What would Gramma June say if she could see me now? Why oh why do I always worry about what people think?
You are a good person Ivy and I know when the time comes you will make good decisions. Every decision you make has consequences. Like a pebble thrown in a pond it will have far reaching consequences.
I see Tyler’s eyes dart quickly in my direction then his gaze dropped. His dark hair falls in waves and is covering his face. His strong features and hard body give one the impression that he had a strong character too. He had always been the handsome, self-assured kind that society loved.
Truth be told he has no back bone and when a tough situation presented itself he let me down. What had I ever been thinking when I fell for him? I had always been a decent judge of character until him.
“The wound will burn for a day and then you will be fine”. My tone clearly indicated that I was done talking to him.
“Look Ivy” He hesitated for a moment as though choosing his words carefully. It is apparent that there is pain in his voice. “Let me tell you what happened that day”-
I speak up quickly and effectively cut him off. There is no point in rehashing the past. Not now. Not two years later. Tyler had always been presumptuous but things have changed. His family fortune won’t help him here.
The whole world has changed. It suddenly occurs to me that the tables have turned. I am the strong one now. Inside me, is something that has been long hidden and I am now a different person. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before replying. “Fate has a way of saving us from people who are no good for us”. The words come out with a sting.
I watch him for a response but just as expected he is silent. The silence further infuriates me but I guess anything he says would make me angry. I fight back the sharp words that are threatening to spill out. There is no point in getting even. It’s done and over and losing mytemper won’t change anything.
With a feeling of resignation I take my bow and put it back on the side of the saddle. I swing into the saddle and sit there a moment before deciding what I should do. I can’t leave him here like this.
I dismount and walk over to Tyler. Without making eye contact I put my arm around him for support and I help him walk to the horse. When he is finally standing next to the animal I gave him a leg up so he can mount. Even dressed in dirty, torn clothing, his hair damp with sweat, his persona resonates with sophistication.
Tyler’s shirt i s soaked with sweat by the time we ride off. His body feels oddly cold pressed up against my back. I can feel a slight movement as he slumps against me and then he coughed.
He always had an air of confidence that people found charming but he was different now. I suppress a shudder of dread. I can’t help but wonder what the story is behind Tyler being here. I gave him all that I had to give. He took my heart, and when I needed him the most, he let me down.
~
I can’t help but remember the day we met several years ago. I was riding along the golf course, at a
brisk trot, very early one Saturday morning. I decided to ride on the green as nobody was around to see me. My horse accelerated to a brisk gallop and I tore out over the perfect grass. Each stride created gaping bare spots but it mattered little to me. The course was ideal for a horse to stretch out and run. I leaned close to his neck as the wind tore at my hair. The scenery was a blur and I couldn’t help but smile with exhilaration. We passed the water hole, rounded a bend and the club house came into view. The next thing I knew, I was flying through the air, and skidded to a landing. I was dazed and unable to move. I could hear a horse nicker and I sighed in relief that my animal was not hurt. Then there was the sound of someone getting into the saddle. I sat up, about to tell whoever was there, to get off my horse.
When I turned my heart fell. The sides of my horse were heaving and he lay on his side unmoving. There was someone kneeling next to Toby stroking his head and reassuring him. Toby tried to raise his head, his eyes wild with fear. I recognized the person helping as Tyler. His gaze met mine and he shook his head. My mouth trembled, and I tried not to cry. Toby’s leg was badly broken and he needed to be put down.
Tyler led his horse over and reached out a hand for me to take. He helped me to my feet and thrust the reins of his horse into my hand. The thick leather felt awkward and strange in my hand. I wanted to run away from this place, forget what was happening, and never look back. Now was my chance. I could ride off and not look back. Leave the problems behind and hope that it all goes away. What about Toby? He didn’t deserve this but I just couldn’t face the stress. I hated my own helplessness.
“Take my horse and wait for me in the park. I’ll take care of this for you”. I stood there like a dumb thing unable to move. I had seen this kid around school but never spoken to him. Why was Tyler helping me? He had smiled at me a couple of times in the hall in passing but never said a word. My eyes rested on Toby and tears spilled down my face.
“Look. You need to go. The grounds keepers will be out soon and you will be in trouble. You will be in a lot of trouble Ivy”. I eyed Tyler suspiciously. “What about you? What will you do? What about Toby”? He touched my arm reassuringly. “I’ll tell them he ran away with me and caught his leg in a hole. I’ll have the vet put him down and arrange to have him hauled off to the rendering plant. Now go,before I change my mind”.
I turned for a moment as though I would go to Toby. How would I afford a vet to put him down? He was in pain and needed to be put down. I had let everyone down in my life and now I would let Toby down too. The only thing I could do was ride off as the man suggested. I took the reins, mounted the horse and looked back at Toby before leaving the area. Tyler was stroking his head and talking to him in a quiet tone.
Tyler was good to his word and took care of everything that day for me. When he found me in the park, several hours later, I was sitting on his horse while it grazed. I was watching the cloud formations as they drifted by trying to forget what had happened and didn’t notice he had come.
I finally see him out of the corner of my eye. Standing there like an angel, gloves in one hand and riding crop in another. There was a clear steadiness to his gaze. He knew what he was about and he wanted me. What did it matter? I had nothing left to give anyone. Not even myself. Or so I thought at the time.
Something is tearing at my mind and I struggle for the truth. My life is like a canvas that is being changed each day with new images. I am becoming something else with each passing hour. I wish I could go back and find what was waiting to be discovered in each stroke of paint that shaped the canvas of my life. It was a long time ago, when I was younger and refused to let anyone get close to me.
I briefly contemplate what I should do. What I should do is miles apart from what I want to do. I frown, curling my fingers around the reins in a frustrated mess. Jast must sense I am struggling because he starts pawing the ground. Something tickles the back of my mind with what I can only call insight. It’s like an illumination that something is going to happen and I know I need to put miles behind this place.
Chapter 11
Dusk is rapidly approaching as we make our way out of the place the demons had been. We threaded through trees and travel down the trail that will take us back to the mountain. Jen had been there urging me to go into the mountain but I had stopped short at Tyler’s scream. Suddenly I am seized with the impression that we must pick up our pace and I urge Jast into a canter.
The air grows colder as we ride toward the mountain. The trail winds upward and the smell of a storm is lingering in the air. Despite the chill, sweat trickles down my neck and dampens my hair. It is becoming difficult to find my way as the sky turns darker and fog rolls in and I am forced to slow down. I turned my head to listen for sounds but it is silent all around me. I have a feeling that something is out there, waiting in the heavy brush, to ambush me.
It’ s a slow process winding around the ribbon of trail and I am unable to see more than 20 feet ahead of me. My gaze drifts
upwards and twice I thought I saw a woman in the fog. The smell of something burning chokes me and my stomach lurches as I catch a flash of red up ahead.
The energy around me reeks of death. I can smell rotting flesh and wished we had gone another direction. Just as quick as it had rolled in the fog was gone. Pushing my way forward I hear the
unmistakable toll of bells. Not a tinkling that you would hear from a jingle bell but the full ring of a church bell. More precisely it sounded like a church funeral bell. The sound was mournful and frightening in its way. More worrisome than the mournful sound is that bells were ringing at all. My heart began to pound and Tyler squeezed my arm.
“What’s that sound Ivy”? he said weakly I imagine the bells were meant to signal something but what it is I have no clue. The last thing I need I for Tyler to be amped up in his condition. As I am thinking about what to tell, him his grip on my arm relaxes and his arm went limp. I exhale in relief. It feels like he haspassed out and I can’t help but appreciate the timing.
The bells began to toll louder black clouds are swirling around in the sky. There is a red backdrop behind the clouds that I have never seen before in this place. I pause for a moment and strain to get a better look at the sky. There is a dull roar high above me and the black clouds are taking vague shapes. There is complete silence and then the black shapes began to blur before my eyes. They are flying at alarming speed and I need to get the mountains.
I turn Jast on a dime toward the mountain but it’s too late. The demons are coming from all directions and I won’t make it to the mountain without them reaching us first. I stop for a moment and hold the reins tightly. Jast dances and lifts his front feet off the ground in frustration. Time stands still as I look around me to better analyze the situation. Then I remember Gramma June’s letter and the writing on the book.
The wise will find the truth. The stars of twilight will be dark when the hidden is illuminated. Ye may look for the light in darkness and the old becomes new again. There lies the answer.
The stars of twilight will be dark and the hidden illuminated. Could the approaching demons be the stars of twilight? Then where is the light? The old becomes new again?
I open my saddlebag and feel around inside for the book. Flipping through the pages a passage catches my eye.
There are hidden, nonphysical worlds that can be reached in the here and now. Altered states of consciousness can be reached when one is awake or dreaming as taught by many teachers from the times of antiquity. There are many planes of existence that coexist together but are not seen unless we look for them. You must look within your soul for the truth.
I hear the sound of screaming in the distance. It is a low wailing that sounds like children being crushed. I tell myself I have an overactive imagination and the sound is probably a wild animal of some sort. I shuddered despite myself as I pushed forward toward the mountain. The trees below us are rustling and glimmerin the mist. Such a strange place and I can’t help but wonder what terrible things are hiding in the forest.
We climb higher and higher until the trees are far below us. I turn to look at Tyler and place the back of my hand on his forehead. He is burning up with fever and I wonder if he will survive. His face is pale, and there is something grotesque about him, despite his handsome features. I don’t know why I am helping him. For a moment I think about pushing him off the back and leaving him behind.
My sudden urge to see him die disarms me. I never wished anyone dead and I won’t let my hurt pride change that now. My perception of things has been heightened, as though, I am becoming someone else. Perhaps this is what Lizzie meant when she said I was becoming body and spirit. I closed my eyes and thought of Tom and Lizzie. My mind seemed to probe the world around me. Then I saw something.
I was stunned by what I saw. There was a powerful light that erupted out of everywhere at once. When my eyes adjusted to the brightness I was looking into the driveway of Bill’s house. There were lights on in the windows and a great aura around the place. I heard the sound of ripping fabric and a force of energy nearly knocked me off Jast. I persisted to keep the vision open and walked toward the house. I opened the familiar iron gate just enough to squeeze through and walked toward the Victorian. It took an immense amount of energy to propel myself toward the house but I force my legs to walk.
The house seemed to draw me to it as though it wanted me to see inside. I felt my body grow tense and my heart raced. I stopped half way down the driveway. I was looking into the windows and saw a flickering lamp in the living room. In the entryway between the great room and dining room something dark stands. The pale beams of light shines on the white gravel I am standing on and I concentrate on the dark figure.
I push myself just a little closer to the house. For a moment I hesitate trying to calm the pounding of my heart. Then I make the last few steps toward the window and look inside. I stand there in shock. Confusion at first and then waves of grief passed through me like waves of water on the beach.
The figure standing in the entryway between the rooms is Jen. She is wearing jeans and a white blouse that is red with blood. She’s hung from a green striped utility rope and her face bulges unnaturally. Her skin is gray and her tongue protrudes out of her mouth. It is so disturbing that I cannot take my eyes off of her. Her hair is gleaming in the light and behind her I see a woman dressed all in black. Her skin is stretched tight across her face and her head looks like a skull. Her dark eyes are alight with fire. She is talking to me in a monotone voice.
“You should not have left them here a lone. You knew they would be in danger and you chose to help Lisa and David instead. I can bring her back if you only agree”.
I turned away from her and placed my hands over my face. Tears flowed down my cheeks and great sobs wracked my body. Jen was the best friend I could have asked for and always there when I needed her help. She had her entire life ahead of her and now she is gone. We would never laugh together again, never sit up all night and talk about our problems and never see each other grow old. My life with Jen flashed before me from when we were little girls until the time I left the cave. I sift through the memories and the something shouts out to me.
“No one ever really dies. They just go somewhere else”.
With that, I opened my eyes, and wiped my face on my sleeve. The vision of Jen rocked me to the core but I know now she was trying to warn me just before I found Tyler. Jen looked terrified as she waved me toward the mountain and seemed to be begging me to hurry. I had a sense of impending darkness and fear of what was coming.
I don’t remember kicking my heels into Jast or the rocks that flew beneath his hooves. Tyler had held on tighter despite his weakened state and we ran up the mountain as though our lives depended on it. I could hear something behind us. The sound suggested that whatever it was came with great force. I could smell death very close and did not look back for fear of what I would see.
Arrows flew past and I leaned low on Jast’s neck to reduce wind resistance. Then I felt something hit the back of my head and dampness trickled down my neck. I didn’t need to feel my head to know I was bleeding and thought only of getting to the mountain. Jen had been showing me the way and I knew it was our only chance. I shouted for Tyler to get my knife out of the saddlebag.
I could feel him fishing around in the saddlebag and then heard a snap. His hand touched my arm and then my hand felt the coolness of the ivory handle. Anathema grew instantly warm in my hand and I held it up in front of me. A great light is illuminated and I held the blade to the sky. Jast is in full flight and crashing through brush as he races the last couple hundred feet to the mountain.
The side of the mountain is just in front of us and then I feel a sharp pain as an arrow penetrates my thigh. The ground shuddersbeneath Jast’s hooves and I could feel him collect himself and spring forward and upward. The mountain was coming at us at break neck speed and then we were passing through the exterior as though it were made of water.
J
ast landed on a cobblestone road on the other side of the rock and his hooves rang out as he galloped onward. I was bleeding badly and there was no feeling in my thigh. I clung tenaciously to
consciousness feeling the life go out of me as the blood flowed out of the wound. I was thinking only of getting to safety and trying to stay alive. Maybe she was still alive.
I want to put my hands over my ears and shut everything out. I remember the night Jen and I sat on the porch swing of the old white house sipping wine. We sat watching the waves crashing to the shore on the beach. Talking about how wonderful it would be to start over with John out of her life. My only friend true friend was Jen. All she ever wanted to do was help people and make their lives better. This is how her life is snuffed out.
The image of her hanging from a rope is an open window in my mind. The rope around her beautiful head as her body twirls slowly around. Her hands bound by rope and her long hair mingled with blood. The colors sparkled in the garish light of the great room.
A cry rises in my throat, a wild, pathetic cry that rocks me to the core. My eyes are blinded by tears and I let myself slip fromJast’s back. I hold onto the mane, press my face into his neck and sob. I cry for all the things that have been ripped away from me.
For Jen who has been my family, for my sister and brother taken so young, for gramma June, for the people who are suffering on the outside and I even allow myself to cry for me. Searing pain rocks my body and I am overwhelmed with sadness. Hot tears come in blinding succession until I a can cry no more.
I am empty inside, except for a deep sense of hatred and revenge that gives me something to hold onto. The desperate hatred is softened by the feeling that Jen would not want this for me. At the core of my hatred, is evil; so great, it will never be contained, once it is loosed within me. I will never allow myself to succumb to the hatred I feel inside.
Underworld (Dark Passage) Page 13