Regret assailed her.
She looked back at the two women, who hadn’t missed the exchange. Their enthusiastic smiles suggested they might think the divorce had been put on the back burner.
Sarah opened her mouth to clarify things, but no words came out.
This surprise was turning into a nightmare. She wanted to go home—strike that, back to the cabin—and hide away in her—the guest—bedroom until he had to go to work or on a mission.
Cullen walked over. He held up a white bag with gold lettering. “I’ve got the chocolate.”
Good. Sarah could scarf down the entire bag once she was in her room. She stood, eager to escape this place.
“I don’t know if you have dinner plans for tonight, but we’d love for you to join us,” Hannah said, much to Sarah’s regret. “Jake and Carly are coming over with Nicole, so this will be a kid-friendly menu. Nothing fancy, just lasagna.”
“Sarah loves lasagna,” Cullen said.
She was touched he remembered and annoyed he’d bring it up now. She forced a feeble smile.
“I’m bringing dessert,” Carly added.
Cullen looked at Sarah. “What do you say?”
Darn him. He’d left the decision up to her. Sure, she had an easy out if she said she was tired. People would understand. Too bad she was confused and wary and apprehensive, but not tired. How could she lie to a woman who had done so much to care for her? “Sure, sounds fun.”
As much fun as more surgery.
Hannah grinned. “Great.”
Yes, great. At least Hannah was happy. Sarah’s face muscles hurt trying to keep her panic from showing, but her smile never wavered. She had a feeling this would be a long evening. At least she had one of Carly’s desserts to look forward to at the end. And Sarah realized there was one bright spot ahead—she wouldn’t be spending the evening alone with Cullen.
She tugged on her ear. Maybe dinner out wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
* * *
“The lasagna was great, Hannah.” Cullen enjoyed being at the Willinghams’ house. Nothing like sitting at a crowded dinner table with good friends, tasty food and his beautiful wife. His arm rested on her chair. The ends of her hair tickled his skin with each turn of her head. He could get used to this. “Thanks for inviting us over.”
“Everything was so delicious,” Sarah agreed, as did Jake and Carly.
Cullen’s thigh touched Sarah’s. He thought about shifting positions to break the contact, but she wasn’t scooting away. Might as well stay put, even if his blood was simmering.
He wished it could always be like this with Sarah. Hanging out with other couples. Kids running around.
Going out with others was something they’d never done in Seattle. With such busy schedules, they’d kept to themselves, spending any free time with each other. Maybe that had been a mistake.
Hannah wiped the mouth of her two-year-old son, Tyler. The boy squirmed and scrunched up his face. She didn’t miss a beat. “Would you like dessert now or later?”
“Later,” all the adults said at the same time.
“Then let’s go into the living room,” Hannah said. “Cleanup can wait.”
Garrett leaned over and kissed his wife. “I’ll take care of it for you.”
Her older children—Kendall and Austin—bolted from the table. Tyler and fifteen-month-old Nicole, Jake and Carly’s daughter, toddled after them, nearly crashing into each other twice.
Carly laughed. “At least diapers provide padding when they fall.”
The adults followed the kids into the living room and took seats on the worn but comfortable furniture. Pieces from a jigsaw puzzle covered the coffee table. Crayons and Lego lay scattered on the floor.
This was the kind of house Cullen wanted to buy. Warm and cozy, well-built and designed for a family. But his dreams about having a family had always included Sarah. Never any other woman, only her.
She sat on the couch with Carly.
He wished Sarah had sat by him on the loveseat instead.
The two women joked about something wedding-related.
He understood why Sarah had wanted to elope after being jilted on her wedding day, but he’d never asked if she wanted a reception or a party to celebrate their marriage. They’d never taken a honeymoon, only short climbing trips. They’d never shared a bank account, either.
Framed photographs covered the fireplace mantel. The wedding pictures drew his gaze. He and Sarah had two wedding photographs, one with the Elvis impersonator and one of the two of them. It had seemed enough at the time. And too much when he’d been moving out.
Jake and Garrett fiddled with the stereo until music played.
A picture of a climber standing atop Mount Hood with a big grin on his face caught Cullen’s attention. The gear, over ten years old, dated the photo. That must be Nick Bishop, Carly’s brother, Hannah’s first husband and Kendall and Austin’s dad, who’d died in a climbing accident on Mount Hood.
The women laughed over something borrowed. Or was it blue?
Kendall, who was around twelve, carried in a cardboard box and set it at Sarah’s feet. “My mom says you’re a volcano scientist.”
“I am,” Sarah said enthusiastically. “At Mount Baker Volcano Institute. My specialty is seismology.”
The girl’s face fell. “Bummer. I need someone to help me who knows something about lava flow.”
The corners of Sarah’s mouth twitched, but she kept a serious expression on her face. “I know something about lava. What do you need help with?”
“My science-fair project.”
Hannah touched her daughter’s thin shoulder. “Sarah is a guest. Let’s not bother her with your homework.”
Kendall shrugged away from her mother’s hand. “But you and dad know nothing about volcanoes.”
“I’m happy to help,” Sarah said, much to Cullen’s surprise, given her pensive mood and how inexperienced she seemed to be around kids. “I’ve given some talks at schools and led geology field trips around Mount Baker.”
As Kendall dug through the box, Hannah mouthed the words thank you to Sarah. Austin showed Jake his newest hand-held video game. Carly played peek-a-boo with Nicole and Tyler. Garrett adjusted the stereo volume.
Sarah gave Hannah a quick nod, then focused on Kendall. “Let me see what you have.”
The girl showed her the box jam-packed with maps, a plastic bucket and other things Cullen couldn’t quite recognize.
“Looks like you’ve got plenty to make a project,” Sarah said. “Is there a quieter place where we can work?”
“Yes. I know just the place.” Kendall, all limbs and hair, scrambled to her feet. “Follow me.”
As Kendall jogged out of the living room carrying her box with her little brother Tyler chasing after her, Sarah stood. “How much help is Kendall allowed to have with the project?”
“She’s supposed to do the majority of the physical work herself,” Garrett said. “But she can have as much assistance as needed with the concepts and science behind the project.”
“Got it,” Sarah said.
“Tyler went back with Kendall. If he’s in the way, let me know,” Garrett added.
Sarah waved her hand. “No worries. We’ll find something for him to do.”
Her willingness to help surprised Cullen, given her awkwardness with his nephews and nieces during that Easter. Maybe spending more time with kids on field trips had made a difference. He remembered what she’d said to him during their conversation in his living room.
I wanted to help with dinner. I tried to help. But I only got in their way. They kicked me out of the kitchen and told me to go find you.
Had his family treated Sarah the same way when it came to the kids? Granted, they hadn’t been happy
when he’d eloped because they worried his behavior had been too reckless. But surely his family wouldn’t have taken their concerns out on Sarah.
Except that was what he’d done, he realized with regret. He’d blamed Sarah for his impulsive behavior in Las Vegas. Even though it had made him feel better, happy, complete.
Hannah stared down the hallway. “Sarah doesn’t have to do this.”
“She knows that,” Cullen explained. “But given the choice between volcanoes and doing something else, she’ll pick volcanoes every time.”
But the words didn’t quite ring true to him. She’d had research to do with her dissertation and other obligations at the university. But she’d worked around his schedule as much as possible. He hadn’t felt like a priority because he hadn’t wanted to be one. He’d wanted her to be busy so he had reason to be busy, too. Busy...distracted. He rubbed the back of his neck.
Carly picked up Nicole. “You know, the USGS Cascade Volcano Observatory isn’t that far away.”
Jake held a bottle of beer. “Vancouver, Washington, isn’t exactly close.”
“It’s closer than Bellingham, where Sarah works now,” Hannah countered.
Garrett shot his wife a pointed look. Something Cullen hadn’t expected from the button-downed CPA who was also OMSAR’s treasurer. “Drop it.”
Jake nodded. “You, too, Carly. Doc doesn’t need you interfering in his life.”
“Especially his marriage,” Garrett added.
“What? We haven’t done anything.” Hannah raised her palms. “Carly and I thought we’d mention it in case Cullen and Sarah want to be closer.”
Closer, huh? The muscle cords in Cullen’s neck tightened. Sarah had been right. His friends had noticed what was going on at the chocolate tasting and had made their own assumptions. Wrong ones. Though a part of him wished they were correct. Sarah had never answered his question about still wanting the divorce. “Sarah and I aren’t back together.”
“Not yet anyway.” Carly spoke as if she knew a big secret. “Anyone can see the two of you are perfect together.”
He’d thought that once himself. Now...
Jake blew out an exasperated breath. “Be careful, Doc, or you’ll find these two playing matchmaker.”
Hannah placed her hands on her hips. “We aren’t that bad.”
“That’s because you haven’t been given the chance,” Garrett said. “They mean well, Doc, but don’t let them get away with anything or you’ll have an avalanche on your hands.”
Cullen gave both men a nod. He stood. “Appreciate the warning, gentlemen. I’m going to see how the science project is coming along.”
And get out from under the would-be-matchmaking reach of the ladies.
“Just follow the sounds of wailing and gnashing of teeth and you’ll find Kendall,” Hannah said.
Carly made a sour face. “Hey, that’s my niece you’re talking about.”
“Wait until Nicole turns twelve,” Hannah said. “You’ll understand. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like when she turns thirteen.”
Cullen left them to discuss teenagers. Walking down the hallway, he didn’t hear any wailing, but a few giggles and squeals pierced the quiet. He followed the sounds until he came to a garage.
He stood in the doorway.
The three sat on the concrete floor with the contents of the box spread out in front of them. Tyler played with an empty toilet paper roll. He couldn’t seem to make up his mind whether it was a sword or a bugle.
“This is going to be so cool.” Kendall knelt, leaning forward with an excited gleam in her eyes. “If it works.”
“It’ll work.” Sarah pointed to a piece of paper on the floor. “You need to attach this onto the topographic map.”
“Like this,” the girl said shyly.
Sarah gave Kendall the thumbs-up sign. “That’s perfect.”
Tyler mimicked the action.
Grinning at the little boy, Sarah pulled him onto her lap. “You are too cute.”
The boy gazed up at her with pure adoration.
Cullen’s heart stuttered.
As Tyler examined her cast, Sarah touched Kendall’s shoulder. “You’re doing an excellent job.”
Kendall beamed. “That’s because I have you.”
“You’re doing all the work.” Sarah sounded like a mom.
Cullen couldn’t breathe.
“I’m simply your scientific adviser,” she added.
“Is it fun being a scientist?” Kendall asked.
Sarah’s beaming smile hit Cullen like a blast from a laser gun. He leaned against the doorjamb to keep from falling on his ass. Because that was the next place he’d be. No doubt about it.
“Being a scientist is the most fun job in the world,” she said, and explained what she did at MBVI.
Kendall held on to Sarah’s every word. He didn’t blame the girl. He was the same way.
“Is it better than being a wife and mom?” Kendall asked.
Sarah’s tender gaze washed over the two children. “I don’t have kids, so I don’t know about that, but being a wife can be fun, too.”
Cullen listened in disbelief, held spellbound by the woman he’d married. His life plan swirled inside his brain, reconfiguring and amending itself by the second.
Kendall fiddled with a piece of plastic. “I can use water for the lava.”
“You could, but molasses would work better due to its viscosity.”
“My mom has molasses in the pantry.” Kendall looked up at Sarah. “But I’m not sure what visc...whatever word you said means.”
“Viscosity.”
Kendall repeated the word. “Viscosity.”
Sarah nodded. “Viscosity is the measure of a fluid’s resistance to flow.”
“Huh?”
“Imagine you have a cup of water and a cup of honey. Which drains faster?”
“The water. Honey moves slower.”
“That’s right,” Sarah said. “Honey has a higher viscosity than water, so it resists flow more. Same with molasses.”
“Makes sense.”
As the two worked on the volcano, Cullen was captivated by how much Sarah had changed from being awkward and uncomfortable around his family at Easter to at ease with Tyler and Kendall.
This different side, this new side of Sarah appealed to him at a gut level. He pictured her with children of her own, nurturing them, mothering them. All the heady dreams he’d had when they’d first married rushed to the forefront of his mind. Sarah pregnant with his child. A girl with her laugh. A boy with her sharp wit. They would be a family.
His family.
Cullen’s heart ached with yearning so strong he started walking toward Sarah. Until he realized she would be the mom of some other guy’s kids.
He balled his hands.
You still want a divorce, right?
She hadn’t answered him, but that didn’t matter.
Forget pride. Forget everything.
He didn’t want to lose her, but how could he convince her to give their marriage another shot? What if she didn’t want to try again?
His heart thudded. But what if she did?
CHAPTER TWELVE
CULLEN UNLOCKED THE front door of the cabin. “You were amazing tonight.”
Sarah walked inside. She wanted to be unaffected by him, yet all she wanted to do was kiss him. She couldn’t give in to her impulsive side. Not with her heart at stake. “I didn’t do that much.”
“You only made a kid’s night by helping her put together what will be the winning science project.”
Sarah had never felt like such a part of a community, of a family, until tonight. She’d loved every single second of being at the Willinghams’ house, from ea
ting dinner to helping Kendall with her volcano model to holding Tyler with his ever-sticky hands. For the first time in Sarah’s life she’d wondered if she could be a good wife and mother in spite of her past.
Sadness trembled down her spine. Too bad Hood Hamlet wasn’t her community. She would never have a family with Cullen here. She swallowed a sigh. “Anyone would have helped.”
“But you did.”
She shrugged off her jacket. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal about this.”
“The last time you were around kids, you looked like you wanted to run and hide.”
Easter. The right sleeve got caught on her cast.
Cullen removed it for her. He hung the jacket on the hat tree by the door. “Tonight was the antithesis of that.”
Sarah crossed her left arm over her chest and rubbed her cast. “Tonight was more real than Easter with your family.”
With his hand at the small of her back, he led her into the living room. “Easter was real.”
She sat on the couch, and he sat next to her. “Okay, it was real, but everything was scheduled with military precision. We moved from one thing to the next without having a chance to enjoy the moment. No chance to catch our breaths. No time to think about anything. I understand now that’s the whole purpose of the holiday being so over-the-top. The day is so jam-packed with things Blaine doesn’t have a chance to enter your minds.”
He rubbed his palms on his thighs as if drying them off. “I told you it’s a coping mechanism.”
“Yes. But remember, I hadn’t a clue then.” She needed to get this out, if only for her peace of mind. “All I saw were little kids who wanted to play with their Easter baskets and eat candy, not do crafts, be forced into organized games and march in a parade. I mentioned it to your mom, who snapped at me. Your sisters jumped all over me, too.”
His nostrils flared. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You never wanted to talk about anything.” Sarah kept her voice low and steady, even though her emotions and stomach churned. “Why would this be any different?”
“I...” He hung his head. “It’s probably too late to apologize.”
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