All The Little Moments

by G. Benson

  “I knew something. I wasn’t innocent in it. I was infatuated with her, I don’t know why. I thought that she and I had something, and whenever I had doubts she was so good at talking me around to waiting.”

  “Everyone makes mistakes.”

  Lane finally met her eye. “Before that happened, I didn’t think I was the kind of person who would do something like that. I was really critical of other people who did. When she finally ended it, I thought that was it. That was the reason I had kept going—because Alex and I were serious. We lived together, did the civil partnership thing. But then…” Lane sighed. “Then Alex slowly became really distant. Wasn’t home as often. Didn’t answer her phone…”

  “The woman who was painting your porch?”

  “It had been going on for six months.”

  Anna’s mouth dropped open. “Six months!”

  Lane flopped onto her back. “I felt so stupid, Anna. Of course she cheated on me. She’d done it before, why would I be different?”

  At the tightness in Lane’s voice, Anna shifted forward so she was pressed along her side. “What do you mean?”

  “I thought we had something serious, which was why I let it start so terribly. Then, though…then it ended the same way it started. There was no justification to what I did.”

  “Hey.”

  Lane kept her eyes trained on the ceiling.

  “Lane, look at me.” Finally, those dark eyes caught her own, and Anna gave a soft smile. “Okay, what you did wasn’t the greatest. But Alex was in the wrong. She was the responsible one in both of those relationships. She obviously has no respect for relationships or women.”

  With a slight huff, Lane looked back to the ceiling.

  “Hey! It’s true. And she’s an idiot to give you up.” This time, Lane completely rolled her eyes. Anna’s fingers gripped her cheek and tugged gently so Lane had to look at her. “She is an idiot.”

  “Anyway, I just wanted you to understand. After that, I was pretty burned. I’d rushed into a relationship in the worst way possible. And it ended terribly. It was a really bad year after that, and then Kym’s husband and—I was down.”

  The look on Lane’s face was so sincere, and Anna surged forward, kissing her firmly. “Are you still down?”

  Pushing Anna onto her back, Lane half sprawled on top of her. “No. I’m not. And that’s thanks to you.”

  Black eyes stared down at her, and Anna ran her fingers against Lane’s cheek. Strangely, Lane’s past didn’t make Anna question her morals; rather, it made her even more sure of them. The look on Lane’s face as she’d confessed and told the story, the way she accepted her part of the blame. How she had obviously taken something away from that lesson.

  Lane leant into the touch slightly as she continued, “So, stop saying thank you to me. Because I will do the same and say it to you over and over again but, trust me, it’s annoying.”

  Lane’s nose nuzzled against Anna’s cheek, lips pressing against her mouth.

  Lane pulled back, eyes soft. “What we have—this is pretty amazing.”

  “It is.”

  They held eye contact, skin to skin.

  Breathless with the feeling that bubbled up in her chest, Anna didn’t know what to say. The emotion Lane induced was almost overpowering at times like this. Everything just said made Anna want to wrap Lane in her arms and protect her. It all felt so fast, but in other ways so slow. Anna wrapped her arms around Lane, flipping them over smoothly, and settled between Lane’s legs. With an intensity that left them both gasping, Anna kissed her.

  “What was that for?” Lane asked, hands entwining in her hair as Anna moved her lips against Lane’s neck.

  She couldn’t answer, emotion swelling in her throat. Instead, she kissed her again as hard as she could, fingers biting into the skin of Lane’s hip. Lane returned the kiss in kind, both hands holding Anna’s face to her.

  Everything Anna felt, she poured into that kiss.

  Lane arched against her.

  It was two hours later that Lane finally rolled her way out of the bed.

  On her stomach, Anna lay with her chin resting on her forearm, lying with her head down the wrong end of the bed. Her legs were bent at the knees, ankles crossed, feet in the air.

  As she pulled on her clothes, Lane looked down at her.

  “I think you should pull that sheet off.”

  “It’s barely covering me.”

  Lane bent over pressing a kiss to Anna’s bare shoulder as she did up her jeans. “Any cover is too much. You have the perfect ass. Why cover it?”

  “I’d argue yours is better.”

  “You’ll lose.”

  Reaching forward, Anna wrapped her fingers around Lane’s wrist. When Anna tugged at Lane for a kiss, she shook her head as Anna tried to pull her back down onto the bed.

  Anna pouted as Lane pulled back, sliding her bra on and smiling down at Anna’s puppy eyes. “If you insist on these hideous rules that include me sneaking out at stupid hours, you have to deal with me leaving your bed.”

  “Fine.”

  “Easy for you to be grumpy, you don’t have to work in…” Now fully dressed, Lane checked her watch, stifling a groan, “ugh, six hours.”

  “I do get jumped on in approximately four. Five if I’m lucky.”

  “Yeah, and then you have a hard day of hanging out with two cuties and going to the park.”

  Anna rolled onto her back, arm under her head and eyes on Lane. A smirk played on her lips as Lane’s eyes automatically slid to her chest. Anna closed her eyes.

  “You make it sound like they aren’t hard work. Plus, I have grocery shopping.” She opened her eyes again. “You can do that instead if you want?”

  Blinking, Lane tore her eyes away and grabbed her bag off the floor, slinging it over her shoulder. “I think you make up the stories of them being a handful.”

  “Don’t make me leave them with you all day.”

  Eyes wide, Lane raised her hands. “Touché.”

  “Go before I drag you back into bed.”

  Leaning over Anna so her face hovered above Anna’s, Lane’s hair fell around them. “You can drag me back to bed. But I won’t get out of it twice.”

  “Damn.”

  With a laugh, Lane kissed her again. As she pulled back, Anna was grinning. “What?”

  “Spiderman kiss.”

  “You are a dork.”

  Rolling onto her stomach, Anna watched her walk away. “Lane.”

  Lane paused in the door and turned to look at her. “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for telling me.”

  “Thanks for listening.”

  With one last look, Lane walked out.

  Coffee with Kym started as it usually did—whoever was there first ordered. So this time, when Anna walked up, Kym was seated at one of their tables with two takeaway cups in front of her.

  Anna slid into her seat. “Oh, we’re sitting at the hospital coffee cart today? Fancy.”

  “I thought we’d step it up a notch.”

  “Great, because I actually have time.”

  “No appointment?”

  Anna shot Kym a confused look. Kym stared innocently over her coffee cup.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, I thought you might have had a page to meet in a cleaner’s closet.” Kym laughed in delight as Anna flushed.

  “I—you—oh, shut up Kym.”

  “What, no denial?”

  “We don’t go to the cleaners’ closets.”

  “A bit late, Anna.”

  Anna sipped her coffee almost desperately. “Anyway. How was yesterday? You said Sunday night one of your patients was reacting to his meds?”

  “Nice change of subject. I’ll allow it.”

  “Only because you want to talk about
your work.”

  “Well, it was fine. I fixed it.”

  Anna laughed. “I wouldn’t expect anything less. Ella was asking when you’re coming for dinner this week.”

  “Because we share a special bond.”

  “Of course. Oh—guess who we had a visit from last night?”

  “Sally’s charming mother?”

  Anna made a face. “Ew. No. Some new caseworker, George Coleman.”

  “Toby clothed this time?”

  “Yes, thankfully. And Ella wasn’t trying to force him to cross-dress.”

  “Why was it someone new?”

  Shrugging, Anna answered. “I don’t know. He wasn’t the friendliest guy. He said something about Lorna being unavailable.”

  “So, it’s all routine?” Kym eyed her over her coffee.

  “Yeah, all routine. And it went fine. He didn’t stay long. Just kind of popped in, drank some tea, asked how everything was, looked at the house and left.”

  “Well, you’re probably the least of their concerns. The will dictated you as guardian, you’re in a stable job, the kids are settling in as well as they can be.”

  “Yeah, well, Ella was well behaved and in one of her quiet moods, and Toby was shy but charming.”

  “I’d expect nothing else from him.”

  Anna rolled her eyes. “You can’t adopt him, Kym.”

  “No, but I can claim him any time I’m over. And Ella.”

  Anna couldn’t really argue with that—the kids loved Kym. “That you can. By the way, Ella requested you read her a story. Between you and Lane, these kids are getting spoilt.”

  “Between you and Lane, you’re getting spoilt.”

  Anna’s pager went off, saving her a retort. She glanced down at it and stood, drinking the last of her coffee. “Anyway, smartass, like I said, Ella asked if you could come to dinner again. See you tonight?”

  “Definitely. Lane calling again?”

  “No, I’m off to practice actual medicine.” Anna turned and started to walk off before looking over her shoulder. “Then I’m seeing Lane.” She could practically feel Kym’s smirk as she walked away.

  Maybe they needed to stop meeting all over the hospital.

  A buzzing in her pocket pulled her attention to her phone as she stood waiting for the elevator. Anna turned for the empty stairwell to give herself more time to chat.

  “Hey, Mum.”

  “Anna, hello darling.”

  “How are you?”

  “I’m good, just wondering… I’m going to do a big cook up of meatloaf Thursday, I thought maybe I could bring some around Friday night for you to freeze and have for the kids?”

  Excitement shot through Anna: she loved her mother’s meatloaf, and so did the kids. “That’s something I would be very okay with you doing, Mum, thanks.”

  “Lovely. Maybe I could stay for dinner?”

  “If you didn’t I’d be concerned.”

  “And maybe, I could stay for a few hours?”

  “Of course.”

  “And maybe, you could use this as an opportunity to go out on a date with Lane.” Anna actually stopped mid-step, a smirk on her face. “Subtle, Mum.”

  “Nothing’s subtle about playing Cupid, Anna. He uses arrows, I have to use my brain.”

  Anna bit her lip, thinking as she started climbing the stairs. “That would actually be amazing.”

  She could hear Sandra’s sly grin over the phone. “Excellent. You can get out of the bloody house.”

  “Mum! I leave the house.”

  “Grocery shopping doesn’t count, Anna.”

  “I—”

  “Nor does work.”

  She had nothing.

  “Precisely. We both miss Jake. We both want what is best for the kids. But we both need to try and have a life, too. Now, you take Lane on a nice date. There can be flowers—oh! Definitely buy her flowers! And go for a walk.”

  “It’s freezing out.”

  “A drive then. A romantic one. I hear there’s this spot people go to—”

  “Yes, Mum.”

  “Good. And I can be with my lovely grandchildren.”

  She turned up the last flight. “They’ll love that. They love any time with you.” There was a pause, and then a sudden silence on the phone. “Mum?”

  “That—that’s just so nice to hear.”

  Panic rising in her, a soft sigh left Anna’s her lips. “Oh, Mum. Are you okay?”

  “Yes, yes. I’m fine, just being silly. Your father’s disappeared into his office again. I’m just looking forward to some family time.”

  “Why don’t I hang with you and the kids Friday night?”

  “No! Don’t be silly. I want you to have some fun. Take that beautiful woman out. Like I said to the caseworker yesterday, you need to have your time, too.”

  Anna stopped again. “To who?”

  “The caseworker, Lorna, called.”

  “That’s strange, we had a different caseworker at the house last night?”

  “She said it was all routine, to just ask how people close to you felt everything was going.”

  “What…what did you say?” She didn’t know why her heart was pounding.

  “Anna, get that worry out of your voice. I told her you were doing an amazing job, she said she thought so, too.”

  “Oh. But why would she still be in contact if we had the new guy?”

  “I don’t know, maybe they like to get separate opinions. Relax, Anna.”

  Taking a deep breath, Anna nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.” When she reached the floor she wanted, she leant against the railing to wrap up the conversation. “This guy was just not as friendly. Lorna was nicer the other two times.”

  “Anyway, as I said, you need some fun. Not to spend even more time with your mother and niece and nephew. I’m babysitting Friday night. You don’t get a choice.”

  A beeping made Anna look down at her pager. “Okay, fine, I’ll take the pretty woman out to dinner. Only because you’re making me.”

  “As if. You were taking pretty women out before I knew anything about it.”

  “Very funny.”

  “It’s true. Don’t think I haven’t twigged about those ‘sleepovers’ you had when you got a bit older.”

  Grimacing, Anna just wanted to get off the phone. “Mum, I really gotta go.”

  “Yeah, nice timing. Go save lives—love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  By the time Friday arrived, Anna was beyond excited for her date with Lane. Hanging with the kids and Lane, or Kym and Lane, or in the on-call room with Lane—these were all things she loved. But being alone with Lane again? Anna was definitely excited.

  She tried not to imagine what Cathy would have to say about it.

  It was so important to Anna to keep the kids feeling safe. While she had chosen to brush off what Cathy had said, it had increased those niggling concerns in the back of her mind. The ones Anna had had when she’d first heard the lawyer’s words: that she wasn’t cut out for this, that she was possibly the worst person to do it. Thanks to Cathy, the worries about dating Lane had intensified, too—that it was selfish to date, especially when things were so new; that the kids wouldn’t cope; that they’d feel like less of a priority in her life.

  So, she was taking the high road with Cathy; that didn’t mean the woman hadn’t gotten under her skin a little. But a pep talk from Kym and a phone conversation with her mother soon snapped her out of it. Anna was allowed a night out.

  Lane was due to pick her up at six. In true form, Sandra breezed in around five, arms laden with food, and entered the kitchen with Ella in tow.

  “Sweetie, hi.” She dumped everything on the kitchen bench and gave Anna a tight hug, kissing her cheek.

  Anna squeezed her tig
htly back, then turned to pull Ella in for a cuddle.

  “Aunty Na, I helped cook this afternoon.”

  “You’ve definitely been busy.” She eyed the bags on the bench. There definitely wasn’t just meatloaf. “Mum, hey—how much food did you bring?”

  Sandra was busy pulling dishes out and putting them in the fridge and freezer. “Oh, enough for a while, to heat up and just have on hand.”

  “I’m not that bad at cooking, Mum.”

  Sandra paused, arm partway in a bag, and looked sideways at Ella, who met her grandmother’s eyes. Anna suddenly felt like her niece had abandoned her.

  “Guys, I cook all the time now.”

  “I know you do, sweetie. You’ve gotten really good.” Her mother’s eyes stayed focussed on the bag she was rummaging through.

  “Ella! C’mon, I can cook, can’t I?”

  Ella’s eyes went wide. “Um—Grandma, her pancakes are really good.”

  A snorting noise came from the bag where Sandra’s head was now buried. “You two suck. I’m going to hang out with Toby.”

  From the living room, she heard Ella say, “Well, they are good. She usually doesn’t even burn them.”

  Ignoring the traitors in the kitchen, Anna scooped up Toby, who hummed happily at the sudden affection, and started carrying him upstairs. “You can’t talk, so you can’t pick on me yet. When you’re older, just you remember who’s changed far too many of your nappies.”

  Toby wrapped a chubby arm around her neck and Anna melted slightly as the fingers of his other hand grabbed at her necklace.

  “Na.” He murmured, smiling affectionately.

  Anna cuddled him close as she walked into her room, then plopped him on her bed. His little voice was the most endearing thing and it was starting to come out more and more.

  “Right, little man. Want to help me choose an outfit?”

  Legs in the air, Toby fell backwards, giggling at the soft unsteadiness of the mattress.

  She eyed him. “Right, you’re going to be lots of help.”

  He blew a raspberry.

  “Excellent.”

  Anna found an outfit and took Toby back downstairs to join the others while she had a shower. Not long before six, she emerged, walking into the dining room where her mother was feeding the kids dinner.