Remembering 1942

by Liu Zhenyun

  “I’m about to retire, so I ought to do something good for my colleagues,” she added.

  He was thrilled as he left; walking alongside Qiao, who saw him to the subway station, he did not detect her body odor. On the subway, he ran into Xiao Peng, who asked where he’d been. He told her he’d attended a college friend’s wedding. Peng, who was dressed to the nines, told him about the forthcoming poll to select their future section head and deputy.

  It’ll be anyone but me, he said to himself. All I need now is to join the party.

  He got off at the Chongwen Gate stop after saying “See you at the office tomorrow” to Xiao Peng. The sun was so bright when he came out he lost his sense of direction and took a long time finding the stop for the No. 9 bus to go home.

  5

  When they went back to work after the holiday, there was indeed a poll to see who would be the best deputy section head and deputy. The organization section sent two pollsters, who gave everyone a piece of paper to write down names, adding that they need not limit their choices to those in the same office. It was called an opinion poll, but there were only four workers to be polled: Lao He, Lao Qiao, Lao Peng, and Xiao Lin. Lao Sun recused himself and left the office.

  “Go ahead and write with your backs to each other. Don’t feel pressured,” they were told.

  In the meantime, Lao Sun paced the hallway, wondering what was going on inside, his heart aflutter as if pawed by a kitten. He’d known about the poll, but hadn’t expected it to take place as soon as the holiday was over, so soon that he was caught off guard before he could make a move. Convinced that it was yet another scheme cooked up by Lao Zhang, he was outraged, cursing Zhang for being so relentless. He’d had issues with Zhang back when they’d been in the same office, but why couldn’t Zhang let go of their former discord, now that he’d been promoted? Why make life hard on Sun? As a matter of fact, Sun’s complaint was not justified. Sure, the poll had been Zhang’s idea, but he’d had nothing to do with the speedy way it was conducted. It was the organization, though even they hadn’t planned to hold it so soon either. On the last day of April, the head of the organization section had a major hemorrhoid flare-up, and arranged with a hospital for surgery, which would require recovery time in the hospital. Wanting to clear his desk before the surgery, he’d moved up the date. Not knowing the background information, Lao Sun blamed Lao Zhang. In fact, Zhang had been in such a good mood over his promotion that he had no time for messy personnel issue or for undermining others.

  No matter how it had come about, Sun did not have time to carry out his scheme with Lao He to get the higher-ups to cancel the poll. Now he had to find the next best solution. After getting wind of the poll on the morning of May First, he went to inform Lao He that afternoon, adding that they could only work on those to be polled. They divided up the labor, with Sun going to see Qiao and He meeting with Peng and Lin. They would tell their colleagues to do the right thing, to be responsible at a critical moment like this, and not to fill in a name without careful consideration. Lao He, who had been hesitant at first, decided to go along after talking it over with his wife, who gave her full support and said that Sun wanted his help because he held He in high regard. But doubts crept back in when Sun had come to his home to inform him of the latest, complicated development, and it took some talking on Sun’s part to rekindle He’s interest.

  On that night, Lao He went to see Xiao Peng, following Lao Sun’s instruction not to be seen by Zhang, who lived in the same building. At work the next morning, Lao He took Xiao Lin downstairs for an airing-out, which took so long they missed breakfast in the dining hall. He failed to “clear the air” completely and Lin left with only a vague understanding that his application to join the party would be approved soon (something he’d already learned from Lao Qiao). When Lao He brought up the poll and asked him to be careful, Lin had no idea what he meant by that, since He had trouble making his case. That did not matter, however—Lin unhesitatingly put down “Lao Sun for the section head and Lao He as his deputy” when he was handed the paper. He didn’t really understand He’s intention, nor did he particularly like his two senior colleagues, but he did not want any change in the office’s party group to affect his imminent membership. If an outsider was brought in, altering the makeup of the group, that could change a man’s fate, and that was something he did understand.

  The men from the organization section left with the polling slips. It was now Lao Qiao’s turn to have an airing-out with Xiao Lin.

  “Whom did you pick?”

  “Whom did you pick?” Lin knew exactly what he needed to say.

  “Someone came to see me and asked me to pick him,” she said with a sneer. “But I didn’t. I filled in two outsiders.”

  “Me too.”

  “That’s right. That was the right thing to do.” She was pleased.

  They went back inside, and now it was Xiao Peng’s turn to have an airing-out with Lao Qiao. But, bearing a grudge from their earlier dispute, Peng would have none of Qiao’s scheme; instead, she said loudly as she reapplied her lipstick at a mirror, “I picked the ones I wanted. Weren’t we told it was a secret poll?”

  Qiao’s face turned bright red from the rebuff.

  “I was just asking.”

  That was followed by a series of airing-outs, Sun with He, He with Lin, Sun with Peng, and Peng with Lin, and so on.

  Three days later, Sun heard from someone in the organization section, a man from his hometown. He was visibly happy during his next airing-out with He.

  “Good. It’s all good, Lao He. Everyone did well except Lao Qiao.”

  “Good.” He was pleased too. “It’s all good.”

  “Xiao Lin’s not bad. He’s smart enough to take a hint and doesn’t work behind the scenes. He was a bit careless and immature when he first came but he’s shaped up lately. What do you say we take care of him the next time we have a group meeting?”

  “Sure, we’ll take care of him.”

  “Let’s work separately on people in the bureau and the ministry. Things look good at the moment,” Sun said. “Our only obstacle is Lao Zhang.”

  “As long as people in the bureau and ministry don’t object, Lao Zhang may not be able to do us any harm, since we have the support of the masses,” He offered.

  “You’re right. He’s the proverbial mayfly trying to shake down a tree.”

  A week after the mayfly comment, the bureau sent someone over to say that Deputy Bureau Chief Zhang was making a business trip to Baotou and asked the section to send two people to accompany him as support staff. Sun was uncomfortable with the request. You stopped caring about your old colleagues in the section after your promotion and only think of us now when you have a trying trip coming up? What’s support staff but gofers to carry your suitcase, open the door, buy train tickets, and take care of lodging and receipts? Sun grumbled, but was in no position to say no and decided to send Qiao and Lin. On the day before the trip, however, he changed his mind and replaced Qiao with himself. After a violent mental struggle with himself, he realized he couldn’t afford to bicker with Zhang. Ruining their relationship would be a stupid move, and suffering the consequences would not be worth the chance to vent his displeasure. The smart move would be to turn an enemy into his friend by being proactive. Which was why he decided to go himself; he’d use this opportunity to resolve problems between them. If he could do that, perfect. If not, what did he have to lose?

  Deputy Chief Zhang, Lao Sun, and Xiao Lin boarded the train for Baotou together but did not spend the night in the same car. A deputy bureau chief was entitled to a soft seat during the day, while the others were in a car with hard seats. At night, Lin got an upper bunk, Sun the bottom, with another man in between.

  The moment the train started moving, Sun told Lin to watch their stuff while he went to see Zhang in his soft-seat car to be “proactive.”

  Truth be told, the dispute between Zhang and Sun was really nothing. They had come to office at the same
time, lived in the same dorm, and worked in the same section all these years. They had actually been quite close and could talk about anything. At the time, their section head was old and frail, often missing work. Sun once said to Zhang,

  “If he can’t come to work then he ought to leave. Why occupy the toilet when you can’t shit?”

  His comment somehow made it to the old section head, who bore a serious grudge against Sun, who naturally suspected Zhang, for how else would the old man learn of a private comment? It wasn’t something Sun chose to pursue, but he was silently unhappy about the betrayal. The old man eventually did retire, and was replaced by Zhang. Sun later received his own promotion, but the rift never disappeared. Sun had a problem with Zhang’s ethics, while Zhang considered Sun petty. In addition, back when they were newlyweds and shared a two-room unit, their wives had fought over cleaning the toilet, which worsened the problem between the two men. Sun could do nothing but watch Zhang move up the ladder, while he remained in a subordinate position. Zhang might be a shabby individual, but Sun had to yield; as the saying goes, one must lower one’s head when standing under someone else’s eaves. After all these years, he had to take the initiative to make peace with Zhang, the thought of which made him sigh emotionally—Life is hard.

  When he found Zhang’s compartment and knocked on the door, Zhang pulled it open and beamed.

  “Come in! Come on in.” Zhang patted the bed. “Have a seat.”

  Zhang offered him a soft drink the moment he sat down.

  “There was no need to make the trip yourself. You could have sent someone else.”

  “What would it look like if I didn’t accompany the boss?”

  “Don’t use that word with me, Lao Sun. Don’t forget, we sat across from each other for over a decade.”

  “Well. I’m happy to come along when Lao Zhang goes on a business trip. How does that sound?” Sun said with a laugh.

  That brought a hearty laugh from Zhang.

  The laugh was followed by an awkward silence. Zhang was not pleased to have Sun come on the trip with him. He would find it hard to give Sun orders, creating difficulties in getting the work done. And there was the unspoken rift, which, oddly, was precisely the reason why Zhang had to let Sun come along. What an absurd world we live in. Zhang knew that Sun had never forgotten about Zhang ratting on him years ago, though Sun was not aware of Zhang’s predicament. Zhang had not ratted on Sun; he had merely mentioned it to his wife. Later on, when Zhang’s wife and Sun’s wife got into a fight, Zhang’s wife was so mad she told the old section head when they visited him in the hospital. When they left, Zhang had actually reproached his wife for selling out his friend. But how was he supposed to explain the complicated backstory to his old friend? Since he couldn’t do that, he turned and castigated Sun for being petty; to him, someone who bore a grudge like that was not cut out to be in a leadership position, and he slowly lost respect for Sun.

  Sitting across from each other in the compartment, they still hadn’t found anything to talk about when the train passed Nankou. In the end it was Sun who broke the silence by asking after Zhang’s child. Zhang was relieved to hear that, and asked Sun the same thing. After talking about their children for a while, Sun said unexpectedly,

  “There’s something I want to talk to you about, Lao Zhang.”

  Surprised, Zhang pricked up his ears and said gravely, “What is it?”

  “I’ve been wanting to do a self-reflection. You were so nice to me, like an older brother, when we started out in the same office. But I was so immature I did some things that were out of line—”

  Zhang was touched by the unforeseen confession. “What are you talking about, Lao Sun? I wouldn’t put it that way. I’d say we’ve had a damned good relationship.”

  “I’d like to ask your forgiveness.”

  “Don’t say that. We’re comrades, good comrades, actually.”

  “Please forget my past mistakes, Lao Zhang. I’ll follow your orders from now on. I’d leap into a pit if you, the boss, told me to.”

  “Don’t say that, Lao Sun, and please stop calling me boss. I don’t think I’m the right person for this position. I’ve been telling myself I must make demands on myself like an ordinary clerk, even though the party trusted me enough to give me the job.”

  “That’s true. Everyone in the unit has remarked on how you still ride your bike to work even after your promotion.”

  “It’s exercise for me. Just look at my neck.”

  And so they carried on an animated conversation until the railway staff came to invite them to dine. When they got to the dining car, they fought over the check, each holding the other man’s hand before it reached into a pocket. It was as if they’d returned to the days when they first started working together and shared a dorm room.

  But after they ate and returned to their compartment, they calmed down enough to sense that it had just been a performance, and they hadn’t said what they were really thinking. As he sat in his hard seat compartment, Sun began to feel that he had accomplished nothing but paying for a meal. Lying on his soft-seat bed, Zhang began to rue his actions, which now seemed ridiculous and improper. A mild case of chagrin produced a silent curse:

  “That old Sun was out to irritate me again. Damn him.”

  Both men forgot all about Xiao Lin when they went to the dining car, which did not stop Lin from taking care of his own stomach. In fact, he’d already made some instant noodles in a tea mug out of fear that the two bosses might ask him to join them in the dining car. His wife had packed the noodles for him so they could save the travel allowance to order milk for their baby the following month. It was a girl, nearly three months old. It was hard on you last month, my little girl, he thought, as he ate the noodles. Then he was comforted by the prospect of a brighter future when he considered that his boss had trusted him enough to pick him for the trip.

  The three men returned from Baotou two weeks later.

  6

  At fifty-four, Lao Qiao was slated for retirement in a year. She’d been mild-mannered and easy to get along before her ailment, though she was afflicted with the terrible habit of rummaging through co-workers’ desk drawers.

  “Why did you do that?” they’d ask her.

  “To see if there’s anything of mine in there,” she’d reply.

  Everyone knew about her habit after a while, and began to lock their drawers when they could and dump unimportant objects in the drawers that couldn’t be locked. Let her rummage.

  But Qiao would never touch Xiao Peng’s drawer. A rather simple-minded woman, Peng was also hot tempered, which made her hard to deal with. To quote Qiao, Xiao Peng was a housewife, pure and simple, devoid of aspirations or career goals. Just look at her. She never once asked to join the party nor did she seek to better herself; she didn’t care about mending fences and no one could do anything about her. What irked Qiao the most was the existence of people who didn’t care about order, no matter what anyone else did or said. So the sight of Peng could easily set her off, but she shied from getting Peng to lose her temper. They were like a wolf and a dog, fearful of each other and yet, once provoked, would not think twice about nipping at the other’s heel. The pear incident before Labor Day was a case in point. Peng was not bothered by the spat. But Qiao was, which had her stewing privately, and created more soreness between them.

  The three men returned and were back at work. Before they left, Peng had asked Lin to bring back a pair of dog-skin socks from Baotou. He had seen some in a shop, but hesitated to buy because Peng hadn’t given him any money. He wouldn’t splurge on a pair for his own wife, so why buy one for someone else? Besides, Peng wasn’t even a party member and couldn’t do him any good. So he didn’t buy any. When they were on the train home, however, regret began to set in. They shared an office and yet he couldn’t even bring back a pair socks for her. She must think he was a miserly person. The more he ruminated, the more intense his regret. Later when the train made a stop at Xiahuayuan,
he saw a peasant selling crickets on the platform. Fifty cents a cricket in a cage made of sorghum stalks. Quite affordable. So he bought one for his daughter and was inspired to buy another one for Peng as compensation for not getting her the socks. When he came back, he was worried that Peng would not appreciate the cricket and would be upset over the socks. Imagine his surprise when she was so pleased she jumped up and down, tossing away her compact case to grab the cricket out of his hand. Then she twirled round and round in the office, playing with the cricket, touching its antennae and pinching a piece of the flowers left by Lao Zhang to feed the insect.

  “You’re really nice, Xiao Lin,” she said.

  The sight of a delighted Peng only irritated Qiao, who was sitting coolly off to one side. Peng accidently knocked over Qiao’s wastebasket, littering the floor with trash. Yet she didn’t even bother to help Qiao clean up, which aggravated the older woman even more. Qiao banged on the basket as she picked up the trash, knowing full well she shouldn’t lose her temper over something like that. Peng ignored her completely, so Qiao could only glare at Peng’s back. Now, since Peng’s glee over the noisy cricket had been brought on by Xiao Lin, Qiao’s annoyance was extended to him. When Peng went to the toilet, leaving her cricket to sing in the office, Qiao went up to Sun and complained angrily,

  “Why don’t you do something, Lao Sun? Our office is turning into a zoo.”

  Sun was smoking a cigarette, engrossed in his own thoughts. Qiao’s unwelcome interruption annoyed him; coupled with his dislike for the woman, he reacted by waving impatiently and saying,

  “Let it go. Don’t exaggerate. It’s an insect, not a zoo denizen.”

  The rebuff really upset Qiao, who walked over to Lin and complained,