Blink (The Breathe Series Book 2)

by Lila Kane

  But I stayed where I was because his eyes were boring into mine with questions I wasn’t sure I had answers to.

  “Paige said you were a little tense.”

  “Not…really,” I said, unconvincingly.

  “You were about to hit me in the head with a wine bottle.”

  “I—I’m nervous. I’m used to Dustin being here or Curtis or—I mean, I know you and Jake are here, but—”

  “I understand.” He set the bottle aside and propped his other hand up, boxing me in. “Don’t worry, Powell will be here tomorrow.”

  I nodded, trying to infuse a look of nonchalance into my smile. “I know.”

  “And in the meantime, we’ve got protection.”

  I blinked. “You mean, like the security system?”

  “That, and weapons.”

  I laughed at first, sure he was joking. But he kept a straight face. “Are you serious?”

  His eyes dipped to my lips. “Sure.”

  “Sure? Does that mean yes?”

  He eased in a little more, body pressed against mine. “Yes,” he murmured, lips brushing my neck.

  I shivered. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to distract me or this really wasn’t that big of a deal to him. My body arched to his even as I tried to keep a level head.

  “Finn, wait…”

  “For what?”

  He ran one hand down my back, letting it rest at the hem of my shirt. He slid his hand underneath, making me shiver again when he ran it all the way up my ribs to my bra.

  “Guns,” I said.

  “Hmm?”

  “Are you talking about guns?”

  His hips pinned mine to the shelves, and I could feel every hard inch of him. He strained against his jeans, solid evidence of how much he wanted me right now. And I wanted him but I couldn’t seem to get my mind on the right track.

  “Finn.” I set my hands on his chest, stopping him from going for another kiss. “Talk to me about this. Please.”

  He propped his hand next to my head again, taking a moment to get himself under control. Finally, he said, “Yes. Guns. My mom always has one in the house—especially when she stays out here alone. After Dad died, we encouraged her to learn how to use one and figured hey—we might as well tag along at the shooting range here and there. I’m glad I did.”

  “Okay,” I said slowly.

  “Okay?”

  I nodded. “Should we go upstairs?”

  He caught my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “What is it?”

  My eyes dropped to his collar and then came back up.

  “The whole truth,” he reminded me.

  “I’m…it’s just that guns make me a little nervous.”

  “That’s no problem. You don’t even have to be around it—it’s just for protection. Or, even better, I could teach you how to use it. Just in case.”

  I winced.

  Finn kissed me gently. “Okay, bad idea. No learning how to use it.”

  “No, it’s not that.”

  “Then what?”

  Squirming in his grasp, I blurted, “Mark used to have one. A gun.”

  Finn’s eyes went stormy but he didn’t say a word.

  “He…he’d bring it out sometimes when he was upset.”

  “Shit,” Finn whispered, disbelief on his face. “What did he do?”

  “Just…”

  “Charlotte,” Finn said in his no-nonsense tone of voice.

  “He’d tell me he’d hurt my sister or my mom with it. Or—or if he was really angry, he’d point it at me…”

  “Goddammit,” he bit out. His hand curled into a fist and for a moment I thought he was going to break something. “Son of a bitch!”

  I rubbed my hands over my face. This whole truth thing wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be.

  “I want to learn,” I told him.

  “What?”

  “I want to learn how to use the gun. Will you show me?”

  “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

  I nodded. “Positive. I’m going to be terrible at it but I want to learn.”

  Finn blew out a breath and finally smiled. “You’re good at everything you do.”

  His phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket, glancing at the number before shoving it back in.

  “Who was that?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “Nobody important. Yes, I’ll teach you. We can start this week if you want.”

  “That fast?”

  He shrugged. “We have time and it’ll be harder to get out and do it when we get back. This is why it’d be even better if you just move in with me.”

  I snagged the bottle of wine off the shelf and made for the door. “Maybe we should save that conversation for later.”

  He touched my back when I limped for a moment. “Your feet bothering you?”

  “No.” I glanced over my shoulder with a smile. “Yes, just a little. It’s fine.”

  “You know,” he said as we climbed the stairs, “I can’t figure out if you’re stalling on this because you really don’t want to move in with me or if there’s some other reason.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  He stopped me at the top of the stairs, eyes full on mine. “I can handle complicated.”

  “I know you can. But it’s not you I’m worried about, it’s my issues. It’s—”

  “It’s not you, it’s me—that whole thing. Because that just makes it sound like it is me. That you don’t want to move in. And if you don’t, I’d rather you just tell me outright.”

  “Finn—”

  “So I can work on changing your mind,” he said with a smile.

  “Why is this so important to you?”

  He scooped his arm around my waist, pulling me close. His lips brushed mine when he said, “I’m making up for lost time.”

  The words were on my lips, ready to tell him, We have all the time in the world, but I couldn’t seem to say them. We never knew how much time we had left, and that at least was something I could relate to.

  But why couldn’t Finn just be happy with what we had?

  “So, what’s your next project?” Paige asked Jake as he turned steaks on the grill at the island in the oversized kitchen.

  I sat on a stool on the opposite side of the counter, drinking wine with her and enjoying the cool air coming through the window. It smelled so fresh. Untainted. But darkness also lurked outside the window, the evening coming to a close quickly. How would we even know if someone was out there? The security alarm would only go off if someone tried to get in the house but not if they were on the property.

  Something touched my back and I nearly fell off my stool. My gaze snapped to Finn’s as he set two more beers on the counter for himself and Jake.

  Everyone stopped and looked at me and all I could do was give a tentative smile.

  Jake smiled back and continued on about the resort, his next project. Paige leaned her chin on her hand, listening avidly.

  Finn popped the top on his beer and then stood behind me to rub my shoulders. He leaned in, breath touching my ear. “Relax.”

  I tried to but tensed again when his phone rang. He sighed and pulled it out.

  “Who is it?” I asked, frowning.

  “No one. Just work, probably.”

  “That’s the third call in an hour,” Jake said, gesturing for Paige to pass him the salt. “You sure it’s not important?”

  I swiveled in my seat. “Maybe Curtis is trying to get to you.”

  Finn shook his head, dismissing the question. “Hey, if that’s my steak on the end, it’s going to be medium well if you don’t take it off soon.”

  “I know what I’m doing,” Jake said.

  Finn set his phone on the counter. “I think I’d better check.” He grinned. “Just to be sure.”

  He walked to the grill, and I peeked at his phone, frowning. “Are you sure it’s not Curtis? What if something happened?”

  But then the phone flashed wit
h a missed call, stating the number. One I recognized—but only because I’d called it four times this week.

  Tracy’s number.

  I lifted my gaze. Finn looked up at the same time, eyes locking on mine. He was already opening his mouth, ready to say something. Deny it, maybe. Or explain.

  And I didn’t want to hear it.

  “I need more wine,” I announced, moving from the stool.

  “Don’t get up,” Jake said. He nodded at Finn. “Get the woman more wine.”

  “No, it’s fine. I’ve got it,” I said, already moving around the island to the bottle on the counter by the refrigerator.

  Finn got there first, making me grit my teeth.

  “I said I’ve got it.”

  He poured me a generous glass anyway and then wrapped his arm around me before I could return to my seat.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear.

  Through my gritted teeth, I answered, “The whole truth.”

  “Charlotte—”

  “I’m going for a walk,” I said, lifting my wine glass in a toast.

  Finn nodded. “I’ll go with—”

  “No, thanks. Just a few minutes so I’m back before dinner’s ready.”

  Jake’s mouth opened in surprise and then closed before he smiled. “I really don’t think…uh. Is that all right if I go with you?”

  I nodded amiably, touching Paige’s shoulder as I passed and ignoring the wide-eyed look she gave me. “Sure.”

  Finn ground his teeth behind me but didn’t say a word. He took over at the grill as I retrieved my jacket from the closet in the hallway. I met Jake at the door, and he opened it for me.

  “Don’t you need a jacket?” I asked, gesturing with my wine glass.

  “Nah. Real men don’t wear jackets.”

  Laughing, I stepped onto the porch. There was enough light left to guide us down the flagstone path and to the gravel road.

  No running. No hiding.

  That’s what I’d told myself and that’s what I was going to do. I wasn’t going to miss out on a beautiful evening because I was scared about someone who was hundreds of miles away.

  “It was Tracy,” I said by way of explanation. “On the phone.”

  Jake took a long swallow of his beer before answering. “I see.”

  “I’m lost. Either I know nothing about a man’s mind or Finn’s just an asshole.”

  Jake choked on a laugh. His boots crunched on the gravel as we continued down the road. “Maybe a little of both?”

  “The diplomatic answer. So that’s how it’s going to be.”

  He chuckled. “Okay, I’ll translate for you. Because if I was in Finn’s position, this is what would be going through my mind. You’ve gone through hell these last several months. Finn didn’t exactly make things easy for you way back in the day either. So, his reasoning? Make things easier for you now. If it’s going to cause unnecessary problems, table it for now. Tracy is an unnecessary problem. She…clings to things. It’s…whatever. It’s not your problem and that’s how Finn sees it. If he can take any burden from you—the stress, the irritation, whatever—he’s going to do it.”

  “Whether I like it or not.”

  “Whether you like it or not. That’s right.” Jake lifted his beer and I clicked it with my wine glass. “Here’s to the opposite sex.”

  I sighed and then turned a smile in his direction. “Speaking of the opposite sex…”

  He hooked his arm around me and turned me the other way. “It’s getting dark. Let’s go back. And I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “That could be true—we just established I don’t understand men well. However, you’ve been flirting all night.”

  He grinned. “That’s what most men do best. That and fish. So, I expect you up at sunrise for your first lesson.”

  I groaned. “Please, flirt and fish with Paige. I’m sure she’d love that.”

  “You think?”

  “I know. Ask her. Let me sleep.”

  He squeezed his arm around me briefly. “I guess you deserve it.”

  “I guess I do.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Long after Paige and Jake had gone upstairs to their rooms, I sat in the study with a book I’d plucked from one of the shelves. Along with an extensive wine selection, Mrs. Moore also enjoyed a good read. She’d packed the cabin full of her favorites, probably for nights just like this.

  Finn sat on the other side of the room at the fire, light flickering against his pensive face. I stopped and studied it for a moment, the strength in his jaw and slope of his narrow nose. His hair was mussed, as it tended to be by the end of the day lately. He had a glass of whisky in one hand resting on the arm of his chair and his other hand stroked his jaw, running over the stubble I always enjoyed rubbing my cheek against.

  After a moment, I went back to my book, a murder mystery told from the point of view of the killer. It wasn’t the best book I’d ever read but there was something to be said for curling up by the fire and occupying my time with something completely trivial. I missed this down time. I missed the quiet and the peacefulness of just being.

  “Are you going to ignore me all night?” Finn asked.

  Startled, I lifted my head. He hadn’t said anything for the last hour and I knew he’d been waiting for the right time to talk to me about what had happened. But, selfishly, I wanted to wring every ounce of peace possible out of the night.

  “I’m not ignoring you,” I said calmly.

  He lifted his eyebrows.

  “Okay,” I said, pulling my legs up on the couch. “I’m not completely ignoring you. I know you’re there, Finn, but I really don’t want to fight.”

  “Who’s fighting?”

  I sighed, trying another tactic. “This weekend was about leaving the stress behind, right? Having time to relax?”

  “And spend time together.”

  “We are spending time together. We have been all night.”

  “No, we’ve been spending time in the same room.” He sighed. “If we were spending time together and relaxing, you’d be sitting with me and reading your book.”

  The irritation on his face almost made me smile but I held back. There’d been a time when I’d felt the same way. I needed all of Finn like I needed air. He consumed me. It had been wonderful and scary, and clearly it had frightened him away.

  Maybe part of me could understand that now, being on the other end. I was enjoying Finn and our time together. It didn’t mean I didn’t have deeper feelings for him but I didn’t see the point in rushing things.

  I patted the couch beside me. “You’re welcome to come over here.”

  He glared. “You know what I mean.”

  “Finn…”

  He stood, setting his glass on a nearby table and walking to the couch. He held out a hand. “Come on. Let’s go upstairs.”

  “I don’t want to,” I murmured, sounding like a little kid.

  “Then scoot over.”

  With a sigh, I moved to the side of the couch. To my surprise, Finn laid down and tapped a finger on his chest. “Relax here. Spend time with me—your way.”

  “This looks more like your way,” I said but set my book aside and stretched out beside him, relaxing my head on his chest.

  He was warm and sturdy, making me relax immediately. After a moment, he dragged a blanket over us and I cuddled closer.

  “That’s better,” he said.

  I put my hand over my mouth when I yawned and then frowned when he chuckled. “That book was getting really good,” I mumbled. “Now I’m too tired to read more.”

  “So, read more tomorrow. You can sleep now.” He ran his hand down my hair, smoothing it off my cheek. “Besides, I know you were just trying to get me riled.”

  “Hey,” I said, my voice already slowing down. “You know how long it’s been since I read a book?”

  “Weeks, I’d imagine. Close your eyes.”

  I obeyed immediately and then struggl
ed to open them again. “I used to like reading, you know.”

  “I remember.”

  “What else do you remember?”

  The more he stroked my hair, the more relaxed I got, until our breathing was in sync. I listened to Finn’s deep voice and it was like being back in college, where our biggest worries were finals and what we wanted to do when we grew up.

  “You had this robe, a silky one with flowers on it. Cherry blossoms. And you’d always, always wear it. Even when I got you a new one.”

  “My cherry blossom robe,” I whispered, my hand flexing on his chest. “I remember that.”

  “You said it reminded you of Japan—even though you’d never been. But you were always talking about places you wanted to go. Japan, Venice—”

  “Probably Maui,” I mumbled.

  I was too tired to open my eyes but I heard the regret in his voice. “I want to take you there. Or wherever you want to go. Oasis is up and running—yeah, it might need a few more weeks—but we can get someone else in there for a while. Take some time off.”

  My eyelids flickered. “What?”

  “A vacation. Some time away together. It—”

  “I told you I’m not running away.” I pushed myself up, trapped between the cushions at the back of the couch and Finn’s body.

  “That’s not the reasoning behind this.” He shrugged at my look. “Okay, that’s not my only reasoning. I’ve wanted this for longer than you’ve been back. I’d still want this if the situation were different and we weren’t dealing with outside circumstances. I want to be with you, Charlotte.”

  “Finn, it’s just—”

  “You know what else I remember?” He continued before I could stop him. “You wanted to get married. You wanted kids. You were in love with the idea of a career, of course, but you wanted a family, too. You wanted it all and you weren’t scared that it would be too much. You were ready to grab onto that life. Take a risk and see where it led us.”

  My heart thumped hard. I tried again to push myself into a sitting position but Finn’s arm tightened around my waist. “That was a long time ago, Finn.”

  “Damn right. Too long. Because it gave me all the time in between to think about those same things and want those same things. A life with you. A family—”

  “Oh, God.” I was panicking, I knew it, but the words just kept tumbling out of my mouth. “That’s not—you can’t say that, Finn. I’m not the same person I was. You’re not the same person you were—”