by Suzanne Hart
“You have no idea what I want,” I replied and he smiled.
“Something tells me you want another thing I have… my daughter. What is it, Julian? All your money and success isn’t good enough for you anymore? You want my daughter too?”
I couldn’t reply to him. All I could do was stand there and glare at him. I felt like I was about to explode with the rage coursing through my veins.
“I need to speak with her,” I growled.
“And tell her what?”
“Just let me talk to her once and I’ll leave her alone. I have to explain myself to her,” I said.
I wasn’t going to plead. I had too much pride for it.
Alan rolled his eyes and settled back in the bed.
“My daughter has strict instructions to stay away from you, and that is what she will do. Lisa is a dutiful girl,” he said.
“And that is because she has no idea what kind of man you are!” I growled. I wanted to tell him that I knew about the money laundering. That even though Lisa might not believe it, I knew what he had done. But I didn’t say anything. What would be the point? He’d deny it. I wasn’t going to report him.
“Stay away from my daughter, and my company, Julian. Just accept the fact that your plan of revenge hasn’t worked out, and move on,” he continued.
I had to clench my fists to stop myself from lashing out. There was no use. He had already made up Lisa’s mind for her. It was a lost cause.
“Fuck you, Alan,” I growled and turned and walked out of the hospital room.
“Yeah, fuck you too, Julian,” I heard him call after me.
I ran out of the hospital to my car.
It was over. Alan was right about one thing—I just needed to accept the facts and move on. Lisa was never going to believe me over her father. Why would she? Technically, she didn’t know me at all.
I just had to accept that I would never see her again.
29
Lisa
Two weeks later, I woke up in bed feeling nauseous. It was still fairly early in the morning, and I jumped out and ran to the bathroom. I felt feverish, covered in cold sweat as I sat crouched on the bathroom floor, clutching the toilet.
What had I eaten?
Were my feelings for Julian actually making me sick now?
It had been three weeks since I cut off contact with him, and nothing had helped. I still couldn’t get over him. No other man made me feel this way before.
In the short time that I spent with Julian, I had felt safe in his presence. When he stroked my hair and kissed me and held me in his arms, I was reassured of his support. With him, I felt like I would always belong.
And now, it had all come to an end and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt incomplete as I moved around and tried to lead my life. I knew I was doing the right thing. Daddy had done the right thing too by telling me the truth about himself and Julian… but that didn’t stop me from wishing things were different somehow.
And now I was feeling sick to my stomach.
It had only been three weeks, so I couldn’t be sure. Could I be pregnant? When that thought entered my head, it made me feel nauseous again.
I waited till nine, and then rushed to the closest chemist’s shop and purchased five pregnancy tests. Then I drank two glasses of orange juice and waited.
All the five tests turned out positive. There was no denying the fact that I was pregnant. I was twenty-two years old and about to be a mother.
When my phone started ringing, I ignored the calls. I knew it was Rose calling to ask where I was. I was usually in the office by now, but I couldn’t make myself go. I couldn’t even force myself out of the bathroom!
I stayed locked in there, surpassing wave after wave of nausea and tears. It wasn’t something I’d eaten which had made me sick… it was morning sickness. I was pregnant and Julian Hunt was the father.
The first reaction I had was panic. How was I going to explain this to Daddy? I hadn’t told him anything about my relationship with Julian. How was I going to break it to him—not only had I slept with the enemy, I was now carrying his child!
Then I felt remorse and regret. If only I could have controlled the searing attraction I’d felt for Julian. If only I’d waited till Daddy woke up from his coma, before I acted on my desires. Then none of this would have happened.
Then I was sad. I was going to be a young mother. Too young… and too foolish. I knew I was going to keep the baby, but how was I supposed to raise it? I was sure that Daddy would disown me once he found out the truth. How was I going to do it by myself?
What would I tell my child? He or she would never know their father. Julian would never find out that he was a father.
I dragged myself to my bed and got in under the covers again. My phone still kept ringing, till eventually, I turned it off. I couldn’t go to the office today. I didn’t know if I could ever go back there. I didn’t deserve to be there, to be sitting at my father’s desk and trying to make business decisions.
I had no idea what I was doing. I had severely disappointed him and now I was going to have to pay for my actions.
I remained in bed all day, dodging calls and emails from the office. I was shirking my responsibilities even though I knew that I was needed at work. I had already decided that I couldn’t do it. Daddy was wrong in taking pride in me, in believing that I could take his place. I wasn’t cut out for the business world.
I tossed and turned in bed, stroking my belly because now I suddenly felt different. I could sense a living thing growing inside me. Even though it had only been a few hours, I already knew that I loved it.
I was young and stupid, but the one thing that I did know was that I would try my best to be a good mother to this child. Despite the respect I still felt for my father, I knew that he was not the kind of parent I wanted to be to my baby.
Even though I couldn’t involve Julian in our life, I was going to make sure that this child had a wholesome and happy one.The tears came later in the day, when I couldn’t hold them back any longer. I felt helpless, lying there in my bed because I couldn’t change what had happened already.
The truth was that I would always remain connected to Julian. As much as I tried to forget him, this child would be a reminder of him and the short time we had spent together.
Right now, I needed to figure out what I was going to tell Daddy. I couldn’t keep this hidden, he was going to find out soon enough that I was pregnant. And I didn’t want to lie to him. It was better that he knew from the beginning who the father was.
Wiping my tears, I changed and left my apartment to go to the hospital. I hadn’t visited Daddy since the night before and I knew he would be waiting for me. What he wasn’t expecting was the news I was about to give him.
Daddy was sitting up in bed and watching basketball on TV when I knocked on his door.
“You’re late today,” he commented when I stepped in.
I knew I looked like a mess, but he didn’t seem to notice. I wondered if Rose had told him about my absence from the office.
“Yeah, sorry, Daddy, I haven’t been feeling too well today,” I said and walked over to give him a quick peck on his forehead. All the way to the hospital, I had tried to think of what exactly to say. How to break the news to him.
Now that he was in front of me, I was nervous again. I didn’t want him to get that look of disappointment in his eyes. I had disappointed him enough already.
“You should look after yourself, honey,” he said and muted the TV. I was getting used to this new side to Daddy that I was seeing. He was way more affectionate and attentive than he ever was. I hoped this would last beyond the hospital stint.
I sat down on the chair beside him and he turned to me.
“I think I’ve taken care of the Julian Hunt problem once and for all,” he began. The mention of Julian’s name alarmed me and I sat up straight in the chair.
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
He had
a smirk on his face, like he was pleased with himself.
“That bastard came to see me,” he replied.
I gulped. Daddy had seen Julian? What had they discussed? Just the thought of my father and him in the same room made me anxious.
“Oh. What did he say?” I asked him and he shrugged.
“What I expected him to. He threatened me and I fought back. I guess he didn’t think I would still have some fight left in me,” he continued, still smirking.
“He threatened you?” I said. It wasn’t hard to imagine Julian threatening someone. He had an air of intimidation around him.
“Well, at least he tried to. I made sure he knew that he’s supposed to stay away from you and the company. He won’t be bothering us again,” Daddy said.
I had to look away from him. This was a bad start to the conversation. How was I now supposed to ease into the subject of being pregnant with Julian’s baby?
“What did he want from you?” I managed to ask in a low weak voice.
“Revenge. Just like I told you he would. Anyway, the point is that he’s realized now that I’m not going to budge and that you’re not alone. He’s not going to take you for a ride again. He’ll stay away from us.”
Instinctually, my hand rose up to my belly. I hoped that Daddy hadn’t noticed the odd movement. It hurt my heart to hear my father speak of Julian that way… no matter how much he deserved it.
“You look pale, Lisa. You must be seriously sick,” he said and I shook my head.
“No, I’m fine. I’ll be okay… I just have something to discuss with you,” I began.
Daddy seemed to be in a cheerful mood today and he looked at me inquiringly.
“Go ahead. I have all the time in the world,” he said.
I breathed in deeply, preparing myself for the conversation we were about to have. This felt bad enough to make me sick again. I tried to keep my head above water.
“Five years ago, were you involved in something that you shouldn’t have been doing, Daddy?” I asked.
My voice was quiet and suddenly it filled the room heavily. Daddy’s brows furrowed in confusion and then he gulped.
“What are you talking about, Lisa?” He asked.
I stuck to my guns, trying my best to see this through. Although, from the look on my father’s face, I knew I already had the answer to my question.
“Were you involved in money laundering five years ago, Daddy?” I clarified.
He remained silent. His facial expression seemed stuck. He wasn’t moving a muscle.
“Daddy, I believe it’s for the best if you just told me the truth. I would appreciate it if you didn’t hide it from me,” I urged him on.
He looked away from me, staring down at the end of the bed at his feet. He couldn’t look me in the eye when he admitted the truth.
“I made a mistake, but I stopped it,” he said.
“How long, Daddy? How long did you do it?” I hissed.
He shook his head, still refusing to look at me.
“Lisa…”
“How long?” I said and stood up from the chair.
“Eight months. I’m sorry, Lisa. I thought I could just forget about it, and it would go away,” he replied in a broken voice.
“Eight months? For eight months you were involved in a serious criminal activity? While I was at home, a teenager, trying to live up to my amazing father’s expectations!” I shouted at him.
“Lisa… I strayed into something bad. I was desperate to make some money, to recover my losses,” he tried to explain, but I shook my head. I was already backing up to the door, trying to leave as quickly as I could.
“You have to forgive me, honey. I promise I stopped. A long time ago. And I would never do it again. I would never involve you in something like that again!” He continued.
I flung the door open, feeling more angry than I’d felt before.
“You are not the man I thought you were, Daddy,” I snapped and then I walked out of the room.
I tried to keep my head up while I rushed down the halls. At least that was one thing that Julian hadn’t lied to me about. But that did not make things any easier. It just complicated things even more. Now, not only was Julian a liar and a manipulator, I knew that my father was too. What was I thinking? Daddy would never be the perfect father I always hoped he could be. I would have to raise this baby alone.
30
Julian
I was at home, watching the news… not really watching, more just listening to it in the background.
All I could really do was think about Lisa and wonder what she was doing right now. Three weeks was a long time to get over someone, and I still hadn’t gotten over her. Right now I felt like I never would.
Alan had made it very clear to me that Lisa believed what he told her. She thought that I was using her to get to her father. That was my initial plan, yes, but I never got a chance to tell her that my plan had changed.
I wouldn’t have done anything to sabotage her. I had made the mistake of telling her about Alan’s money laundering but I wouldn’t go any further than that. But why would she believe me now? Why would she ever choose me over her own father?
The mention of Crowley Holdings in the news suddenly caught my attention. I turned to the screen and saw a quick shot of Alan’s hospital. The news was out that Alan Crowley had been in a car accident.
The woman on the screen was now speaking, and said that Crowley Holdings’ shares were already starting to drop. This was bound to happen. Now, even if Alan recovered well and fine from the accident, they would have a hard time finding investors… especially given their already sorry state of financial affairs.
My phone rang beside me and for a moment, I allowed myself to hope that it was Lisa. But it was Micky.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Hey man, I have some good news for you,” I heard him say.
“What do you have for me?”
“Lisa Crowley’s home address,” Micky said.
I’d told Micky a few days before that I needed to find her. That was before I went to see Alan at the hospital. Micky had said that he’d try his best to see if he could get a hold of her. I didn’t ask him how he was going to find out and he didn’t tell me either.
“I don’t know if I need it anymore, man,” I told him.
“What are you talking about? You need to go and see her, Julian. You’re a fucking mess right now!”
“I met her father. I went to the hospital. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to see me again,” I replied.
“Well, I’m going to give it to you anyway. What you decide to do with it is up to you,” Micky said.
I pressed my eyes close and listened to his voice as he told me where Lisa lived. Then I ended the call and threw myself back on the couch.
If I went to Lisa’s house now, she was going to kick me out, and I deserved it. She had no reason to trust me.
31
Lisa
When I got back from the hospital, my first instinct was to pack up and run away from New York. But then I decided to give it a day and decide what to do after that.
So, one day later, I was sitting at my kitchen table, cradling a hot mug of tea in my hands. The warmth soothed me. I smiled at the thought that there was a baby growing inside me.
I hadn’t stopped thinking about Julian since I last spoke to Daddy. Today, I hadn’t bothered to go to the office and neither had I visited him at the hospital. I knew he was doing well, I was sure that the doctors and nurses were enough to look after him. I’d done everything I could do for him, and now I had nothing to give him anymore. I felt burnt out.
I had taken the one day breather I had promised myself, but nothing felt different.
I still felt as lost, ashamed and angry as I did the night before. Nothing had changed. My father was still a liar and an embezzler. Did he deserve the accident? No. But he definitely deserved to lose his company.
I had already decided that I wasn’t going t
o spend another minute working for him. There was no way I was going to involve myself and get my hands dirty in that business. Especially now when I had another life to think about.
By the door of my living room, there were two bags already packed with my stuff in it. I couldn’t carry my whole life with me, so I’d carefully selected the things that mattered to me most. In those two bags were all my possessions I believed I would need to start a new life in Dublin.
I remained sitting in my kitchen, drinking my tea. I wanted to take some time to calm myself down. I didn’t want to leave in a rush or in anger, the way I had done the last time. But I was going to leave. Nothing was going to change my mind about it now. The time had come to face up to the fact that my father was not a man I wanted to be around.
More importantly, I didn’t want my baby growing up near him. Neither did I want to continue living close to Julian.
I felt like the only way I could get over him would be by going away. Starting a new life in Dublin seemed like the best idea. Away from all this, away from being a Crowley, away from my father and Julian. It would be a fresh start for my baby and me, and we would make it. I had made it this far on my own.
I should have had a better plan, but I didn’t. I should have known where I was going to stay or how I was going to earn a living, but I hadn’t thought about those things yet.
I figured that once I landed in Dublin, everything would fall into place. Right now, I just wanted to get away from here. I was enjoying the last few hours in peace in my apartment and within sometime I’d be on a plane to Ireland and hopefully, I’d be able to forget everything.
I wasn’t expecting a knock on my door. When I heard it, I had a sudden fright that it was Daddy. That somehow he had gotten out of the hospital and come looking for me. I was afraid of him standing in my way once again.
I opened the door in fear, but instead of Daddy, I saw Julian on the other side.