Without You

by Julie Prestsater

  “Are you a nude model and forgot to tell me?” I traced my fingers down his chest until I reached his growing erection. My fingers stretched around his length, feeling his silky skin against my palm.

  “If you keep doing that, I might be a porn star.” He reached for my hand and held it behind my back. “Don’t start what you can’t finish.” He pecked me on the lips, and then swatted my ass as he walked into the bathroom. “I’ll see you in a bit. I’ll come talk to your classes about music. It will save you and I’ll have some fun.”

  I watched him for a minute, turning on the water and adjusting the heat before he jumped inside. The fact that he’d be willing to come and talk to my class made my heart skip a beat. Evan just kept on surprising me. First, the song. Then, the flowers. The tattoo, the slide show, the dining room table. The engagement still had me flustered with excitement. The more I thought about it the more my palms were sweaty and butterflies worked double time zipping around my belly.

  It had happened. My dreams were coming true. Evan James was mine again.

  * * * * *

  By the time Evan arrived at my school, I had done some redecorating in my classroom. Wanting the day to be a casual one, I moved the students’ desks into a circle so that Evan could sit among them and have more of a chat session rather than a press conference. When my students started walking in, their mouths dropped in wonder. The chatter about Evan had been endless since he stopped by for an impromptu visit the last time. Fielding questions from my colleagues and students alike, I never thought I’d hear the end of it. Thankfully, the more I refused to talk the less they were interested. My coolness factor skyrocketed and then wore off just as fast, kind of like a one-hit wonder.

  That was all about to change.

  Evan waited for the bell to ring and the parking lot to clear of parents before he came inside. Seeing as how only one of my classes saw him last time and just a few office staff and the response was over the top, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if he stayed an entire day.

  “We will be having a visitor today.” My students stood up straighter, curiosity piqued. “But, this will only work if we try to keep it on the down low.” Speaking in terms they understood was essential. “If things get out of hand, it will ruin it for everyone. And I’d really like all of my classes to be able to chat with this visitor today.”

  A hand shot up. “Is Evan James coming?”

  A smiled curved across my lips, giving away my surprise. “Don’t even think about reaching for your phone, Jake Stevens.” Everyone froze as I glared at the offender. “Dude, I just said to keep it on the down low. If you tell everyone he’s coming, it will get crazy and I’ll have to ask him to leave. When you get home today, you can tell anyone you want. But right now, let him come in peace and enjoy talking to you, your classmates, and the rest of my classes.”

  Like any junior high, I taught five periods a day. I had no idea how the day would go, but I did have a feeling things would probably get crazy by lunch time. Asking my students to keep this a secret was like asking them to study. It wasn’t going to happen. The entire drive to school, I kept thinking about how I might be able to contain the crazy. I just didn’t know how.

  Luckily, things were going well. We had made it through three periods without unnecessary interruptions. My principal did come by during passing period to meet Evan, shaking his hand heartily and giving him her doe-eyes. If she weren’t my boss, I would have threatened her with violence for looking at him that way. I supposed that was something I was going to need to get used to if Evan and I were getting married.

  When my fourth period class came in and spotted Evan, they didn’t cause a scene like I expected. His back was to them, inspecting their work that covered my walls. The bell rang signaling the start of class and my fiancé turned around to a classroom full of beaming thirteen year olds. Next to Evan, one of the boys stood and offered him his hand. “Welcome back, Mr. James.” Pride radiated from me at the manners my students exuded that day.

  From the moment Evan had suggested coming by, I was anxious about this class seeing him again. They seemed to hit it off the first time and I just knew they would be the most comfortable considering the shock factor wouldn’t be so strong with them.

  “Looks like you beat me to it,” I said to the young man. “It’s great to have Mr. James back to do that Career Day talk you all requested last time.” I went on to give them the same spiel I gave the other classes. “He’ll be here the entire period so I’m just going to chill back here and let you all talk.” Walking to my desk, I turned around to say one last thing. “Let’s keep the questions respectful, but let’s have some fun too.”

  Nodding in Evan’s direction, he began to make his way to the empty seat among the kids.

  “It’s nice to be back. Thank you for having me, Ms. Grey.” He winked at me causing a blush to creep up my neck. The simple act would never be lost on me, nor was it lost on the girls in my class. If I listened closely, I bet I could hear the figurative thuds on the floor from each of them swooning. And if I was right, the boys in my class were going to go home and practice winking at themselves in the mirror. They’d be smart in doing so. A good wink could go a long way.

  The kids started with the usual questions. When did he first start playing music? How many instruments could he play? Which famous person was he the most excited to meet? Each question, he answered with such genuine interest and honesty it made me feel so grateful to have him back in my life. In the short time we’d spent with each other, he showed me over and over again that he was a changed man. Before he left, I couldn’t tell you where I fell on his list of priorities, but that was all in the past. Now, he made me feel like I was important to him. More important than anything else. Just like I always felt about him.

  “Would you rather sing your own songs or write songs for other people?” Abbi asked him, one he hadn’t heard in the previous three classes.

  A grin formed on his lips and his eyes were telling. Something sparked inside him with that question. I just wasn’t sure what it was.

  EVAN

  That little girl was something else. She managed to ask me a question no other student had thought of, one that I had contemplated since I went out on my very first tour.

  “That’s an interesting question with no concrete answer.” Feeling Maddy’s eyes on me, I struggled to find the right words. “What I want out of my music has evolved over time. First, I wanted to be a songwriter. Then, because I was given the opportunity, I wanted to sing my own songs. Now that I’ve grown and I have more experience, I know that I was meant to be a songwriter who shares my music with the world through more than one voice. Not just my own.”

  Abbi hung on my every word, and when I was finished she nodded in deep thought, seemingly content with my response. I shot a glance in Maddy’s direction and her face mirrored that of her student. She was content too and that made me very happy. And relieved.

  “Can I ask you another question?” Abbi said before anyone else could jump in.

  “Sure. Shoot.”

  “You know how I said a lot of us are singers or musicians?” I nodded. “Would you be willing to sing with us?” She leaned forward in her desk, biting her bottom lip with anticipation of my answer.

  “Now?” I questioned.

  “Yes.” She practically shouted as her classmates turned their attention from her to me and her again. “Ms. Grey has some instruments in the closet. We can have a little jam session. That’s what you call it, right?”

  “She does, huh?” That didn’t surprise me one bit. “Let’s do it.”

  With that, Maddy jumped to her feet as I stood to find this mysterious music closet. “I’m in shock right now. Abbi rarely says anything at all, but you have brought her out of her shell. She wants to sing. In front of everyone.” She paused. “But, you don’t have to do this, Evan.”

  Grasping her arms to get a look at her beautiful eyes, I smiled to relax her. “I want to. This
will be fun. Now, the instruments. Tell me you have a guitar.”

  She winced, wide-eyed as if I had just spooked her.

  “No?” I told her although it came off as more of a question. She turned away from me, leading me to the closet where Abbi had already stood, emptying the space of its content. Out came a pair of small bongos, then a tambourine, a mini electric keyboard, and some maracas. This seemed to be as routine to the kids as taking out a sheet of paper to take a quiz. The students passed each item to a specific person as she removed them.

  “I bet this is what you’re looking for,” the teenage girl said.

  Glancing in Maddy’s direction, I quickly noticed she was fidgeting. She rubbed her hands together with a weary frown.

  As Abbi passed me a guitar, my suspicions became reality. “You kept my 1956 Gibson J185 in your broom closet?” I took the vintage acoustic guitar from the now nervously giggling girl.

  “Sorry, Ms. Grey,” she said as she scurried back to her seat where the tambourine sat.

  Maddy gave me a weak smile that melted my heart and I had to laugh. “No worries, Abbi. Your teacher has one crazy sense of humor,” I told her, checking the work of art for any blemishes.

  Crazy was an understatement. This thing had to be worth fifteen grand and it was just shoved in the back of a closet in a junior high school classroom. Luckily, it was still in good condition.

  “Are you going to play, Ms. Grey?” a male student asked. Surprise must have registered across my face. “You didn’t know she played? She’s the bomb.”

  “No, Jimmy. I think Mr. James can handle it.” To me, she smiled wickedly. “I started taking lessons. Maybe I’ll play for you sometime,” she whispered as she passed me to go back to her desk. The woman never ceased to amaze me.

  Sitting on top of Maddy’s desk with my feet dangling, I began to familiarize myself with my old friend again. I plucked a few chords to check out the tension before deciding it was just right. Then, I started a song that I was sure would raise a few brows.

  I didn’t get further than a few beats into the song before Maddy started howling with laughter. The smile on her face was worth the crazed expressions the students were giving us. Some of my fondest memories shared with Maddy were when we spent our summers as camp counselors for kids ranging from six to fourteen. The boys always acted like they were too cool to sit around the campfire and sing goofy songs. I decided to rock the shit out of the guitar while singing “Little bunny foo foo, hopping through the forest,” you know the rest. Soon, the boys joined in singing along and doing the hand gestures that went with it. I knew the song would be a reminder of the happy times in our past. Seeing Maddy’s ecstatic reaction was exactly what I had wanted. She never disappointed, that was for sure.

  “Sorry, guys. That was for Ms. Grey. Now, let’s get serious.” As I began the riff of a familiar tune, the kids smiled and those that had instruments joined in. I was surprised to hear that the kids were really good. It reminded me of Jack Black in School of Rock. Was my fiancée really a fake sub teaching music to a group of misfit kids? The thought made me smile inside, but quickly faded as Abbi began to sing. I had heard many kids sing, the Disney-regular-turned-pop-star variety included. But, Abbi had the voice of an angel. Sweet, high, and clear.

  Without skipping a beat, I turned to look over my shoulder at Maddy and she was beaming with pride as she observed her student. She peeked up at me with a nod of her head. Together, we sang the choruses of songs ranging from Nirvana to Christina Aguilera to The Who. If I didn’t know Maddy taught English, I would have thought it was a choir class. The students were so in tune with the music and each other, not one of them powering over another. As one student began to shine, the others would drop off, fading out to let that person have a solo.

  “That was amazing,” I shouted when the bell rang. I wasn’t ready for it to be over. I could’ve jammed with them for the rest of the day. Where were they when I was assembling a band to take on tour? Shaking students’ hands as they left, I was in complete awe. I even stopped some of “the band” to get a picture with them before they left. “Abbi, you’re going to be the next American Idol,” I told her before dragging her in for a hug. “I’m glad I got to hear you sing first. Don’t let that amazing voice go to your head.” She shook her head with a smile as I tugged on her ponytail.

  “Thank you for everything, Mr. James.” She bounded around me toward Maddy, circling her arms around her teacher’s waist. “Thank you, Ms. Grey. I’ll never forget this day.”

  * * * * *

  The success of the impromptu career day stayed with Maddy. “I’ll never forget this,” she repeated Abbi’s words. “Did you hear her? You did that. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing me gush over our impromptu Career Day chat, but I was beyond mesmerized by your interaction with my students. It was so heartwarming.” She clutched her hands over her chest, making me smile. “If you weren’t a pop star already, I would suggest you become a music teacher.” She must have noticed my sudden twitch at that moment. “I’m sorry. I can’t stop talking about it.”

  Lying in bed, with Maddy in my arms I traced my fingertips along her shoulder and down her arm. “Don’t do that. Apologize. I want to keep talking about it,” I said. “I loved it. Besides our time together, today was the best day I’ve had in...I can’t remember. Like Abbi, I’ll never forget it.”

  “Neither will I,” she said, as I snuggled closer to her slender side, curling my leg across hers.

  “You ready for the wedding?” I asked.

  “I can’t believe it’s already here. When I went to Genna’s after work, she was surprisingly relaxed. She has been such a patient bride through all the planning, I half expected her to fall apart by now.”

  She turned around to face me and instantly, I could see the excitement in her eyes.

  “Nah. She’s always together and she knows exactly what she wants.” We sat in silence for a moment while I continued to trail my fingers up and down her body, lulling both of us to sleep. Then, I startled her awake with a question. “Are you ready to be the bride?”

  She pulled herself up onto her elbows and looked up at me with a raised brow. “Are you ready to be a groom?”

  “Umm, I think there is one more thing I need to see before I decide.” I teased her as I slipped away from the bed to the corner of my room. There, I lifted an acoustic from its stand and brought it back to her. “You’re going to have to play for me. I’ve been dying to see you strum your fingers across this baby since your student blabbed your big bad secret.”

  She smiled shyly. “It wasn’t a secret.” Tentatively, she sat up on the edge of the bed letting her feet hang over the side. I waited as she got comfortable, crossing her right foot underneath her. When she was ready, she said, “Go on, give it to me.”

  My brow shot up at her words. “Talk to me like that and I’m going to put the guitar back.” With my eyes closed, I sighed heavily. “Okay. Here you go, Sunshine.”

  She took the guitar from my grasp and held it in her lap. I studied her hold, her fingers caressing the strings, the sparkle in her sexy eyes. There she was. In my bed. Dressed in only tiny pink panties and a matching camisole. And holding my guitar. The whole scene had me extremely aroused.

  “What are you going to play?” I asked.

  “Shhh.” She hushed me. I couldn’t help the satisfaction rise in my chest as I gave her a wink.

  She glanced up at me, a subtle grin spreading across her face before she started. I knew it was going to be good. As soon as she started playing, my head fell back with laughter at the familiar song. She kept playing, well might I add, until she couldn’t hold in her laughter any longer.

  “Stairway to Heaven, Maddy?” I had to wipe the tears from my eyes I laughed so hard.

  She chuckled more. “I couldn’t help myself. Anyone who has ever wanted to play guitar has learned that intro. It’s like a rite of passage.”

  “True, true,” I said, unable to wipe the smile from
my face. I loved this girl more and more with each passing minute. I had loved Maddy since she was fourteen years old. I knew I still loved her while we were apart, but what was evolving between us at this point was deeper somehow. We were learning new things about each other, and in the process, falling in love with each other all over again. Despite the pain and hurt, maybe the time apart was actually a good thing for us. Although, mentioning it probably wasn’t a good idea.

  “Now, shhh. Really.”

  It took her a moment to gain her composure. She would take a deep breath in and then out, trying to settle the giggles. Finally, she turned on her serious face. Then, she closed her eyes and began to play. It took me a moment to recognize the song, but when I did it broke my heart. I could only imagine her learning the tune, using it as therapy as the years passed between us.

  Her eyes never opened as she began to sing. “And I’m so sad...like a good book...I can't put this day back...a sorta fairytale...with you.”

  Maddy was utterly amazing. Sitting there on my bed. Beautifully strumming a Tori Amos tune. Feeling the music as she’d come upon the chorus to sing. Being in love had never felt so good.

  This woman was my perfect song.

  When she hit the final note, her eyes fluttered open. They were misty with tears. Without a word, I reached for her. I slid my hand behind her neck and pulled her to me so I could press my lips to hers. It wasn’t a deep, sexy kiss. It was soft and meaningful and powerful as love was exchanged between us.

  “Are you ready to be the groom now?” she asked as she backed away.

  I brushed the tears from her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs and planted another soft kiss on her gorgeous mouth. “Completely,” I said.

  She smiled. I gave her one of my winks that I knew she loved. I took the guitar from her hands and stood it up next to my nightstand. Then, I pulled her back down to lay alongside of me.