Saving Grace (A Broken Heart Book 1)

by Vi Carter

  I swiped at him but missed. “Gross, can you keep it PG for me, please? I don’t need a visual."

  “And I always tell them the truth. I never lie. They know it’s one night and one night only." He grinned now, and I rolled my eyes.

  “Okay, thank you, you have proved your point, you are not looking at Maggie like a piece of meat.” His phone beeped, I left him to read his message as I put my dress and shoes in my room. I got excited thinking about tomorrow night. I hung the dress on the side of my wardrobe and admired it. It suited me; I just hoped Derek liked it.

  “Are we going somewhere nice?” Craig leaned against the doorframe, watching me.

  “A date,” I said, feeling shy now. “What do you think?” I asked looking away from the dress.

  “The dress or the fact that you are going on a date?”

  “The dress.” Of course the dress. He looked at it, like really looked at it, tilting his head from side to side. He was making me nervous. “Craig?”

  “I need to see it on," he said, and I rolled my eyes.

  “Sure." He would have to joke.

  “No, I’m being serious, it’s too hard to judge. It could look killer on the hanger and not so much on you."

  I suppose he made a point. “Fine I’ll put it on.” I took it off the hanger while kicking off my boots; I pulled off my socks and glanced at Craig who still stood in my room. “I’ll be a minute,” I said, closing the door on his smiling face. When the dress was on, I stared at myself in the mirror. It looked even better than it did in the store, my favorite part was the plunging back. Having so much exposed skin on my back made me feel sexy, but not cheap. I really hoped he said I looked good; I didn’t have time to get another dress.

  I walked into the living room, trying not to tug at the dress. I glanced at Craig, his mouth was slightly ajar, but he didn't speak. I stood long enough until it got awkward. “Say something,” I said, and it was like he finally snapped out of it.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  GRACE

  BLINKING A FEW TIMES before he finally responded, "Yeah. Yeah. Hmmm..."

  “Craig, it’s nice, or it’s not.” The anticipation was killing me.

  “You look great,” he finally said, not sounding very happy.

  “I’m finding that hard to believe,” I said and left to get changed. What an ass.

  “Grace, seriously, you look great,” he said. I kicked off the high heels and tied my hair up before turning around to him as he stood in the doorway.

  “Then what’s with the face?” I asked. His face was so serious.

  “I’ve never seen you in a dress, a tight dress. It shocked me.” He looked sincere and honest. He rubbed my ego with his sweet words.

  I smiled. “Thank you. Now let me get changed.” He left, and I got into my yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt. We ordered a pizza and watched The Big Bang Theory. He wasn’t the biggest fan, but I loved the show and its quirky sense of humor.

  “So, is the date with Daniel?”

  I narrowed my eyes at Craig. “I refuse to answer you if you don’t say his name right,” I said while taking a bite of pizza. Silence followed my demand and I focused on the TV again. I loved Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. I didn’t understand him half the time, but I still loved how serious he was, and how he lived in his own world of rules.

  “Fine, Derek,” Craig said, surprising me; I didn't think he would give in that easy. His phone beeped, and he fished it out of his pocket, losing interest in his question. I returned to the TV. “So, the date?” Craig slid his phone back in his pocket.

  I took another slice of pizza. “What’s with the interest?” I asked.

  He shrugged, his mood instantly clouding, “Fine, don’t answer. I'm trying to be a supportive friend."

  Guilt swirled in my stomach at the bite in his words. “Yes, it’s Derek.” I grinned now with excitement. “I’m so nervous,” I admitted.

  “Why? That’s silly.” Craig said, annoying me. I didn’t think it was silly.

  “It’s okay for you, you just go with them and leave, and you don’t get nervous because you don’t care."

  “Grace, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you’re picking me up the wrong way. I’m saying you’re silly because you don’t need to be nervous.” Now he stood. “And for the record, I get nervous sometimes."

  God, now I sounded like a bitch. “Like when?” I had to ask. He took cigarettes and a lighter out of his bag. “Well it’s rare, I mean I’m hot," he winked, “going for a smoke." I didn’t feel like such a bitch now and I glared at his retreating back, insulting Craig sometimes didn't seem possible.

  I got off the couch and took another look at my dress. I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I pictured our date. Would he kiss me? I bit my lip. Would he want more? Was I willing to give him more? I needed to not overthink this; I always overthought everything. Ruining my good mood, my heart sank as I remembered I had to visit my mother on Sunday. Cancelling wasn't an option, but thinking about it wasn't either. So, I made myself a promise, I would enjoy this date. I would enjoy each second of it. And if it didn’t work out, then I would deal with that tomorrow.

  “How do you spell ‘Valentines’?” James looked up at me from his card-making. I put down the book I had been reading and smiled.

  “Oh, is this for your girlfriend?”

  He folded his arms across his tiny chest. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

  I pretended to think hard “But what about Sophie?” Sophie was his friend, and she lived only two doors down from us.

  James stuck out his tongue in disgust. “She eats her birdies,” he declared, his little face was all scrunched up, and I laughed.

  “So do you.” I had caught him, on more than one occasion, with his finger up his nose.

  “In my own room, not while we are playing.” I laughed harder, that was his justification for picking his nose. Mam came into the kitchen smiling, and James quickly leaned on the card.

  “What are you two laughing about?” she asked, as she placed the laundry basket on the island and started to fold the clothes. I winked at James.

  “Birds,” I said, and he giggled.

  “Not birdies,” he added. Mam raised her brows at me.

  “No, not Birdies.” I also said, and James continued to giggle. When Mam left, we finished off the card he was making for her. I saw another card that he tried to hide, and realized it was for me. Just watching him color in the red heart filled me with warmth. I wished he never had to grow up, that he could stay as a five-year-old forever.

  The sad part is, I got my wish.

  I don’t know where the memory came from, but I found myself on my knees rummaging through my bottom drawer. My hand stilled for a moment before I took out the card, the red love heart causing tears to fall from my eyes. I didn’t hear Craig come back into the apartment. My hand shook as I opened the card, the smaller hearts he had cut out fell onto my lap. I became aware of Craig behind me. I touched all the little hearts, and the pain cut so deep. “I take my wish back,” I said out loud, and sobbed, “I take it back.”

  Arms wrapped around me, and Craig pulled me to his chest while stroking my hair. He didn’t ask me why I cried, and I didn’t speak. Grief is funny like that, you think you have it under control, tightly woven together, but if it wants, it will unravel you at any given moment. Breaking you in one way, but healing you in another.

  We sat on my floor, with love hearts covering my lap for so long that my legs became numb. I had stopped crying, but I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want time to start again, it had stopped here in Craig’s arms. He continued to stroke my hair, and the rocking motion soothed me. If I decided to come out of this bubble, I would have to explain myself to Craig, and it was something I never discussed. Also, I could only imagine what he must think of me. He must be sick of rocking me like a baby. I let out a sigh, and he stopped moving; it was time to re-enter the real world.

  When I shifted my body slightly
away from him, I was terrified to see his face. I wished he wasn’t staying with me because right now, I wanted him to leave. I sat for a moment trying to pull myself together. I couldn’t see his face, but his body was stiff.

  “Thank you,” my voice sounded hoarse from crying. When I finally had enough courage, I looked up at Craig, he looked slightly white.

  “What happened to you?” His words were said gently, as if he knew that if he said them too loudly, I might break. I already felt like I was broken into a million pieces, and right now, they were spread across the floor in the shape of little hearts. I didn’t know where to start picking them up, never mind answer his question. Craig’s image blurred as my eyes filled up.

  “I’m sorry.” I found myself saying. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” Craig moved closer and I couldn’t let him comfort me again. “I need you to leave,” I said, knowing he would, but I was shocked when he shook his head.

  “No. You don’t have to do this by yourself, Grace. Let someone in."

  I found myself laughing with anger. "You have no idea what you are talking about." I found myself standing on shaking legs.

  “Exactly, because you won’t talk, and I feel so helpless.” He ran his hand across his jaw as he stood.

  “I’m sorry.” I found myself saying, I looked away, deflated.

  “Stop with the word sorry. Talk to me."

  “Why are you shouting?” I screamed at Craig.

  “I want to help you.” He roared back.

  “Screaming at me isn’t helping!” I roared back, and I don’t know if it was just that my emotions had skyrocketed, but I burst into laughter. Not just normal laughter, but hysteria touched it, and Craig laughed too. I laughed so hard that I hopped to the bathroom with my legs crossed, stopping me from wetting myself. I still laughed in the bathroom but when I washed my hands and met my eyes in the mirror, it was like oil on flames. I started to cry.

  “Grace.” Craig knocked on the door, the laughter had left his voice.

  “Go away,” I said sitting on the ground. What was happening to me?

  “Please,” Craig said through the door, his voice muffled like he was leaning his head against it.

  “I just need five minutes. Just five minutes,” I said trying to control my tears. Craig didn’t answer but I could hear him move away. Okay five minutes, I needed to pull myself together. His face popped up again, and I pushed it back down. I stood up and shook out my hands while just focusing on my breathing, it was a tough one this time. I shook one leg at a time while still taking deep breaths. I did this for maybe twenty minutes before facing myself in the mirror. I looked like how I felt. I had to do something. Turning the water on, I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and took a few deeper breaths while leaving the bathroom. Craig sat on the armchair, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. When I walked out, he sat up. He looked terrified. I couldn’t imagine him dealing with a crying girl, it wouldn’t be something he was accustomed to. He didn’t say anything. He waited for me to speak, and I did in a very steady voice.

  “Just leave it, just this once.” I think I saw relief in his eyes. He didn’t speak for a moment.

  “Just this once,” he said, and I nodded, making a note to never let him see me cry again.

  “Chinese?” he asked, and a lump formed in my throat, but I pushed it back down.

  “Yes, that would be great.”

  He took out his phone and placed the order.

  The rest of the night we spent watching Netflix and eating. When I went to bed, my mood had picked up and exhaustion had me falling asleep.

  ***

  “Amber, seriously, go easy on the eye makeup.” The brush stroked my eyelid for what felt like the hundredth time.

  She stood back, eyeshadow palette in one hand and the eye brush in the other. “Girl, do you want to sleep with Derek? It’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer.”

  I rolled my eyes.“What kind of question is that?”

  “You either want ‘come to bed’ eyes, or you don’t. Now close your eyes.” I did, and the brush did another few strokes across them before I spoke again in irritation.

  “I want you to make me appear pretty, not sleazy. I’m not trying to entice anyone into bed."

  “Uhh huhh. Sure,” she added. “Done.” I opened my eyes. Amber smiled at me like a proud mother. “You are stunning. If he doesn’t sleep with you, he’s gay.”

  I had to laugh, but stopped when I saw myself in the mirror. My eyes flicked to Craig, who stood in my bedroom doorway our eyes meeting. I turned around to him, but he no longer looked at me.

  “What’s all the talk about sex?” He asked, winking at Amber. The sadness was no longer there. Amber had been off since being back in my apartment. Being around Craig seemed to be awkward for her, and Craig took full advantage of her awkwardness.

  “About Grace and Derek tearing each other’s clothes off.” Amber put the makeup away but did so while smiling at me. She was trying not to let Craig get to her.

  “Never mind her, it’s all in her head,” I said to Craig. Deep down, I knew Craig cared for me. I didn't want to be mean. He might just see me as a good friend, but either way, I wanted to reassure him.

  “Be careful,” he said and left the room. I could hear the tv blaring.

  “What’s up his ass?” Amber asked while touching my hair, she had put a loose curl in it, leaving it all down.

  “I really thought you would be nicer, you know...” I said, letting the confusion enter my voice. If she really liked Craig, why did it seem like she hated him? She looked away from me, but not before I saw a flash of guilt in her eyes. She was definitely hiding something. But I got distracted as I heard someone knock on the door, then Craig’s voice.

  “Come in, Daniel,” The door closed. “Sit’ I won’t bite,” Craig said.

  “I’m good standing.” Derek’s voice sent my stomach into turmoil, and my hand touched it. Oh God, his voice was causing this.

  “It’s okay.” Amber rubbed my arms.

  “Am I that transparent?" Yes was the answer, but Amber didn’t say it.

  “No. We are soul sisters; you have one half of my soul, so I know what you feel. Just me, no one else."

  “I love you,” I told her and meant it. Her eyes filled up, and I looked at her curiously. It wasn’t like Amber to get all emotional.

  “Maybe you should kiss.” I could have smacked Craig. We should have closed the door. The wicked grin on his face needed to be wiped off. He held up his hands at our angry stares. “Duke is here, just thought I should let you know.” I ignored his pointed effort at getting Derek’s name wrong again, as a shiver of excitement had me fixing my dress one last time. Craig left. I met Amber's approving eyes in the mirror before I entered the living room. Craig lay on the couch while Derek leaned against my breakfast bar, all six-foot of him. He looked so good in my kitchen. His eyes met mine, and my stomach tightened. I might not survive this night. He wore black slacks and a white shirt under a royal blue jumper that made his eyes so intense. My knees began to wobble. I swallowed and smiled.

  “Hi.” He moved towards me and my stomach flipped again, leaning in his jaw rubbed against my chin igniting all my nerves, his cologne filled my senses. His soft lips rubbed against my cheek as he kissed me lightly, leaving my head spinning. My legs wobbled, threating to give way. My breaths came out in shallow puffs as he leaned back, a smile on his lips as if he knew the effect he had on me.

  “Hi,” he said back. I wasn’t sure how my legs still held me up.

  Amber cleared her throat, and I tore my eyes from his. “You kids have fun,” she said.

  “Yeah, keep it clean,” Craig spoke from the couch. I rolled my eyes.

  “Ready?” Derek asked.

  I hugged Amber. “Text me.” She whispered.

  “Bye Craig.” I called as we left.

  Once we were outside, I was having a chat with myself. I was so nervous that it had crossed my mind to pret
end I had a headache and call the whole night off. He was so out of my league.

  Derek opened the door of his jeep.

  “Thank you,” I said as I climbed in, he didn’t close the door but leaned on it.

  “You look beautiful,” he said, and a smile nearly split my face.

  “You too,” I found myself saying. Beautiful was a bit feminine, and he was more than beautiful. “I mean handsome,” I said, then wanted to shove my foot in my mouth. I could feel my cheeks heating up.

  He smiled with amusement in his eyes. “What, I’m not beautiful?” he questioned. I wanted to tell him that he was so much more. It would be so easy to fall in love with him. How easily he could be mine. “I’m messing with you,” he said when I didn’t answer. He closed the door and got into the driver’s side. He was still smiling, and he must have known what he was doing to me.

  I was a nervous wreck by the time we reached the restaurant, and once we were seated, I excused myself. I needed to take five in the bathroom. Why was I struggling so badly? Because he’s gorgeous. My brain reminded me. “Deep breaths,” I told myself in the mirror. I needed to relax, or this whole night was going to be a mess. “He’s only a man.” I told my reflection. That didn’t help. I couldn’t stay in here forever. I returned to the table, and when Derek looked up, he smiled causing me to blush.

  “Are you okay?” he asked once I was seated.

  “Yeah. Why?” On a whim, I took a mouthful of wine. I don’t drink, but I was doubtful I would make it through our date without it.

  He leaned in, and his knees brushed against mine. I jumped from the contact, my leg hitting the table. Derek looked at me as I rubbed my leg, feeling embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m just nervous,” I said it, and my words caused him to give me one of his heart-breaking smiles.

  “Don’t be. Is your leg okay? Do you want me to take a look?” My eyes must have widened a little at his playful tone.

  “Are you flirting with me?” I asked, and a small laugh left my lips. Did I just say that out loud?