Killer Classics

by Kym Roberts

  “I thought he was from Nevada,” Scarlet said.

  “He is,” answered Reba Sue. “I don’t know what he’s doing in Dallas.”

  I swallowed a bite of eggs. They didn’t want to go down, and they no longer tasted good. The catsup that had topped them off perfectly a couple minutes ago now seemed to dominate the flavor. “He’s obviously capitalizing on Maddie’s death.”

  “Have they identified it as Maddie?” Daisy asked.

  “Yes,” Liza answered. Then we all waited for her to explain how she knew that. “The crime beat reporter got the information this morning. They identified her through dental records and Mateo notified the family last night around midnight.”

  That explained why I hadn’t heard from him. He’d apparently contacted Dr. Applewood and obtained Maddie’s dental records after hours. It made a regular dental visit sound pleasant.

  “Did they say what the cause of death was?” I asked.

  “Mateo said the ME would complete the autopsy today,” Reba Sue added.

  Reba Sue was the last person I expected to have information from Mateo.

  Scarlet shared my shock. “When did you talk to Mateo?”

  Reba Sue grinned. “I have my ways.”

  I leaned forward and stared her down, but Reba seemed oblivious to the stink eye I was giving her. “Who’s going to go to Dallas and talk to Nathan Daniels?” she asked.

  Daisy shook her head. “Too far from my husband for me to go.”

  Liza scoffed.

  Daisy eyed her the way I’d eyed Reba Sue. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Jessie is a grown man. He can take care of himself. You can have a life away from him you know.”

  “That’s the problem with your generation. You want separate lives. I married Jessie when I was eighteen because I wanted to share my life with him. We do our own thing, but at the end of the day, I want my husband in the bed next to me.”

  It was obvious Liza didn’t understand. I wasn’t sure I wanted the type of relationship Daisy and Jessie had, but it worked for them, and I respected that.

  Betty spoke up. “I think Reba Sue and I should go. She’s got no ties here, and Franz will understand me going on a girls’ trip. Besides maybe it will make him realize how much he needs me.”

  I wasn’t sure how old Betty and Franz were or how long they’d been dating, but they were definitely old enough to have grandchildren, if not great grandchildren.

  “How are you going to find Nathan?” Scarlet asked.

  Reba Sue and Betty just looked at her. Each blinking with a blank expression.

  “I’ll go with them. I can use my connections and get the Dallas reporter to tell me what hotel Nathan is staying at.”

  Volunteering for a road trip didn’t sound like something Liza would do. “Why wouldn’t you want to stay here and get the ME’s report?” I asked.

  Liza took another bite of my biscuit. Just watching her eat my food was enough to stir my dander.

  Scarlet kicked me under the table again. She seemed to be the only one in tune with what I was contemplating.

  “I didn’t get the story.”

  “Excuse me?”

  Liza grabbed for my tea to wash down my biscuit, and I smacked her hand away.

  “I didn’t get the story, okay?” she said. “They gave it to the crime beat reporter.”

  I wanted to laugh but knew that would be in bad taste. I took a drink of my tea instead.

  “Would you look at that?” Reba Sue said.

  We all followed her gaze to the front of the diner. Sugar walked in with Dean on her heels. It was obvious that she’d seen us but considering most of us were wearing T-shirts that advertised we were getting ready to meddle in her life, Sugar decided to take a seat at the bar with Dean. Both of them still had on the same clothes they’d worn last night, and I got the impression they’d never slept.

  “We should go offer our detective skills to them,” Betty said as she started to get up.

  Scarlet reached across the table and grabbed Betty’s hand before she could tip her blue wig in their direction. “I don’t think that’d be a wise decision.”

  Thank God for Scarlet.

  Daisy agreed, “If Sugar wanted our help, she would have come back here.”

  “It’s because Liza is with us. They saw how Liza raked Princess through the coals this week,” Reba Sue stated.

  Scarlet nodded, along with Daisy and Betty.

  Liza growled. “I was doing my job. I report the news.”

  I took a drink of my sweet tea, savoring Liza’s discomfort, and the women putting her on the defensive. “You could have reported the truth. That the books had been sprayed by a skunk.”

  “That doesn’t bring ratings,” she argued.

  “When did reporting the news turn into ratings?” Betty asked.

  Before Liza could answer, the front door of the diner burst open and slammed against the doorstop. The leather strap of bells hanging from the handle clanged violently against the door. Every single person who had been enjoying their breakfast suddenly turned silent. Forks froze midway to mouths. Waitresses’ pens stopped scribbling, and newspapers stopped crinkling. Every gaze turned toward the large man storming inside cloaked in rage.

  Kitchen noises could be heard along with a cook yelling, “Order up!” But not one of the diners said a word. All eyes rested on Tiny, his fists clenched, his chest heaving like he’d just run a marathon, and his eyes boring holes in Dean’s back.

  Dean looked up from his cup of coffee and saw the barely contained rage. I thought he would stand up and confront Tiny, but he didn’t. Despite the animosity flowing from Tiny, Dean held only sympathy in his expression. Which seemed to anger Tiny even more.

  “What did she do to deserve that, Dean?” Tiny’s voice boomed the accusatory question in Dean’s direction.

  “Nothing. She didn’t do anything to deserve that. No one deserves that,” Dean responded in a soft voice. It almost sounded as if he was talking to his four-year-old son. Trying to explain the horrors of death without going into too much detail.

  “Then why’d you do it? Why’d you kill my baby sister?”

  Dean flinched with the accusation. He looked around the diner to see if others believed he was capable of murder, and I got the distinct impression he didn’t like what he saw. I scanned the restaurant and saw that several people wanted an answer to the same question. I wasn’t sure how they could possibly think that of Dean. Dean was always there with a helping hand. He loaned cars for a minimal fee or for free to the residents of Hazel Rock who needed them. He offered free tows to those in need. He was always there with a smile on his face and a helping hand held out.

  Tiny reached for his waistband, and a collective gasp echoed through the diner. Sugar stood up and would have moved in front of Dean, but Dean stopped her and held her back with one arm. Tiny took one look at Sugar with her blond hair and looks so much like Maddie’s, and his bottom lip quivered. He couldn’t take his eyes off her.

  “Let me out,” I whispered to Liza who at some point had pulled her cell phone out and was recording the confrontation. She was more than happy to elbow Betty to stand up and let the two of us out of the booth. It gave her a better vantage point for the action.

  I scooted across the seat and slowly made my way toward the bar that was lined with stationary stools made from saddles. The entire diner had a Western feel, and the standoff between the two men seemed to transport us back to an age where a saloon shoot-out was eminent. I could picture round tables being tossed over on end for concealment. They certainly wouldn’t be any good as cover if bullets began to fly.

  I prayed that didn’t happen.

  What did happen was the last thing I expected. It was the last thing everyone expected. Including the hostess at the register standing two feet
away from him when Tiny reached for the display case and grabbed a pie from inside. It was as if no one could possibly understand what he was thinking about doing with that pie. No one would choose a pie when a shoot-out was called for. Cowboys didn’t meet at sundown on Main Street to draw pastries from a gun belt.

  But that’s exactly what Tiny did. He cocked that pie back and released it with so much force, whipped cream flew off the sides before it hit Dean in the chest. Dean blinked but didn’t say a word, until Tiny grabbed another one.

  “Tiny, that’s enough. We can take this outside,” he said as he stepped forward.

  But Tiny wasn’t listening. He was driven to destroy Dean the only way he could in a diner full of witnesses—with baked goods. He grabbed a lemon meringue pie next, but Dean ducked, and it hit Sugar in the face. Everyone froze.

  Sugar scrunched her eyes and wiped the meringue off in scoops.

  That’s when a little ten-year-old boy decided it looked like too much fun to be left out. He grabbed a handful of grits from the bowl in front of him and flung it at Tiny with everything he had. The grits hit Tiny on the side of his head and ran down his ear. Tiny never saw who threw it; he just reacted on instinct. He grabbed a third pie and whipped it across the diner. It hit Mr. Draper, a ranch owner with a team of ranch hands who’d been calmly eating their breakfast before all of us had arrived.

  At that point, things erupted into a full-blown melee.

  Food was tossed from every angle. Eggs, oatmeal, more grits, and juice. A pancake slapped my cheek and stuck with syrup. I pulled it off and tossed it back where it came from as I tried to make my way up front. I slipped on something slimy and thought I was going to crack my head open like the over easy egg that hit Dean on the face. There wasn’t a full plate in the house when the shrill of a police whistle filled the air.

  Once again, the restaurant grew quiet with the arrival of another customer. At the doorway with a look of total disbelief on their faces, stood Mateo and Cade. Both were still in the same clothes from the previous night, yet both were cleaner than every person inside the Hazel Rock Diner.

  “I’m not sure I’m in the right town,” Mateo said.

  “I’m not sure we’re in the right universe,” added Cade.

  “What the Sam Hill is going on?” Daddy asked as he poked his head inside the restaurant.

  Princess waddled in at their feet and began licking coconut cream pie from the floor. Unfortunately, she’d decided to have the same guest join her for breakfast that she’d invited into the bookstore. It was only then that I realized Princess’s boyfriend had become her prince.

  Mateo froze. Cade did a little jig to get out of the way, and Daddy stood at attention.

  “Do not move, people,” Mateo ordered. “Anyone who does, I’m going to arrest on the spot.”

  “I know how to handle this,” I told Mateo.

  “Charli, for the love of God, don’t…”

  He was too late. I was on the move. I grabbed the pie tin that had held one of the pies and scooped up as much of the banana cream pie I could find. It was Princess’s favorite, and if I could get Princess to follow me, I was betting her prince would do the same.

  If he didn’t, it wouldn’t be the first time I’d been in trouble with the law, but it was working. Sorta.

  Princess totally wanted the banana cream pie. Her prince, however, wanted to scrounge through everything. He picked up a tomato and rolled a sausage. It was as if he was in the grocery store and shopping for the best produce, the sweetest syrup, and softest eggs.

  I moved closer and waved the pie in front of his nose. He paused his perusal near ten-year-old Jimmy’s shoes and nearly gave Jimmy’s mom a heart attack. Not because Prince did anything, but because Jimmy thought it’s be cool to pet a skunk.

  Prince arched his back like a cat and his tail went straight up in the air as Jimmy ran his hand down the length of his black-and-white fur.

  It was only when Jimmy’s mom whispered loudly, “Jimmy!” that the skunk became alarmed. He lifted his head and looked straight at the woman. Her face paled ten shades and Jimmy giggled.

  “Skunks carry lice,” I told Jimmy as he reached to pet him again.

  His hand froze. Whether the boy had experienced lice before or not, I had no idea. He did know enough to know he didn’t want to get them now. He pulled back his hand, and I waved the pie in front of Prince’s face again.

  We progressed toward the front door with everyone standing or sitting still, the only noise was coming from Princess and the skunk. They chattered, their nails scratched the floorboards, and Princess’s tail dragged behind her. At one point, Princess became impatient for her treat and reached up and clawed the pie tin. She nearly knocked it out of my hand, and I grappled with it. I made too much noise and moved too quickly for Prince.

  He raised his head and stamped his feet. A collective gasp went through the restaurant as everyone waited for the inevitable.

  Nothing happened. I readjusted the tin so that it was balanced between my hands and forearms to ensure there was no way Princess could knock it out of my grasp and continued backing up toward the door. Just as I edged toward the last booth, I saw Liza standing at my side with a muffin in her hand.

  I thought about her news broadcast and paused.

  “Charli,” Mateo warned. He dragged my name out like he was riding a rollercoaster. His tone held all kinds of secret meanings. Like, don’t do it, you’ll just get yourself in trouble, and you’re better than her.

  Except I wasn’t. The woman told lies about my bookstore on the news. She’d damaged our reputation beyond anything I would’ve dreamed she’d be capable of. In the past twenty-four hours we’d received nasty emails and one death threat. I questioned whether or not we’d have one legitimate customer in for business that day. The only thing that had slowed the backlash from her story was the tragedy that followed it.

  “Charli.” His voice was soft, and the warning was gone. He was just letting me know he wasn’t going to abandon me as he stood at the door holding it open for me, Princess, and the skunk to exit. Princess immediately followed me out the door as I backed up past Mateo. Her boyfriend was a little more hesitant. He’d hit a gold mine for breakfast. Banana cream pie was just icing on top of a banquet for royalty, and he wanted his due.

  “Someone needs to kill that thing,” said Liza.

  “I won’t be there to save you this time Liza,” Mateo said.

  She pursed her lips and didn’t say another word.

  The skunk finally waddled out the front door and Mateo closed it behind him, leaving me outside with Princess and her man and a pie tin filled with the sloppy remains of a banana cream pie. I walked across the street with the two of them following, then led them to the backyard, and set the pie tin down by the river.

  “Princess, you cannot bring him into town,” I warned. “You’re special. People tolerate you. They’re not going to do the same thing for him.”

  Princess looked up with whipped cream on her snout. With each of them on one side of the tin facing each other, they reminded me of a young couple eating dessert together at the diner. All they needed was a couple of forks.

  Prince took a swipe at the pie and lifted a glob to his mouth. I supposed claws worked just as well as a fork any day.

  “I mean it, girl. He can’t come into town. Not when everybody is ready to turn him into a winter cap.”

  Princess’s ears twitched before she lay them down flat. I was pretty sure she got the gist of what I was saying. If she wanted Prince to live, she was going to have to keep him outside. She looked like I was making her choose between me and him, but that wasn’t what I was doing at all.

  “I don’t want you to choose between us,” I told her. “I want you to understand that your time together must be outside away from people.”

  Princess snorted and went back to her
pie and her prince nuzzled her nose. I could’ve sworn it was his way of saying, it’ll be all right, babe.

  Then again, maybe that was wishful thinking on my part, and I wanted someone to tell me that.

  By the time I made it back to the diner, most of the patrons had left, and Tiny was being lectured by Officer Sally Ferguson. His head was downcast, and his expression was sad and regretful. I grappled with the difference in his personality. Yesterday he had seemed like a barely contained wild animal. This morning he’d looked like he could have committed murder, but instead he’d thrown a pie. And now he looked ashamed.

  If appearances were deceiving, then Tiny exemplified the true meaning of that statement. He was nothing but a big teddy bear.

  Daisy was standing at the door holding a basketful of money. She wasn’t about to let one person leave that restaurant without donating to the cleanup cause. And when someone didn’t give enough, she wouldn’t move from her spot in front of the door until they reached into their wallet and pulled out more money.

  It was the people standing around gawking that really got my attention. In the midst of them was Liza filming the entire thing on her phone. Mateo was handcuffing Dean while Sally Ferguson turned away from Tiny and slipped the cuffs around Sugar’s wrists. It was a nightmare.

  I ran to where they stood at the end of the bar. “Wait a minute.” My brain took a moment to process what was happening. All I could do was repeat myself. “Wait a minute.”

  “Don’t interfere, Charli.” Mateo wasn’t looking at me when he gave the order.

  “Don’t interfere? Don’t interfere?” Geez Louise, I needed to think of something more intelligent to say.

  “That’s what he said,” Liza interjected.

  I ignored her. “What are you arresting them for?”

  “I’m trying to do this as quietly as possible.”

  “In front of the whole town and Liza Twaine?”

  “If you’ll excuse us.” Mateo began to walk Dean toward the front door.

  I stepped in his path.

  “Charli.”

  “Mateo.”

  “It’s Sheriff Espinoza.”