Darkest Misery

by Tracey Martin

  Mornings. Ugh. My head felt like it was stuffed with cotton. My eyes were like raw wounds. Before we left the airport, I bought an enormous coffee, but my head throbbed by the time we reached Gryphon Headquarters downtown.

  Tom had been on the phone since the moment we landed, and he clearly had plans. Whatever sort of energy pills or charms he was taking, he was being completely unfair by hogging them all.

  “Anything you intend to make me do,” I started as we entered the building’s lobby, “I don’t see why it can’t wait until—”

  “Jess!”

  My heart barely had time to skip with relief. Lucen must have been waiting right by the doors. His arms enveloped me in a hug that crushed my face against his hard chest.

  Oh, yes. I breathed deeply and filled my lungs with the scent of his clean cotton shirt, the heady leather from his jacket and the luscious cinnamon of his skin. Lucen’s distinctive pheromone smell was like a drug. The tension drained from my muscles, and my nerves sizzled with his body heat. I didn’t need sleep. I needed him. Now. So what if it was false comfort? I wanted to feel the safety of his body on mine.

  I also wanted to forget I was in the middle of Gryphon Headquarters, getting hot and wet while pressed against a satyr. The so-called enemy. Fuck my life. There was no way Tom or any other Gryphons watching were going to forget this happy reunion for one second. The ruse I’d maintained—the distance I supposedly kept from the satyrs—was now worth salamander spit.

  Cheeks flaming, I pulled away from Lucen, begging my brain to find a way to salvage this uncomfortable moment.

  If such a way existed, however, it didn’t matter because Lucen didn’t let me go.

  “Um, you’re crushing me?” I whispered into his neck.

  His blue-green eyes contained none of the mischievous humor that had originally drawn me to him. They were hard as stones. “Better me than a car or a fury addict.”

  “But the end result might be the same. Flattened Jess. Not pretty.” My body betrayed me to him though. I’d dropped my bag and put my hands on his waist to push him away, but my fingers curled around his shirt. They wanted to tear it off, expose more of the skin that drove me wild, and Lucen definitely knew it. I swallowed. “I have a job here. Need to be professional.”

  “I hate your job.” He practically growled the words, and yeah, no kidding. It was the wrong argument to use on him.

  Still, he loosened his grip enough that I could finally turn around and discover that yes, in fact, most of the lobby was staring at us. My only saving grace was the early hour. It was mostly empty, and none of the inhabitants, besides Tom, were Gryphons. My witnesses were only the security guards and a couple people in business suits going through the metal detectors.

  Tom’s face revealed nothing, but I could sense his surprise. “Jessica, you seem to have neglected to mention just how close you are to the satyrs.”

  I winced. I was going to kill Lucen, who had to have realized what coming here would mean. Well, maybe sleep with him first, then kill him. At least maim him a touch. If I were truly mean, I’d withhold sex, but we both knew I’d be the one to cave first, so that was out.

  I realized Tom was waiting for a response, and I had to stop thinking about tying Lucen to his bed and doing unspeakable things to punish him. “Uh, this isn’t what it looks like?”

  Lucen’s muscles twitched behind me. He must have repressed a laugh. “Actually this is exactly what it looks like. Jess is one of us. You can put your uniform on her and call her a consultant, but she will always be one of us because you made her one of us.”

  Tom didn’t flinch. “It’s Lucen, correct? We made Jessica into a warrior capable of fighting your kind. What she is is a human with enhanced magical abilities, but that’s a discussion of magical properties I’d rather have with one of your own who’s an expert in the topic. Not a bartender.”

  This time Lucen did laugh. “I don’t think there’s anything you could contribute to the discussion, Agent Kassin, that I couldn’t handle. Although I’m not sure the reverse is true. But that’s beside the point. I’m here to take Jess home before you can do anything else to almost get her killed.”

  I should have known when I’d told Lucen what happened that this would be his reaction. I simply hadn’t expected him to show up at Gryphon Headquarters so early in the morning when all good little preds were tucked in bed.

  Exerting a bit more force, I extricated myself from his tight grip. “If it’s all the same,” I said to Tom, “I was about to ask if my next move could be delayed for a few hours while I got some sleep.”

  Around us, the lobby was slowly starting to return to normal, though the non-Gryphon guards who monitored the security checkpoints continued to watch us with uneasy expressions. Tom glanced over his shoulder toward the elevators. On the flight, he’d sprouted dark circles under his eyes. If I were him, I’d be thinking about my own bed.

  But I wasn’t. Because Tom was dedicated, and I apparently wasn’t taking things seriously enough.

  “You should continue your training today,” he said. Then, with a pointed look at Lucen, he added, “And we need to discuss getting you a security detail.”

  “What?” I demanded.

  “Given what happened to you and Johnson, we can’t be too careful. I know you’ll refuse protective custody, and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you anyway, but a couple Gryphons to serve as guards at all times would be wise.”

  “No.” I shook my head violently. “I don’t want babysitters.”

  Lucen cleared his throat. “Actually, Jess, much as it pains me, I agree with the Gryphon on this one. You should have some protection, but our people will provide it.”

  I poked him in the chest. Hard. “No, they will not. I can take care of myself.” Spinning around to Tom, I stuck my hands on my hips. “If you want to help me concentrate on my training, don’t sic babysitters on me. Send them to my family and maybe to Steph. I can’t think straight if I’m worrying about their safety.”

  “That’s not really—”

  “I don’t care if it’s protocol or whatever. I do not need babysitters.” I glared at both the men. “But I do need sleep. I’ll be no good at training if I don’t get some, and you should get some too. You look like crap.”

  To my surprise, Tom sighed. Then he yawned, and maybe that was his deciding factor. “Fine. Check in with me this evening.”

  “Of course. I hope you’ll have an update on Mitch by then.”

  He nodded grimly. “So do I. But, Jess, a word first?”

  Tom walked away without waiting for an answer and flashed his badge at security. I started to follow, but Lucen grabbed my arm. The fierce set of his jaw was one part protective, one part rage. No question which emotion was aimed at which person.

  “I’ll be right back.” I gave his hand a squeeze.

  Scowling, he let me go.

  Tom had stopped by the lobby’s centerpiece—a massive reproduction of Michelangelo’s Triumph, which depicted magically gifted humans fighting a bunch of furies and satyrs. I neither loathed nor loved classical art, but I despised that painting, and I purposely strode by Tom so I could keep my back to it while he got in his last word.

  “Yes?”

  Tom’s face filled with disapproval. “Really?”

  “He’s a friend. An old friend. I don’t need your judgmental attitude.”

  “My attitude stems from concern for you.”

  Sure it did. At best, it was concern for the Gryphons’ alleged ultimate warrior. Not the same thing. “He’s saved my life a couple times.”

  “For purely selfless motives, I’m sure.”

  I closed my eyes, too weary to match sarcasm with sarcasm. I simply wanted to go home. I wanted to crawl in bed and wrap my legs around Lucen’s naked body. Not deal with lectures from a baby-faced, annoyingly righteous Gryphon who
didn’t understand the first thing about me.

  “Does it matter? Look, he can’t hurt me. There’s a reason I’m your weapon.”

  Tom bit his lip, seeming to debate something internally. “Leaving the threat he poses to you out of it, it’s still a question of loyalty and appearances. Other members of the Brotherhood should be arriving in Boston tomorrow. If you want them to treat you as an equal and not like the lab rat you call yourself, give them cause to respect you.”

  Though I hated to admit it, Tom had a point. This was why I would have yelled at Lucen to stay away from HQ if I’d known he intended to show up.

  But I was tired and cranky and, frankly, I didn’t need Gryphon approval of my love life. “After what your fraternity did to me, I have a very hard time respecting them. I’m not one of you just because you made me into what I am. I give my loyalty to those who earned it. Lucen’s earned it.”

  “Trusting preds gets people killed and worse. Even if you’re correct about Lucen, which I doubt, the ranking members of the Brotherhood are not going to trust you if they find out how close you are. Instead of an asset, you become a liability. If he gets into your head—”

  “He can’t.” I raised my arms in exasperation. “That’s the beauty of me. I can’t be addicted.”

  “What do you mean ‘can’t’?”

  My mouth fell open. Shit. Something else to blame on exhaustion—I’d just played my last card. The one last secret I’d been keeping from the Gryphons.

  Tom had known I was immune to pred power, that their pheromones didn’t affect me, and that was mostly true. Lucen’s magic did work on me, and so did Devon’s, presumably because I was attracted to them both. But my ability to flip the pred-addict bond, to addict a pred instead of the other way around… Well, that was something else.

  There was no logical reason I’d kept it a secret. No reason at all except my anger over what Le Confrérie de l’Aile had done to me and my determination therefore to exclude them from my life as much as possible. In the end, though, I’d always assumed I’d have to tell them. It could be important.

  This just wasn’t how I’d planned to do it. Then again, it felt appropriate somehow that my relationship with Lucen would be the thing to bring it into the open. I was tired of hiding that too.

  “I meant exactly what I told you,” I said finally. “No pred is going to addict me, not for long. I can explain later, but I need sleep.”

  Tom’s eyes widened, but he wisely nodded. “Fine, but I want to know more. In the meantime, be careful.”

  Yeah, no kidding.

  Lucen slipped on his sunglasses and a baseball cap as we left the building. The cap served the dual purposes of concealing his horns so people didn’t freak out and protecting his sun-phobic head from the morning light. I also thought it made him look silly, but I kept that opinion to myself.

  “What did your Gryphon master want?” he asked, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets.

  My hip bumped my duffel bag, which Lucen insisted on carrying, and I stepped away. “What do you think? Look, I’m happy to see you again too, but I didn’t need an escort home.”

  Lucen grunted and pulled me closer as we traipsed down the stone steps to street level.

  “This isn’t an argument you’re going to win.”

  We’d see about that. But one thing was certain—it was an argument I was too tired to have at present. So I let it go.

  Instead of taking me home, Lucen brought me to his place, which was never a bad choice since it was nicer than mine. For starters, he had furniture.

  After making it clear how much I’d missed him, I fell asleep next to him, my legs entwined with his and my head on his chest. I didn’t stir until two in the afternoon. Although this was around the time Lucen usually got up, it was also a testament to just how tired I must have been.

  Blinds and heavy light-blocking curtains kept the room shrouded in the dark, but the glow from the bedside clock gave me enough light to see. Lucen’s chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm under my hand, and I trailed my fingers through the fine blond hairs that ran down his stomach. They were one of my favorite things about him. Partly because of where they led, and partly because it amused me how soft they were. Fine silky hairs on a body that was otherwise the very opposite of soft.

  Half asleep, Lucen reached out a hand and placed it over my arm, holding me lightly in place. He had new glyphs. I’d noticed them vaguely earlier, but I’d been too fixated on other body parts to pay much attention.

  Propping myself more upright, I checked them out. Heavy black lines and mysterious symbols snaked up the length of his arm from just under his elbow to his shoulder.

  I knew so little about these sorts of spells—they were one of the things I was supposed to be learning about with Tom—but they looked complex. Many were linked together into some larger pattern. Lucen had always had a couple drawn on him, usually around his shoulders or on his back, but they’d never been so extensive. Were these magical preparation for the apocalypse? I couldn’t imagine another reason he’d suddenly be sporting such heavy charms.

  The assumption sent a shiver of unease through my contented brain, and Lucen—probably sensing it—shifted beneath me. “Little siren?”

  I buried my face against him, a move that not so coincidentally allowed me to shift more of my weight on top of him. His arms wrapped around me, one hand sliding down my back to rest on my butt. Beneath me, I felt his body stiffening with my movements.

  “Just not happy to have to get out of bed soon,” I murmured into his neck. His skin was salty sweet with sweat as I planted kisses at the crook of his shoulder.

  His grip around me tightened, hands slipping beneath the thin fabric of my underwear and shoving it off. “Not that soon.”

  Chapter Six

  While his bar was closed during repairs, Lucen could afford to set his own schedule. We stayed in bed for almost another two glorious hours, and by the time I emerged from his shower, I was starving. Fortunately, he had the cure for all kinds of hunger. I found him in the kitchen, the coffee already brewed, bacon cooking and a selection of croissants on the table to tempt me.

  I grabbed a chocolate one, and he set a mug in front of me. I closed my eyes blissfully, inhaling the steam. “This is why I keep you around.”

  “This is just one of the many reasons you keep me around.” The microwave beeped, and he added a plate of bacon to the decadent goodies on the table. “You also do it for my body, my ability to keep you supplied in free booze and my keen intellect. The last reason is why you’re going to trust me when I say you need bodyguards.”

  I sighed. “So the chocolate croissants are bribes to get me to give in and be treated like some helpless little girl?”

  He narrowed his eyes at me over his mug. “We both know you’re capable of putting up one hell of a fight. We also both know you’re only one person, and you have one hell of a knack for getting yourself in trouble.” He held up one finger. “Victor Aubrey.” A second. “Lucrezia.” A third. “All the goddamn sylphs in Shadowtown. And now there’s this slight matter of what happened in Phoenix. See where I’m going?”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “No? And why not?” He waved a piece of bacon around as if to say get on with it.

  I delayed by ripping off more delicious flaky bread product. “Because I handled Victor and Lucrezia, and I escaped from the Phoenix addicts.” I just couldn’t save Mitch too, and a fresh wave of guilt washed over me.

  “You didn’t do it on your own—not with Lucrezia. You figured out her scheme, true, and you held your own. But you didn’t handle her on your own. See the difference?”

  I did, and the sweet croissant turned bitter in my mouth. If Lucen and Devon hadn’t come to my aid, Lucrezia probably would have succeeded in killing me and my Gryphon partner who was helping me bust her. That pissed me off.
/>   I grunted my acknowledgment because saying it out loud annoyed me.

  Lucen was smart enough to know my silence was acquiescence. “Good. Because whatever is going on with this prophecy, little siren, you’re someone important. And if you’re right and someone in the Gryphons leaked information to the furies, then the situation is even more dire than we first thought.”

  This was what I got for sharing my thoughts with Lucen earlier. He’d agreed that what happened was, at the very least, suspicious. “Fine. For the sake of the world, I consent to bodyguards.”

  “Don’t consent for the sake of the world. Consent for me. The prophecy doesn’t even make the top three reasons why I want you protected.”

  “Oh, yeah? And the top three reasons are?”

  “I. Love. You.”

  Three words. Three reasons, and my world ground to a halt.

  I forgot to breathe. Forgot how to breathe. All my brainpower was fixated on replaying and analyzing those words. He’d never said them before, and neither had I—not in a non-joking manner. And the reason for it was because I wasn’t even sure Lucen could feel their meaning. So hearing them from his lips struck me dumb, and my God if it didn’t turn my annoyance with him to some kind of mushy goo.

  Lucen had never lied to me. When he didn’t want to tell me something, he simply didn’t. Thus if the sincerity on his face couldn’t convince me that he meant them, his past behavior did.

  I set down my coffee and sat on his lap. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I sank into him. “Damn you. I’ll suck it up with the babysitters for you because I love you too.”

  He grinned, fingers weaving through my wet hair. “I know you do and knew you would.”

  “Are you manipulating me?”

  That got a laugh out of him. “For years. Do you have any idea how hard you’ve made me work to get you here like this? To get you to a point where I could tell you I loved you and you’d believe me?”

  I rested my forehead against his so he couldn’t see me flush. It hadn’t been all that long ago that I’d been calling him evil and telling him not to touch me. But once I’d let him under my skin, once I’d had no choice but to trust him and allow him to prove himself to me, I’d fallen hard and fast.