Tenderly Beats the Lonely Heart

by K. J. Janssen

  “Now you’re being ridiculous. Please calm down and let’s discuss this rationally.”

  Nathan’s face was now a deep pink, “Don’t tell me to calm down. You’re the one who’s being irrational if you expect me to accept this mistake of yours as calmly as if you just changed your hairstyle. It’s not that simple, Miriam. This is as bad as being unfaithful…it’s a betrayal of our life together and any future we may have had together.”

  Miriam’s eyes dropped, and she began to cry. “Oh, Nathan, I never wanted to hurt you. I love you and I wish this could have been avoided, but my heart was lonely for the child that I brought into this world. I knew that I would never have a child of my own again and I needed to know that he was all right and to be there if he wanted me to. Can’t you at least give me the benefit of the doubt?”

  He calmed down a little and took a sip from a bottle of water before he answered, “I want to, believe me I do, but I’m finding it hard to wrap my mind around all this. I just can’t understand how you could keep such a secret like that from me. You apparently didn’t trust me enough to share this with me.”

  “Believe me when I say I wanted to tell you everything. When I first had these feelings, they frightened me. I hadn’t thought about Thomas for years. I was happy with the decision you and I made to not have children. I guess that my consciousness had to play out the drama of the suppressed memories of my giving up my own flesh and blood. I knew that I had to close that chapter in my life. I didn’t tell you about it because I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. I thought you would be ashamed about my abandoning my son even though I was convinced at the time that it was the best thing I could do for Thomas. I didn’t think it through. I never gave a thought to unintended consequences. Now here I am, and Thomas is lying in critical condition in another hospital. Things are a real mess.”

  Miriam reached out for Nathan’s hand, which he gave reluctantly. “If you truly love me, you will understand what I’m going through and be there for me.”

  “How can you ask that of me? I came here to take you back to the comfort and security of our home, not to get involved in a missing persons case. Give up this chase of yours and return with me to Spartanville. From what you just told me, there’s little you can do for that young man anyway and you’d just be in the way.” He raised his voice and gave her an ultimatum. “So, what is it going to be?

  Are you coming home with me or not?”

  Miriam stared at him in disbelief. “Please don’t speak to me like that? I’ve never seen this side of you and if that’s the best help you can offer me, then I suggest that you go on home to Spartanville, because I’m going to stay here until I can meet my son and he can meet his mother; no matter how long it takes and no matter what the consequences are. I lost him once and I’m not going to let that happen again. Thomas needs me now and

  I’m going to be here for him, whatever it takes.”

  Nathan was taken aback. His grip on her hand tightened.

  Miriam grimaced, “Nathan, let go, you’re hurting my hand.”

  He released her hand and retorted, “That’s not all I’d like to hurt. Well then, it looks as if you’ve already made your choice. So be it. I’m going home, but don’t expect any welcome from me when you come crawling back. You may have just taken the first step to ending this marriage. We’ll see. Goodbye, Miriam.”

  With that said, Nathan left the room without as much as a goodbye kiss or any sign that he had feelings for the person he was leaving behind.

  Miriam watched after Nathan as he hurried from the room. Eleven years married to the man, and she had never seen him so angry or so ambivalent. She saw hate and resentment in his eyes that she had never seen before. Is he serious? Is he really thinking of ending our marriage over this? Why can’t he understand that my wanting to be with my son, who is close to death, isn’t choosing Thomas over him? My love for him hasn’t changed, or has it?

  Exhausted physically and mentally from the afternoon, Miriam easily gave into sleep.

  She had a brief dream, one in which she was chasing a man through the streets. No matter how fast she ran, the distance between them remained the same. Finally, he came to a barricade in the street and stopped. As he turned around, Miriam expected to see the face of her husband Nathan. To her surprise she found herself looking at Mike Tolliver. She was jolted back to consciousness by the intrusion of Mike into her dream. Why do I keep thinking about him?

  * * *

  She grabbed the phone before it could ring a second time.

  “Nathan?”

  “No Miriam, this is Emily. How did everything go?”

  Miriam was quiet for a minute. “Not well, I’m afraid. He was very angry because I wouldn’t go back to Spartanville with him. He didn’t take the news about my son very well. He stormed out of here. He said that he’s going home, and that this situation may very well jeopardize our marriage.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

  “Well, I shouldn’t be surprised, but I was hoping that our love was strong enough that he would understand the situation. Now you can understand what I meant about having a lonely heart.”

  “What are your plans?”

  “I really haven’t had time to make any, except that I’m committed to the long run for Thomas, whatever that requires and however long that turns out to be. I won’t desert him again.”

  “Look, I think it would be best if, when you get out of the hospital that you move in with Walter and me. That way all of Thomas’s loved ones will be together to help with his rehabilitation. We have plenty of room and you will get a chance to know

  Louise. We really won’t take no for an answer.”

  Tears were welling up in Miriam’s eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Just say yes. Look at it this way. You are going to need to rest up for a few days, you’ll will need help getting around and we can all go together to visit Thomas. It makes the most sense. What do you say? Remember, we’re BFF’s.”

  “How can I possibly say no? Thank you, Emily. You don’t know how much your friendship means to me. God bless you and Walter.”

  “Let me make all the arrangements at this end. Give me a call when you know about your release. I’ll pick you up and bring you home.”

  “Oh, you don’t have to bother. Mike said something about dropping me off wherever I need to go. I need to spend some time with him, anyway. It looks as if, now that he’s finished his investigation, he’ll be returning to Pennsylvania soon.”

  “You two have been working together for some time now. He seems to care a lot about you and Thomas.”

  “Mike is a very wonderful man. He really cares about the work he does; it’s not just a business with him.”

  Emily noticed a softness in Miriam’s voice when the subject turned to Mike. “Do I detect an interest beyond the professional?”

  Miriam was slow to answer. “Don’t be silly. Everything has always been strictly business between us.”

  Doubting this, Emily replied, “If you say so.”

  “I say so. No more talk like that. I will give you a call when I’m released. Thanks again.”

  “You’re welcome. Have a good day, Miriam.”

  “You too, Emily.”

  * * *

  The next day Miriam was released from the Hospital with a long list of do’s and don’ts to follow for the following week. Mike Tolliver was there to pick her up, but instead of driving her directly to the Peyton house he stopped at a small café to have some coffee and private time with her.

  Settled in a booth in the back of Jeffery’s Café, they waited for their coffee and Danish orders. Once the order arrived, Mike was the first to speak. “I’m worried about you, Miriam; not so much physically, although you’ve been through a lot lately, but mostly, emotionally. Your problems with Nathan and the prospect for a long rehab process with Thomas have got to be taking a toll.”

  Miriam closed h
er eyes for a minute and thought about her answer. “I know that you are concerned, I can see it in your eyes. I don’t have any readily available response for you. Things got out of hand so quickly. This business with Nathan is very troubling for me. He left no doubt that he will never forgive me and that he will probably move toward divorcing me. You know he hasn’t even called me since he left.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve been nervous since I heard he was on his way. I knew the encounter could go either way, but I was hoping for your sake that he would understand your situation. I want you to know that I’m not going to disappear from your life just because we’ve located Thomas. Unfortunately, I have to leave tonight to go back to Spartanville for another case, but I’ll always be a phone call away. If you need me for any reason, promise me you’ll call. After all, you and I have become close friends and I don’t want to give that up.”

  “I promise, Mike. I don’t know how I would have gotten this far if I didn’t have you as my rock.

  It’s going to be a long road for Thomas’s recovery. I can’t wait for the day he’s strong enough physically and emotionally for me to tell him that

  I’m his mother.”

  Tears were rolling down her pale cheeks.

  Mike reached out for her hand.

  “I know it will be tough, but you hang in there, Miriam. Actually, it’s quite possible that since he had already expressed an interest in locating you, that when you do tell him, it may give a very positive boost to his rehab progress.”

  “You may be right. I hadn’t thought of that.”

  They finished eating and looked at each other, neither wanting to end their time together. Finally, Mike said, “I guess I better get you over to the Peyton’s house. Oh, by the way I located your rental in the parking lot out at the park. I got another set of keys from the rental company and arranged to have the car delivered to the Peyton’s. Here are the keys. Also, I checked you out of the Owensburg Inn. They packed up your personal things and delivered them to the house. They gave me a receipt and it has your credit card number on it. You should be able to get a replacement card from the company. When I get back to Spartanville, I’ll go over to the DMV and see what I can do about getting you a replacement Drivers License.”

  “Oh my goodness, I had completely forgotten about the car. Thank you for taking care of that and checking me out of the inn. You are a model of thoroughness, Mike Tolliver.”

  “Not a problem. I also contacted the people in town that have been coordinating the collection of personal effects from the accident site. They will be on the lookout for your purse and cell phone and if anything crops up, they’ll call you.”

  “I totally forgot about all that stuff. I guess I have been out of it a little.”

  He smiled. “Just being of service, ma’am. It’s a product of a trained legal mind. Well, I guess it’s time to get you to your temporary home.”

  “It may not be so temporary if Nathan makes good on his threats about our marriage. I couldn’t believe the look in his eyes. It’s like nothing I’d ever seen.”

  “I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that I wouldn’t be too unhappy if he did. You deserve a man who will support you in any circumstance, especially where motherhood is concerned. I know that it’s not my place, but he seems to be totally insensitive to your emotional needs.”

  Miriam was taken aback by Mike’s frankness. They had never discussed her relationship with her husband before; Nathan was always in the shadows in their relationship. Now here was Mike making a veiled suggestion that she should divorce her husband. Could Emily be right? Does this man sitting by my side harbor romantic thoughts about me? I haven’t really considered that, but now that I am, I couldn’t choose a better man.

  “Anyway, the ball is in his court now. To be honest with you, having seen his true colors, I hope that he does go through with terminating our marriage and if he doesn’t do it, I probably will.”

  It took every ounce of courage to make that admission, even more to look Mike in the eyes and say, “I don’t want to go to the Peyton’s house right now. Can we go back to where you are staying for a while?” Such a suggestion was risky. There was no doubt what it implied. Was Mike in a like mind? The answer came quickly. He dropped a twenty dollar on the table, grabbed her hand and led her back to the car.

  They entered his room and in less than a minute they were both undressed and making love on the king-sized bed. They climaxed quickly in a burst of passion, both falling back on the pillows to catch their breath. They looked at each other, somewhat surprised at the intensity of their lovemaking.

  Mike was first to speak, “That was beautiful; you’re beautiful.”

  “I bet you say that to all your female clients.”

  “No, you can believe me or not, but in all the years that I’ve been in this business, I have never slept with a client.” He added, with a big grin on his face, “either male or female.”

  She poked him in the ribs as she answered,

  “That’s really comforting to know.”

  Mike sat back on his pillow and took her hand. “I don’t know where all this is heading, Miriam. I just know where I would like it to go and that I want you to be an important part of my life from now on. I’m hoping that this time together means that you feel the same way.”

  “Of course I do. The only fly in the ointment is Thomas’s recovery. It has to be my priority for now and I don’t see how I can do this too.”

  “That’s perfectly understandable. Whatever we build together from this point on has to be around Thomas’s rehabilitation. I’m willing to wait, knowing that you feel the same way about me as I do for you.”

  She rolled over to kiss him, but he had something else in mind. This time they moved slowly, enjoying the other’s body as only lovers can.

  * * *

  The ride to Emily and Walter’s house was short. They spotted it easily by the red rental car parked by the curb. Emily and Louise greeted them at the front door and welcomed Miriam to her new home.

  Speaking to Emily, Miriam said, “I want to thank you again for your hospitality. It’s comforting to be close to the most important people in my son’s life. Mike and I have had talks about how I should introduce myself to Thomas. I know that between you, Walter and Louise, we’ll know the right time.” The three ladies did a group hug.

  Mike said his goodbyes and left to return to Spartanville.

  Looks as if the budding romance has been moved to the back burner for now.

  CHAPTER 46

  IN THE MEANTIME

  The Town of Owensburg was slowly recovering from the devastating stage collapse. Business was still far from normal, but the majority of those injured sufficiently to require hospital care were back at home: some still requiring care on an outpatient basis. Only thirty-five concert goers remained under Owensburg General and neighboring hospital care.

  Owensburg General proved that it deserved the high national ratings that it had earned over the years. Not only did they perform well handling the sudden large inflow of patients, many with life-threatening injuries, but also managing to overcome being blindsided by an E-Coli epidemic.

  * * *

  Owensburg High reopened, but not until all students were given the opportunity to meet with counselors from the school and several volunteers from companies in the vicinity. There were a lot of hugs and tears as the students met in the auditorium before the start of classes. Outside parents and well wishers gathered with flowers, well-wishing signs and even some care dogs to offer comfort. Asked by reporters why they had showed up for the school opening, most answered “We’re just here to help our students rebuild their lives.”

  Temps filled in for the two teachers that were killed and for the one that remained in the hospital with a serious spine injury.

  The Town of Owensburg didn’t fare as well. Within a week they were beset with over twohundred and twenty lawsuits, mostly for negli
gence and wrongful death. They hoped that the insurance policies that the town carried would cover most of these. Time would tell. Fortunately for the Town Council members none of them were named in the suits, allowing them to function without the proverbial “Sword of Damocles” hovering over their heads. They met almost daily with an evergrowing list of problems exclusively attributed to the disaster. Normal town issues were in abeyance indefinitely, except for the selection of a candidate to take over as Mayor of Owensburg.

  The press was active in all venues, especially seeking out human interest stories, of which, given a disaster of this magnitude, there were many. Not a day went by when the residents of Owensburg weren’t treated to at least a half dozen stories or columns about the accident and the recovery; some really heart wrenching. It was becoming very evident that this level of press activity would continue for some time to come.

  The clean-up of the so called “Crime Scene” hadn’t progressed much, either, due to the investigations going on at the Federal, State and Local levels. After a visit from the Governor, the town was declared a Disaster Area and became eligible for low cost loans to rebuild the Tiecher Park theater area.

  A panel of experts attributed the cause of the collapse to the breaking of the guy wires behind the stage. The State Inspectors insisted in determining a secondary cause on the premise that the wires were intended as a back-up safety feature and not as a primary support for “The Beast”. The Lead Inspector was overhead to say, “If you erect a super-structure you must ensure that it is designed to bear the load. If there were structural abnormalities in the base stage, they should have been addressed by more substantial offsets than just a few guy wires.”

  He was right of course but proving negligence in the original stage construction would be close to impossible now that the stage was demolished, but their insistence on puttering around in the debris was delaying the overall cleanup of the site and prolonging painful memories of the incident.