All The Little Moments

by G. Benson

  Momentarily bummed, Ella handed the cup over.

  “Thanks! Now have you decided on a colour?”

  “It was a pretty hard choice-but I want orange.”

  “Interesting colour choice.”

  “I like how Toby says ‘orange.’”

  “How is that?”

  Ella mimicked Toby’s baby voice perfectly. “Ogen.”

  “Well—that is ridiculously adorable. Orange it is, then.”

  Lane easily removed the old cast first before starting with the new one, chatting the whole time with Ella about all the current Pixar movies that Anna had only recently become acquainted with.

  Soon Lane was putting on the final touches, going over cast care, explaining that it set really quickly—more for Ella’s benefit than for Anna’s, who obviously knew what to do already.

  As she was finishing up, Ella stared intently at her, head tilted in a mirror image of Anna’s. “You’re really pretty, Nurse Lane. You have really pretty skin.”

  Lane looked up from Ella’s arm and smiled in a way that made Anna’s heart speed up again. “You’re really pretty too, Ella. You look a lot like your aunty.”

  “Everybody says that.”

  “They do?”

  Ella nodded. “Yup. Toby looks even more like her, ’cause they both have the same brown hair and colour eyes. It’s weird.”

  Lane laughed. “Why is it weird?”

  “Cause he’s a boy.”

  Without taking her eyes off Anna, Lane said, “He must be a very pretty boy, then.”

  Anna felt her cheeks flush slightly.

  “Well! We’re all done. No more bags on your arm in the bath.” Lane had turned back to Ella, who sighed in a very adult way and rolled her eyes.

  “Thank God.”

  Lane hid a smile at the dramatic behaviour. “Now, you look after that arm and I’ll see you in a month.”

  “So I’ll see you, and not someone scary?”

  “I promise.”

  “Good.”

  Anna steered Ella out with a hand on her back, the hot chocolate practically glued to Ella’s mouth.

  “I’ll see you tonight, if I don’t run into you today,” she said.

  Lane stood with her arms crossed, watching them walk out. “Can’t wait, Anna. See you soon, Ella!”

  Ella turned and waved with her newly orange arm, yelling, “Bye! Thanks!” from around the cup.

  Glad that the school would be dealing with the sugar high that had steadily started to hit Ella in the car, Anna dropped her off.

  The day passed quickly after that, mostly in consults and sneaking down to spend her forty-minute lunch break with Toby. Ella’s insight into how Toby must feel echoed in Anna’s mind. She could only hope just being around all the time helped him.

  Before she knew it, she was dropping the kids off to her parents and waving goodbye. Toby settled with his grandmother fairly well, the only person besides Anna whom he clung to now. Ella was already asking to run a bath, wanting to try out her new waterproof cast. Anna’s father, as usual, hid away in his study.

  She drove home, had a quick shower, and then stood in front of her wardrobe, debating what to wear. Six outfits later, she went with tight jeans, ankle boots, and a cream jersey. A scarf wrapped around her neck, plus a tailor-cut jacket and some perfume added the final touches just in time for the taxi to honk outside.

  As she got in, she quickly checked her phone.

  No fair, you get to go home and shower. I have to shower at work because I was in a surgery that ran long.

  Lane. Anna grinned and replied.

  You’ll still look great.

  Sometimes, a simple sentence was best. Her phone buzzed. At the sight of Kym’s text, Anna shook her head.

  Got here early with lots of the work people. We found some shots. Help me.

  When her taxi pulled up to the bar, Anna paid the fare and slid out. She stood outside and took in a deep breath, trying to quell her thoughts about what to tell Lane about the kids, then walked inside.

  The heat and noise hit her, and she felt herself relax a little. How she had missed this. She and Hayley used to go to bars a couple of nights a week, just for a quiet drink—or sometimes a not-so-quiet one. They’d been social, with a wide circle of friends. They’d both had their own circles, too, back then. Anna found herself almost excited to have a few drinks and unwind with people she’d have at least one thing to talk about with, even if it was their jobs. Nights in the house had been sending her a little insane; this might help her feel a touch normal again.

  After stopping at the bar, Anna took a sip of her wine while she turned to look for Kym. Finally, she caught sight of her in a far corner booth where several chairs were pulled up to fit more people.

  Kym caught her eye and waved enthusiastically from where she sat wedged between colleagues.

  Smirking at the obviously tipsy state of her friend, Anna made her way over. Kym made a loud noise at her arrival, still waving. Anna smiled and raised her glass in acknowledgement.

  “You made it!” Kym grinned at her.

  “Wouldn’t have missed it.” She took another sip of her wine, because, judging from the look of everyone, she needed to catch up. Anna greeted the staff members she knew and shook hands with those she hadn’t yet met. About fifteen people were spread over three tables. Taking a seat, she took another sip of her wine, then turned around to peer behind her when she saw Kym’s eyes light up as she waved again.

  Anna practically had to restrain her jaw from dropping. Lane had walked in wearing a clingy white dress that draped over every curve like it had been made just for her. It was cut low—low enough that Anna was concerned she wouldn’t be able to look anywhere else. The white set off Lane’s dark skin in a way that had Anna mesmerised. In that moment, she couldn’t remember a single reason why seeing Lane was a bad idea.

  “Oi, do you need a napkin to get that drool?”

  Anna turned around to find Kym and a nurse friend of hers grinning. Thankfully, the others were all wrapped up in conversation. “I have no idea what you mean.”

  Kym sipped at her whisky. “Sure. Tess here has a friend that works in plastics, we can get your jaw re-attached later.”

  Tess gave a snort into her beer and winked at Anna. “We love a good nurse and doctor romance. Gives us something to gossip about in the nurses’ room.”

  Anna figured finishing her drink was probably the best fix for this situation.

  Lane slid into the seat next to her and put a glass of white wine down on the table. “You looked like you were almost out.”

  Anna put her now empty glass down and reached forward to pick up the new one. “Thanks.”

  Shit-eating grins appeared on Kym’s and Tess’ faces.

  “What?”

  Tess grinned wider. “Nothin’.”

  “O-kay.” Lane narrowed her eyes. “You can stop staring now.”

  Their only response was to chuckle.

  Lane turned to Anna. “Sorry about them.”

  “Don’t be. They caught me staring at you as you came in.” Anna leant slightly forward. “I was wrong—you look better than great. Nice perfume, by the way.”

  Lane winked. “I thought you’d like it.”

  “But how? I was so subtle.”

  “About as subtle as your niece. Did she learn to tell women they’re pretty from you?”

  “No, she just learnt to tell the truth from me.”

  Lane sipped her wine, looking Anna up and down before meeting her eyes. “You look good.”

  “Thanks.” Anna tried and failed not to flush.

  They got pulled into conversation with the others, Lane chatting with an emergency resident while Anna talked to Kym and Tess, who could probably have a comedy show. Anna spent her time nodding and add
ing in the odd comment, amused by the two of them, and throwing Lane flirty looks, which she returned in kind.

  An hour or so in, Anna stood to get another drink, and Kym clambered over people’s laps to join her. As they stood at the bar waiting to order, Kym swayed, watching her.

  “What?”

  Kym shrugged. “Nothing.”

  Laughing, Anna ordered their drinks. “Okay.”

  “It’s just…” Kym leant forward as if to whisper, still talking at the same volume regardless, “...you. And Lane. It makes me happy.”

  “Nothing’s happened.”

  “Oh, please. It may not have yet.”

  Anna paid, handing Kym her whisky and picking up the two wine glasses. “It may not at all, Kym.”

  Kym had stopped dead and put her glass down in her mission to do up the zip and button combination of her handbag, something she was failing at miserably. “What do you mean?”

  “She doesn’t know about the kids, Kym.” Anna leant against the bar.

  Visibly relaxing, Kym waved her hand. “So? Lots of people with kids date. You’re allowed to date. Kids aren’t a chastity belt.” She paused. “Most of the time.”

  “The kids need attention. I barely have enough time with work, and—”

  Kym grabbed her by the shoulders. “Anna. Shut up. Get laid. Have fun.”

  “Um—”

  “No.” Kym shook her head, squeezing Anna’s arms to keep her balance more than anything. “One of us needs to. I’m horny as hell, but I miss my husband. I’m all emotionally traumatised and stuff. You’re allowed to have a life. Your brother wouldn’t have wanted you to suffer because of this. He’d want the kids happy, but he’d want you happy, too.”

  “What about your happiness?”

  Flippantly giving a wave of her hand, Kym went back to her handbag. “One day. It’s been six months, and he’s still all I think about.” She raised her hands up triumphantly when she got one button done, then realised it was through the wrong hole. “Damn it.”

  Smiling affectionately, Anna watched her struggle. On a whim, she gave Kym a quick hug.

  Eyeing Anna suspiciously, Kym gave up on her buttons. “What was that for?”

  “Nothing. I just like that I met you. We can talk. It’s nice.” Maybe the wine had gone to her head.

  The emphatic nod Kym gave looked like it might send her off balance. “Me too. You’re a good find, even if you’re also emotionally scarred. Maybe because of it.”

  With a laugh, Anna picked up the wine glasses and led the way to their table where Lane was loudly debating the necessity of extra nurses with their boss. She slid one of the glasses in front of her and blinked at it, then grinned.

  “Thanks.”

  “Anytime.” Just as she slid into her seat, Lane stood up.

  “Toilet break.” She turned and walked away, looking back over her shoulder to catch Anna watching her again.

  “Seriously, follow her.” Kym had one eye half-closed as she gave the order.

  “What?”

  “Go, follow her. You’ve been eye-fucking all night! Go do something about it.”

  “What? We have not!” Anna protested indignantly.

  The loud snort Tess gave shut Anna up. “Oh, please, some of those looks even made me squirm.”

  Sliding an arm over Anna’s shoulder, Kym slurred, “I don’t know what’s holding you back, but woman, go follow her.”

  “The kids.”

  “Do something for you.”

  Anna stared at her for a minute. Maybe she was right.

  Tess sighed loudly. “Go, or I’ll ensure you’re stuck with every intern wanting to learn anaesthetics for the next month. I know people.”

  “Mean. I’m new.”

  “Don’t care.”

  With a resigned shake of her head, Anna stood up to walk quickly after Lane. Her hand rested against the handle of the bathroom door for a second as she took in a deep breath, then exhaled.

  She pushed it open.

  Lane was just walking out of a cubicle and grinned as she moved across to wash her hands.

  Anna smiled back, unsure of what her next step should be.

  Drying her hands on a paper towel before throwing it in the bin, Lane positioned herself against the sink and crossed her arms. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” Anna’s heart was pounding in her ears, and she had no idea why. She swallowed. “I, uh, I think it’s only fair, to tell you something; though it’s really tempting not to.”

  Lane’s grin softened.

  “You don’t know everything about me,” Anna began.

  Lane chuckled, stepping forward. “No one knows everything about a person—that’s why you do things like go out to dinner, chat…?”

  Anna returned the smile but stayed against the door as Lane took a few more small steps forward, arms still crossed.

  “That’s true. But some things, you should know beforehand. Like, if I was leaving the country in a month, I’d have to give you a heads-up.”

  Lane’s confusion was evident. “Uh, okay. Are you?”

  “What? No. Not leaving the country.” Anna tapped her fingers against the cold door, more nervous about this than she wanted to be.

  Only a tiny distance separated them now, and Anna tried to ignore the urge to grab her so she could finish what she started. “Just—there’s some things, in my life. It’s, uh, complicated.”

  “Everyone’s complicated, Anna.”

  Taking a breath, Anna closed her eyes from a moment in frustration. She was terrified Lane would see it all as too much, and run. And she was terrified that this terrified her. She hardly knew Lane, really. Yet not telling didn’t seem right. Her eyes opened.

  And what if she did blow it? What if Lane ran? Anna wouldn’t blame her. Hayley had run. Anna might have, had their positions been reversed. Hell, she had wanted to and it was her niece and nephew. Sometimes, she still wanted to.

  Her eyes locked on Lane’s. Without thinking anymore, Anna slid forward to close the last small gap between them. The scent of Lane’s perfume surrounded her, and her cheeks were flushed from the wine. Lane’s eyes darted to Anna’s mouth and back up again. She bit subtly at her bottom lip, the gesture drawing Anna’s attention directly to her mouth. If Lane was going to run, Anna wanted something to remember her by. The gap closed completely as Anna pressed her lips to Lane’s.

  The kiss was supposed to be simple. Chaste. But then, Lane’s hands came up to gently cup her cheeks, and Anna pressed her body flush against Lane’s, hands on her waist. She pressed her lips harder against Lane’s, giving in to the sensation. Their lips parted, and she felt Lane’s tongue flick against her own and almost groaned.

  For a month, Anna had closed herself off. She had tried that entire time to be what she needed to be for the kids. Whenever she had felt overwhelmed, she’d taken a breath and clamped it down. Whenever she’d felt anything at all lately, she had clamped it down.

  As Lane’s tongue slid against her own, Anna felt that thing inside that held it all down shift. Her fingers gripped at Lane’s dress, pulling them tighter together. Lane responded, hands slipping up to wrap in Anna’s hair. Their mouths moved slowly, tongues languid.

  It was intense and a little sloppy, and it tasted like wine, and it was perfect.

  They parted, both slightly breathless, and Anna leant her forehead against Lane’s, hands still grasping her close.

  “Wow.” The sound of Lane’s low, husky voice made heat settle deep in Anna’s stomach.

  “Yeah.” Her own voice sounded much the same.

  “Was that what you wanted to tell me? Because you can tell me that anytime you want to.”

  Anna couldn’t help but chuckle at the charming grin Lane threw at her. “No, that wasn’t it. That just happened.”

  “Again, r
eally, that can happen any time.”

  Suddenly feeling cold, Anna stepped back. “I’d like that to happen any time.”

  Lane was looking intently at her again, head tilted. “What is it?”

  She took another step and, breaking eye contact with Lane, Anna created more space. With her back against the door and Lane in front of her, watching her expectantly, she felt caged in. Couldn’t she just go back to kissing Lane? To keeping this as her fun, flirty escape?

  “I come with a catch.”

  “You are a catch.”

  Anna actually laughed this time. “And you’re too smooth.” She crossed her arms again, wishing the wine was making this easier. Lane’s lips were red, swollen from the kiss, and Anna just wanted to lean forward and get lost in her again. “You know Ella? And I’ve mentioned my nephew, Toby?”

  Lane nodded, still playful.

  Rip it off like a Band-Aid, Anna. “My brother, Jake, died over a month ago, with my sister-in-law, in a car accident. They named me the kids’ guardian. I…uh, they’re kind of, mine.”

  The smile faded from Lane’s lips. She blinked in surprise, her mouth dropped partly open.

  Anna hovered for a minute and then, after a beat of silence, decided she couldn’t take seeing Lane turn away. She turned on the spot and fled the bathroom.

  Anna had said his name. And it had hurt, had caught at her gut and made her feel almost ill. And now, after an incredibly amazing kiss, she’d gone and scared Lane off. Anna walked out quickly, swinging by the table to grab her jacket.

  Kym looked up at her in surprise. “How’d it go? Thought you’d be in there for ages. I’ve been fielding the door.” She tried to give a wink that ended up as a drunken blink.

  “Um…fine. I gotta run. I’ll see you later.”

  Grateful that everyone was now a little too drunk to really pay attention, Anna escaped out the door. The cool air hit her burning cheeks as she pulled on her jacket. With no real thought as to where she was going, she turned left and powered down the street. Breathing heavily, irritated at herself, she walked blindly.

  She’d kissed Lane, blurted out something huge, then turned and ran. And now she was alone in the street, a little drunk, and God, she wanted to talk to her brother about it all. Or to Sally. All she wanted was to call them and have them pass the phone back and forth between them, alternating between teasing her and offering advice. Jake would be calling her a coward right now. Sally would slap him on the head, steal the phone, and laugh down the line as she said, “Not coward, exactly, Anna, more...cautious.” And Jake would be yelling in the background, “Coward!”