Renewing Hope (In Your World #2)

by Jennyfer Browne

My affection toward Nathan had done nothing to help my cause, either.

  She seemed to sense my concern and came over to me, placing one frail hand on my shoulder.

  “Sit with us for supper,” she said. “My husband will see your heart and will bless you. You will see.”

  I swallowed and simply nodded.

  Perhaps this was the last test for members wishing to join the Amish — supper with the Bishop’s family to dissect the candidates one last time. So as the men entered the kitchen, with Nathan and Benjamin nervous under the Bishop’s critical eye, I tried my best to show everyone all that I had learned and lived by.

  I was quiet.

  I prepared a plate for the Bishop before anyone else.

  I kept my gaze solidly on my water glass unless spoken to.

  I spoke softly.

  I didn’t dare look up at Nathan although I could feel his eyes on me.

  I could feel every eye on me.

  “What do you plan for the spring, Nathan?” I heard the Bishop ask halfway through the meal.

  “I hope to increase my crops for the spring,” he said, his voice timid. “Perhaps wheat this year, or soy.”

  “How do you plan to do more when it is only you?” he asked.

  Nathan cleared his throat and I could hear his fork slide on his plate.

  “I have hope that I will not be alone come spring.”

  The room was quiet for a moment, the only sound that of chewing and forks along dishes.

  “My son has his job at the mill. I do not see him offering much aid come spring.”

  “No sir, I do not intend to rely on Benjamin to help in my tasks,” Nathan replied and cleared his throat again. “I hope to have my wife to help.”

  Another awkward silence.

  “And if you do not marry?” the Bishop asked. “You have hardly any stores for winter now. Jonah has taken your livestock to help you, but even he cannot support you.”

  “I intend to marry, Bishop Yoder.”

  I made the mistake of chancing a glance around the table, my eyes going wide at the scene.

  Nathan stared intently at the Bishop who waged his own war glaring at me, while Benjamin looked to his mother for help. Naomi was the only smart one in the group, keeping her eyes on her peas as she pushed them around on her plate. Finally the Bishop’s wife let out a noise and placed a hand on her husbands arm, pulling his searing gaze from me.

  “It is time for Nathan Fisher to marry. That house has seen its mourning. It is time to fill it with children once more,” she said and smiled my way. “Katherine Hill may have a past we do not know, but she has brought our son home and his friend back from a darkness that would have swallowed him. I look forward to spending time in the sewing circle with her.”

  The Bishop turned his gaze slowly back toward me, his look an unreadable mask once more as he spoke.

  “We shall see.”

  I supposed that was better than outright denying me in front of his wife, but as we walked home that evening in the cool air, I couldn’t quite share in Nathan’s good mood. Benjamin sensed my reserve and placed a light hand on my shoulder as we walked, offering me his sympathetic smile. He knew his father, and what his words meant more than anyone.

  A silent conversation passed between us, and I gained some solace in my friendship with Benjamin Yoder.

  Once cast out.

  Now Amish.

  A good man returned to where he belonged.

  He understood the path ahead of me.

  And his path gave me renewed hope.

  “You will see, Kate,” Nathan was saying as we took the steps up to the Berger house. “The council will decide next week in your favor. The Bishop’s wife likes you, and that means much.”

  I simply nodded and smiled, inwardly wondering if I would have to always do that.

  Nod and smile. Hold my tongue.

  “Kate.”

  I looked up to see Nathan’s deep gaze on me, a tender smile on his face. Benjamin slipped inside quietly while we stood on the porch, Nathan tipping my chin up so he could see me better.

  “It will be all right,” he whispered. Leaning in he brushed his lips across mine, sighing when I his warmth enveloped me in an embrace. When he finally pulled away, his eyes were closed and he was grinning.

  “Just think, in a week, we will be baptized and then I will marry you,” he said and opened his eyes, full of joy. “And then I will never have to walk away from you at night again.”

  I hugged him fiercely, hoping that he was right.

  Watching him leave every night was always the worst part of my day.

  “I should go.”

  I was reluctant to pull away from him, only doing so when Benjamin came outside again. He winked as he passed and waited just out of earshot, allowing Nathan to say his goodnight. One quick kiss and another reassurance, and Nathan joined him, waving to me before they made their way toward the hill, once again leaving me to stand alone as they disappeared into the night.

  I stood there with my thoughts, the day’s events flashing through my mind in the cool night.

  Nathan had hope.

  Even when the Bishop threatened, he still held hope that I would soon be his wife.

  If not, where would I go?

  Since my escape that night, my life had taken a very different turn. While I couldn’t think of anywhere else I would rather be than amongst the Amish here in Iowa, I had to worry what would happen should I be denied. I had my sister, but that life in the city didn’t appeal to me as it once had a long time ago.

  I felt safe here, Sean a fading memory.

  As if to mock me, I heard the rustling of the chickens, a few angry squawks, and then silence. A shiver ran through me that wasn’t from the cold, thinking about the last time I heard the chickens upset. How long would it be until I forgot Sean, truly?

  I looked out into the night, an unsettled feeling of being watched working through me. The moon was hidden behind dark clouds, and the landscape looked barren in the dim light. Nothing moved and the chill crept in, forcing me to retreat inside, into the comfort of the warm home the Bergers had offered me.

  In one week, I would learn my fate, and hopefully, put my past to rest and look forward to the future.

  CHAPTER 14

  Every day that drew closer to Sermon and the Council Meeting that would determine my fate, the more on edge I became. Every night I said good night to Nathan, I feared the next day would bring me closer to having to say goodbye forever. Regardless of the daily chores, and my visits with Nathan, I spent my nights thinking about the future. Most nights I slept restlessly and awoke from varying nightmares. Not even Nathan’s soft words at night could temper my fears. Every night closer to Sermon, the dreams grew more frantic.

  I awoke with a start, the nightmare still playing in my mind. Sean, reaching for me. Nathan bloodied on the ground at my feet. Sean’s big hands grabbing, hurting me. A sheen of sweat chilled me as I tugged at my covers that had twisted around my legs while I had struggled to get away. I rubbed at my eyes, glancing at the window at the approaching dawn. An orange glow was already ghosting over the hill.

  How had I slept so long?

  I struggled out of bed, knowing I would be behind on my chores. I was running late enough to be asleep until sunrise. We rarely slept through dawn. It meant Nathan was already up and probably here already, which meant I missed the image of him as he walked from his home.

  I stopped short of grabbing my dress at that thought.

  The east was opposite of Nathan's hill, his face always lit by the sun ahead of him, not behind.

  I rushed to the window, thinking my eyes were playing tricks with me in the dark.

  The sun didn't rise over his hill; it set over his hill. But an orange glow flickered dimly over the rise, setting the hairs on the back of my neck on end. I knew that eerie glow from my last year in California when we had suffered from the brushfires from the drought inland.

  "Fire."

&n
bsp; My whisper jogged my frozen body into action, my feet propelling me out of my room in a flash, dress and shoes forgotten as I flew to Fannie’s and Jonah's room, knocking on the door frantically.

  There was no time to waste.

  "Jonah! Please! Wake up! Fire! There's a fire!" I cried out.

  Their door flew open, Jonah in nothing but his underpants, eyes alert.

  "What is this, Katherine?" he asked his voice rough from sleep.

  "There's a fire over Nathan's hill! I can see it from my window. We have to hurry!" I cried and tugged him to my room, so that he could see. His eyes widened when he saw the glow, knowing what I did.

  "You are right," he breathed and bolted for his room.

  “What is wrong?” Abigail murmured, waking from the noise.

  I couldn’t waste a second to explain. The glow was getting brighter. And I could hear a bell ringing.

  "The bell is being sounded," I heard Fannie say from the room as I dashed down the stairs and through the door, barefoot and in only my shift as I bolted for the hill.

  "Nathan," I panted as I dashed across the yard.

  "Katherine! Wait!"

  I couldn't wait, though. I ran at full speed, the worn ground cold and prickly under my bare feet. I crested the hill and gasped at what I saw.

  The barn.

  The front of it going up in flames. The two Haflingers were running in the field, their silhouettes dancing in the orange glow of the barn. I barreled down the hill, screaming Nathan's name in the hope that he was on the far side of the barn. I noticed movement by the house and heard the distinctive ringing of a bell, loud and cutting in the night, even over the cracking whoosh of the fire that leapt at the sides of the barn.

  "Nathan!" I cried, rushing toward the water pump where I saw shadows. I stopped in a panic when I saw the Bishop and Naomi filling buckets.

  "Where is Nathan?" I cried. "Where is Benjamin?"

  "I heard shouting in the barn," Naomi whimpered and pulled the bucket out of the basin.

  "In the barn?" I breathed and turned to look.

  The front part of the barn was ablaze, the doors wide open. But the back looked to still be untouched. I sprinted to the back of the building, hearing the Bishop shout out after me. I reached the other sliding door by the paddock and struggled to open it, but it wouldn't budge.

  "Nathan!"

  "Kate!"

  My heart clenched when I heard my name coming from inside, near the front of the barn.

  "Nathan!" I screamed and ran to the other door, a single door on the side.

  I reached for the handle, finding it chained shut.

  "Kate! Get away!"

  "Nathan! Where are you?" I cried and made my way around to the front of the barn, standing as close as I dared before the flames. I could just make out two people moving around inside.

  Oh God, no!

  "Katherine! Go and help Naomi with the water!" Bishop Yoder yelled beside me, flinging the water toward the doorway in an attempt to clear a path.

  "They're in there, Bishop Yoder!" I cried, his arm pulling me back to the pump.

  "I know, girl. Now help with the water or we cannot give them a clear path!" he hissed and shoved the empty bucket in my hand as he took the full one in Naomi's grip.

  "Katherine!" I heard behind me, seeing Jonah and Fannie running toward us.

  Behind them I could see more movement. People were coming to help. Women with their hair roughly tied back, men in pants and undershirts, hastily put on. The community was rushing to help.

  "Katherine!" Fannie cried and threw a quilt over my body as Jonah grabbed my full bucket.

  "Fill the buckets!" he yelled as more men began to form a fire brigade line with their buckets.

  "They're in there!" I cried to Fannie, struggling to break free to the front of the line.

  “Who?” she said, her worry apparent.

  “Nathan and Benjamin!” I shouted over the noise as more men came to help, shouting orders.

  "We will get them out, now help fill the buckets as they come," she said and reached for the buckets as they piled up.

  I felt helpless as the men sloshed water on the ever-growing fire. I watched as Bishop Yoder disappeared around the side of the barn, coming back in a rush to shout over the noise.

  "They are barred shut! Every door! Hurry! We must get them out!"

  "Nathan," I breathed.

  Something was terribly wrong. Sean’s name played in my mind in an instant.

  My nightmares had turned to reality.

  Somehow, he was here, and he had done this. Who else would see to barring the doors to the barn and doing harm to the one man I loved?

  I turned and tore the quilt off of me, dunking it deep into the basin.

  "Katherine, what are you doing?" Naomi cried out, but I didn't answer as I snatched the quilt and threw it around me, the weight of its wetness nothing to me. I felt it soak through my shift, glad for the bracing cold to knuckle down my nerve. I grabbed the full bucket in her hands and ran hard toward the opening of the barn.

  "Katherine!"

  "Wait! Stop her!"

  I dodged past the man in the front, my bare feet sliding in the mud as I neared the doors. I wrapped myself up tight with my soaked quilt, covering everything that I could. The flames licked at the sides of the barn, and inside that I could see, but the floor was concrete and clear as I held my breath and leapt through the flames, my bucket of water streaming out before me.

  It was insane, what I did.

  But I knew that this was entirely my fault.

  I couldn't let Nathan burn to death at the hands of Sean.

  “Katherine!"

  I felt the scorching heat as it burned my eyes, closing them on instinct as I tumbled to the floor several feet in, knocking the wind out of me. I struggled to get up, my eyes tearing up from the smoke and the heat. In the noise I could hear the terrified shrieks of a horse, and then a voice.

  "Kate! No!"

  I turned toward the voice, trying to see Nathan through the thick smoke.

  "Nathan," I choked out when my lungs filled with smoky air.

  I scrambled toward the voice, on hands and knees to stay low under the smoke.

  "Just grab her, man, and let's get out of here!"

  I startled at the second voice, just as a rough hand grabbed me and hauled me up off the floor. I was turned and shoved hard against the stalls. The tears cleared enough to see black eyes staring down at me.

  "I told you, Kate, you are mine. Nothing is going to keep you from me," Sean growled as he held me hard against the door.

  "Sean," I sputtered, fighting to break free. "Let me go!"

  "Kate!"

  I turned at Nathan's strangled cry, to find him tied up against a beam further into the barn, in his workshop. He struggled in his bonds, his eyes wild as he watched me. He had blood on his face and down his undershirt. Beside him on the floor lay Benjamin, unmoving and bleeding from the head. Standing above Benjamin was Jeff.

  "Grab her and let's go, people are showing up," Jeff called, wiping his hands of the blood on them.

  I turned back to Sean, whose eyes had never left me.

  "Please, Sean, let them go," I begged.

  "This ends here, Kate," he seethed, and pushed me harder into the stall. I felt it jolt forward against my back, an angry whinny at my ear.

  Magnus was still in here.

  "Sean, let them go and I'll go with you," I wheezed, choking and coughing on the thickening smoke.

  "No, you'll run again. Just like you do every time. This ends here. He dies and you go with me willingly," he yelled and fisted my shift to drag me off the stall door.

  I grasped onto what I could, the bars of the stall holding me where I stood.

  "Kate! Please, just go!" Nathan cried out, struggling again to break free.

  "Please, let them go!" I cried out, and reached around to grasp the door with both hands.

  Turned around, I could see Magnus' wide eyes as
he pushed and tossed his head back and forth in anger, nostrils flaring. He rammed the door again, almost forcing me to lose my grip.

  "Just leave her and let's go! This place is going up fast!" Jeff hollered, and slipped into the darkness near the back of the barn.

  "Come on, Kate!" Sean screamed, and reached around to pry my hands loose.

  "No!"

  I kicked at him, his curses muffled against my hair as he tugged at me. Magnus struck at the door again, jarring one of my hands loose. I grabbed at the lock, hoping to slip it loose and set Magnus free. I felt Sean's hand wrap around my hair, forcing my head back just as my fingertips wrapped around the lock.

  Another angry whinny and Magnus reared at the stall door, throwing it wide open and catapulting me away from it with Sean tangled with me. I broke from his grasp and tumbled away, hearing him yell after me. I turned to ward off his attack when a large, black mass blocked my view of him.

  An angry rearing black horse and the sound of bone crushing filled my senses, followed by the bloodcurdling scream harmonized with an equine cry.

  "Kate!"

  I sat frozen, fallen on my side, watching in horrific disbelief as hooves and hands tangled. As the smoke swirled around the big black horse.

  "Kate!"

  I screamed and fought back my nausea as Magnus reared again, striking a killing blow. I scrambled back, not sure if Magnus would, in his fear, trample me as well. He huffed hard and turned toward me, head down as he whinnied and nudged at me almost tenderly. My terrified cry choked in my throat when I felt him nudge me with more urgency, pushing me toward the back to where Nathan was tied up.

  "Kate, please, get yourself out of here!" Nathan cried, straining in his bonds when I fell at his feet.

  "I have to get you out," I said, struggling to untie him. He had deep cuts along his wrists, and his lip was bleeding from being hit at some point.

  "There is no time," he hissed, looking at me hard. "Go. Jeff left by the back door there."

  He motioned with his head at the door behind him. I darted for it, praying it was still unchained. Throwing my weight against it, it wouldn't budge. I tried again, feeling it give only a little before it slipped back into place.

  Jeff had locked it from the outside.

  "It's locked!" I cried out.