was gone, Lady Maclean leaned back and smiled. That last took a bit of nimbleness of mind. Aye, she’d put Jesslyn to bed, and aye ‘twas for an ache, but not one that was a danger to her babe.

  If all went as she planned, the two of them would be back at the keep, back in each other’s embrace in no time.

  * * *

  Branwenn watched Alleck as he sat on the back of his calves, clearly fascinated with the wee babe, Nora. “Her grip’s so strong! And her legs and arms are so fat!” he exclaimed. “But her skin is very soft.” He giggled with glee. “An’ see how merry she looks with that red hair standin’ straight up and no teeth!” He looked up with wide eyes at Lady MacGregor. “She’s grinnin’ at me!” he said. Looking back down at Nora once again, he said, “But she needs to learn not to slobber so much.”

  “Nay, lad,” Lady MacGregor said, “the babe only needs to belch the wind from its belly.”

  The lad’s shoulders sagged in disappointment. “Are you sure?”

  Branwenn, too, looked to the other lady for confirmation, since this was all so new and wonderful to her as well.

  Lady MacGregor nodded sagely, lifting Nora from her cradle and holding the babe up to her shoulder before beginning to lightly rub and tap the babe’s back. “Aye. She’s a bit young yet to be smiling. Tho’ I’m sure, in only a wee time she’ll give you one in earnest.”

  Nora burped loudly and a bit of her earlier meal settled on the cloth Lady MacGregor had placed over her shoulder.

  “Eewww!” Alleck said, scrunching up his face at the sight.

  Branwenn agreed, but prudently held her tongue and her visage still.

  Just then, her brother, Bao, opened the door of the solar and briskly walked inside. “Alleck, your mother wishes for you to remove to the cottage where we’ll be dwelling for the next while.”

  Alleck’s lower lip extended in a pout and his brows slammed together. “Why must we live at the cottage again? I like it here!”

  It didn’t escape Branwenn’s notice that her brother looked uncomfortable with the subject as he answered, “Your mother has decided that she prefers it there, and we men must make sure that she is as comfortable as can be. Especially while she’s still got your wee brother or sister in her belly.”

  “I don’t want to,” Alleck said sulkily.

  “Aye, but you must. Your mother wants you with her.”

  “But I want to stay up here with Nora!” Alleck balked, pressing himself against Branwenn’s skirts.

  Branwenn grinned and settled her hand on Alleck’s shoulder, thoroughly enjoying watching her brother try to deal with this stubborn lad. Especially after Bao’s own willful insistence that she remain ignorant of some vital piece of information about his past. She was still quite determined to speak with him regarding that slight, but with all the discord happening around her, she’d thought it best to defer that conversation to a later day.

  Bao’s eyes narrowed as they rested on her briefly before returning to his stepson. “You’ll be able to come visit her again on the morrow, but for now, you must say your farewells and come down to the cottage with me.”

  Alleck picked at a scab on his knee through a hole in his hose. “When’s my brother goin’ to be finished bein’ made?”

  Bao sighed, and Branwenn thought ‘twas no doubt because he knew the lad was stalling for time. “Around Bealltainn, in May.”

  Alleck cocked his head to the side and peered at Bao through narrowed eyes. “How long away is that?”

  “‘Twill be a few more moons ‘til then, Alleck,” Bao said, his tone holding a bit less patience than before.

  Alleck crossed his arms over his chest and gave him a mutinous look. “That’s too long!”

  “Mayhap ‘twould be best for Alleck to stay here,” Lady MacGregor interjected, “at least for this first night.”

  Her brother studied the obstinate set of Alleck’s countenance a moment before reluctantly agreeing. “Aye, all right,” he said with a brief nod, “if Jesslyn agrees to the arrangement as well—all right, Alleck?”

  Branwenn thought that a good plan, as she suspected Alleck’s behavior was in reaction to the strained dealings between the adults around him.

  “All right,” Alleck agreed dejectedly.

  * * *

  Jesslyn had remained on her bed with a sick head since before Lady Maclean departed a bit over an hour past, but she jumped up off it and rushed to her doorway when she heard the front door of the cottage open, followed by the clomp of heavy footsteps across the threshold. Bao! Her palpitating heart sank into her stomach. “What do you here?”

  His eyes narrowed on her, studying her. “You are supposed to remain in bed. Grandmother said you’ll risk losing the babe if you don’t. Go to bed Jesslyn. We can speak of this later, after you’ve rested awhile longer,” he said, then he continued directly to Alleck’s bedchamber with the wad of clothes that filled his arms. She heard the shwish-plop! of male garments landing on the mattress in the next instant and it made her grit her teeth.

  “I only had a headache, ‘twas naught to harm the babe. Why would she say such?” Her own eyes narrowed then and she stormed over to stand in the doorway of her son’s room and crossed her arms over her chest. “Get out! I told you before that I didn’t want to see you again!”

  He turned and faced her, miming her stance. “That’s certainly a pity. But, as I intend to live where you live, at least until my babe is born and I know it’s well, my visage is a thing which you will need to grow accustomed to seeing quite often.”

  “Nay!”

  “We are wed,” he said matter-of-factly, “and we will live as husband and wife, whether it be here, at the keep, or up a tree. I assure you, I care not where you choose.”

  Jesslyn sputtered, too stunned by the man’s audacity to retort.

  In the meantime, he turned back around and proceeded to re-fold the few articles of clothing he’d brought with him.

  Jesslyn ground her teeth together and swallowed back a scream of frustration. A mental image floated across her mind of manfully tossing the vexing man out on his ear. If only she had the strength!

  Forcing a calm into her voice that she didn’t feel, she said, “You cannot stay in this chamber. Alleck will be here soon.”

  “Nay, he will not. He was not keen on the idea of moving back here—quite adamant against it in fact—and begged that he be allowed to remain at the keep with the others. When it became clear the only way to get the lad here would have been to carry him out, Maggie thought it best we allow him to remain there for this one night and, because of the tension between you and me, I agreed with her and left him behind.”

  A sense of utter defeat filled her. “Why will you not just let me be?”

  Bao stopped what he was doing, but didn’t turn, simply stared down at the pile of folded clothes on the mattress. “I think you know why, if you’ll only believe it.”

  Jesslyn’s heart did a giddy flutter before she forced reason to pound it into pulp. She straightened. “I will not allow myself to be gulled again. Not by you, or any other man.” She walked with as much dignity as she could muster to her bedchamber and shut the door behind her. Leaning against it, she gulped air into her lungs and dabbed the tear from her cheek with the back of her hand. She hadn’t realized until this moment that she’d even shed it.

  * * *

  Bao stood with his arms akimbo, staring blankly at the closed door to his wife’s bedchamber. ‘Twas clear by the color in Jesslyn’s cheeks and her vigor that she was not as ill as his grandmother had led him to believe. Still, she’d done him a favor. For he was now well-entrenched in this cottage with his wife, and he intended to take heed of his grandmother’s sage advice to remain so.

  The rest of the day and night passed with no further words e
xchanged between them.

  Once Bao realized Jesslyn didn’t intend to leave her chamber if he was in the front room, he returned to his own bedchamber and closed the door. He was glad when he heard her preparing a meal for herself about an hour later; he’d begun to worry that she would forego eating while he was in the cottage.

  After having his own meal of stale bread and a bit of cheese, he lay on his back on the bed and pondered what tactic he might use to soften her hatred of him.

  The only thing he was good at was sex and soldiering. He’d just have to cull from both pursuits in his efforts to wear her down.

  * * *

  The next morn, Jesslyn sat on the edge of her bed and listened for any sounds of movement in the front room of the cottage. She was desperately hungry, but her pride wouldn’t allow her to exit her bedchamber until Bao had left to go to the training field for the morn.

  She hadn’t slept well. Every sound that had come from the direction of the other chamber had awakened her. And the babe had been restless as well, kicking and jabbing her rib cage all night long. Tho’ it angered her to admit it, she’d also missed having Bao next to her, as she’d grown used to having him there these past sennights.

  She let out a despondent sigh. Why, oh why, must she keep falling in love with faithless men? What was it in her makeup that attracted her to such vile creatures? Just look at how her heart refused to melt for Daniel. Nay, it seemed clear to her now, he was simply too trustworthy for her twisted heart to love. If a man did not charm her to her marrow and proceed to treat her as if she were naught, then she simply could not want him.

  A scratching noise on the door jarred her from her musings and she looked up.

  “Are you well?” Bao said.

  Why did the sound of his voice always produce a heart flutter? She gripped the side of the mattress. “Aye, I’m fine! Go away!”