“I wonder what it would’ve been like if they had lived,” he said, trying to pull himself together, but his voice was still quivering. “I wonder if they’d be proud of me or if they’d think I was a total failure.”
“They’re proud of you, Jeremy,” I said softly. “They raised a great man. They’re so proud of you.”
“I hope so,” he whispered and it was quiet again for a few moments while I began moving my hand in gentle circles on his back. “Sometimes I replay that day over and over in my head. Had I not chosen to play baseball or if they hadn’t been able to come to that game, they’d still be alive.”
“It’s not your fault,” I whispered.
“I try to tell myself that,” he said softly and a silence fell over us for a few moments before he continued. “I wish you could’ve met them.”
“Me too,” I said, resting my head on his shoulder and then he turned, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me to him. He held me tightly and I let him. I wanted to give him anything he needed at this moment.
“Thank you for coming with me,” he said quietly as he continued to hold me. “It’s hard to come here.”
“Thank you for trusting me,” I replied and I felt him breathe in deeply before pulling away and cupping my face gently with his palms and then he kissed me. Long and sweet and slow and then without any words, he took my hand and led me back to the SUV.
~~~
Jeremy seemed to be different after that. He’d been so somber all morning, but after visiting his parents, he seemed happier, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. I wanted to ask how long it’d been since he’d been to see them, but I decided not to. I had a feeling it had been a long time though.
I thought we would head home after that, but once we left the cemetery, we headed away from town.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“You’ll see,” he said, taking my hand and turning to me with the warm smile that had been missing all day.
I didn’t want to ruin his surprise, so I didn’t press him. We drove for nearly a half an hour, but then he turned off the highway. I saw him kick on the four-wheel drive and I soon realized why. It was questionable if the road we were on was even a road. It was surrounded by tall grass and I couldn’t help myself from laughing as we bounced around on the bumps. I was glad my seatbelt was working because I would’ve knocked my head against the ceiling a few times otherwise.
He finally stopped near a cliff overlooking the ocean. The view was breathtaking as the waves crashed against the black rocks and it appeared as if there wasn’t anyone around for a hundred miles. The sky was crystal blue without a cloud in the sky and the water was just as striking.
“C’mon,” he said, grinning at me and then hopped out.
We met at the front of the SUV and he took my hand, leading me even closer to the edge of the cliff. I stopped when I saw he was about to start walking down it.
“What are you doing?” I asked nervously. “It’s like straight down from here.”
“It’s not that bad and I promise it’ll be worth it.”
I continued to stand there hesitantly, staring down at the descent Jeremy wanted me to make. I was already afraid of heights and I didn’t want to plunge to my death today.
“Beth,” he said, pulling me from my thoughts. “I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” I looked up to meet his eyes and I suddenly wasn’t as afraid anymore.
“Okay,” I said quietly and then took the first step.
Jeremy was right. While it was a steep climb down, it wasn’t that bad. He was right below me the whole time and there were plenty of places for me to set my hands and feet.
“How are we gonna get back up?” I asked when we were half-way down.
“We’ll worry about that when it’s time, but we’ll be fine,” he laughed.
As I neared the bottom, I felt his hands on my waist, lifting me off the rocks and setting me down beside him.
“Well,” he sighed. “What do you think?”
It was like a secret oasis surrounded by towering onyx rocks that peppered their way throughout the beach and into the water.
“Where are we?” I asked as I began walking towards the water.
“Just a place I discovered after my parents died. I like it because of its solitude,” he said, stepping into the water so it lapped around his ankles.
“It does seem rather secluded. Have you brought many women here?” I teased and he turned to me, a serious expression on his face.
“Only you,” he said as a smile formed on my lips. “I used to come here to escape when it became too much. I wanted to share it with you.”
“It’s beautiful,” I said and then he came toward me.
“I’d say we could go swimming, but your cast is going to prevent that,” he grinned, touching it.
“I’m so sick of this thing,” I sighed and then he stripped his t-shirt off, standing before me in just his shorts and I couldn’t take my eyes off his taut stomach.
“We can still play in the water,” he said, reaching for my tank top and peeling it off. He tugged at my shorts a second later and once we were both in our suits, he took my hand and led me back to the water.
It was cold at first as it ran over our feet, but then we walked in up to our knees. He held my hand and we stared out into the water. It was bluer than it usually was. New England wasn’t known for its clear water, but today seemed to be an exception.
“I used to come here for hours after they died. I’d fish or swim or just sit. I never once saw another living soul while I was out here. I haven’t been here in a while though.”
“Thank you for bringing me,” I said and he turned to me, sliding his hands around my waist, pulling me close to him.
He reached up, undoing the clip from my hair and tossed it onto the shore. His fingers were tangled in my hair a second later and I could feel my breathing start to pick up. His lips were on mine a moment later, kissing me softly at first, but then I began pressing my mouth harder against his and he reciprocated. He picked me up, cradling me in his arms and made his way out of the water, laying me down gently onto the warm sand. His lips found their way to mine again, but only for a moment because soon they were moving down my neck and then onto my shoulder as he pulled the strap of my suit off.
I didn’t give it a second thought that we were on the beach. Jeremy had said he’d never seen another person the entire time he’d been coming here and truthfully, I didn’t care at that moment. I just wanted him.
I reached for his shorts, tugging at them until they were off and he did the same to my suit until there was nothing separating us. Our eyes met and I knew things were different now. This wasn’t just a summer fling. This was something more and as he pulled me even closer to him, I knew it was exactly what I needed.
Seventeen
The day Noah was to come home, I couldn’t wait to see him. Darren had called me every day so I could speak to Noah and he sent me pictures. It was obvious he was having a blast, but I was ready for him to come home.
I found it easy to think of Travers Cove as home, even though it wasn’t really our home. Home was back in Providence, but the little beach house had become such a sanctuary and the thought of returning to my real life was not something I wanted to think about.
Jeremy was out on the boat when Darren pulled up. I’d been sitting outside under the pretense of reading a book and enjoying the unusually comfortable evening, when I was actually waiting for Noah.
“Mommy!” he shouted when Darren had taken him out of the car seat and he came running into my open arms.
I took him in and held him tighter than I ever had. I knew I’d missed him, but I didn’t realize how much until he was in my arms again.
“I’ve missed you so much, baby,” I told him.
“I missed you too,” he said and then proceeded to show me everything he’d brought back with him from Florida.
“My goodness,” I said as I star
ed at the assortment of souvenirs.
“Daddy said I should get you something too.”
He held up a little Minnie Mouse to me.
“I love it,” I said, kissing him on the cheek.
“I’m gonna go put my stuff away,” he said and then he was gone, disappearing into the house, leaving just Darren and me.
“Looks like you guys had a good time.”
“We did,” Darren said with a slight chuckle and a shake of his head. “He can be exhausting though. I don’t know how you do it,” he said as we walked to the car to get the rest of Noah’s things. “You’re a good mom, Beth.”
I stopped as I was slinging Noah’s backpack onto my shoulder and turned to look at him.
“Why are you telling me this, Darren?”
“Because it’s true and you need to hear it,” he reached into the trunk and pulled out Noah’s suitcase. “And because I didn’t tell you that enough when we were together.”
“Well, you should’ve thought about that before you did what you did,” I said softly.
“Yes, I should have.”
I didn’t wait to hear anything else he had to say. Instead, I brushed by him and walked into the house. Darren followed and we found Noah sitting on the couch, all of his souvenirs lined up next to him.
“Are you hungry, Noah?” I asked him and he nodded. “What would you like for dinner?”
“Cheese sandwich,” he answered.
“How about grilled cheese?” I asked and he agreed. “What about you, Darren? You want one?”
“If you’re offering, I’ll accept.”
I went into the kitchen and I could hear Darren’s footsteps behind me. I reached for a pan to cook the sandwiches in and then grabbed a small pot. Grilled cheese was nothing without tomato soup.
“Can I give you a hand?” Darren asked and I turned to see him leaning against the counter, arms folded, staring at me.
“I’m good. Thanks,” I said quickly as I began buttering a slice of bread.
“C’mon, Beth. Let me help,” he said, taking the soup can and opening it up. “I wasn’t much help when we were married.” He poured the soup into the pot and then added some milk as he turned on the burner and began stirring. “I wasn’t a lot of things,” he added quietly.
It was strange standing next to him like this. He was right though. He hadn’t been much help in the kitchen when we were married. He’d help on occasion, but not very often and as we stood side by side, I was reminded of the times he had helped…in our kitchen…as husband and wife…a family.
“When are you heading back to Providence?” I asked, uncomfortable with the entire situation.
“In the morning. It’s too late to go back now.”
“You’re staying at a hotel then?”
“That’s the plan,” he said, but then turned to look at me as I used the spatula to turn one of the sandwiches. “Unless you’re offering to let me stay here.”
I couldn’t stifle the laughter as I moved another sandwich onto a plate.
“I most certainly am not making that offer.”
“C’mon. I just spent a fortune at Disney World. I mean, look at those souvenirs! Save me a hundred bucks by not making me go to a hotel,” he laughed.
“You can afford it,” I said and I knew he could.
“That’s not the point.”
“Go home tonight then. It’s only a few hours back if you don’t want to spend the money.”
He grinned and shook his head.
“You used to be putty in my hands, Beth.”
“Exactly. Used to. Past tense.”
“Point taken,” he said and then started looking through the cupboards until he found the bowls. He ladled some soup in for each of us and placed them on the table as I finished up with the sandwiches.
“Noah!” I called. “Dinner’s ready!”
I heard scuffling in the living room, but then he came skipping into the room, souvenirs in hand and began setting them on one of the chairs. When he was done, he sat down in the chair next to them.
“Thanks, Mommy,” he said when I placed the sandwich in front of him.
Darren gave us each a glass of ice water and we sat down at the table to eat, just as we had the night before he’d taken Noah to Disney World. As we ate, Noah rambled on and on about his trip, repeating the same story a few times, but I didn’t care. I’d missed my boy and the sound of his chatter had been absent too long.
My eyes drifted a few times out the window at the house next door, wondering when Jeremy would be home. It wasn’t like him to be this late.
When we were done eating, Noah bolted back into the living room and Darren started doing the dishes. I followed Noah and rounded him up for bath time. He fought me at first, but I eventually convinced him to get in the tub and I had to admit it was nice not having to worry about the dishes. I was used to being the one doing everything and as I shampooed Noah’s hair, I’d forgotten how nice it was to be part of a collective team. Jeremy was helpful when we were together, but if I was being truthful, I felt a little weird about it sometimes. Jeremy wasn’t Noah’s father. He had no obligation to help with anything. I didn’t feel guilty that Darren was cleaning up while I took care of our son.
“You’re still in here?” Darren’s voice interrupted my thoughts and I turned to see him leaning against the doorframe into the bathroom.
“He thinks it’s a spa.”
“We had it down pat in Florida. Ten minutes tops.”
“I guess we do things differently, Darren,” I said curtly.
“I didn’t mean anything by it. That wasn’t meant to be an insult.”
I ignored him and turned back to Noah who stood up and started climbing out. Darren handed me a towel and I wrapped it around Noah who proceeded to waddle into his bedroom.
“I’ll get him ready, Beth. Relax,” Darren said, following Noah. I decided to follow too, sitting down on the bed while I opened Noah’s suitcase, taking out a pair of pajamas. I was surprised to see all of the clothes neatly folded inside.
“Are these clean?” I asked, the surprise evident in my voice.
“Yep. I remembered how you hated packing dirty clothes for the trip home so I sent Noah’s laundry out the day before we left so it’d be ready for you when he got back.”
“Okay,” I said with a chuckle. “Who are you and what have you done with Darren Sawyer?”
He laughed too as he toweled off Noah’s hair.
“I guess I deserve that,” he said, turning to face me. “I’m not the same person I was, Beth.”
His eyes locked on mine, almost as if he was trying to tell me something without words. I felt a pit in my stomach. Darren was making me nervous. I wasn’t an idiot. I’d caught his insinuations since the moment he showed up in Travers Cove, but I didn’t know what his motive was.
“You should probably get going soon. Noah’s had a crazy day and he needs to get to bed.”
I stood up and left the room before he could say anything. I went into the kitchen, peeking out the window, but Jeremy’s driveway was still empty. Where the hell was he? I checked my phone for any text messages, but the screen was blank.
I could hear Noah and Darren walking into the living room a few minutes later and I went and joined them. They were settled on the couch looking through a book. I didn’t mention to Darren again that he should leave though. Noah looked too content and I didn’t want to ruin that.
“I think it’s time for you to go to bed now,” Darren said after the fifth story.
I expected Noah to protest, but he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed his souvenirs and ran into his bedroom. After tucking them into his bed, Darren took him into the bathroom where he brushed his teeth, returning a few minutes later.
“Mind if I tuck him in?” Darren asked.
“Not at all,” I said, even though I’d been looking forward to putting Noah to bed. Darren may have had him the past week, but I got way more time with Noah and as much as I told m
yself I disliked Darren, I never wanted to keep him from spending time with his son.
Noah was already in bed and I walked over, kissing him on the cheek and hugging him. “Good night, sweetie,” I said, planting a kiss on his forehead. “I’m so happy you’re home. I’ll see you in the morning. Have a good rest.”
“I will. Night, Mommy.”
I kissed him again and then left the room. I sat on the couch in the living room, but I could hear Darren and Noah down the hallway. I had to chuckle to myself when I heard the banter between them. Noah kept negotiating for another story and Darren kept giving in. Finally, after the third reading of Curious George and the Toy Store, I heard Darren say goodnight and then his footsteps were coming towards me.
“All set?” I asked when Darren entered the room.
“Yes, finally. That kid loves to read,” Darren sighed and I was surprised when he sat down beside me on the couch.
“Aren’t you heading out?” I asked, wishing he’d leave already.
“You’re anxious to get rid of me,” he stated and I nodded.
“Thank you for taking Noah to Disney World. I know he had a great time, but now that he’s back, you should probably go.”
Darren didn’t move though. Instead, he ran a hand through his sandy hair and sighed, resting against the back of the couch.
“Why the hell did I fuck everything up?”
“Excuse me?” I asked, even though I’d heard him perfectly.
“Us. You. Our family. How did I fuck up our lives so badly?”
“Because you wanted to fuck someone else,” I chided, promptly standing up and heading towards the front door to open it as an invitation for him to leave. Before I could though, I felt his grip around my arm, turning me to face him.
“No, Beth. I didn’t want to be with anyone else.”
“Could’ve fooled me when I saw her riding you like a pony,” I shot at him, my memories rushing back to when I walked in on them screwing each other’s brains out.
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