The Illustrated Mum

by Jacqueline Wilson

  We ran to each other and hugged as hard as we could. Aunty Jane smiled and Uncle Eddie went all watery-eyed and had to blow his nose. Lizzie leapt in quick and asked if they’d mind having Star too, just for a few days, until everything could be properly sorted out for both of us.

  So Star and I ended up sharing Mark’s bed. I cried a bit and she did too and then we went to sleep curled up together. I breathed in her sweet powdery smell and wound one of her silky plaits round my finger and she cuddled in to me and held on to me so tightly she made little bruises on my arms, real fingermarks.

  It was different in the morning when all the explanations started. Star woke me up by giving me a thump on the shoulder.

  ‘Why wouldn’t you switch the new phone on?’ she said. ‘I was so worried about you. I was scared something had happened. It was so mean of you to smash the first phone and then tell all those lies and then not even use the new phone. I didn’t know what had happened. I felt I was going to go crazy worrying. I even got Micky to send another phone just in case the last one got lost in the post. He kept telling me that you and Marigold were just mad at me and deliberately trying to make me worry and that I should just stay cool and enjoy my time with him but I couldn’t. It all got spoilt, Micky and me. That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? You couldn’t let me have a bit of happiness just for myself.’

  ‘I can’t believe you’re saying all this rubbish,’ I said. I thumped her back. ‘Don’t you dare get angry with me! You’re the one who walked out on me and left me with Marigold at her absolute worst. You didn’t care. She really went crazy, she practically beat me up. It’s true. Then she painted herself all over and I was so scared that I had to call an ambulance. Why should I answer your stupid phone when you won’t listen to me or come back to help me and you won’t even give me Micky’s stupid number. I didn’t muck up your time with him. Look, I don’t need you any more. I’ve got my own life, a whole new life just for me. What makes you think you’ve got the right to barge in here? This is my foster home, not yours. I had to get it all sorted out because you left me. When Marigold went into hospital I didn’t have anyone. You didn’t care, just so long as you could stay with your precious Micky.’

  ‘I did care. I got so that I couldn’t even think straight. I started to act stupid. Micky was very sweet about it, ever so understanding, but that Sian started saying stuff, forever getting at me. I don’t know what Micky sees in her. She just hung around all the time, she’d never leave us on our own. We ended up having this huge row. It was all too much hassle for Micky. He said he’d drive me all the way home just so as I could check up on you. Then you weren’t there, Marigold wasn’t there. I just about went crazy. Mrs Luft told me Marigold had been taken to hospital and she said you’d gone off with your dad. That was the worst thing ever because you haven’t got a dad.’

  ‘I have too. I’ve got my own dad. I found him all by myself. Well, with Oliver. He’s great, my dad. He keeps coming to see me. He’s invited me round to his place on Sunday. He takes me to see Marigold in the hospital.’

  ‘How could you have sent her to the hospital? You know how she feels about them. Why couldn’t you have looked after her just for a bit till I came back?’

  ‘I didn’t think you were ever coming back. I had to do something. She’d covered herself all over with paint and then she just stood there and she wouldn’t talk to me or anything. She went really really mad and I didn’t know what else to do.’

  ‘You said she went mad before but you were just making it up to get me to come back.’

  ‘Are you saying I’m a liar?’

  ‘Yes. Liar, liar, liar!’

  I got hold of a fistful of her little plaits and yanked them hard. She jerked herself free and kicked me so that I nearly tumbled out of bed. I clenched my fists and tried to hit her.

  ‘Mind my diamond!’ she shrieked.

  ‘You think it looks so cool but it looks stupid.’

  ‘Well you always look stupid. I’m so sick of being stuck with you.’

  ‘So clear off, why don’t you? Rush back to your precious Micky. I don’t need you any more.’

  ‘Right. I will. Today. Fine,’ Star declared, but she didn’t sound convincing.

  ‘He doesn’t want you any more, does he?’

  ‘Yes he does! Of course he does. It’s just . . .’

  ‘He’s got fed up with you just the way he got fed up with Marigold.’

  ‘No, stop it. Shut up, you hateful little cow. He does want me. He’s coming back for me. You see. Don’t you dare say he won’t.’

  She slapped me right across the face. I slapped her back, knocking her sore nose. Then we were really fighting, rolling over and over until we both fell off the bed and then hitting and kicking as we struggled on the carpet.

  ‘Girls! Girls! For heaven’s sake, look at the pair of you. Stop it this instant!’ Aunty Jane was standing in the doorway in her vast quilted dressing-gown.

  We stopped, puffing and panting, scarlet with rage.

  ‘Dear goodness, are you the same sisters who fell asleep in each other’s arms like the Babes in the Wood?’ said Aunty Jane, sitting down on the floor between us. She tried to put her arms round both of us. I was glad when Star flinched away, tossing her plaits. She was my Aunty Jane and I didn’t want to share her.

  ‘She started it,’ I said. ‘She woke me up by hitting me.’

  ‘Now now, don’t tell tales,’ said Aunty Jane.

  I burst into tears, not able to stand it that she was telling me off.

  ‘Hey, poor little snugglepuss,’ said Aunty Jane, cuddling me close. ‘No need for tears, poppet.’

  ‘God, do you have to act like a baby?’ Star said. She checked her nose gingerly and tidied her plaits.

  ‘I’m used to babies,’ said Aunty Jane, rocking me. ‘She’s just doing it to be obliging, Star. You sure you don’t want to make this old lady’s day by joining in the cuddle?’

  ‘No, thanks. I don’t want to play silly games,’ said Star.

  ‘That’s rich coming from you, when you kept putting on that dopey little girl act for Micky. Only now he’s dumped you on the Social, hasn’t he?’ I said.

  ‘I told you, quit it!’ Star threatened.

  ‘Why don’t we all quit it,’ said Aunty Jane.

  One of the babies started crying.

  ‘Oh dear. It sounds like waking up for breakfast time. I’d better go and see to him. Will you two girls promise not to murder each other during the next half hour?’

  We glared at each other and then burst out laughing. Aunty Jane shook her head at us and went off, baby-bound. We giggled hysterically though it really wasn’t funny.

  ‘We’re mad,’ said Star.

  ‘Are we going to end up like Marigold? Star, I had to get her into hospital.’

  ‘I would have done the same. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I just so badly had to be with Micky.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘He hasn’t dumped me though. I mean, we had to get in touch with the Social Services, but it was because we were looking for you. But then they sort of took over. Micky will be back for me, you’ll see. I mean, there are problems. Like Siân. But Micky told me privately that I’m far more important to him than she is. He says he’s going to get rid of her soon anyway.’

  I kept nodding until she’d finished.

  ‘I like your hair,’ I said.

  ‘Someone in the street did hair wrapping and they plaited all of mine.’

  ‘Let’s see how it’s done.’ I examined a plait carefully. ‘Aha. I see. Yeah,’ I said, working it out.

  ‘Could you do them like this for me again some time?’

  ‘I think so.’

  ‘Do you really think my diamond looks stupid?’

  ‘No. It looks great.’

  ‘It’s a real diamond. Micky did it for me. It hurt but I didn’t cry. You really think it looks cool?’

  ‘Yes, I love it. Tell you one thing though. Marigold will go c
razy when she sees it.’

  ‘Marigold is crazy,’ said Star.

  We started giggling again, guiltily.

  ‘Is she really bad?’ Star asked.

  ‘She’s the worst ever.’

  But when Uncle Eddie drove us both to the hospital that evening Marigold was different. She wasn’t in bed. She was sitting up in a chair doing some sort of sewing, wearing a hospital stripy towelling dressing-gown. The orange and green and black made her tattoos look especially garish. She was slumped, her hair badly needing a wash, but when she saw us coming she sat up straight.

  Uncle Eddie went to have a cup of coffee while we walked up the squeaky polished floor to our mother.

  ‘Thank God! Where have you been, you two?’ Then she remembered. ‘Is Micky with you, Star?’ Her voice was strange, slurred. I wondered if she’d managed to stow some vodka away.

  Star shook her head. ‘He’s gone back to Brighton.’

  ‘Oh.’ She slumped again, throwing down the sewing. ‘So what was that other Micky doing here? How many other boyfriends are going to come crawling out of the woodwork? And I look such a mess too.’ She picked up her towelling belt and chucked it back in her lap in disgust. ‘This is so hideous. I want my own stuff.’

  ‘OK. I’ll bring it for you tomorrow,’ said Star.

  ‘Can’t you get me out of here? It’s sheer bloody torture,’ said Marigold. ‘They’re trying to poison me.’

  ‘What’s that you’re saying, darling?’ said a cheery nurse tending an old lady in the next bed.

  ‘You’re poisoning me,’ said Marigold. ‘Look, girls, look.’ She held out her hands. They were shaking quite badly. ‘I’ve got the shakes and my voice sounds weird, all thick and old and horrible, and I keep throwing up. I tell you, they’re poisoning me.’

  ‘It’s your reaction to lithium, sweetheart,’ said the nurse.

  ‘Yes, you’re giving me poisonous drugs.’

  ‘It’s a natural salt, and it’ll work wonders if you let it. Take your lithium like a lamb every day and you’ll soon be back home with your girls,’ said the nurse. ‘That’s what you want, isn’t it?’

  Marigold opened her eyes wide as if she was seeing properly for the first time.

  ‘That’s what I want,’ she said. Her eyes filled with huge tears. ‘That’s what I want. My girls,’ she said, and she held out her arms.

  We went to her and she held us close, one either side, her hands hanging on to the folds of our clothes.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered.

  ‘I’m sorry I went away and left you,’ Star said.

  ‘I’m sorry I called the ambulance,’ I said.

  ‘No, I’m sorry. I’m the useless hateful bad mother,’ Marigold wept. ‘I had to do this stupid talking thing today. It’s supposed to make me feel better and stop me drinking. It didn’t make me feel better, I felt much worse. I was sick, but they still wouldn’t let me go back to bed. They went on and on asking me stuff about when I was little, so in the end I blurted out all sorts of ugly things about my mother and all she’d done to me and how I hated her. Then I realized, I’m the same. I’ve done some of the same stuff to you two. You must both hate me.’

  ‘We don’t hate you, we love you, you silly woman,’ said Star, hugging her.

  ‘We love you to bits,’ I said, and then I pricked myself on her sewing. ‘Ouch. What’s this?’

  There were odd little squares and rounds and diamonds of all different coloured material.

  ‘It’s occupational bloody boring therapy,’ said Marigold. ‘This awful woman has started me off making a quilt, just because I said I liked sewing. It’s not my scene at all, quilts!’

  ‘But the pieces don’t fit together properly,’ I said.

  ‘Aha,’ said Marigold. ‘Guess what kind of quilt this is going to be. Would you believe it’s called a crazy quilt?’

  Star snorted with laughter and had to blow her nose. Marigold looked at her and then looked again.

  She screamed.

  ‘Dear God, what is it now?’ said the nurse, running over.

  ‘Look! She’s had her beautiful little nose pierced! Star, how could you? What does it look like!’

  She carried on like she was the most uncool conventional mum in the world, with virgin skin. I looked at her, my illustrated mum. I knew she really did love me and Star. We had a father each and maybe they’d be around for us and maybe they wouldn’t – but we’d always have our mum, Marigold. It didn’t matter if she was mad or bad. She belonged to us and we belonged to her. The three of us. Marigold and Star and Dolphin.

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Table of Contents

  Copyright

  About the Author

  Also by Jacqueline Wilson

  Dedication

  The Illustrated Mum

  1 Cross

  2 Marigold

  3 Dolphin

  4 Daisy Chain

  5 Micky Heart

  6 Star

  7 Sorceress

  8 Eye

  9 Serpent

  10 Bats

  11 Frog

  12 Scream

  13 Diamonds

  14 The Full Picture