Addicted

by Zane

  “Dr. Graham, Jason’s tired, and so am I. Since you’re staying, could we possibly continue this tomorrow?” I looked at Jason, who was half asleep. “We’re both emotionally drained, and it would be great if we got a fresh start in the morning!”

  Much to my surprise, he agreed. “I’m kind of emotionally drained myself. I think we all are, and besides, Marcella and I really need to put our heads together to figure out the best way to go about treatment.”

  “Sounds like a winner, Doc!”

  I bid Dr. Graham and Marcella adieu, and they went off to rack their brains. “Momma, please drive Jason home.”

  Jason sat up, acting offended I would even make such a suggestion. “Zoe, I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Yes, you are. You’re going to go home, kiss our kids goodnight for me, and take instant photos of them for me to add to my collection tomorrow.”

  “But your mother can handle the kids. Plus, the sitter is there.”

  “Not the point.” Jason was tired and stressed, and I didn’t want him spending the night in the hospital with me. I knew the kids stood a better chance of cheering him up, and I really needed some time alone to sort through all the secrets revealed from my own past, as well as his.

  “Do it for me, Boo. Please!”

  After throwing a bit of a temper tantrum, he finally agreed to leave with my mother, making me promise to take my ass straight to sleep. I assured him that wouldn’t be a problem at all.

  Sure enough, I fell into a deep sleep and would’ve slept most of the evening if I didn’t sense someone standing over me. I woke up, and when I opened my eyes, Diamond was hovering over me, gripping a pillow in both hands.

  I was taken completely aback. “What the hell are you doing?”

  She sat the pillow down on the end of the bed by my feet. “You were sleeping so peacefully. I was just going to put another pillow underneath your head because you looked like your neck was twisted.”

  “Oh!” I rubbed my eyes. I still wasn’t fully awake, and they were sore from all of the crying. “Diamond, what are you doing here?”

  She plopped down in one of the chairs. “I called your office and told your secretary I was an old college buddy of yours. After a little prodding, she told me about the accident and where I could find you.”

  I rolled my eyes; I couldn’t believe Shane would be stupid enough to give out information like that. Not to mention that I never went to college. Her doofus behind should’ve known better. “Well, what do you want?”

  “I wanted to check on you and make sure you’re all right. What else? By the way, I didn’t tell Quinton you were in the hospital. He would’ve asked me a bunch of questions about how I knew so much. I figured you wouldn’t want that.” She sucked her teeth, taking advantage of the fact she had something to throw up in my face at will. Even though Jason knew I had experimented with a female, I would’ve been totally ashamed if Quinton ever found out about Diamond. She damn well knew it too.

  “You figured right!” She was irritating me, and it was beginning to show in my voice.

  “Why are you being so nasty with me?” She was about to go into a bitch mode. It was a scene I wasn’t even trying to have.

  “No reason. Sorry if I snapped at you.” I wasn’t sorry. I just wanted her to hurry up and leave.

  “I came here to see you, out of the goodness of my heart, and this is the shit I get?”

  She went there! “Look, I never asked you to come see me. I never asked you for jack shit, and I would appreciate it if you would get the hell out so I can get some rest.”

  “You weren’t saying that shit when I was sucking on your pussy!” She smirked, realizing that statement would piss me off.

  “I never asked you to do that either! You insisted, and it’s not like I returned the favor!”

  She got up from the chair, fired up. “You’re right! I did insist, as you put it, but the bottom line is you let me do it, and you would probably let me do it again!”

  “Don’t flatter yourself, trick! I let you do it because, at the time, I didn’t give a shit who was sucking on this pussy as long as it was getting sucked! I don’t want you! I’m not attracted to you! I don’t even fuckin’ like you!”

  “You’re such a bitch!”

  “Oooooooh, that really hurts,” I chided. “Bitch is my middle name. Haven’t you heard? I’ve been called that so many times lately, having your little scrawny ass call me that doesn’t even faze me!”

  “Well, everyone can’t be wrong! Maybe you should try to figure out why you’re getting called out of your name, Zoe!”

  “Maybe you should drop dead! You’re a waste of fuckin’ oxygen anyway!”

  “I should’ve—” Diamond looked away from me and started eyeing the pillow at the end of the bed.

  “You should’ve what?” She didn’t say anything, and I was looking around the room for something to clock her with. I picked up the hard metal telephone and flung it at her. She managed to duck, but not before it caught her in the shoulder blade. She yelped out in pain.

  The nurse came flying into the room. “What’s going on in here? Mrs. Reynard, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, but could you call hospital security and tell them to get this skank ho out of my room!”

  “Don’t worry, bitch! I’m leaving!” She headed for the door.

  “Good! Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!”

  Diamond left, and the nurse was standing there, looking-silly. “Umm, could you hand the phone back over here, please?”

  She picked it up, handed it to me, and uttered, “Sure.”

  “Thanks.” She was still standing there and didn’t look like she had any immediate plans to vacate. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to get some rest now.”

  “Okay, just let us know if you need anything.” She forced a smile and then made a quick exit, probably hoping the crazed bitch in Room 301 would hurry up and get her release papers.

  Before I drifted back to sleep, I looked at the crumpled pillow at the foot of the bed and wondered if Diamond was really demented enough to try to smother me. In my mind echoed the word, “Naw!”

  • • •

  As promised, Dr. Graham and Marcella got down to business. For the next few days they counseled Jason and I together and apart. They made us read several books. I thought I was back in high school for a minute— homework assignments and shit—but it was all worth it.

  Jason and I spent hours on end talking about everything that had happened throughout our years together— what went right and what went wrong, where we wanted our marriage to go in the future.

  Jason learned to deal with his mother’s prostitution and the things he witnessed and was subjected to at such a young, vulnerable age. Marcella made us do touching experiments, which made Jason understand that there was nothing nasty or vulgar about having oral sex with his own wife. He confessed that he had always wanted to try it but could never bring himself to let me. As it turns out, while I was hiding sex toys all over the house, Jason was hiding porn flicks that he watched on a regular basis when no one was around. He said he mostly watched them on the TV/VCR combination in his drawing room, and a lot of times when I thought he was down there sweating over blueprints, he was watching the movies and jacking off. I was stunned—I couldn’t even picture Jason jacking off. I wondered was he better at masturbating than me because lawd knows, I thought I was a pro.

  His main fear about letting go sexually was allowing me to take control of the situation. We talked it over, and I promised him I would never do anything to make him feel uncomfortable. We could do it at his own pace, gradually adding new things and positions as time went on.

  As for me, that was another story altogether. Dr. Graham requested I make arrangements to come down to his clinic in Florida for a couple of weeks. I told him I would, but not right away. I had been away from my home and my kids for too long. Being back there was the best therapy for me at t
he time. Marcella agreed to work with me three times a week. I told them that just knowing what happened to me when I was younger had helped me tremendously. All along, I never understood why I became so obsessed with sex at a young age. I felt I could put those incidents behind me and move on. As long as I had Jason, I could move mountains.

  Jason and I wouldn’t be able to recover from everything overnight, because it didn’t happen overnight. We made a pact that whatever it took and no matter how long it took, we were both in it to win. Everyone seemed satisfied with the results of the first three days of therapy, and Dr. Graham headed back to Florida, making sure Jason and I had both his home and office telephone numbers.

  That night, I called Dr. Ferguson at home. I looked his digits up in the phone book and told him if he didn’t let my ass out the hospital the next day, I would become the patient from hell, screaming all day and all night disrupting the other patients. He laughed, even though I don’t think he found my intrusion into his quality time at home humorous, and agreed to release me the next day.

  chapter

  thirty-two

  The next afternoon Dr. Ferguson finally released me with a clean bill of health. I was so excited about going back home, I didn’t know what I wanted to do first when I got there. Well, second, because kissing and hugging the hell out of my kids was definitely the first thing on my agenda. Taking a long, hot bubble bath and raiding the fridge for some decent food were tied for second place.

  Jason arrived at exactly two to pick me up. While they wheeled me down to the nurses’ station to get my release papers, I got suspicious about why Jason was smiling so damn much, so I asked him why.

  He laughed and told me, “No reason! Just happy my Boo is coming home. Things haven’t been the same without you.”

  I lifted one of my feet up off the slat on the wheelchair and kicked him lightly in the shin. “Things better not be the same. I’m not easily replaceable, you know?”

  He knelt down and kissed me. “You could never be replaced.”

  Once we were in the car headed home, we talked about what the children did and did not know about the recent turn of events. The twins were too young to understand anything more than the mere fact I had been away for a couple of weeks. Peter, on the other hand, was another matter altogether. Jason comforted me and assured me Peter didn’t know anything except I had been involved in some sort of automobile accident and had to stay in the hospital until I got better.

  I was relieved. Jason held my hand the rest of the way home, telling me all the wonderful things he had planned out for our future, including buying some land up in the mountains, designing and building us a summer home. That brought a smile to my face; a summer home had always been a big dream of mine. It wasn’t that we couldn’t afford it. It was just the lack of free time that had held us back. Jason told me he was willing to talk to his partners and make the time to do it if I was willing to do the same. I quickly replied, “Not a problem, Boo. Now’s the time to do everything we’ve ever dreamed of. Life is too short not to.”

  When we walked in the front door, I was taken aback when I saw the Welcome Home banner, flowers, and balloons everywhere. Momma was standing there in the middle of the great room and had all three kids dressed alike in stonewashed jeans and red T-shirts. Kayla had an abundance of red ribbons in her hair. She reminded me of a picture of me when I was a little girl in a similar outfit.

  Peter was kneeling on the floor, and he had his arms around a Dalmatian puppy with a huge red ribbon attached to his flea collar. “Mommy, this is Spot! Daddy bought him for you!”

  I rushed over and hugged all my kids and even the dog. Jason had gone out and found me a dog just like the one that I used to feed my vegetables to under the dining room table as a child, who had been hit by a car. He obviously had a little help from my mother: the puppy was the spitting image of the original Spot and could’ve passed for his grandchild.

  Peter helped Jason fire up the gas grill on the patio while I played some board games with the twins. They showed me some of the new toys their grandmother had gotten them while I was away. My mother loved to spoil her grandkids and went overboard in my absence, knowing I couldn’t object.

  The phone rang. I yelled out to Jason, “I’ll get it!” I picked up the cordless and said, “Hello.” There was no answer, but I could hear someone breathing heavily on the other end. “Hello? Who’s there?” Still nothing but the breathing, and then the line went dead.

  Jason came into the house to retrieve the steaks and chicken breasts for the grill. “Who was it, baby?”

  I shrugged my shoulders and whispered, “Wrong number, I guess.”

  We had a lovely picnic on the screened-in porch. Afterward, my mother went home to spend some time with her husband, who I’m sure felt mad neglected by that time. Jason decided to keep the live-in sitter a while longer. He had given her two weeks’ notice, figuring that would be enough time for me to get readjusted to family life.

  The sitter’s name was Angelique, and she was a college student, working on her undergraduate degree in business administration. She lived in a dorm on campus but took on the live-in position eagerly when she saw the ad on the bulletin board in the student union. She was a sweet girl and talked me half to death when she showed up at the house after her afternoon classes. She told me all about growing up in Maryland and how she chose to go to college in Atlanta because she wanted a change of pace and a break from her overbearing parents.

  At about seven, I asked Angelique to start getting the kids ready for bed. I went up to the master bathroom to drown myself in a hot bath, since that was the only thing left to do after hugging my kids and feeding my face with some real food.

  Jason joined me a few minutes later, locking the bedroom door and putting on some jazz before stripping down and getting in the tub. Something about the way he held me confirmed what I had hoped. The therapy sessions were working, and things would be way different.

  He got behind me in the tub and kissed my ears and neck while he took a loofah sponge and squeezed warm water all over my shoulders and breasts. He put the sponge down and grabbed them, one in each hand, rubbing his thumbs over my erect nipples.

  I turned to the side so that I was sitting on his thigh in the tub, instead of between his legs, and we started tongue-kissing. He grabbed me by the back of the neck and pulled my mouth closer into his so that his tongue could go deeper into my mouth. I broke the kiss just long enough to turn completely around and straddle my legs over his thighs. I locked my arms around his neck, and our kissing continued for several moments.

  Jason caressed my ass cheeks, one in each hand, and I started to grind my pussy onto his dick in the warm water, letting the shaft of it rub between my thighs. He let go of one of my ass cheeks and cupped one of my breasts in his hand, bringing it up to his mouth and sucking on my nipple. I reached into the water and held his dick steady so I could climb on top of it. I sat down on it slowly. My ribs were still a bit sore from the accident, but there was no way I was missing out on the opportunity to really make love to Jason. I had wanted to for so long, he was finally receptive to my advances, and I was in heaven.

  Jason let me ride his dick. For the first time, he let me be in the position of control—the one thing he had feared all those years—and from what I could tell and the sweet things he whispered to me, he loved every minute of it. We stayed in the tub until the water was almost freezing, and then he got out to get some towels. We dried each other off, and he carried me to our bed, where we made love again—another first. In all our years together, Jason had never been with me intimately more than once a night. He was no longer a two-minute brother either. In fact, he made love to me longer and harder than anyone. He surprised the hell out of me when he told me to turn over and then entered me from behind. I came all over the place, and he came all up in me.

  I chided him, “Damn, Jason! I hope you didn’t get me pregnant!”

  He chuckled. “Well, don’t worry about
it if I did. I still have the umpire mask in the garage.”

  We were about to drift off to sleep, with smiles on both of our faces, when the phone rang. I glanced over at the clock and realized it was well after midnight. I reached for the phone, since it was on my side of the bed. “Hello.”

  Nothing. “Hello!”

  All I got back in reply was a single word. The caller’s voice was being distorted by a rag or something held over the phone. The single word was “Bitch!”

  They hung up, and so did I. Jason sat up in the bed, “Who was that calling here so late?”

  “I don’t know, baby. Let’s just get some sleep.” He lay back down, and I sought comfort by laying my head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat like I always did when I was scared. I had trouble falling asleep, wondering who the hell it could’ve been and if it was the same person who’d called earlier, breathing heavily on the phone. I came to the conclusion it could have only been one of two people; Dempsey or Tyson. Both of their whereabouts were still a mystery. I made a mental note to myself to make a stop on my way home from work the next day. I would go buy me a freakin’ gun.

  As planned, I returned to work the very next day after my release from the hospital. It was very important for me to try to pick up all of the pieces of my life and move on. The last thing Marcella told me before my release was, “Always remember the past is a guiding post and not a hitching post. You must learn from your mistakes and keep on going.”

  She was right, and that was exactly what I intended to do. Everyone was very pleasant to me upon my return to the office, and most had the common sense and decency not to pry into my personal life. A couple of the water-cooler gossipmongers tried to get in my business, but I set them straight fast. I brazenly reminded them I was the head of the company; they were employees and needed to remember where their bread and butter came from. After that, they didn’t have a damn thing to say and expeditiously returned to work.

  I called Jason at his office to see if he wanted to have lunch with me. His secretary, Allison, got bitchy with me on the phone. She had been cool with me until she called me a tramp that day, and I wasn’t about to forget that. I wanted her ass gone, and after a few conversations with Jason, I was sure she would be, if for no other reason than to make me happy. She was probably one of the women that had been throwing pussy at him all along. The hoochie had to go—no if, ands, or buts. I wasn’t about to be subjected to her attitude every time I called or went by my husband’s firm.