Red Creek Waltz

by Gregory Kay

  “If I t-take Jake's hand, can you feel it?”

  Yes, I can feel it.

  “Alright.” She reached out and took it once more, and she swore she felt something more than just Jake in it. “Your sister, does she really love him? I mean, really?”

  Yes, she loves him and she'll love him forever. The words came from Jake's lips, but this time the voice was unmistakably feminine, and from a girl that sounded about Mary's own age. Jake was no longer really there, but his body simply sat, eyes half-closed and glazed.

  “I'm g-g-glad of that, at l-least. I love him, and I at least want him to be happy, you know?”

  He is...at least as happy as we can get.

  “I feel sorry for you.”

  Thank you.

  “Do you really love Jake, or just want him?”

  I love him. Oh, I want him, but I love him. We can't bond with those we don't love, can't call out to them like I did him. It hurts not having him here, Mary; it hurts worse than when I died!

  “Then why haven't you made him come back?”

  He has to be willing – both sides have to be willing – or it won't work. He was willing when we danced, and when we made love, but once he saw beyond that, he got scared, and didn't want to anymore. He will again, someday, and he'll come when he's ready, but he ain't ready yet.

  “I hear you weren't bitten, and nobody in your family was, so how do you know all that for sure?

  I just do; we all do. I think it comes with what we are. There was a brief pause, and then suddenly, I'm just afraid!

  “Afraid of what?”

  The voice suddenly sounded very small and frightened.

  I'm afraid Jake will kill himself rather than come back, or do something to make them lock him up for good and I couldn't stand that! He's already thought about both of them!

  “Can't you just let him go?”

  He's been bitten; I can't do anything now, because there ain't no going back.

  “Is there anything I can do for him here?”

  Yes. I'll take your message to Joe Bob, but I want you to do something for me, and for Jake.

  She told her, and when Mary asked if that was the only way, she said, Yes.

  “Alright then, I'll do it. Can you keep taking messages to Joe Bob?”

  It's probably going to make my sister mad as hell at me, but yeah, I'll do it. A brief pause, and then, Thank you for understanding, and for talking to me. I hope we can talk some more sometime.

  “Don't you worry; we will. I promise.”

  An instant later, Jake's eyes came back into focus and he swayed and would have fallen off the bed if Mary hadn't grabbed him by the shoulder to steady him.

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing. I was just talking to Susie. She seems really nice, but pretty sad, especially about you not being there.”

  “Talking to...but I don't remember! What did you talk about?”

  “That's none of your business, Jake Estep; just girl-talk. I like her, and I think she liked having someone to talk to; it's not like she has any friends or anything.”

  “That's because she and her family ate them!”

  She slapped him without warning, not as hard as she could, but definitely a reprimand. The fact that she did it startled him far more than the slap itself.

  “Did it every occur to you that maybe she couldn't help it, anymore than you all could help what happened when you went over there, or anymore than you could help what you did to Bobby Tyndall? Or anymore than I can help loving Joe Bob, for that matter, or than she could help loving you?”

  “You slapped me.”

  “Yes I did, and I'll do it again if you start anymore of that foolishness. Susie is trying to look out for you as best she can, but she can't leave so she asked me to help, and I intend to. Now I've got to ask you something; how did it feel when you drank Bobby's blood?”

  Jake blinked, then quickly looked away.

  “That's a hell of a question!”

  “Susie told me, but I want to hear it from you; how did it feel?” She pointed a finger at the end of his nose. “Don't you try to lie to me either, because, like I told you at school, you ain't very good at it.”

  He kept his face turned away and refused to look at her while he spoke.

  “It felt great; it...it was one of the best feelings I've ever had in my life, and it was the best since Susie and I...” His voice trailed off with longing, and Mary nodded.

  “That's what she told me, and if it hadn't been for all the commotion, you'd have felt more relaxed after, right?” When he nodded and said he guessed so, she took a deep breath and asked, “Do you have a pocket knife?”

  In a puzzled silence he reached in the drawer beside his bed and pulled out a small three-bladed Stockman model folder and handed it over, and Mary started unbuttoning her blouse.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I'm going to give you what you need, to get you through until you decide to go back.”

  He started to deny it, to insist he'd never go back, but deep inside, he wasn't so sure, and before he could think of just what to say, Mary had unfastened her bra and exposed her breasts.

  “I appreciate that, but I'm not really in the mood...”

  “This ain't sex, and ain't got nothing to do with it; I love Joe Bob and you belong to Susie.” She lifted the knife and he grabbed her wrist.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  It's okay, Jake. I asked her to.

  “Asked her to what?” he said out loud, and Susie responded, To give you what you need. Trust her.

  “Trust me, Jake,” Mary told him, gently pulling her hand from his before taking a pinch of her skin beside her nipple and hissing in pain as she drew the keen edge across it, making a shallow cut. “I can't do this where anyone might see, or they'd think I was one of them crazy girls who scar their arms all up.”

  Jake's eyes were glued to the trickle of red running around her areola, and she took his head and guided him down until his shoulders were lying cradled in her lap.

  “Go ahead, Jake; I've got you. It'll be alright.”

  He obeyed, unable to resist anymore, and, as he suckled the flowing blood from her breast, she whispered a lullaby.

  “Hush, little baby, don't say a word. Mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird...”

  Even the tiny scarlet trickle made him so comfortable and contented there were tears in his eyes as his body fully relaxed for the first time in weeks, and his breath slowed and evened out. When Mary detached him and laid him sleeping soundly on the mattress, she heard the whispered Thank you come out of his mouth in Susie's voice.

  No sooner had she opened the door than Kathy, unable to contain herself, started down the hall, only to be arrested by Mary putting a finger to her own lips.

  “Shh,” she whispered, “he's asleep.”

  “Asleep? He barely sleeps; he hasn't gotten a good night's sleep since...” She could bring herself to finish. “How did you do that?”

  The girl shrugged.

  “I held him and talked to him about things until he relaxed, and he went right out.”

  “But...”

  Mary put her hand on Kathy's arm.

  “Me and him have something in common; we both loved Joe Bob, and we both lost him. That's how we can relate.

  “If you don't mind, I'll be back tomorrow.”

  Kathy grabbed her and hugged her, holding her close and weeping with gratitude.

  “Thank you!”

  Chapter 24

  “I brought Jake some deer steak, Mr. Estep.”

  Frank managed a smile when he looked down at Mary Jane, standing on his doorstep with a foil-covered dish in her hand. It wasn't really a surprise; in the three months since his son had left school, she was the only one not a relative who'd come to see him, and she showed up at least three or four times a week, rattling up in her daddy's old truck, the one he used to haul stuff for the church. She was also the only one who could get Jake to res
t instead of prowling the house at all hours like a caged animal, and that had a lot going for it as well.

  “Sorry, honey, but we were just getting ready to head out. I've been called in to work – they just had a 'dozer break down – and I figured I'd drop Jake off at his grandma's. I can't...” His voice trailed off as he stopped himself from pointing out that he couldn't leave his son alone, but Mary nodded her understanding.

  “I'll stay here with him until you get back.”

  “Look,” he sighed, “I know you mean well, but you're just a kid. I can't leave him with you.”

  “Mr. Estep, I'm eighteen years-old; I'm an adult now, just like Jake, and he'll listen to me,” she said, glaring at him; she would have crossed her arms if she hadn't been holding the pan.

  Frank couldn't help but smile, although it was a weak one when he realized there was no possible way he or Kathy could always watch Jake 24-7. Granted, Mary couldn't stop him if he decided to leave, but, after what Jake had done to that damned Tyndall boy in school, he wasn't so sure he could either. Besides, she had been coming for months now, and every time she did, his son was calm for awhile afterward, before the restlessness started all over again, the pacing and whispering and empty-eyed stare at nothing.

  The thought made him shudder.

  “Alright, but you two have to stay here until I get back; you understand?”

  “Yes sir, I understand.”

  It was only much later that he realized she had told the truth, but 'understand' didn't mean the same thing as 'promise.'

  “Are you sure you want to do this, Jake?”

  He waited until he had rolled the ATV he was straddling down the ramp he'd brought for the purpose, out of her truck and onto the familiar dirt road before answering.

  “No, Mary, I don't want to do this; I just ain't got any other choice.”

  “You'll never come back, will you?”

  He shook his head and regarded her sadly.

  “No, I won't be coming back; that's how it works.” Looking up at Little Back Mountain looming in the distance against the rapidly-dropping late afternoon sun, he heaved a sigh of resignation. “I can't stand it here anymore anyway, at least not without her.”

  Following his gaze, she whispered wistfully, “I feel that way about Joe Bob.”

  As quick as a striking snake, Jake grabbed her arms so hard she winced in his grip as he shook her.

  “Don't even think about it! Please, Mary, don't go over there! Never go over there – ever! They'll drink you dry in a heartbeat!”

  “Joe Bob wouldn't let them; he wouldn't hurt me.”

  “Yes he would! He can't help it, don't you understand? He'd do it, and then...” With a sudden flash of inspiration, he finished with, “...and then he'd have to live forever with the knowledge he'd killed the only girl he ever really loved. I don't think you want to put him through that, do you?”

  “N-n-no...” She was crying now, and Jake relaxed his grip.

  “I didn't think so.” Another glance at the sun, and, “I've gotta go. Thank you, Mary, for everything. Remember, you tell them I made you do it, alright? Tell them I beat you up and threatened to kill you.” Nodding at the limb in question, he said, “Show them the bruises I just put on your arms. I'm sorry for that, by the way.”

  “J-Jake...”

  “Just tell them, okay? I don't want you to get in trouble, and it's not going to make anything worse than it already is for me, that's for sure.”

  “Okay.” Snot was starting to accompany the tears, and she wiped at her nose with the back of her hand. “Just...p-promise you'll do something for me when you get there? Promise you'll tell Joe Bob...I love him.”

  Jake grabbed her and pulled her close for a moment, squeezing her tightly for the last time.

  “I promise. You take care now. Please...pray for me!” Then he let go, cranked over the engine, and went roaring down the trail without once looking back, chasing the sun as it settled behind the brooding mountain.

  “I'm back, you two. Jake, your mother said to tell you she's gone to Walmart, but she left a casserole in the fridge. All we've got to do is heat it up and dish it out.”

  Receiving no answer, Frank dropped his keys on the side table and walked into the kitchen carrying his dinner bucket. It was full dark now, and had been a long afternoon...to be honest, the past few months since Red Creek had been a long life. He felt like he'd aged twenty years just since November, and, every time he passed a mirror, he knew he looked like it too. His hair now had more gray than black, and he moved slower than he could ever remember.

  “Hey Jake, did you hear me...”

  He stopped speaking; there was no point, as they house held that deathly, empty quiet that told him loud and clear he was alone, and his heart dropped like a stone.

  “Shit, boy,” he muttered aloud, his voice rising as panic set in, “They'll lock you up for sure if they catch you out!” Glancing quickly around, his eyes came to rest on the folded piece of paper on the table, with the words Mom and Dad written on it. Frank had a horrible feeling even before he picked it up and began to read.

  Mom, Dad, I really don’t know what to say. I never wanted to hurt you, but I can’t go on like this. It’s been months now, and it’s gotten worse instead of better. You both know it, even if you won’t admit it, at least where I can hear. The drugs don't work; they never did, and I think all of us know they never will. I know you all think I’m lonely, but I’m not. I’m never alone; I hear her voice whispering constantly, and see her face out of the corner of my eye everywhere I go. I can't even get away in sleep; she’s always there, waiting for me in my dreams. It won't stop, and it doesn’t help that a part of me never wants it to. I know you taught me to be strong, Dad, and I’ve tried. God knows, I’ve tried, but I guess I wasn’t strong enough; I just can’t try anymore. I’m so sorry, but I’m going to do what I have to do now, to end this pain. Please don’t go over there look for me; there’s nothing you or anyone else can do.

  Don't be mad at Mary; I made her take me, but I won't hurt her.

  You know where I'm going, and what's going to happen once I get there; at least Susie will be there, and I'll be with Joe Bob and Scott again, the Three Musketeers, so it won't be too bad. Just don't follow me, okay? I took my ATV, and I'll be there and it'll be over and done with by the time you could find me anyway. You know what I'll be, so please don't come. Just remember me as I was, and know that, no matter what happens, I’ll always love you both.

  Your son, Jake

  Frank's legs suddenly failed to bear his weight any longer, and he fell more than sat down in the kitchen chair. Leaning his elbows on the table, he put his face in his hands and began to cry for all he was worth, and couldn't seem to stop. He was still weeping when Kathy came home two hours later and joined him.

  The sun was already out of sight behind the mountains, leaving nothing but a bloody sky fading to black when Jake Estep braked his ATV and turned the motor off. Swinging a leg over the seat, he stepped off on the banks of the little run called Red Creek once again, all alone this time. His shoulders sagged, and in the gathering twilight, he looked much older than his years.

  Standing by herself on the other side, Susie looked just like she had when he last saw her, but then he supposed she always would.

  “I felt you coming, even before I heard your machine,” she said simply, and he nodded.

  “You always knew I’d come back, didn’t you?”

  She nodded, both sorrow and hunger in her sad eyes.

  “I knew.”

  “I don’t understand it. I tried to get on with my life; I really tried. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep…I couldn’t hold an interest in anything. I got kicked out of school, lost the job I was supposed to have, lost…I couldn’t even love.” The last words came as a whisper, and she nodded sympathetically.

  “You already love, Jake. So do I, and I have ever since I found you in your dreams.”

  “Yeah, I know. That’s the prob
lem. There ain’t no gettin’ away from it, I don’t reckon.”

  She shook her head.

  “No, there ain’t. It’s not so bad, you know.”

  “Really?”

  Susie paused and dropped her eyes.

  “No, not really. I can't lie to you, Jake; it’s – it’s not real good.”

  “I suppose not,” he said with a sigh, then looked past her. “Where are the others?”

  “On up the mountain, at the head of the holler, where I made them promise to stay. This doesn’t involve them. This is just between you and me.

  “We’re bound, Jake. There ain’t nothing either one of us can do about it now. I wish there was, but…”

  He chuckled, but there was no humor in it, only a grim resignation.

  “You mean I’m bound.”

  She shook her head again, looking straight into his eyes.

  “I mean we’re bound, the both of us. You were special; I knew it when I called and you heard, when you came, when I chose you that night. That’s why I chose you, and once I bit you, there wasn’t any going back for either one of us. It’s an unbreakable bond.”

  He waved an arm in the general direction of the ruined town.

  “But what’s so different about me and those others you killed here, back when Red Creek was still alive? I don’t see any of them still up walking around.”

  “It's not that easy. To make someone one of us, you have to will it; you've got to mean to do it, and they have to be willing to let you. It’s like the difference between having sex and making love. Most times we feed just to satisfy our flesh, but once in a while it’s special, because it’s the only way to consummate our love down to the last full measure and bind us together as one. ‘Flesh of one flesh’, ain’t that what they say? Can you understand that?”

  “I think so. Yeah, I reckon I can.”

  “You know how much you want me?” He nodded, all too aware of the consuming obsession that she had become, or of the pressure inside his jeans, straining at his fly in spite of himself. “I’ve got it just as hard, Jake. I want you just as bad, only it’s worse for me.”