Addicted

by Zane

  After they were reasonably sure they’d gotten everything useful out of me, they told Jason he could take me home and assured me they would track that rabid dog down at all costs.

  My mother was there with the kids when we got home. They were already snug in their beds. Thank goodness it was one of the regular nights she kept them. Jason was able to come to my rescue right away, and I was grateful for that. If I had to face all of that alone while he waited for someone to come over to baby-sit, I would’ve really been a basket case. Having my husband by my side during the ordeal was the only thing that kept me from slipping over the edge. Jason is my love, my life, my everything.

  The next few days were pure hell. My mother practically moved in so she could treat me like a baby, bringing me mugs of warm milk, running my bathwater, and combing my hair like I was a complete invalid. Jason was a sweetheart. He took some time off from the office and handled Brina’s funeral arrangements. Brina’s mother was just as devastated as I was. She even sobered up for a few days to wallow in her grief. She couldn’t deal with picking out caskets and a dress any more than I could. My baby did it all. He even arranged to pay for everything, since Brina had no insurance and her mother was barely making ends meet.

  The weather was beautiful the day of the funeral. I was very thankful. Brina had very few friends and never stayed at a job long enough to make lifelong attachments with coworkers. For that reason, Jason arranged to have the funeral graveside. He’d selected a beautiful white coffin and a huge bed of pink roses to be laid over it. He held my hand and comforted me throughout the entire ordeal.

  That’s when I knew it was over. That’s when I knew I could beat my sexual addiction. Jason was all I ever needed. If I had to live the rest of my life curbing my sexual desires in order to be with him, then so be it. That was one sacrifice I was more than willing to make.

  While we were walking back to the black limousine provided by the funeral parlor, I stopped him in his tracks just to give him a hug and a passionate kiss. “I love you, Jason!”

  “I love you too, Zoe, and this is forever!”

  I managed a smile for the first time since Brina’s death. “Always has been! Always will be!”

  chapter

  twenty-two

  I didn’t go back to work for another week after Brina’s funeral. I just couldn’t deal with making decisions. I delegated different tasks to several senior members of my staff and spent quality time with my husband and my kids instead. How foolish it had been of me to risk everything I had to sate my sexual urges. I’d lost so much valuable time screwing around, time I could’ve had with the love of my life and the beautiful little people we made together.

  When I did finally return to the office, most of the business issues were cleared off of my desk, but I still had a huge pile of phone messages. I wasn’t all that surprised. I knew the majority of them were from my lovers before I even read them. My secretary had been suspicious of my extramarital activities for a long time. I’m sure the three of them ringing the office phone off the hook during my absence had only cleared up any lingering doubts she may have been hanging on to. I didn’t really care what she thought or knew. I already had enough people woven up in my web of deception.

  I fingered through the messages and ended up ditching-them all in the wastebasket beside my desk. It was time for all the bullshit, lies, and stress to be over, and there was no time like the present. I told my secretary I would be back later that day, after having spent only ten minutes in my office. I had been away from the office for over a week already. A few more hours wasn’t going to make a drastic difference.

  I got out on the sidewalk, took in a deep breath, and exhaled. I was ready to get the drama over with and my life back in order. I was going to end all three affairs in one damn day, go home, and make love to the one man who held the key to my heart. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but never in a million years did I expect the shit to hit the fan as hard as it did.

  I decided to go discuss matters with Tyson first because he was the most temperamental. I figured if I dealt with the worst of it and worked my way from there, I might end up with one hell of a migraine but with everything else intact. It was only about ten in the morning, so I had to go to the garage where he worked in order to talk. That was fine by me. Safety in numbers and all that jazz.

  When I pulled up, I spotted his motorcycle parked on the side of the building. I found him inside one of the service bays working on an import. His head was up underneath the hood. He was surprised when he heard my voice. “Tyson, I need to talk to you.”

  He stood up, almost bumping his head on the underside of the hood. “Damn, you scared the shit out of me!” He grabbed a rag so he could wipe some of the oil and grease off his hands.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to take you off guard.”

  “Zoe, where have you been? I’ve been leaving messages for you at your office for almost two weeks.”

  I looked down at the concrete floor to avoid eye contact. “I’ve been busy. Something came up.”

  “Awwwwwwww, so in other words, you pushed my ass to the curb?” He walked over to a little cooler that was sitting beside one of the toolboxes on a workbench and got out an ice-cold soda. He held the can out toward me. “You want one?”

  “No, thanks.” I walked over toward him and leaned on the workbench. I needed some strength to come from somewhere and was hoping the bench would have some mystical powers and help a sistah out.

  “So, what’s up, Zoe? Must be mighty important for you to show up here out of the blue, at my job, after not even bothering to call for so long.”

  He was all eyes and ears. I was all nervous. Sex with Tyson had always been rough, and I had often wondered if that signified a violent streak in his nature. He had never hit me or anything, but there was a first time for everything. I was hoping I was dead wrong.

  I cleared my throat and prayed he wouldn’t haul off and punch me dead in the face. “Tyson, it’s over.”

  He looked stunned at first, but the look was quickly replaced with one of anger. “What’s over?”

  He knew what the hell I meant. “You and I are over.” I announced it like I was calling out the winning raffle ticket number at a bazaar. “I can’t do this anymore.”

  “I see.” Tyson was silent for a good two, three minutes and so was I. He didn’t hit me, so things were looking up. “Zoe, I think you’re just feeling stressed. Obviously something bad happened. You weren’t even going to work or anything, so it must’ve been serious.”

  “Yes, something very bad did happen.”

  “Okay, and if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s cool too. But don’t let this affect us, baby. We can get past this.”

  He was so sincere. I was seeing a side of Tyson I never even knew existed—a sensitive side. It almost made me want to keep him, but that was out of the question. “No, we can’t get past this. I made a mistake, a terrible one, and this is all my fault. I take full responsibility for it. I played with other people’s emotions to benefit myself, and I can’t do it any longer. I have to burn the bridges with all of you and move on. My place is at home with my husband.”

  “Hold up, what do you mean by burn the bridges with all of you? All of who?”

  Shit! I slipped! “It was just a figure of speech,” I mumbled, trying to play it off. “I meant burn the bridges with you.”

  He looked puzzled. “Oh, I thought you meant something else.”

  I opted to play dumb. “Something like what?”

  “Ummm, never mind. Let’s get back to the matter at hand.” He took me by the hand and started playing with my fingers, one by one. “I can understand if you need some time to yourself, but I don’t want to lose you.”

  “Tyson—”

  “Just hear me out. Please!”

  “Okay.” I agreed, even though I knew nothing he could possibly say would make a difference.

  “If it’s because I’ve been putting too much pressure on yo
u, I’ll back off. We can do this on your terms. I promise.”

  I was about to tell him that the situation was useless when all hell broke loose. I saw it and heard it at the same time. A rock hit my car, shattering the back window. “What the fuck?”

  Tyson tried to prevent me from leaving the service bay. “Let me handle this, Zoe!”

  “Handle it? Fuck that!” I pulled loose from him and went out into the sunlight to confront the bitch.

  She was leaning on my car, smiling like she had just been crowned Miss America. “So, you’re the tramp that’s been fucking my man? Keep coming around him, trick! I just love fucking up your car!”

  She was a big hoochie momma. Much bigger than me. She had to be at least five-nine and 185 pounds but I didn’t give a shit. I caught her with a right hook as soon as I covered the ground between us.

  After that, she and I started scrapping. She pulled a small clump of my hair out, and I scratched her jaw with my wedding ring. It went on from there. She ripped one of the buttons off my shirt. I retaliated and kicked her in the pussy. About that time was when Tyson pulled her off me.

  “Dusty, get the fuck off her!” He grabbed her from behind and pulled her hands behind her back, holding them there.

  I wasn’t through with the amazon bitch though and kicked her again, in the stomach. “Dusty? You look like a dusty-ass bitch!”

  “Fuck you, you trick!”

  By this time, Tyson was becoming unglued. “Zoe, get in the car and leave! We’ll talk later! I’ll come by your office!”

  “Tyson, my damn window is broke! This is the second time this bitch has fucked with my car!”

  “Damn right, trick, and I will fuck with your car again if you ever come sniffin’ around my man again!”

  I couldn’t believe she was still talking trash. Obviously, Tyson had heard enough of her ass too, because he pushed her down on the ground and kicked her. That’s when I jumped on him because hitting a woman, even a bitch whose pussy is so dry the crabs have to carry canteens, isn’t acceptable in my book. I pulled Tyson’s arm and tried to get him away from her. “Tyson, leave her alone! She’s a female!”

  She looked up from the concrete with bloodshot eyes. “Trick, he don’t give a shit about hittin’ a woman! That’s what got his ass locked up before!”

  I looked at him, confused. “Locked up?”

  “Zoe, do us all a favor, get in the car, and go back to your office! I will come for you!” He and I were staring at each other when Dusty took us both off guard by jumping up off the ground with the dexterity of a ninja and yanking Tyson’s ear, pulling out the gold cross earring he wore in his one pierced ear. Blood started gushing everywhere, and she hauled ass. I would’ve too; from the look on his face he was ready to beat her to a pulp.

  I wasn’t waiting around to see whatever went down next. By the time he turned around again to check on me, all he caught was a glimpse of the exhaust from my muffler. I had accomplished what I went there to do, and that’s all that mattered. I just prayed his ass wasn’t serious about coming to my office, because I wanted the situation over and done with. The comment Dusty made about him being locked up threw me for a loop. I never thought I needed to run a criminal background check before I took on a lover. I began to wonder if he was a woman beater like Dempsey. The police had yet to track down Dempsey and they asked the Alabama State Police to keep a look out for him as well. I would’ve wished he was dead, but even death was too good for him after what he did to Brina. I wanted him to suffer in the worst way.

  Driving back downtown, all sorts of confusion was going through my mind like a slideshow. I missed Brina, my head hurt, Tyson was a convicted criminal and I had no idea what crime he had committed, my window was busted out, my blouse was torn, my lip was bleeding, and I had one hell of a migraine. What worried me most was how I was going to explain any of it to Jason. He was all that mattered. Coming up with yet another lie about the car wasn’t going to be that effortless. Not to mention the fact I looked like I had been in a street brawl, which I had. I would just have to come up with something to cover my ass. I always did.

  The truly messed-up part was, the ordeal with Tyson only meant one down. I still had two more to go, and my sanity was slipping fast as I gripped the steering wheel with both hands on my way to my next and final destination.

  chapter

  twenty-three

  I got to Quinton’s building about thirty minutes later and tried to make myself look presentable before I went up to the loft. I didn’t care about the car window or any of that. I put some lipstick on, fingered my hair, and tucked my blouse into my skirt, trying to hide the fact it was missing a button. Why I was even going through that much trouble was beyond me. It wasn’t like I was going on a date. I was going to end a mistake. Two of them.

  When I got off the elevator, I hesitated before deciding which way to go first. I knocked on Quinton’s door. He answered right away. “What are you doing here, Zoe?”

  He stood in the doorway, blocking my entrance into his place. “Can I come in, Quinton?”

  “No!” I was wondering why he was being so foul toward me until it hit me that maybe he had already found out something I should’ve told him months before. “You can’t come in!”

  “Okay, fine. I’ll say what I have to say right here and then leave.” My legs started trembling, and for a brief second, I thought my knees were going to buckle underneath me. “Why are you being so nasty?”

  “No reason!” He was snapping at me like a box turtle, and things were just not adding up.

  “Quinton, I get back to work, and I have fifty messages from you asking me to get in touch with you. Then I come over here, and you won’t even let me in the door. What’s up with that?”

  “What can I say, Zoe? Things change.”

  That’s when I knew something definitely had happened I wasn’t privy to. I was about to ask what it was when I heard the door to the stairwell creak. “Who’s there?”

  “Now you’re imagining things, Zoe.” I looked back at

  Quinton. I had never seen him leer at me that way. He had a look of hatred in his eyes. “I guess you would have reason to be paranoid, huh?”

  “Quinton, I’m going to get straight to the point, since you seem to have a rock up your ass anyway.” He rolled his eyes. “I can’t see you anymore.”

  He laughed at me! Just stood there and laughed all up in my face. The same man that had begged me to leave my husband and move in with him a thousand times. “Oh, so now I’m a fuckin’ joke, Quinton?”

  His voice returned to normal, and his smile disappeared. “You’ve always been a joke, Zoe. I just never realized it until the other day.”

  “What other day? What in the hell are you talking about?” I was becoming irritated, and my head was still killing me.

  “Guess what, Zoe?” He crossed his arms and relaxed on the doorframe like a man about to get some revenge on an archenemy.

  “What?” I got the feeling it was going to be something I really didn’t want to know but I asked anyway.

  “I had a luncheon meeting the other day about a new project I’ve been commissioned for.”

  “And? You lost me.”

  “And the project is painting a mural for the new civic center currently under construction.”

  He grinned and sucked on his teeth, and I wanted to die. “Please, no!”

  “Oh, yeah. Now you’re catching on. I always knew you were smart. The same civic center your husband, Jason, is the chief architect for.”

  “Quinton, if you said something to him, I swear I’ll kill you!”

  “Relax, I didn’t say anything to Mr. Jason Reynard of Smith, Watson and Reynard over on Spring Street. You want to see his business card so you know I’m not frontin’ about meeting him?”

  “No, fuck you!”

  “You already did that, Missy. Several times, as I recall.”

  I was in shock and couldn’t utter a word. I just stood there with my mou
th hanging open, wishing all of it would go away.

  “Zoe, that man worships the ground you walk on. All this time, you had me believing he was some punk ass who doesn’t pay you any attention and doesn’t act like you’re alive. You’re such a lying bitch!”

  The B word brought me out of my trance. “I never said that. I never said Jason was like that. All I ever said about him was that he didn’t want the same things sexually as I do. Jason loves me!”

  “Yes, you’re right. He does love you. Imagine how stupid and shitty I felt sitting there at lunch, listening to him tell everyone about his beautiful, perfect wife. How much he loves you, how the two of you first met and fell in love, how proud he is of you for starting your own business and standing by his side for always, how he built you a house so you could always see the stars, how—”

  “He said all that?” I was overwhelmed because I never pictured Jason talking to business associates, or anyone else for that matter, about me like that.

  “Yes, he did say all that!” Quinton was about to slam the door in my face, but I pressed my hand up against it to hold it open.

  “Just promise me one thing. Give me your word you’ll never tell him what happened between us. Please!” I was at his mercy, and I damn well knew it.

  “Don’t worry your little lying ass over it, Zoe. I would never tell that man about us for two reasons. First of all, I feel sorry for the poor bastard, and secondly because, as ridiculous as it is, I still love your scandalous ass. You need help, you really do, and not the kind of help you thought you could find in me. You need professional help.”

  I started crying. He was right. “Quinton, I tried to get professional help,” I admitted. “She couldn’t help me either.”

  “Well, I suggest you try harder.” My cries went from sobs to straight-up wails. I could tell he wanted to hold me, but his common sense prevented him from doing so. I had hurt him enough. “Zoe, I’m not trying to be mean to you. That’s the last thing I want to do, but if you’re not strong enough to put a stop to this for once and for all, then I have to be man enough to do it.”