My Blue Eyes

by Maxim Daniels

  “I’m not dying. Well at least not yet.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Darrel, can we talk about it when you get home? I don’t want to talk about it over the phone. I promise you I don’t have a disease or anything. The doctor just said I need to start taking better care of myself.”

  “Ha Amy,” I laughed out loud. “You take better care of yourself more than anyone I’ve ever met.”

  “Remember Darrel, I do have a little pooch right now.”

  “Whatever. It’s a sexy pooch.”

  Amy growled at me, “You know I hate it when you say that. Now get off the phone and get some sleep. You have a long day tomorrow.”

  We said our goodbyes and I love you’s. I missed her every minute I was away from her. I was curious what was wrong with her. She didn't sound all doom and gloom, so everything must be fine. I figured it was just some sort of woman issue she was going through. Probably something I didn't need or want to know.

  I was finally at ease, but my excitement level was at an all-time high. I wished I could have called Terri and asked her to show me Mary’s grave. I didn't even know if she was buried anywhere close to here. I would say a little prayer for her every night and hoped that would make up for not visiting her grave.

  By the time I got ready for bed, it was a little after 9:00 PM. I knew going into the night, this was going to be one of those nights where I toss and turned. I was right. So many thoughts were going through my head. Nothing would stop them. I was afraid to check the clock, and when I finally did, it was 2:00 AM. That night sucked. I think somewhere around 3:00 AM, I was finally able to get to sleep.

  I remembered a trick I used to do when I was in high school if I had a hard time falling asleep. I would imagine I was playing professional baseball and I was sitting at a news conference or being interviewed. I would make up the questions getting asked and would give a long detailed answer. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep. I wished I would have thought of this earlier. I only got through two media questions before I finally drifted off to sleep.

  I woke up the next morning, eager to get the day started. I showered and got myself dressed and put on a nice suit and tie. I looked pretty good, I thought. It wasn't too often I got dressed up like this. Mr. Simpson thought it would be a good idea to wear a suit. He was the professional. Who was I to argue with him?

  I found the court house rather easily. Actually, I drove by it a couple times the day before just to make sure I knew where it was. It was 12:00 PM when I walked through the doors. Mr. Simpson was talking with some lady when I arrived.

  He noticed me walk in and gave me a wave, “Hey Darrel. I’m glad you came early. Let’s go in this room and talk.”

  He led me to a corner room that was filled with gobs and gobs of law books. I couldn't imagine people actually read these things. We took a seat at the table.

  I got some good news for you Darrel,” he said pulling out a piece of paper. “You are in fact, Ellie’s biological father.”

  “I already knew I was,” I said with a chuckle. “I guess it’s nice to have it confirmed.”

  “I do have some potential bad news though.”

  Mr. Simpson tried to explain the Grandparent’s Right Act to me. I’m not going to get into too much detail what he explained to me. Honestly, I can’t remember most of it. When someone tells me they have bad news, I kind of tune them out and think about the impact of the bad news on me. I end up missing most of what they say. Instead of having them repeat it, I nod like I understand. I have a better understanding of it now.

  At the time of the court date, we were in the year 1997. If this would have taken place three years later, we would have been much better off. Back then, Grandparents had a lot more rights than they do now. I think we can all agree Grandparents like to meddle in their children’s business. A Supreme Court decision back in the year 2000 actually strengthened parental rights and weakened Grandparent rights.

  What this means now is that Grandparents have to be able to prove a parent is not fit to be a parent, and prove it beyond any reasonable doubt. This is much harder for a Grandparent to prove now than it was in 1997. All Terri had to do was say I ignored Ellie for the first three and a half years of her life to prove I wasn't fit to parent her. This was wrong of course, and Terri knew it was. Without Mary here to say otherwise, I was doomed. Mr. Simpson didn’t know if this was the route she was going to go. If she did, there was a good chance I would not be leaving the courthouse with my daughter.

  The excitement and nervousness I had for that day soon turned to gloom. I felt defeated. I felt in my heart I wasn’t going to be taking home Ellie today. I told Mr. Simpson about the video evidence of what Terri said to me that day in the airport. He said if things didn’t go well today, then he would subpoena the tape. Even with that, the airport would still have to be in possession of the tape. To this day, I still remember the exact words Mr. Simpson said to me.

  He said, “Darrel, I want you to stay in this room until I come to get you. While you’re in here, you need to think about what you’re going to say to the judge. She’s going to ask you why she should award Ellie to you. You need to dig deep in your heart and tell her why.”

  I rehearsed over and over what I was going to say. Everything I added seemed dumber than my first thoughts. I was racking my brain coming up with the right thing to say. It was foolish to try. I was just going to speak from the heart and hope that brought Ellie home with me.

  Mr. Simpson came in and got me shortly after 2:00 PM. It was an hour later than our scheduled time. He led me into the courtroom, which was empty. I was surprised. I was expecting there to be an audience and twelve jurors helping decide Ellie’s fate.

  Instead, he directed me back into the judge’s chambers where Terri and Ellie were waiting. Ellie’s eyes lit up when she saw me.

  “Daddy!” she said as she came running over to me.

  Terri tried to grab her before she got away, but was unsuccessful. I swooped her up and gave her the biggest hug. Oh how I missed that little girl. She smelled so good I wanted to eat her up right there. It took everything I had not to cry.

  “Daddy, did you know Mommy died,” she said rather emotionless. I knew she didn’t understand.

  “I’m so sorry baby,” I said squeezing her tight. “Your mommy loved you so much.”

  “Can I go home with you?” She said.

  Before I could answer, the judge came in. She was an older lady, probably a Grandparent herself. It was over for me. A tear rolled down my cheek with the thought of losing this little girl, who was now sitting on my lap so quietly.

  The Judge introduced herself and then asked, “Mr. Watson, are you aware of the results of your paternity test?”

  “Yes ma’am,” I responded.

  “Usually, this would be all I need to know before rewarding you custody,” She said as she peered over her reading glasses. “However, Mrs. Lewis’s attorney has provided other information to the court that questions placing this child in your custody.”

  I was confused with this. What information was she talking about?

  She continued, “It is Mrs. Lewis’s claim that you were aware of Ellie for almost three and a half years before you decided to be a part of her life.”

  I shook my head adamantly and Mr. Simpson spoke up, “With all due respect your honor, Mr. Watson was not made aware he had a daughter until running into Ellie’s mom in June of this year. Please don’t fault him for this.”

  “I will take that into consideration Mr. Simpson,” the judge said redirecting her attention to me. “Unfortunately, due to there being a deceased parent, I cannot neither verify nor deny that claim. I read your bio Mr. Watson, which was provided to the court by Mr. Simpson. I understand you have had a rough going in the past four years and I am truly sorry for all your losses. However, I cannot base my decision on your best interests. I have to take into consideration what is in the best interest of the child. Now, I would like you to te
ll the court why you feel that giving you custody of this child is in the best interest of the child.”

  Mr. Simpson was right. I wasn't put on the spot with that question. I had figured there would be a little feeling out of each other before she would go there. I took in a deep breath and slowly released it.

  I spoke, “I’m Ellie’s Dad, and I love her more than life itself. It’s amazing how much love I have for this little girl. I missed three and a half years of her life. I can’t miss any more. I missed the first time she smiled, first time she rolled over, crawled, cried, laughed and walked. Until this past June, I didn't even know she existed. After high school, I went to school in Alabama and Ellie’s mom, Mary, went to work on some personal issues in Minnesota. She told me not to contact her and I had no way of contacting her. She never left any information. I loved her mom so much. She was my first love. I would have done anything for her. I wanted to go to Minnesota with her, but she wanted no part of it.”

  I had to pause as I could feel myself getting emotional. Mr. Simpson gave me a tissue so I could wipe my eyes and compose myself before continuing.

  “I wanted to be with Ellie’s mom. Mary had said to me, ‘If we were meant to be together, we would be together in the end.' But life happens, you know. I met someone else, tried to keep it casual, because I knew I wanted to be with Mary. I ended up falling for this girl harder than anyone in my life. I couldn't help it. I love her so much and she loves Ellie too. We’re getting married sometime next summer. I want and need Ellie to be a part of our family. I promise you, your honor, I had no idea I had a kid. If I would have known Mary was pregnant, I would have dropped everything and moved to wherever she was. I think that’s why Mary never told me. She had a dream for me, and she would do anything not to stand in the way. Now she’s gone. It hurts to know Ellie will never get to see her again. I believe if Ellie is with me, at least she will get to feel that same love her mom and I once shared. That’s all I got your honor. I just want my daughter. I can’t miss any more time with her.”

  The judge gave me a halfhearted smile and then turned her attention towards Terri. It seemed the judge was more interested in hearing what Terri had to say. I could tell by the smile she didn't believe me. I looked at Mr. Simpson and he gave me a worried smile and nod of the head.

  Terri went on to tell the judge so many bold face lies in her speech. She claimed Mary and she had tried numerous times to get me involved with Ellie. Each time, I supposedly told them I was too busy playing ball and didn't have time for a kid in my life. I couldn't believe what this bitch was doing. She spoke with such conviction, I had to remind myself it wasn't true. If I felt this way, then sure enough the judge was believing her.

  When Terri finished, I just looked at her, shaking my head in disbelief. I had no idea this woman was so evil. She was so heartless and full of hate.

  The judge excused herself so she could go review our statements and would come back shortly with her decision. I knew it didn't look good for me. So did Mr. Simpson. I could tell by his consolatory pat on my shoulder he gave me. He said he might have something up his sleeve. I wanted to just take Ellie and leave. I wanted to be done with this so we could all start the rest of our lives together.

  After about thirty minutes or so, the judge returned and said she had reached a decision. She looked at me, and then looked at Terri, and then gave us her decision.

  She said, “I want to thank you Mr. Watson for coming all the way here from Alabama. You have demonstrated to me the desire to have custody of your daughter Ellie. You gave a very compelling and compassionate speech about why I should grant you custody of her. However, without a reasonable doubt, I cannot say whether or not you knew about your daughter. Since the mother of Ellie is deceased, I have no way of proving whether or not you knew. Having said that, Ellie has spent almost four years of her life knowing Mrs. Lewis. She has either been living with or within close proximity to her for the entirety of her life. It’s with great thought and consideration that I find it in the best interest of the child to remain in the custody of Mrs. Lewis. A visitation hearing will be set up in the near future, which your attorney will be receiving correspondence in the mail.”

  My jaw, heart, stomach and everything else just hit the floor. This really just happened, I thought. I looked over at Terri as she gave me the biggest shit eating smile I’ve ever seen. She motioned for Ellie to come to her, and she refused. Terri’s attorney walked over to grab her and I wouldn't let go. Right at that moment, my world had ended, and I wasn’t going out without a fight. The judge witnessing this spoke up.

  “Mr. Watson, please hand over Ellie to her Grandmother.”

  “I can’t your honor,” I replied. “I can’t do it.”

  “Mr. Watson, if you do not hand over Ellie, I will hold you in contempt of court,” the judge scolded.

  Mr. Simpson tried to get me to let go, but I couldn't. The judge called in her bailiff, but I wasn't letting go. I couldn't. He was just getting ready to call for back up when a knock came from outside the judge’s chambers.

  It was her secretary, and she walked up behind the judge and whispered something in her ear. The judge looked up at Mr. Simpson and motioned for him to come over to her. They held a brief conversation before Mr. Simpson came back and sat by me, patting me on the leg.

  “God is good Darrel,” he whispered. “God is good.”

  I had no idea what he was talking about until the judge made everyone return to their seats.

  “I have just been handed a video from the holding room at the airport you two were at,” the judge said. “Mr. Simpson has told me the contents of this tape might make me rethink my decision. I am going to allow it and review this in its entirety. Please excuse me.”

  She got up and excused herself once again. I looked at Mr. Simpson and he smiled from ear to ear. I looked over at Terri and the shit eating grin was gone. I looked over again at Mr. Simpson.

  “I thought you said you wouldn't be able to get that?”

  He smiled, “Well, it turns out I knew someone that knew someone that worked for airport security in St. Louis. That’s why we were an hour late.”

  “How the hell did it get here so fast,” I said.

  “Email Darrel. Times are a changing son.”

  We sat back and waited for the judge to return. Terri was a nervous wreck. I continued to hold Ellie. There was no chance I was letting her go.

  Terri walked back and forth behind me. I didn't dare turn around. As evil as she was, I did feel a little sorry for her. Hopefully after seeing the video, the judge would return a decision in my favor. I would find out soon enough as she entered back into the room. She took a seat and ordered all of us to take a seat.

  “I have watched the video,” the judge said looking at Terri. “Frankly, I am appalled at you Mrs. Lewis. Not only does this video validate that Darrel is the father, it also shows what kind of human being you are.”

  She was really scolding Terri, I thought. So far so good.

  The judge continued, “You talked about your daughter with so much hate, even though she had recently died in a tragic accident. For the life of me, I cannot fathom what was going on in your head. With that being said, I am ordering full custody be granted to Mr. Watson and am leaving it up to his sole discretion on whether or not he wants to allow you to visit your Granddaughter. You should be ashamed Mrs. Lewis.”

  I laid my head back in relief, squeezing Ellie tight. I looked at Mr. Simpson and he gave both Ellie and me a hug. My daughter is coming home, I thought. I turned my attention towards Terri and caught her just before she walked out the door. She was going to leave without saying goodbye to Ellie.

  “Terri,” I hollered. “Can I have a word?”

  She stomped up to me, “What Darrel?”

  “I still want you to have a relationship with Ellie. Can we work something out?”

  She leaned into me and whispered in my ear for no one else to hear, “Fuck off Darrel.”

  She
turned and walked out the room and that was the last time Ellie and I ever saw her.

  I would find out more about Mary a few months later. I went back home to help Troy move to Andalusia. Yes, Troy moved to Andalusia. I guess he was actually telling the truth that day down at the creek. He really did like me.

  Anyway, I ran into the lady Mary had said she was staying with. I didn’t know who she was, but she recognized me from some pictures. We talked for what seemed like hours in the grocery store. Everything Mary told me the last time we met was the God honest truth. She really was doing better and had accepted the job at the hospital. Mary was actually on her way back to start the job when she was hit head on by a drunk driver. She was killed instantly.

  It was emotional that day in the grocery store. Heck, most of my life has been one big emotional roller coaster. Her friend talked about how much Mary loved Ellie and was going to let me take Ellie as much as I wanted. She figured I could keep her over the summers and rotate holidays. Mary had it all worked out. It pains me to think about it even today. I was so glad what Terri had said at the airport was a bold face lie. It gave me a little closure to know Mary was doing great.