A Cowboy for Christmas: A Contemporary Christian Romance NOVELLA

by Debra Ullrick

  Callie looked up at him with those big blue eyes of hers. The very ones he dreamt about. “Don’t call me ‘boss lady’.”

  “Why, that’s what you are, aren’t you?”

  “I don’t know. You tell me?”

  “Okay, okay. I get it. You’re more than that. So, what’s next, boss-lady-friend-and…” he waggled his eyebrows. “Much, much more.”

  Her eyes widened and she quickly looked away.

  Dustin smiled, pleased that she had caught on to what he meant. How she felt about it, however, he wasn’t sure because she wasted no time in heading toward the house. He picked up his pace in order to catch up to her.

  She shot a quick glance at him, but that glance gave nothing away about how she felt. “We need to run into town and get some medical supplies to doctor the cows and a load of protein blocks. I’ll see if my mom needs anything while we’re there. Would you mind starting my pickup for me and letting it warm up?”

  “Whatever you say, bos—”

  “Don’t say it,” she barked, glaring over at him. But the glare wasn’t real.

  He did a pretend zip of his lips, then laughed. “Keys are in the ignition, right?”

  “As always.”

  “You sure can’t do that down there. You have to keep things locked up. When we first moved down there, we didn’t have to. But things have sure changed.”

  “They sure have.” Callie headed to the house.

  The way she said it, Dustin had a feeling they weren’t talking about keys and about locking things up.

  Minutes later, Callie came out of the house, and they climbed inside her pickup, she behind the wheel and him on the passenger side.

  “You don’t mind grabbing a bite in town, do you?” Callie put her Dodge in drive and headed down the mile-long lane. “My mom’s not feeling well today.”

  “I wondered about that. She looked like she had a pretty rough night last night. So did you. Care to talk about it?” Dustin shifted toward her as much as his seatbelt would allow, draped his arm over the back of the seat, and gave her his undivided attention.

  “I wish there was some way I could help her.”

  “The best way you can help her other than to be there for her is to pray for her. Do you pray for her?”

  She glanced over at him, then back at the snow-packed lane. “Yeah, every day.”

  “Do you pray for yourself?”

  She whipped her head back his direction, frowning. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean. You’re hurting as much as she is. Do you pray for God to heal you too?”

  She hiked a shoulder. “I mostly pray for God take the bitterness away from me.”

  “What are you bitter about, Cal-girl?”

  “What do you mean ‘what am I bitter about’? Dad left and never even gave us a second thought. He abandoned us like a couple of old horses at a sale barn. What’s there to bitter about? You tell me.”

  “Callie, you have every reason to be bitter. But in being bitter, you’re giving your dad the power to continue to hurt you. Is that really what you want to do?”

  “I never thought about it like that,” she said softly. “I miss him so much, Dustin.” She looked over at him. “I missed you too. I just can’t figure out why it is that the men I care about leave me.”

  “Ah, Cal-girl. I didn’t do it on purpose. I was seventeen and had to go where my parents went.”

  “I know, but it still hurts.”

  “Why does it hurt, Callie?” he prodded, asking as gently as he could.

  “Because. You’ve always been special to me, Dustin. And always will be.”

  “Special in what way?” He knew he was treading on fragile ground here, but he had to know.

  They reached the end of the lane and had to wait for the snowplow coming down the highway.

  Callie looked over at him. “Do you remember the time you kissed me? When you were trying to make Joy jealous?”

  “About that, Cal-girl, I…”

  “Do you want to know the real reason why I went along with it?”

  He sent her a nod.

  “Because I wanted you to kiss me. I had such a huge crush on you back then.”

  A crush? On him? Dustin could have sworn she had no interest in him whatsoever. “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “Because we were friends, Dustin. We grew up together. Our parents hung out together. And you liked Joy, remember?”

  Intrigued, he had to ask. “How do you feel about me now?”

  She frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  The snowplow drove on by.

  Callie started to take off.

  “Don’t get on the highway yet, okay?”

  She stopped the truck, worry creasing across her pretty little face. “Why?”

  “Because we need to finish this conversation.”

  “We can do that while I drive into town.”

  “Callie, please, before you take off give me just a minute, okay?”

  With a sigh, she nodded, put the truck in park, and glanced over at him. “So, talk.”

  “Please answer the question?” Dustin enveloped her with his gaze. “How do you feel about me now?”

  Her eyelids lowered, closing the window into her thoughts. “How I feel doesn’t matter.”

  “What do you mean ‘it doesn’t matter’? Of course it matters. It matters a lot. To me anyway.”

  Her eyes slid up to his. “Why, Dustin? Why does it matter so much?”

  “Because, Callie. My family may have moved away from here, but my heart never left. It stayed right here, with you.” He reached over and took her gloved hand in his, hoping she wouldn’t toss him right out of the passenger door.

  Her blue eyes widened, she blinked. “Dustin, what are you saying?”

  “I’m saying…” He waited until his eyes captured hers. Once it did, and it held hers there, he continued, “That I love you, Cal-girl. Always have and always will. Today in the barn, when I saw the look in your eyes when I said you were my boss and much more, it gave me hope that maybe you might feel the same way about me. I didn’t just come back here to help you out, Callie. I came here hoping that I could win you over. That we could be more than just friends.”

  At her frown, his heart plummeted. “If that’s really true, then why didn’t you come back after you graduated? Or call me or something?”

  He couldn’t hold her eyes. This part hurt more than the telling her his heart scared him. “Because I heard you got engaged to Guy Cohen.”

  “Guy?” She backed up six inches. “Who told you that?”

  “He did.”

  Callie shook her head. “That snake. I always wondered why you stopped writing. I knew why I’d stopped, but not you.”

  Now, confusion jumbled into his mind. “And I wondered why you didn’t tell me.” He sighed, realizing only now trusting Guy had been a huge mistake. “Guess I should have asked. But, I was so hurt that I…” He left the sentence hang between them.

  Softness touched her sweet face. “I wish I had known that. And about how you felt about me.”

  “Why?”

  Shrugging and dipping her eyes, Callie let out a soft breath. “Because I’ve always loved you, Dustin. For years, I wished you would show me any encouraging sign that you cared about me in that way too. But you never did.”

  “Because I didn’t want to lose you, Cal-girl. Being around you even it was just as a friend was better than nothing at all. I was an idiot. I should have told you. I get that now.” Then his eyes came up to hers, holding the hope his heart barely allowed him to have. “But I’ve told you now. And you just said you loved me too, right?”

  She nodded.

  His heart frolicked like a newborn calf on warm spring day. “So, that’s…”

  “But nothing will ever come of it,” she said, chopping each word short with more sadness than he’d ever heard come out of her mouth.

  The frolicking stopped. “Why, Callie?”
Breathing became difficult as he waited for her answer.

  ♥ ♥ ♥

  An ache sliced deeply through Callie’s heart, driving the pain into the middle of her being. The words she’d longed to hear, dreamt about hearing, had finally been spoken. And the love she longed for was finally hers for the taking. The only problem was, she couldn’t accept either one of them. Not anymore because now she knew what lie love really was. “Because, Dustin. Men leave. Dad left. You left. I can’t go through that again.”

  “I didn’t have a choice, Callie, and you know that.” Hurt filled not only his voice but his eyes as his hands came off of hers.

  How she wanted to reach out and to hold him, to snatch those hands back.

  To remove the pain she had put there.

  But she didn’t dare.

  One touch and she’d be a goner.

  She’d give into the love he was offering and she just couldn’t.

  Love hurt way too much.

  So instead, she pressed her shoulders back and looked him square in the eye. “Dad did,” she said, knowing he couldn’t refute that fact. “Men can’t be trusted.” With those words, she faced forward, put her truck in drive, and after checking to make sure no one was coming, she turned onto the highway and headed into town. She had to take it slow because the roads were coated with layers of ice and snow, just like her heart.

  The silence in the cab screamed so loudly it was deafening. They had two more weeks together. How would she endure it, knowing he loved her and knowing she could never accept it? A tear slipped down her cheek. As discreetly as possible, she removed it.

  “You aren’t the only one hurting, Callie.” Dustin’s husky voice drifted over to her. “Don’t think this means I’m giving up on us. I’m going to find a way for us to be together. I’m not losing or leaving you again.”

  Oh, if only her heart could believe that. But it didn’t have the capacity to anymore.

  About a mile out of town, Callie asked Dustin where he wanted to eat.

  “I’m not hungry. So, wherever you want to eat, that’s fine. I’ll wait out in the truck until you’re finished.”

  “You have to eat, Dustin. You haven’t had anything since this morning.”

  “What about you?” His gaze shot to her. “You haven’t either.”

  “I’m not hungry either.”

  “Callie?”

  She couldn’t look at him. “What?”

  “What can I do to convince you I won’t leave you again? You name it, and I’ll do it?”

  This time she looked over at him. “I’m not sure there is anything, Dustin. I can’t just wave a magic wand and make my fear of being abandoned again disappear.”

  “You’re right, you can’t. But you can pray about it.” His eyes made his plea so softly, her resolve shook inside her. “Do you mind if we pray together?” he asked.

  “Now?” she asked, glancing over at him, and then back at the road. This was crazy. How was he here? More importantly, how was he here asking that question?

  “No. This evening. After dinner. Or, you know, better yet, now. Why not?”

  “I’ve prayed about this for years, Dustin, and nothing’s changed.”

  “Now hold up there, Cal-girl. Where’s that woman who told her mother that God’ll take care of things and that He always has and always will? Where is that woman now? She was just here yesterday,” Dustin said softly without even the slightest hint of condemnation. “I’m almost sure of it.”

  Shame washed over her even though she knew Dustin wasn’t trying to shame her, but it was there just the same. What a hypocrite she was. She talked the talk, but obviously, she wasn’t walking the walk. “Most of the time she’s right here, believing and trusting God. But this is one area where her faith seems to fail no matter how much she prays or wants to believe. I just don’t want to be hurt again”

  “Callie, your faith may fail, but God is faithful even when you can’t or don’t know how to be.” Dustin turned all the way to her, and soft love was all that was in his entire presence. “I’m learning that being a Christian isn’t about you being able to do it, but it’s about believing that God will do it even when you don’t know how that’s possible. And you can’t believe on your own either, you need His faith for the really tough stuff. And honestly, even for the little things. Those little things keep us coming back to Him, which is what He wants.”

  “But, I’ve prayed about this for years.”

  “Callie, God heard you. I know He did. He hasn’t forgotten you. But, He doesn’t always do things the way we think He should or will. His ways are higher than ours and His thoughts are higher than ours.”

  Callie scowled, her anger growing. “I don’t even understand that. If He’s going to do whatever He wants anyway, what’s the point of praying?”

  “Prayer is about communicating with God. About pouring your heart out to Him. Praising Him, and loving on Him. It’s not about putting your five cents in the God slot and getting what you want.”

  She glared at him, sure she was right. “You haven’t answered my point of why pray.”

  Not looking at all perturbed, Dustin tipped his head. “Why did you say to your mom that God’ll take care of it then? Did you not believe that?”

  The answer was as obvious as the contradiction it contained. “Because He will and always has.”

  He hiked a brow at her. “Did you just hear what you said?”

  “Dustin,” she weaved her head back and forth. “I hear what you’re saying, I really do. But how do I get past this fear? I don’t know how to do that.”

  “You give it to God.”

  Frustration poured out of her. “I have! A million times.”

  “Well, then give it to him a million and one. A million two. A million and three. However many millions it takes. And I’ll be here to do that with you.”

  She gave him a skeptical look. “How do I ever trust that?”

  “Maybe you don’t at first. Maybe it takes a million and one times of me being here to convince you. So, I’ll be here one day at a time as long as it takes.”

  Her heart wanted to reach out, to latch onto that comment, but it stopped just centimeters away. She wasn’t there yet. But an inch of hope was more than she had just moments before, and it was something at least. “I know I said I wasn’t hungry, but I am now. So, how about instead of you sitting out here in the truck, you go inside the Circle O and have one of their fabulous burritos?”

  His eyes lit up. “They still make them?”

  “Yep, and they’re just as good as ever. If not better.”

  “You’re on.”

  Callie smiled and headed in to the Circle O restaurant.

  Her first, they stepped inside the dim interior while he held and shut the door.

  Lenny, the owner, looked up from the counter. “Dustin?” He hurried around the counter and strode over to them. Lenny grabbed Dustin’s hand and gave it a hearty shake. “Man, it’s good to see you. Where you been all these years? C’mon on in and sit down. We’ve got some catching up to do.”

  “Hi, Lenny. Remember me?” Callie sent him a smirk.

  “Oh. Sorry, Cal. I didn’t mean to ignore you, it’s just I haven’t seen Dustin since high school.”

  “I’m just teasing you, Lenny. But, you wouldn’t mind if I join you two, would you?”

  A sheepish look came over Lenny, and he smiled. “The more the merrier.”

  She and Dustin followed him to a booth away from the window and closest to the heater for which Callie was grateful for. She had dragged some of the outside cold in with her—whether that was from their discussion or the weather, she couldn’t really tell.

  “Let me grab you two a couple of menus and a cup of coffee. Black for both of you, right?”

  They nodded, and Lenny left.

  Dustin motioned for her to sit, then he slid in next to her, close enough that his shoulder touched hers. She glanced up at him and sent him a look that asked just what did he
think he was doing. Instead of answering, he smiled at her and winked, and her heart responded with a wink and a smile of its own. Good grief. Couldn’t she ever be around him without her heart going all mushy on her? She scooted over until her shoulder was pressed up against the wall as far as it would go.

  Dustin scooted closer to her.

  She glanced up at him again. “Uh, you can move over. It’s rather tight in here.”

  “I know. I like it. Kinda cozy don’t you think?” His eyebrows wiggled under the brim of his Stetson.

  She elbowed him in the ribs. He clutched the spot and cringed. “Move it, buddy. I need room to breathe.”

  Doubled over, he arched his head. “Breathing is highly overrated.”

  She rolled her eyes and he moved over, but not nearly enough as far as she was concerned. Having Dustin this close to her was much too dangerous for her heart.

  Lenny came back and handed them each a menu. “I’m sorry I can’t join you. I have a problem I have to deal with. You gonna be around for a while?” he asked Dustin.

  “Couple of weeks at least.”

  Callie yanked her gaze at him. What a fool she’d been to allow even an inch of hope that he wouldn’t leave. From his own mouth just now, he said he was only going to be here for a couple of weeks. She pressed herself against the wall again, and climbed back into her shell. It wasn’t cozy, but it was much safer there.

  ♥ ♥ ♥

  As soon as the waitress Lenny had sent to take their orders left, Dustin turned to Callie. “Okay, what gives, Cal-girl?”

  “Nothing.” Her answer was short, blunt, and flat.

  “Well, something is wrong because one minute you were fine and the next you’re not.”

  “Fine. You want to know? It’s all that talk about trusting you that you weren’t leaving, then you go and tell Lenny you’ll be here for two weeks.”

  Dustin deflated just a tad. “I said at least two weeks, Callie. But I plan on staying indefinitely if I can find a job. If not, I’m not planning on leaving you. If I go, I’m taking you with me.”

  Callie squared her shoulders and stood her ground. “I have a ranch to run. I just can’t up and leave.”

  “Well, you’re not getting rid of me that easily, Callie. I’ll just stay and help you run it then.”