The Devil Has Dimples

by Pepper Phillips

  I couldn’t bear to open the box, so I slipped it in my desk drawer.

  I’m such a coward.

  I don’t know if my daughter would ever want anything from me.

  The thought saddened me for the rest of the day and into the night.

  * * *

  As I lay in bed that night, the stars twinkled above me. It was hard to believe that my mother stayed here, looking at the same stars. I wondered if she thought of me. She must have, what with all the photos of me growing up. Why did she give me away? From all reports, it seemed like she didn’t care what people thought of her. So, why give me away? What was the true relationship between my parents and her? One question kept leading to more and more questions, the answers to which I haven’t received as yet. I rolled over in bed and stared at the wall for a while.

  There were pictures of Grant there, in his wrestling uniform, a total hunk. Another picture of him with his dad, his father smiling broadly, both dressed in tuxedos, with baby roses in their lapels. Obviously at Lenny’s wedding. Lenny seemed so happy, Grant so solemn.

  There was a picture of me there. At least I think it was of me. A newborn baby photo. It was different than the one in the scrapbook. It could have been any baby in the world, round faced, a button nose, hairless , but I felt in my heart that Maudie had this one picture of her only child, where she could see it every day, and no one would be the wiser.

  Secrets.

  Maudie had secrets. We all have them to some extent. Only she carried hers to the grave. I wonder if I will ever find them out, or are they hidden so deep that the truth will never be discovered. I nestled deeply amongst the pillows and tears formed. I wish I had known her, talked to her, hugged her. Why did she give me away? And why wait until she was dead to let me know part of the truth, but not the whole truth? I fell asleep, wondering what her secrets were.

  * * *

  April 30, 1984

  Secrets.

  Lord, you know I can’t keep a secret.

  I want to shout it from the skies.

  I’m pregnant.

  I’m going to have a baby.

  A sweet wonderful baby.

  Then I realized. I have to keep it a secret. No one must ever know.

  My baby’s life would be ruined.

  I broke down and cried.

  It seemed like I cried for days. But it was only a few hours.

  I knew then what I had to do.

  I had to give my baby up.

  Oh, Lord. You do like to punish sinners.

  My innocent baby.

  My horrible sin.

  CHAPTER NINE

  One thing about Maudie’s sky window, when the sun came up, it was up. A good thing I am a morning person. I jumped out of bed and beat it to the shower before Grant hogged all the hot water.

  My thoughts danced around him as my hands soaped my body. I was being a bad girl, at least my thoughts were being bad.

  When I stepped outside my bedroom, Grant was already gone. His door was open, his bed made. Everything was neatly in place. At least he wasn’t a slob. An empty juice glass was in the sink. I had to smile. At least he wasn’t drinking out of the jug.

  It was still early, so I whipped up some pancakes, placing them in the oven to keep warm, as I fried some bacon. It was pleasant cooking breakfast. I generally ate oatmeal as it was easier, but a big breakfast gave me an energy spurt that carried me through the day.

  I was cleaning up when Grant thundered up the back stairs.

  “Hey, it smells good. What did you fix?”

  I turned to face him and noticed that he had a guest tailing him.

  “This is T-Beau.” Grant introduced a lanky kid, exceeding tall, with a shock of orange hair.

  I know I must have looked shocked myself.

  T-Beau gave me a shy smile and ran his huge hand over his head. “It’s supposed to be blond.”

  Embarrassed, I smiled to let him know that we all have moments of stupid decisions, I indicated a seat at the table.

  “If you clear that drawer off there, grab a seat and I’ll feed you.”

  Grant and T-Beau cleared off the table while I pulled out a frying pan, a spatula and grabbed the carton of eggs from the refrigerator. “How do you like your eggs?”

  It didn’t take long for us to finish off all the pancakes, bacon and the half-dozen eggs that I fixed.

  “T-Beau is on the wrestling team.” Grant said.

  I looked at the gangly youth with doubt. He didn’t seem muscular.

  “He wins quite a few matches, the other guys have trouble holding onto him.” Grant said.

  T-Beau bowed his head and looked up at me with shy eyes. He looked familiar.

  “He’s Bitsy’s grandson.” Grant said.

  My mouth made an “O” shape. What was going on here? I smiled at T-Beau and asked. “You run too?”

  T-Beau smiled and stated. “Run every morning, I’m on the track and football teams, as well, but Coach stopped me this morning and invited me to breakfast. He said you were a good cook, so I took him up on it.”

  A “good” cook. Thanks, Grant. I thought I was an excellent cook.

  “Usually he makes a rest stop at Bitsy’s for breakfast, but she wasn’t home this morning.” Grant said.

  Curious.

  “Where do you think she went, T-Beau.”

  He scratched his head, then mumbled, “I don’t know. It’s the first time she’s never been home for me.”

  Now that was strange. “Was your grandfather home?”

  “Oh yes, ma’am. He was home. Dead asleep on the sofa.”

  “Is that where he usually sleeps?” I asked.

  “Yes, ma’am. Either the sofa or his recliner. Can’t get him too far from the television set.”

  That must be a happy home life. How does Bitsy put up with it? Or does she? Where could she have gone? Did she leave after she came to visit me? What was going on here?

  Grant stood up and T-Beau jumped up right after him. “I told him I’d drive him home so he wouldn’t miss school, so we better get moving,” said Grant.

  I pasted a smile on my face and held out my hand to T-Beau. “It was great meeting you. I hope Bitsy comes home soon, as I need to talk to her.”

  A shadow swept over his face, as though he wasn’t telling me the whole truth. Then he muttered, “I hope so too.”

  I watched them as they left the room and heard their shoes on the back steps. Clearing the table, I wondered what was going on. It seemed strange that Bitsy wouldn’t be home for her grandson if she usually was. Where could she have gone? I wondered if Silas knew. Hesitating only for an instant, I looked up their number in the phone book and then realizing that I didn’t know their last name, dug for Maudie’s little black book.

  It was there under ‘B’ for Bitsy. I dialed the number and after four rings the answering machine picked up. Bitsy’s cheerful little voice informed me that they weren’t in and to leave a message. I carefully hung up the phone. For some reason I didn’t want to leave a message on their phone.

  I pulled open the phone book again and checked out the library opening hours. Nine o’clock. That was still an hour plus away. Cleaning up the dishes, I thought of all the information that I needed to check on before the library quest.

  It was still warm, so I walked to the Library. It wasn’t on the square proper but on a side street two blocks away. I brought my notebook, along with the paper with the French phrase that Grant had transcribed from the ring.

  I certainly hoped that I could do everything there and not have to go to T-Jack to ask any questions.

  The librarian at the front desk pointed me to the back of the library, where they had a Louisiana reference room and someone there could help me.

  I opened the door to the room, and wouldn’t you know it. Joanna was there. She looked up at me as though I was an intruder, and then she frowned. Didn’t the woman ever smile?

  I pasted a grin on my face. “Joanna, how good to see you. I did
n’t know you worked here.” Why didn’t Grant warn me?

  She sniffed with her rat snout, showing me her displeasure. I put on a broader grin. Kill them with kindness is what my dad always told me.

  “What do you want?” She asked.

  Oh, joy, joy, she wasn’t happy to see me at all.

  “Just some answers to a lot of questions,” I said.

  For a moment there, fear ran over her face.

  I wondered what that was about. Deciding to just plow ahead I asked. “They said at the front that there was someone that could help me, would that be you?”

  “Yes. I could help you if I wanted to.” Her voice rose at the end, in a very condescending tone.

  Joanna was definitely against me. So I asked her. “What’s your problem with me?”

  That took her aback. Her head snapped away from me as though I slapped her. “I don’t have a problem with you. Just all your questions.”

  “Why would my questions affect you?”

  “It’s affecting the whole town. That’s all anyone talks about, who’s your daddy, who’s your daddy, who’s your daddy.” She voiced the last phase like a taunting child.

  But would Joanna know? My heart knocked against my chest. I had to ask.

  “So, who is my daddy?”

  Joanna’s rat face twisted to sheer vile. Somehow I hit a sore spot. I decided to push my luck. “It wouldn’t be your husband by any chance?”

  Apparently I pushed my luck button too far.

  “You bitch!” Joanna screamed as spittle flew out of her mouth. She raised her hand and slapped me across the face. It caught me by surprise and I had to take a step sideways to keep my balance.

  The burn from her palm radiated down my body, and when it reached my hand I automatically made a fist. My body was shaking. But I stood there and took her abuse. I’d take anything to get the answers and to get out of this town.

  Joanna didn’t notice my fist, or she wouldn’t have kept talking. “Maudie should have had an abortion. She was nothing but a slut. Always after another woman’s man, while pretending to be your best friend.”

  Joanna’s face turned redder and redder. You can never gain ground with someone who is in a violent rage. So I took my only recourse and turned and walked away. My hand still in a tight fist.

  Joanna screamed at me as I opened the door and left the reference room.

  “Get out of my library!”

  “Get out of my town!”

  “Get out of my life, bastard!”

  Then I was hurt, deep within my heart. Bastard was a cruel word, and I had no responsibility for the events surrounding my birth. That was my birth parent’s decision. I was innocent.

  She was still screaming at me, even through I closed the door.

  Hot tears began to stream down my face. It was all I could do to leave the building with my dignity intact. The librarian stared at me as I walked across her vision, several patrons turned to follow my course, Joanna yelled so loud it was a wonder if there weren’t people on the street turning their heads. I hurriedly left the building and stumbled down the stairs. I walked blindly down the street, not paying attention to where I was going.

  I didn’t care.

  I had enough.

  I was leaving this miserable town.

  * * *

  I jammed my clothes into a suitcase, closed it and ran down the back stairs. I was running.

  Running away from whatever past I might have, running away from whatever future I might have. I didn’t know who I was, and I honestly didn’t care at this moment in time. I knew deep in my heart that I was a good person, and that’s all that counted.

  Let Maudie keep her secrets. They were hers and though they might involve me, I didn’t care.

  I swiped the tears from my eyes and tried to push the key in the ignition, but I was too emotionally upset. I just broke down and sobbed.

  My car door opened and large hands pulled me out. Grant took me in his arms and I clung to him. I could hear him speaking, but couldn’t understand the words. His hands held me tight. He just stood there. Holding me.

  I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. Then I sniffled.

  One of Grant’s hands left my back, and in a few moments a hankie was pressed into my hand. After I wiped the tears away, and blew my nose, I noticed that the hankie was pink. He must have washed every hankie he had. I smiled to myself, then turned my face to see Grant. His dark brown eyes were solemn. He hesitated a moment and then bent down and kissed me gently on the lips.

  I wasn’t going anywhere.

  That kiss meant something. I could feel it down to my toes. There was no way I was going to leave before I found out exactly what was going on. With me. With him.

  Especially with him.

  I pushed him away, “Thanks.” I snuffled, wiping my nose again. I really needed to wash his pink items.

  “Hank called me. He heard what happened at the library and saw you running past the Hole. Naomi’s upset. Bitsy’s missing. Joanna got fired from her volunteer position.”

  He paused. “You’ve really taken the town by storm.”

  “I didn’t mean to.”

  He pulled me back into his arms, holding me close. “I know.”

  “So what do I do now?”

  “Whatever you want. Call it off. Continue looking for your father.” He gave me a squeeze then pulled away.

  “I don’t care what you do, just as long as you stay.”

  Then he took me into his arms and really kissed me.

  I stayed.

  Thank heavens, I did.

  Grant took my suitcase from my car and taking my hand pulled me inside the building.

  He put my suitcase on the floor and kissed me again.

  We rushed up the stairs and he led me into my bedroom. It was the closest.

  “You’re so beautiful.” Grant murmured against my ear. He stood behind me, and I could feel tiny pinpricks of fire dot my skin. His tongue captured my earlobe, and I could feel the heat of his breath. His arms encircled me, and he pulled me even closer. I could feel his arousal against my nether regions and I wanted him. Jock be damned.

  Slowly, I turned in his arms and he captured my lips in his. A slow teasing kiss made me want to melt against him.

  I did.

  The smell from his after-shave caressed my senses, just as his arms tightened around me.

  I pressed my hands against his back, pushing him closer to me. His kiss deepened.

  Oh, my.

  His tongue slid into my mouth. I attacked it. I wanted him. I wanted all of him. I wanted him now.

  I moved my hands to the front of him, pushing his body away just a little so I could get my fingers on the buttons of his shirt.

  He never stopped kissing me. His hand cupped the back of my head, so we wouldn’t lose contact. His other hand touched my breast. My nipple immediately puckered, wanting more, and he obliged.

  His fingers nimbly undid my blouse buttons, and he opened the material and pushed away from our kiss to view his handiwork.

  He gave me a smile, and murmured. “Beautiful.”

  My breasts arched of their own accord, even without the help of my magic bra, I wanted him to notice, and he did.

  He caressed my breast and planted a slow, sucking kiss on top of my rounded mound. I leaned my head back and moaned. It felt like heaven.

  He unsnapped the back of my bra, releasing me.

  I hastily shook off the blouse and tore off the bra so that he could see all of me. He smiled again.

  He captured a nipple in his mouth and began to suck as he massaged the other breast and pulled me even closer with his free hand.

  My breasts had a mind of their own. They wanted to be held, caressed, suckled. They wanted it. I wanted it.

  I held his head between my hands, reveling in the touch of his hair, the feel of his lips, the flickering of his tongue.

  It wasn’t enough.

  I wanted more.

  Much more.
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  I willed my hands to release him, and I frantically began to undo my pants. I had to have him. Now.

  He moved to my other breast and I thought I would die. My hands stilled, and I enjoyed the movement of his tongue over my nipple, my breast. Then he began to slowly move his tongue down my torso. I waited in tense anticipation. He didn’t disappoint me.

  Slowly he peeled off my pants and eased them off my body, as his tongue dragged down lower and lower.

  He touched me with his tongue and I melted. He pushed me back and I landed on the bed. Gently he opened my legs and began to devour me with his tongue.

  This was heaven.

  His tongue flickered back and forth, then plunged deep within me.

  I cried out from the exquisite pain, then exploded.

  Again.

  Then, again.

  He wanted me to come, and I did, again.

  “You. Give me you.” I pleaded.

  He lifted his head and gave me a wolfish smile.

  “Next time. This time’s for you.”

  Then he proceeded to drive me crazy.

  I should have felt ashamed.

  But all I felt was a raging fire. I wanted him so much now that I was wild with desire. My skin was on alert to his touch. Waiting for his fingers, his tongue, him.

  Waiting for him.

  As I moaned again, a long deep moan this time, begging for more, wanting more, desperate for more.

  He stopped and placed his head on my stomach.

  “You’re killing me, lady.”

  “Come inside me.” I pleaded.

  He kissed my mound one more time, giving me quivers and melting my body once again.

  “Next time.”

  “Why not now?”

  “I want you to want me more than you’ve ever wanted anything in your life.”

  “That’s right now.” I murmured.

  “No. This time is for you. Next time is for me.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Grant went with me to the newspaper office, since it was Saturday, we didn’t have much time, as they closed at noon.

  T-Jack grinned when he saw us walk in. He jumped up and rubbed his hands together. “Hey, kiddos, I’ve been waiting for ya!”