It was a token of Nathan's heart.
I opened it up, to one of my favorite places, and read to Ezekiel, his eyes closing as I read, a contented smile on his face as he listened. I read to him about Jesus and the Pharisees — about the beggar woman who washed the feet of Jesus when his host would not. She was a sinner and less fortunate than the host and Jesus himself, and yet Jesus forgave her of her sins for her selfless giving. This particular passage always seemed to uplift me.
"Why did you choose that verse, Katherine?" Ezekiel asked, his bright eyes on me.
I smiled and closed my Book, laying it gently in my lap.
"We are all the same in God's eyes. No one is above the other. Therefore we should treat one another with respect and kindness, so that we may receive it in return. That is the meaning of this passage to me. And I try to live by it everyday," I replied simply.
Ezekiel took my hand in his and squeezed it, his skeletal fingers looking small over mine.
"You are a generous and kind girl, Katherine. God's light shines bright in you," he said softly.
He let out a contented sigh then and gestured to the door.
"Will you help an old man inside? Fannie must surely be ready for us," he said, licking his dry lips.
I helped him up, letting him take my arm as we made our way into the house. As I stepped in, all work stopped as the women inside watched me help Ezekiel into a chair. I purposefully sat him next to me, closest to Jonah. He winked at me once he was settled and looked over at Jonah who was coming in from outside, Nathan and Benjamin behind him.
"Ah! I see God has truly brightened this house with His love! Here now! Let me see Benjamin Yoder, we have missed you!" Ezekiel cried out, waving his bony hand toward Benjamin, who stood with terror-filled eyes just outside the door.
He lingered in the doorway, Nathan and Jonah to either side of him while he wrung the ball cap in his hands, eyes darting between the Elder and outside, which offered him his escape.
"Elder Ezekiel," he whispered, unable to form any other response.
"Come boy, come sit with me and stay a while. Fannie has made this bountiful feast. Surely there is room for one more," he said and looked to Fannie for confirmation.
"Benjamin is always welcome in our home. He is like our son," she replied primly.
Benjamin looked from Ezekiel to Fannie, glancing at me briefly before taking a measured step inside. I saw Jonah's gentle smile, and felt a surge of pride toward Nathan when he placed his hand on Benjamin's back, welcoming him in.
I turned to help Fannie with the meal, smiling when she looked my way, as if to silently ask if my conversation had gone well. I nodded and leaned into her arm as it wrapped around me for an instant before we resumed preparations. This family had so much love to offer, and now with Ezekiel offering to help see me enter the community, I felt more at ease than I had the night before.
Nathan and Mark helped Jonah find the inserts to the table, expanding it for the gathered company. Hannah set the table as the men sat and talked quietly.
Benjamin sat with a stiff back directly across from Ezekiel, but the Elder’s eyes were kind as he spoke with Benjamin. Nathan caught my glance once or twice, trying to be discreet at watching me work, but the few times our eyes met, it was difficult to not smile.
When it came time to sit down to eat, Ezekiel and Jonah were smiling and enjoying the company of the extended family. I took my seat between Ezekiel and Nathan, seeing Benjamin's wistful countenance when I glanced over at him. I had a feeling he was remembering the love that this group of people shared. No matter what happened during the course of the day, supper was a time to come together with those you loved.
I wondered how long it had been since Benjamin last felt that.
Jonah spoke the mealtime prayer, Ezekiel reaching over to grasp my hand as the prayer was said. When I lifted my eyes, he was smiling.
"Jonah," he said as the food was passed around. "You are truly blessed with your family and friends. You make an old man feel at home with the love that shines here."
"You are always welcome, Ezekiel," Jonah replied.
We ate and talked as the evening progressed, and all too soon I was helping to clear the dishes. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and glancing up saw Ezekiel's blue eyes shining down at me. I turned to give him my full attention.
"I will speak with Bishop Yoder. Tomorrow you will begin your lessons. I expect you to show everyone your kindness, as you continue to show me. They will see that you are made for this life. You are made to make those who care for you happy," he said, nodding to Nathan, who stood off by the door, hat in hand.
"Thank you, Elder Ezekiel. I won't let you down," I murmured and smiled when his eyes crinkled.
"I look forward to seeing good things from you, child. Thank you for keeping me company today," he replied and turned to wave at Nathan and Benjamin.
"It is good to see both of you in better spirits. Benjamin, do not remain long in the English world. Your mother misses you. Nathan, dear son. Come, keep me and Jonah company while he delivers me home," he announced and tugged on Nathan as he made his way down the hall.
Nathan shot a worried glance over his shoulder at me before he disappeared. I stood there for a few minutes, lost in my thoughts. It wasn't until I heard Fannie say my name that I shook myself from thoughts of gardens and uncovering furniture to take in her words.
"Let us sit in the front room for a bit. Benjamin? Will you sit with us until the men return?"
I followed Fannie's smile to where Benjamin stood leaning against the door, looking out at the cleared field. He nodded absently and followed us to the front room, where Fannie lit the lanterns to cast a soft glow around the room. I sat quietly in a chair near the window, pulling out the Bible to read. Benjamin sat across from me, watching as Emma and Hannah mended a few of their dresses and Fannie set to knitting something that looked like a cap. Mark was keeping busy behind a newspaper, but I could see he was smiling and making faces at Hannah, who pretended to ignore him.
I noticed that Benjamin sat there awkwardly, not having any real reason to be there. He glanced at the door every few moments, I was sure inwardly praying that Nathan would reappear to take him away from the room he was now in. The conversation with Emma about him earlier and the way Ezekiel seemed to treat him kindly had me baffled. It seemed many around us wanted Benjamin to return, but he still held his own reservations.
Benjamin was also familiar with my old world, and how hard it was to transition from the English to the Amish. Perhaps we had met with a purpose, to help one another figure things out. If anyone understood my struggles, it was Benjamin. And maybe I could help him as well with his return.
"Benjamin?" I asked, startling him when he heard his name in the quiet.
I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I looked up from my Bible to look intently at the Bishop's son.
"Yes, Katherine?" he asked, his voice a little rough from being quiet for so long.
"I have a question about something I am reading," I said, feigning innocence.
He turned to me, his English clothes belying the timidity of his face as he looked at me.
"What do you have a question about?" he murmured, scooting his chair a little closer.
I set my Bible down, knowing I had to be careful with Benjamin and the subject I wished to address. I leaned in and tried to keep my voice down in the quiet room.
"The prodigal son.”
He pursed his lips and sat a little straighter, distancing himself from me a little.
"It is not something I can describe clearly," he muttered, his defensive walls going up.
The room was silent, and I knew I was leaping when I should be tiptoeing. But I liked Benjamin. He deserved a second chance. He just needed a bridge to get back.
"I don't understand how a son could think his own blood would think him so lowly, when God says that forgiveness and love are the keys to salvation," I replied, trying to seem vague.
; He shifted in his seat, no ball cap to grab at as he sat there.
"Sometimes the sins are more than the blood can bear."
I shook my head at his explanation.
"Blood is blood. But love and forgiveness wipe away what may have been," I stated, looking into his conflicted eyes. "If I am reading this right, forgiveness is necessary in order to know His love. The prodigal son wanted only to have some place in his former world. Any place so that he could return; it didn't matter if it was only as a servant, and not as the loved son. But there is more, regardless of what he expected. His family saw that and offered him more. They offered him their love. Because we can forgive and embrace those we love, for all their faults. The prodigal son returns to love because we know that there is more. We can look beyond the past."
He looked at me for a long while, his face unreadable. I sat there and waited in the tense silence; wanting him to see that he had the chance to return to this life if he chose, regardless of his father's obstinate behavior toward him.
"Sometimes, life does not reflect what we have read," he whispered and looked away.
"That's a matter of choice," I replied and he looked at me askance.
"Sometimes, Benjamin," I continued, "I think we must ask for forgiveness by offering what we can to those that must forgive us. They will or they won't. But we won't know unless we try, right?"
He nodded and looked out the window behind me, deep in thought. When he finally turned back to me, his eyes conveyed all the sadness and regret I knew he felt from having turned from his life here.
"It is difficult, Katherine. To ask for forgiveness when you have strayed so far and are turned away," he whispered.
I leaned in and touched his arm, feeling him tense at my touch. I didn't care that touching a man and speaking my mind was not the Amish way. I needed to get through to Benjamin. He needed to know he deserved a chance.
"You won't know unless you ask. Courage is an admirable trait," I replied softly.
He stood and stared down at me as if to argue, before turning to Fannie.
"I should go. I need to be at the mill early. Will you let Nathan know I will be here Monday if he needs help?" he asked, keeping his eyes away from me.
Fannie nodded and smiled at him as he prepared to leave.
"Please, Benjamin. We would be happy to have you for supper tomorrow, if you like," she said.
He nodded and grabbed his ball cap that had fallen on the floor while talking. He glanced back at me, his eyes contemplative as he fiddled with putting the cap over his unruly hair. He made his way to the doorway, turning to look my way.
"The Bishop will want to test you, Katherine. You need to be true to yourself. You must prove to him that you see the goodness of this life, as you do. I have faith that you will shine," he said and then turned and disappeared down the hall.
I let out a breath and smiled to myself, hoping that maybe he had seen that we saw him as a good man. Regardless of what the Bishop thought of him, everything I knew of Benjamin was good.
We waited until Fannie began to yawn, deciding to retire so that we could be alert for the next morning. Hannah and Mark stood together and said their goodnights, walking upstairs quietly. I stretched and was tucking my Book into my pocket when I heard the door open in the back and straightened, my senses suddenly more alert.
Fannie shook her head and said her goodnights as well, followed by Emma who merely smiled and gestured to the kitchen. I stepped into the kitchen just as Jonah was hanging up his hat. When he heard me, he turned and gestured to the door leading to the porch.
"Nathan is waiting outside to say goodnight. But it must be quick, for you have an early day tomorrow. Ezekiel will honor his statement in starting you with your lessons," he said quietly.
"Ezekiel approves?" I asked, smiling.
Jonah came to me and put his hands on my shoulders, his eyes bright.
"Ezekiel approves. Whatever you said to him, he dotes on you like a granddaughter," he replied.
I blushed and shook my head, embarrassed.
"I only spoke the truth."
"That is all that is needed."
Jonah stepped away and turned down the lamp by the door.
"Just a few minutes with Nathan, my daughter. You have a busy day on the morrow."
I waited until Jonah disappeared up the stairs before opening the door to find Nathan waiting, his face full of joy. He took my hands and drew me out onto the dark porch. I sighed when his arms wrapped around me, drawing me close.
"Did your trip go okay with Ezekiel?" I asked, watching his lips as they drew closer.
He smiled down at me and shook his head.
"I do not know what you do, but you seem to beguile those around you," he whispered.
"What do you mean?" I asked, leaning into him a little more.
His lips were so close.
"I think you will have no issue with Ezekiel. He wanted to make sure I was respectful of you," he murmured, his lips brushing mine, taking his time to explore my bottom lip with a swipe of his tongue.
"So what are you doing now, then?" I asked, teasing him by pressing my body closer.
He chuckled and his hand moved to hold my head in place as he drew his lips along my jaw.
"I needed to be sure to give you a proper goodnight," he whispered and moved back to my mouth, offering me a slow, deep kiss that lasted much longer than Jonah’s idea of a moment alone. When he pulled away, we were both dazed.
"I will come and take you to Sermon in the morning, Kate," he sighed, his eyes still shut.
"You can do that?" I asked, fuzzy headed.
"Yes. I am courting you now. As allowed by your father and Elder Ezekiel," he replied, grinning as his eyes opened up, playful.
He leaned in and kissed me once more before whispering his goodnights. I watched him as he turned into the darkness. The sadness I felt every night at his leaving still lingered, but he walked with more purpose as he disappeared over his hill. We were making steps toward our future together. And Ezekiel approved of me. I couldn't help but smile at that. I only needed to win over the community and complete my lessons. So far, it seemed that I had won over some. Ezekiel and the Bergers were a start.
I turned off the kitchen lantern and tiptoed my way up to my bedroom. I tried to be quiet as I stripped out of my dress in the dark. Emma shifted in the darkness, the pale light moonlight catching in her eyes as she regarded me.
"He loves you," she whispered as I slipped into bed beside her.
“I thought Hannah said you couldn’t hear anything from the porch,” I hissed, a little embarrassed.
“I did not need to hear the words,” she whispered. “His eyes throughout dinner spoke for him.”
I felt her hand grip mine, and her smile glowed in the darkness. I hugged her fiercely, her soft laugh a confirmation that she knew how I felt. Tomorrow would be Sermon day.
My first day of Baptism classes.
I knew it would be a big day.
It was a long time before I could even think to close my eyes.
CHAPTER 4
Breakfast couldn't come fast enough.
I felt overly sensitized for the day, preparing for the Sermon and for my first lesson with the Bishop. To say that I was nervous for the interaction was an understatement. Between the troubling dreams I seemed to have inherited from leaving my old world, to the stress of being judged by the one member of the community who didn't want me there, I had slept little and woke up early once more, joining Fannie and Jonah before the rest of the family.
I felt like I was invading on their private time. But their open arms and welcoming smiles belied any disappointment they might have of being interrupted. I worked with Fannie to prepare the breakfast, waiting for Emma and Abigail to come down so that we could begin our morning chores.
Routine.
It was so easy to find peace in it.
Milking the cows, filling their stalls with hay, gathering eggs for the morning meal.
Seeing Nathan coming down the hill to intercept us.
Feeling the calm with him nearby as we ate. I wondered how it would feel with him apart from me at the Sermon.
Nathan watched me throughout breakfast, the food on my plate never disappearing, only moving from side to side. It was quiet at the table this morning, as if everyone knew I was getting ready to stand up to my biggest obstacle. I forced a few bites down my throat, knowing the Bergers would worry if they knew how nervous I really was.
Fannie saw it all, though, and excused me from cleaning up in order to accompany Nathan to the Bishop's home, where the Sermon would be held. I took a deep breath when I felt Nathan's hand wrap around mine as we stepped out onto the porch. He guided us out into the morning sun, the walk up the hill quiet as we both lingered in our own thoughts.
"You did not eat much," he finally said as we neared the barn.
I shook my head and tried to offer him a reassuring smile, but he was as perceptive as Fannie.
"You are nervous. I can understand. But there will be others there. It will not just be you and the Bishop," he explained and let me go so that he could pull an open buggy out enough to get his horse harnessed into. I studied it for a moment, having never seen it before. He turned and watched me as I touched the seats.
"It is sometimes called a courting buggy. Young men are given these in order to openly court a girl. Without the walls, it will be obvious of my intentions," he said, grinning.
I blushed and looked up at him through my eyelashes.
"So everyone will know you are courting me, then?" I asked.
His smile widened and his ears pinked up as he looked away bashfully.
"I think many already assume, Kate. I think this will just confirm their belief in it," he teased.
I looked away, suddenly nervous for what that meant. I was already under scrutiny for simply existing in their community.
"Kate, it is all right. People will see how beautiful you are," he whispered close to me.
I turned and felt his fingertips graze across my jaw before his lips came down to brush across mine. His energy passed through me, settling some of the nerves I had. He always seemed to make me feel better. His lips brushed alongside my ear, his voice soft.
Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) Page 4