"I know you will do well today. I have no fear," he murmured and pulled away with some effort to go and get his horse.
I watched as he stepped inside the stall, speaking low to the big black horse, Magnus. I took a tentative step back when he came out with the horse, its massive size making me feel tiny in comparison. My head barely met its shoulder. The horse stamped with impatience as Nathan strapped him in, the horse’s dark eyes watching me as he stood there.
The dark horse was a bit intimidating.
I had never been around horses much before coming to West Grove.
They were big animals. Much bigger than the cows in Jonah's barn.
"Ready to go?" Nathan said as he stepped around the horse.
I nodded and took his hand as I climbed into the seat of the open buggy. It felt a little unsafe, wide open with no sides to hold us in, but with Nathan next to me I remained quiet about my nerves and held onto the side of the seat discreetly. He smiled as if he knew I was nervous and urged his horse forward, a quick flick of the reins and a sound from his mouth that sounded almost guttural.
The buggy jostled along, lightweight enough to bump along every little hole. But Nathan kept us to the side of the road, steering clear of some of the larger potholes. He sat beside me, hands on the reins, smiling into the morning sun, eyeing me time and again as I took in the landscape. That sense of peace relaxed me, knowing that when we were together, Nathan always seemed to be content. I looked at the day then not as a challenge, but as the next step in our lives. I had classes to go to, to learn this new way of life.
My peace didn't last long.
I felt my nerves spike at the sight of the house ahead, buggies situated along the road. I had no idea the Yoder's house was so close to the Berger’s. It had felt like mere minutes that we had ridden. Nathan pulled his buggy up close near the shade, helping me out of the seat with his hands securely wrapped around my waist. As soon as I touched the ground, he released me, let out a disappointed sigh as he looked down at me.
"We may be courting, but I miss not being able to touch you," he whispered.
I fought my smile and stepped away, knowing that we needed to keep a respectable distance. He walked beside me as we neared the house, more buggies arriving as we slowly mounted the steps. Nathan paused at the top, his fingers touching my arm to halt me. He licked his lips, his brow furrowed as he pulled his thoughts together.
"I will not be able to sit with you. But when you are in your class, remember that I will be there with you, regardless of the space between us," he said.
I looked at him, confused.
"I thought you had taken these classes," I replied, stunned.
He shook his head and looked down at the ground.
"I would have started them this spring. I chose not to," he replied.
I understood. He had turned away from a lot after his family had died.
"That makes me feel better, knowing you are doing this too," I whispered and fought again to hide my smile.
"I do hope Elder Ezekiel spoke with the Bishop about allowing us to take the classes privately. I do not think I like the idea of waiting so long," he said with a sigh.
I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Well, I have a feeling we will need to learn that patience is a virtue," I mused.
He pretended to scowl at me and shook his head.
"You learn much from the Book," he replied and opened the door for me to enter.
I didn't have time to respond. As we stepped into the front room of the Bishop's house, I heard my name and turned to see a young woman rushing toward me. Her face was brilliant as she looked at the both of us, nearly bouncing before me as she took my hand.
"Katherine! I am so happy to see you! I am Naomi, Bishop Yoder’s youngest daughter. Elder Ezekiel was here this morning, and told us the great news that you will be preparing for baptism! I am as well!” she exclaimed and nodded to Nathan as he disappeared down the hallway, leaving me with the Bishop’s young and exuberant daughter.
“Come! I want to get a good seat!" she exclaimed and pulled me down the hall.
I glanced back to Nathan, but saw he was already in conversation with one of the deacons.
Naomi pulled me along into the kitchen, where the hustle and bustle seemed rather frenzied. I saw Sarah Jensen there again, the woman who always seemed to be at every function and handled herself in the kitchen well every time. She offered me a fierce hug and loud welcome before returning to her tasks, too busy to make small talk. A number of women I had met at the Frolic looked up from their duties and smiled my way as we passed. I felt much more welcome in the Bishop’s house than I had expected to.
We navigated to the back of the house, away from the busy kitchen. Naomi reminded me of her brother, Benjamin, with her dark hair and eyes. But her energy rivaled Abigail after too much pie. She was perhaps Emma’s age, a few years younger than me. And she was chatting away beside me.
"I had heard you had gone, but now you are back and I am so happy to hear you are staying and taking the classes. I heard Old Ez asking to hurry the classes. Have you and Nathan made plans to marry then?" she asked as we walked through the crowded house.
I shook my head, feeling uncomfortable talking about our plans to marry.
Naomi merely shrugged and held my arm a little tighter.
"Well, I am sure we will hear about it soon enough. I am excited for you! And to think that Papa thought I should marry Nathan!” she said and laughed at my shocked face. “You have no idea how relieved I am that you came along! He is nice, but Nathan Fisher is not for me!”
I stumbled along behind her as we neared the end of the long hallway and nearly ran into the youngest Yoder when she turned quickly to face me.
“My mother was excited to hear that my brother was at the Berger’s last night," she whispered and slowed by a closed door, looking at me intently.
"He was. He looked after the Fisher farm while Nathan was away," I explained, cautious not to give away anything Benjamin may not want to reveal.
Her eyes closed and she let out a slow breath, possibly the first one she had taken since I had met her.
"Then maybe he will come back," she murmured and opened her eyes once more, wiping away a tear. “He looked well?”
"Yes, healthy and earnest in helping his friend," I replied and squeezed her hand.
She nodded and motioned toward the door.
"My mother wanted to meet you, but she was not feeling well enough today to come down. I may have told her about you a bit," she said and blushed when she predicted what I was thinking. “Women talk. You have been a topic since you first arrived. Papa has his own thoughts, but keeps them to himself, mostly.”
I swallowed at that.
So it was public knowledge that the Bishop despised me. That wouldn’t help me in winning over the community to allowing me to remain, I was sure. But then, Naomi and others had welcomed me with open arms. It was confusing.
Naomi and I stepped into a small room, a couple of benches laid out on either side of a chair set at the front of the room. Nathan and another young man sat at one bench, two girls at the one opposite. Naomi directed me toward the bench with the girls and sat down next to me. As soon as we had settled, I heard the door close off the voices of the congregation that had started singing. Glancing back, I watched as the Bishop strode forward and sat in the chair before us, his lips set in a thin line as he regarded me. His dark gaze lingered on mine for just an instant, a brief quiver to his lips as if he thought to smirk. And then he straightened his back and looked away from me purposefully, and spoke.
"Gottes Liebe umgibt uns. Wir leben um ihm zu dienen, so wie es uns die Bibel lehrt…”
I sat rigid on the bench and forced my face to remain neutral. To steady my breathing as I listened to the Bishop speak.
In their language.
I understood that brief smirk he had given me now.
He had agreed to teach me, but by his rules. I didn't
dare look at Nathan. If I did I was sure to see his worry. Or his anger that I wouldn't understand the Bishop.
Really, I didn't.
I heard maybe half of the words, understood even fewer.
God's Love. Serve him. Live simple. Refuse the outside world. God in our heart.
But so much of it I couldn’t translate. I could understand some of the context, but hearing it was harder than reading it. Some of it sounded like English, only muddled with the guttural prose of their language. Both Emma and Nathan had assured me that I wouldn’t need to learn their language to be allowed to join the Amish. But they also didn’t know that I knew a little of what he said. I seemed to remember something about the Amish speaking Pennsylvania Dutch.
Was that why I was having such a hard time? It sounded something like German but not quite. He was doing this on purpose. He was trying to make me fail. I listened as well as I might, paying attention like I did in my physics class, trying to piece together words to gather context so that maybe, I could prove that I belonged.
Always proving.
Always striving.
And at that moment, feeling so inadequate.
I felt the inner turmoil bubbling to the surface, my breath struggling to tear out of itself, when the Bishop turned to me, smiling.
A smug look that said he thought he had me at last.
Challenging me.
He directed the next question to me, still in his language.
I held my breath, working the words in my head to translate as well as I could.
What reason to live simple, and reject modern life?
That was what I could gather, and he expected me to come up with an answer. I was never good at answering a teacher's question. I always felt put on the spot; and speaking another language, to one who knew it so well. It was so much more than replying, “the ball was round or the bier garden was close by”. I swallowed and opened my mouth, knowing I had been silent too long. He was turning from me as if he knew I did not understand. That snide look, the one that no teacher or man of God should have on his face, made something in me snap.
The shy girl disappeared, and from my open mouth I spoke.
I said the words as best I could manage, praying that they were correct in context and form. All in German, and hoped it translated well.
We reject the outside world because of our desire to be close to God. God is here, not there in that world.
I never let my eyes leave him as I spoke, even when my voice trembled and I stumbled once or twice on the way my tongue needed to move. I watched as his eyes widened, his own mouth opening in surprise, then it clamped shut and he turned an accusing eye toward Nathan.
As if Nathan could teach me their language in a month.
I chanced a glance at Nathan, and saw his astonished face before a smile crept in. It was all short-lived though. As if my revealing that I could speak German was a deal breaker, the Bishop stood abruptly and stalked toward the door.
"Lesson is over," he rasped. "We will continue on the next Sermon."
He left, leaving the door open for us to join the congregation that was singing once more. Naomi stood beside me, her face a mixture of confusion and resentment.
"I cannot understand why he did that," she muttered. "And to instruct this class in the Old Word. He rarely does that. It is a good thing you know a little something of our language, Katherine."
My response was a curt nod, afraid that if I spoke, I would break down. I had only made matters worse by speaking at all. The Bishop was more enraged than ever, more than likely assuming I made him out to look the fool. Nathan stepped near me, as if to question me over what had happened, when Naomi pulled me away to the door.
"Come, we should sit for the remainder of the Sermon or he will be upset with us," she said hurriedly and pulled me out the door before Nathan could open his mouth.
I glanced back long enough to see the worry in his face. He knew I was upset, but this was not the place to bring up my fears. This was not the place for me to question him about whether this would work.
CHAPTER 5
The Sermon seemed to last forever. Even though we had missed the first hour while in our class, it seemed the Bishop wanted this Sermon to go on forever. He alternated between English and their words, directing Nathan and the man I had seen with him earlier to sing more songs than I remembered.
Naomi had pulled us into a seat in the back, near the open door. I was glad for that, as it allowed for a breeze into the hot room, and a chance to hide from the group as my mind wandered while the Bishop spoke. I tried to ignore Nathan's constant glances our way, afraid I would only upset him further if he saw my own fear.
I found myself looking outside more times than not.
At the landscape that just this morning had been so welcoming, and now I felt something akin to panic rising up inside of me. What would I do if the Bishop refused to let me into the community? Would Ezekiel stand up for me like he suggested? How would I get through eighteen weeks of the Bishop's steely glares and obvious plots to turn me away?
Why would I let him?
I alternated between wanting to fight him at every step, to then cowering and wanting to run away again. I didn't really want to run. Given everything, I wanted to stay. Even if it meant learning so much more than they had shown me. I looked out at the drying fields outside and spotted movement near the house. I watched as the corn rippled, my heart stopping at the thought that Sean had somehow returned and found me.
But then the stalks parted and I saw another man, his eyes drawn to mine instantly.
Benjamin.
He stood at the fringe of the field far way enough to go unnoticed by many. He was dressed in Amish clothes, his straw hat low over his head, as if to hide whom he was. He stood there, unmoving, never letting his eyes pull away from mine. I could tell he was contemplating coming closer. I could see it in his eyes and how he chewed his lip with his teeth.
Another hymn was being sung, the closing hymn of the Sermon. It was then that he let his eyes close, tipping his head up toward the sky. The music seemed to wash over him, his hands, tight and clenched earlier, hung loosely at his sides. He opened up his eyes when we finished singing, and I could tell he was looking up at the upper floor, perhaps toward his mother's room. A look of sadness flitted across his face, one hand rising in a tentative gesture as if to wave to someone. He looked back at me and shook his head slowly, as if to answer my unspoken plea for him to join us.
Then he was gone, drifting back into the field.
I turned back to the room, feeling so confused about the Yoders. Benjamin wanted to come home. Mrs. Yoder wanted him home, but some wedge between himself and the Bishop had forced him stay away. This rift made their entire family sad and broken. Something was wrong with the Bishop, if he could do this to his own family. It was no longer just about me anymore. I had a feeling he was angry about a great many things, and he believed I was a good punching bag for it.
People were standing and starting to find places outside to congregate while they waited for lunch, many of the women going off toward the kitchen to help out. I walked with Naomi, Emma joining us when we reached the kitchen, and set about grabbing food to take outside.
"How was the class, Katherine?" Emma was asking.
"Fine," I grated and avoided her perceptive stare by heading out behind Naomi to the food table.
The Bishop had more help than ever, so it didn't take long to have food out and ready for people. Our tasks completed, I could only put together a plate and go in search of Nathan and the Bergers. I didn't have to look hard. Nathan was by my side in an instant, taking my plate gently from my hands and motioning toward Emma and John under a shaded tree.
"You are tense," he whispered as we walked.
I kept my face passive as we passed several older men, all watching Nathan as he walked close to me. But I remained quiet.
"I did not know you spoke our words," he continued as we drew close to Emma and J
ohn.
I looked up at him then, fighting back any emotion that would alarm him.
"I don't," I forced out and sat down beside Emma, who was watching our interchange. Nathan frowned and sat down alongside me, handing me my plate of food.
"You spoke in class, Kate. It was not perfect, but you understood what he said. I am sure you surprised him," he said, a slight smile on his face.
"Yes, I probably did. Which is just one more reason for him to be angry with me," I replied and poked at my food.
"What happened in class?" Emma asked, interrupting.
"The Bishop held the class in our language," Nathan explained. Emma's eyes grew wide.
"He did not! That is too much! What did you say to him, Katherine? Did you argue with him?" she asked, suddenly nervous.
I shook my head.
"She spoke. In our words," Nathan revealed.
Emma looked from me to Nathan in astonishment.
"Have you been teaching her?" she asked.
He shook his head and they both looked at me again.
"You know how to speak our language?" she asked, smiling.
"No. I took two years of German in high school. I know about enough to say my name and ask where the bathroom is," I muttered and stabbed at one of the meatballs on my plate.
"She knows more than that," Nathan said, grinning.
I looked up at them, frustrated.
"No, I really don't, Nathan," I retorted, my voice clipped. "I only understood about a third of what he said, and to be able to answer a question was nearly impossible. He knew it would be too much. Do you all speak it more than you have when I am around? I just felt like he was proving to me that I don’t belong because I will never learn everything."
John leaned in and put a calming hand on my own, looking at me with reassurance.
"Katherine, some of us speak it in our homes, but it is not who we are. We are whom you see, every day. Bishop Yoder had no right to do this. We speak both languages, and not knowing is no measure to keep you from learning our way," he said, his kind eyes offering some comfort.
Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) Page 5