The Countess Of Assis - Romance, revenge and ambition during the Second Reign

by PAULO FOSCHI, JOÃO; Sobrinho, Vanusa;

  “But I...”

  “Please!” he insisted.

  “All right, then.”

  “Lorena!” It was the first time Atílio called her simply by her name, showing intimacy.

  “Yes, Atílio?” The girl stared at his handsome face, without blinking.

  “I will not have another opportunity such as this, so... I myself take the liberty of calling you by your first name... Lorena, I have something to confess to you...”

  “Atílio, please, do not say anything!” she said, begging, already imagining what was going to be said.

  “Please allow my heart to reveal itself to you. I already told you about my life and how I was very happy with Amália, until God took her away. But it is time to rebuild my life; and after a very long wait, I finally found you. I love you, Lorena!”

  The young lady lowered her head in face of such a confession, not being able to look him in the eyes.

  “Atílio, I’m afraid that I cannot reciprocate your love...”

  The Count of Assis, after listening to this, became very saddened.

  “Do you love another?” he asked.

  “No.”

  “Are you sure?” he insisted.

  “I already told you I don’t!” and Lorena, not resisting the desire, hugged him. “Oh, Atílio, I would like to love you, to correspond to your love which is so genuine! I am not worthy of you!”

  “Don't say that! You are the only woman in the world with whom I want to spend the rest of my days.”

  He, surprised with the unexpected hug, touched her hair strands, black and silky. He dared to near his nose to that delicious mauve perfume that exhaled from Lorena’s body, now close to his. She raised her gaze and, approaching the handsome face of her admirer, she kissed his face. Then, it was his turn to blush. He noticed a single tear running down Lorena’s cheek, and this, only she knew how sincere it was.

  “My dear! I don’t want you to be saddened by what I told you now.”

  “No, I am not sad. I’m just surprised to know how much I mean to you.”

  “You are my life, Lorena! But I know your gesture gives me hope so that I don't give up on living. I know you can start loving me.”

  “That wouldn’t be hard, I know.”

  “Is there something in me that displeases you? Do you think I am too old?”

  “No, of course not!”

  “So?”

  “I don’t know...” she said, starting to walk again with her sunshade and with her blue dress’ protection of tulle being blown by the wind. “Maybe, we should know each other better, who knows...”

  “I want you to be my wife, Lorena!” Atílio said, following her.

  “Do you know what I like the most?” she asked him, contemplating the horizon. “Of this feeling of walking barefoot on the beach, feeling the sand underneath. Oh, my God, it has been a long time since I did this!”

  “Lorena, do you want to be my wife?” he asked, throwing himself at her feet, getting dirty by the sand.

  “Please, Atílio!”

  “Don’t leave me without an answer!”

  “I promise I will think about your proposal.”

  “So, you still give me some hope?”

  “Yes, I do!” she said, smiling. “But, please, let’s walk a little longer, because there’s been a long time since I enjoyed an outing so much!”

  “Oh, my darling, I will do anything to assure that you are the happiest of all women!”

  “Would you do anything for me?” she asked.

  “Anything you want!” Atílio answered, unwavering.

  “I know you would...” Lorena spoke, convinced. “You know that I have a very deep affection for you.”

  When they had ended their conversation, they returned to the place where the picnic had been set up for them. There were grapes, biscuits, preserves, brioche, butter and fruit juice. They ate, laughed and talked until a little bit before suppertime. For Atílio, that moment would be forever remembered. He knew he could win Lorena’s heart. It was now a matter of patience.

  When they returned to the girl’s house to drop her off, Atílio greeted Mrs. Teodora, promising to visit them again soon. After he had left, Lorena’s mother didn’t contain her curiosity and asked about the outing.

  “It was wonderful, mother! Actually, I even feel invigorated. Atílio took me to a very beautiful beach and...”

  “And I hope that soon we may have good news in this house, that I do!”

  “What do you mean?” Lorena asked as she started up the stairs to her room, pretending she didn’t understand what her mother meant.

  “Child, you know exactly what I am talking about... Are we going to listen the bells of the church soon? Or have you already forgotten the promise you made to your father and me?”

  “Mom, I forgot to ask you. Has Sebastião already come back?”

  “Yes, he is with Teresa, at the kitchen.”

  “I need to talk to him.”

  “When? Now?”

  “Yes, I asked him to take a message to Mercedes’ house.”

  After a few minutes, the lad came running to tell her the answer. As she read it, her eyes shone with excitement. Rafael confirmed he would come to pay her a visit the following Monday. Now, all she needed to do was to wait...

  Chapter XI

  It was soon after dinner that Rafael went to pay Lorena a visit. The young lady was waiting for him anxiously and, as soon as he arrived, she greeted him and invited him to sit down. Mrs. Teodora was not at home at that time, but the presence of Teresa and Sebastião guaranteed the integrity of the Duartes Valões’ daughter in the eyes of the malicious neighbors.

  Lorena chose to start the conversation by apologizing for what had happened at the Cassino.

  “Miss Lorena, in reality, I am the one who should apologize. I had already commented with Carolina about that misunderstanding between the two of you.”

  The girl still insisted in saying arguments about the possibility of redeeming herself in the eyes of the young couple, all which were immediately dismissed by the young man.

  “I’m sorry for my mother not being here, Mr. Rafael. She shouldn’t be long and, certainly, she would love to visit with you.”

  “Well, Miss, talking about that... the reason for my visit also include an apology for the way my mother treated you the day you came to visit. She judged your attitude somewhat ‘unwise’.”

  “I do recognize that I was quite reckless...”

  “Forgive my mother; know that these are habits of an older lady with different view and customs.”

  Silence. Rafael realized there was nothing else to discuss there. They had already discussed Carolina’s birthday, agreeing that, during the scheduled event, Mercedes and Lorena, besides the birthday girl herself, would sing a Brazilian modinha. It was then that Lorena broke the silence.

  “Mr. Rafael, can I ask you an indiscreet question?”

  The gentleman, listening to this, frowned.

  “I don’t want you to take to heart what I’ll ask you, but it means a lot to me to know what are your true feelings for my friend...”

  “What I feel for Carolina is a deep affection. She is a good woman, of a good family and with which we have a great relationship.”

  “I understand... But do you really love her?”

  Rafael got annoyed with this last question.

  “Miss Lorena, how dare you?”

  Lorena had decided to confess her love, for she couldn’t hold it back anymore. It was all or nothing!

  “I have reasons to question it, Sir! And when you finish listening to what I have to say, you will know if I have or not any reason to ask you that.”

  And then, at that same instant, the young lady confessed to him all of her feelings. The admiration that he awakened in her since the day they met at the Miguelita soirée, in São Clemente. Of the misunderstanding during the event at the Cassino, which provoked that ‘fight’ between the two friends, and of an uncontrollable desi
re of revenge against Rafael for the way he had treated her. All of this was pronounced by Lorena’s lips that, now breathlessly, confessed before that man her unconditional love.

  “I love you, Mr. Rafael!”

  “Miss Lorena... I don’t know what to say...”

  Lorena forged forwarded and threw herself on his arms, feeling as if she was about to faint.

  “But of course you do! Just tell me that you see in me more passion than you could ever find in any other woman.”

  “I can’t! I mustn’t!” He said, pulling away from her.

  “You must think that I am a loose woman, don’t you?” And putting her hand in her chest, she slumped down on a chair. “Oh, my God, I am so ashamed.” And saying that, she started crying copiously.

  “Please, Miss, calm down!” He tried to unsuccessfully calm her spirit down, but Lorena continued to sob.

  “I declared my love to you! My confession can destroy years of friendship. You judge me wrong! You won’t even want to look at my face again... But tell me, Sir! What is it that impedes me of winning your heart and of preventing your marriage to a woman that will never love you like me?”

  Rafael was silent. Appalled by the sudden revelation, he didn’t know how to refute that question.

  “Don’t I please you, by chance?” she insisted, approaching again. “Am I ugly, or do I cause repulsiveness in you?”

  “No, it is not that”, he said, shaking his head.

  “What is it, then?”

  “Miss, you must collect yourself! It is no longer possible to continue this conversation.”

  “What is preventing you from telling me what you really feel?”

  “Isn’t it possible to simply imagine that I pleased with Carolina?” he asked, in agony. “Perchance, do I own you an explanation of my feelings or my acts?”

  “No!” she said, eyeing him purposefully. “I know you must have lived other romances, that you travelled through Europe and that you met many interesting and beautiful women. And it is for this reason that I don’t understand why you want to marry Carolina.”

  “What do you mean?” Rafael asked, intrigued.

  “And is it necessary for me to say? Carolina doesn’t have passion, is not even capable of feeling a chill with the least of a contact with another skin. Unlike me, Mr. Rafael...” saying that, she ripped one of the sleeves of her dress, which was from shoulder to wrist. “See what I feel? Your presence makes me shudder from head to toe, it makes me sweat, and it makes me breathe more deeply... Ah, don’t say that what I feel is not desire, that it is not love!”

  Rafael could not believe what he was hearing. After listening to all Lorena’s confessions, he simply had in his face a surprised look. The girl, however, started to notice that it had not been wise to act as she did. She didn’t imagine that after her confession, that he would be a coward, not wanting to take her in his arms and take her breath away with his passion and ardent kisses. What could she do now, if not just gather the rags of her shame and preserve the little dignity still left in her? She dried her tears that insisted in rolling down her face, tried to put the sleeve of her dress in place again and, trying to control her shaking voice, she said:

  “All right, then! I apologize for my ungracious actions and words. I only ask you that you never say to anyone what happened in this room. To me, this conversation is over.”

  The gentleman was impressed by the direction the conversation with Lorena took. Indeed, he couldn't deny he was in front of a girl that was daring and resolved.

  “Is it all right with you, Sir?” she asked, extending her hand as if to dismiss him.

  “Yes, it is all right with me”, he said and bid her goodbye. Taking his hat and his cane, he left.

  Lorena run to her room and threw herself on her bed, crying inconsolably. How disappointing! How ironic! She had never imagined that behind all his manly arrogance he was a coward and a spoiled brat. He could keep Carolina! No, she couldn’t allow herself to suffer for someone such as Rafael Abrantes. Oh, if he was like the heroes of the books she had read! Ah, if he was like Atílio that, unlike him, had kneeled by her feet to confess his eternal love for her...

  In the evening, her parents missed her at the dinner table, justified by her sudden indisposition. Mrs. Teodora went up to her daughter’s room and, calling by her name, asked if she needed anything.

  “No, my mother. I don’t need anything.”

  The mother got a little closer to the bed and saw that her daughter’s voice was raspy and her eyes swollen, due to the whole afternoon she had spent crying. This obviously made her want to know what had happened in the house while she was gone.

  “Nothing happened, mom!”

  “How did nothing happened, Lorena? Do you think I was born yesterday? Tell me what happened here... Didn’t Rafael come to see you?” Mrs. Teodora asked.

  “Yes, he came and didn’t stay too long. We talked about some of the details of Carolina’s birthday, and he also mentioned that he lamented not being able to greet you and tell you his mother sent her greetings, as well.”

  “Oh, Lorena, you must come to an understanding with Atílio!” Mrs. Teodora blurted out, seating at the foot of the bed. “Please, you cannot have everything in life, my child! Have you already imagined what it is to live with a kind, responsible and rich man? If you already did, than you know very well that Mr. Atílio is exactly such a man.”

  The girl sat up on her bed to talk directly to her mother. Mrs. Teodora saw her as if she was again a little girl, with her long, messy hair and an angelical little face asking to be held.

  “Mother, why do you ask me to marry without love?”

  “Lorena, this is the obligation of every woman in our times: get married, had children and take care of her husband. The love you dream about only happens in your books. Now, you must work it out with Atílio. He will give you the security that you are looking for and then you will start loving him... The rest is neurasthenia!”

  After saying this, Mrs. Teodora got up and left the room. Lorena, tossing and turning in her bed, kept thinking over and over about the words pronounced in her confession, and of how she had had the courage to expose her feelings so openly before someone she had not had too much of a relationship. How regretful she was! Now I realize I am not as smart as I thought...” she thought. So, was that the price to pay for an insane desire? Rushing too much, messing up very badly, compromising even her honor in exchange of a sincere love?

  “How I despise you, Rafael Abrantes!” she declared, feeling herself burning with fever.

  Trying to close her eyes, and now sleepy after so many hours, it took a few minutes for Lorena to notice a noise that was coming from the outside of her room. It was as if something was continually banging against her window, and when she was finally wide-awake, she got up in a jolt. Who would be throwing little rocks against her window at such an ungodly hour? When she looked at the clock, she realized it was early morning, for she had already heard the Aragão[31] bell warning.

  She put on a robe and walked to the window. When she opened one of the blinds and saw who was there by the window, she was shocked. It was Rafael Abrantes!

  But what in the world was he doing in front of her house, and in the middle of the night? Lorena put her head out so that he could see that no more rocks were necessary. She asked with gestures for him not to go away and to keep quiet. Very quietly, she went down the stairs in the dark, and walked to the front door, fearing that any little noise was going to wake up her parents. When she opened the door, he was thrilled! Rafael eyed her, scared and shaking from the cold. Resolved, he came nearer to the door and to the young lady who, feverish, was contemplating him as if in a celestial vision.

  “Mr. Rafael...” she said, breathlessly.

  “Lorena!” he pronounced her name, whispering.

  “They hugged and kissed each other ardently. However, she noticed in his breath a strong taste and smell of alcohol.

  “Ah, you are drunk!”


  “And why does it matter? Wasn’t it what you desired? He answered, with reddish eyes, staggering walk and altered voice.

  “No! Not this way! Lorena responded, trying to get away from his embrace.

  “Don’t be silly! Kiss me!” And he kissed her passionately once more.

  She couldn’t resist the strength of his arms and, even more, she couldn’t resist the desire and the passion she felt for that man. This was not the moment to make judgments; this was the moment to completely surrender to that overwhelming feeling.

  “Don't say anything! Just let me kiss you, and hold you tight in my arms!”

  Just the starry sky and the ivory moon were the eyewitnesses of that intense attraction that now bonded the two young lovers. No nosy neighbor, no passersby, not even the National Guard of the Empire could separate Rafael from Lorena that night.

  “You know this is crazy! I shouldn't have come...”

  “No, don’t say that, Rafael!”

  “How didn’t I realize it before, during the soirées, the look that betrayed you?”

  “You knew it, you just didn’t want to believe it...”

  And, again, they kissed each other thirstily.

  “Lorena, I must be honest with you... I cannot break my commitment with Carolina. Don't ask me why, for that’s my decision. What I can give you is too little and I know that I don’t even have the right to do it...”

  “Whatever you want! Nothing will be worst than to be apart from you.”

  “I can only offer you this very night...” and lowered his face to her bosom. “And nothing else!”

  The woman saddened once more, for she knew what it meant: one single night to surrender. What to do? Deny herself and betray her desire, or allow herself to surrender to the furious passion she felt for this man? What would the heroines of her books have done? Is this was the only thing she could get from her lover, it would be better to do it than to regret forever. The most important thing she already knew: Rafael had a strong attraction for her, and this could be used to try to separate him from Carolina. However, she couldn't waste time in divagations. The man in front of her was only hers. And then, as if in a fascinating ritual, she slowly conducted him to her room and closed the door.