All The Little Moments

by G. Benson

  “Yay!”

  Lane looked up. “You staying, Sandra?”

  “Twist my arm.”

  As Anna dropped banana into two plastic bowls, she eyed her mother. “Twist your arm to not have to cook for once?”

  “Have to pretend to not jump at a free meal, dear. Don’t want to look cheap.”

  A squeal of protest from Toby had Anna looking up sharply, eyeing her niece, who was holding a train. “Ella, did you just grab the train out of his hands?”

  As quick as she could, Ella dropped the train back into Toby’s lap; the little boy clutched it to his chest, looking at his sister like she’d utterly betrayed him.

  “I wanted to show him something cool!”

  “So don’t snatch it from him. You know that.”

  Ella reached forward and grabbed a different train out, grumbling, “Fine. Sorry, Toby.”

  With a smile, Toby held the train out to Ella.

  Happy the kids weren’t about to kill each other, Anna went back to the fruit, smiling as Lane kissed the back of her neck on her way to fill up the kettle.

  Sandra turned to Kym, resting a hand on hers. “You look tired, Kym.”

  She said it with a mother’s concern, and Kym gave a weak grin. “I had a long night.”

  Patting Kym’s hand, Sandra murmured something that caused her to nod. Anna didn’t quite catch what it was as she dropped some apple into the bowls and walked around the bench, holding them out to the kids, who both grabbed at their fruit instantly.

  “Ahem?”

  “Thank you!” Ella’s voice had turned singsong as she bit into a piece of apple.

  “Tobes? Ta?”

  Bulging cheeks impeded his “Ta.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Taking a seat, Anna thanked Lane as she put a mug down in front of her. Kym was looking a little better, and Anna sipped her hot drink, wondering how Sandra could murmur words of comfort so easily. After so many months supporting her mother as she fell apart, Anna liked to see that she could still get it together to comfort Kym.

  The afternoon passed easily, and Lane started to prepare dinner, Sandra joining her in chopping vegetables, while Kym read stories to an enthralled Toby.

  Anna slid behind Lane and murmured something in her ear, loud enough for Sandra to hear. They both nodded as Anna slipped over to the table where Ella was colouring in. “Ella Bella? Is that a unicorn?”

  “Yup. She’s even going to have wings.”

  “Wow. That’s way too cool. Kind of like My Little Ponies?”

  Ella looked at her blankly. “What?”

  God, Anna was old. She heard both Sandra and Lane chuckle behind her. “Nothing. Wanna come upstairs with me for a bit? I wanted to talk to you more about what we talked about last night?”

  Instantly, Ella’s demeanour changed. She kept her eyes glued to her picture for a second. Anna didn’t push it, waiting for her to make the first move.

  Finally Ella put her pencil down and pushed her chair back, standing up. She was eye to eye with Anna, who leant forward, kissing Ella’s cheek and smiling at her reassuringly.

  When she stood, Anna patiently waited for Ella, who stood staring into the kitchen where Lane and Sandra were busy pretending nothing important was happening. Eventually, she held her hand up for Anna to take. Wide green eyes stared up at Anna, and Ella suddenly looked a lot older than her six years.

  “Did you pack their stuff?”

  “Yeah. I’ve started to. But I wanted to make sure you got all the things you wanted. Did you want to go look now?”

  “Yes, please.”

  “Okay. Let’s go, honey.” They started walking to the hall and up the stairs. “Toby chose some things, you know.”

  Halfway up, Ella paused. “Did he?”

  Wanting to be eye to eye, Anna sat down on the step. “Yeah.”

  Fingers fiddling with the zip on her jacket, Ella looked up the stairs almost nervously. “Good. ’Cause he’s just a baby and he needs stuff to remember them.” Watching such a young child be so contemplative was humbling. “Aunty Na, do you remember things from when you were a baby?”

  Anna shook her head slowly. “No, I don’t.”

  “I don’t really, either.” Ella was gnawing her lip, and Anna sat still, letting her work out where her thoughts were going. “Toby’s really little.”

  “He is, yeah.” Some hair had fallen loose from Ella’s braids and Anna tucked it behind her ear gently.

  Ella’s eyes searched Anna’s face, and her voice came out a whisper. “He’s not going to remember Mummy and Daddy, is he?”

  “No, not really, Ella Bella.”

  Ella’s forehead furrowed and her eyes shined. “But I remember them.”

  “Yeah, you do.”

  “And you do. And Grandma.”

  “Yeah.”

  “But Toby won’t?”

  Anna shook her head. “He’ll have a feeling about them, though.”

  “A feeling?”

  “Yeah. A feeling of them. Of how much they loved you and him.”

  Ella nodded absently. “And we’ll help him remember. I’ll help him. I’m his big sister, I can help him remember all about them.”

  Pulling Ella between her legs, Anna wrapped her arms around her tiny frame. With a sigh, Ella leant into her.

  “You can definitely do that.”

  They sat for a minute, Ella playing with the pendant around Anna’s neck. Anna kissed the top of her head and waited.

  Ella finally took a deep breath. “Can we go up now?”

  “Yeah, we can. There are lots of boxes, and a lot is packed up, but if you think of anything I haven’t kept out, you ask and we’ll dig it out, okay?”

  Hand in hand, they walked up the stairs, pausing in the doorway. Ella’s eyes flicked from the bed to the boxes, taking in her parents’ things packed away. Without looking at Anna, she whispered, “How does it all fit in boxes? They’re so big.”

  Not sure what she meant, Anna looked around at the medium-sized boxes. With a stab in her gut, it occurred to her: Ella meant her parents, the memory of them, was so big. To Ella, nothing that huge could fit in a box.

  “I don’t know Ella. I wonder the same thing.”

  “Are we gonna throw it all away?”

  Anna shook her head adamantly. “No. I was going to put a lot of it away, for now. But I thought—you know how at Christmas we collect things to put in boxes and give to people who can’t afford stuff?”

  “To the poor people?”

  “Yeah.”

  Ella looked back into the room. “Yeah, Mummy always gave lots of stuff. We’d go to the stores and pick out toys I thought other kids would like and we’d wrap them, and they’d get given to kids who couldn’t ’ford presents.”

  The story tugged at Anna’s heart. Sally had been such an exceptional person. “Well, I was thinking, their clothes? Maybe we could give most of them to a charity? So people who can’t afford clothes can have some.”

  Ella was quiet again before she finally nodded. “Yeah. Mummy would like that.”

  “I thought so, too.”

  And finally, they stepped into the room together, Ella’s hand tight in her own.

  Anna felt like she could conquer a mountain. She felt like she could climb freaking Everest. She felt like, finally, everything was settling. The ball that had been sitting heavily in her gut had completely dissolved, and she was left feeling jubilant.

  Two weeks on from clearing out her brother’s room, Anna marched through the hospital on a mission. At the elevator, she hit the up button, tapping her toes impatiently. She adjusted her blazer and tugged at her shirt, making sure her outfit was straight. Lane had insisted on the black pants with the white stripes down the side, and Anna had to admit that she did feel like she was
dressed in a power outfit, which had been the point. The elevator finally opened, and she made her way to her office, opening the door to see Lane standing inside, leaning against her desk and waiting for her.

  Lane’s eyes raked down her body and back up again. “Hey. Nice outfit.”

  As Anna pressed Lane back into the desk, her hands cupped Lane’s cheeks and her lips pushed against hers. Lane swiftly buried her hands in Anna’s hair.

  With kiss-bruised lips, Lane finally pulled back, grinning. “It went well then?”

  Anna, ecstatic, grasped Lane’s forearms purely for the need to hold her closer. “The judge didn’t even deliberate. That’s it—it’s done. I have permanent guardianship!”

  A laugh bubbled out of Anna’s chest as Lane wrapped her arms around her.

  Not caring that they looked ridiculous, huge smiles plastered on their face, Anna pressed their foreheads together. “Lane! They can’t take them now.”

  “I know. That’s it, it’s done.”

  “I love you.” She kissed Lane. “God, I love you. Thank you.”

  “Why are you saying thank you?”

  “Because I’m allowed to.”

  “I love you, too.”

  There was a knock at the door, and it swung open behind them.

  “Oh, for God’s sake. Am I stuck forever looking at the two of you?” Anna turned around at the voice, letting go of Lane and launching herself at Kym, tackling her in a hug. Kym wrapped her arms around her and looked over her shoulder at Lane. “I take it the final guardianship hearing went well?”

  Dusk was settling in when Anna picked up Ella from her parents’. Her mother was already aware of the outcome; Anna had called her as she left the courthouse. Anna had asked her not to tell Ella.

  While Ella gathered her things, Sandra turned her attention to Anna, who stood in the doorway. “Did you see Cathy?”

  Anna snorted. “She ignored me.”

  “Well, I suppose that’s better than reciting Bible verses at you.”

  A chuckle forced itself out of Anna’s chest as she made her way to the car with the kids. It was easier to see the funny side now it was over.

  They drove home, Ella talking about her day at school and Anna nodding, asking the right questions. When they pulled up to the house, Anna pulled Toby out of his car seat and put him on the ground so he could run over the grass to the front door.

  School bag in hand, Ella was already waiting when Anna reached the door and let them through, Ella and Toby half tripping over each other to get inside. Toby went for his blocks in the living room, and Ella dumped her bag at the stairs and moved for the kitchen.

  “Ella!”

  She stopped and turned, walking back. “All right, I’ll put my bag in my room.”

  With a chuckle, Anna sat on the step and pulled Ella to her. “That too. But I have something to tell you.” Settling against Anna, Ella furrowed her brow, uncertain. “Okay, sweetie. Remember how, for a little while, you got taken to another house?”

  Ella nodded.

  “Remember how I told you I had to wait for the judge to make some decisions, and that’s why it took days for me to finally get you back?”

  The panic that rose in Ella’s voice made Anna squeeze her tighter. “Is that why you’re dressed all fancy? Is he going to take us again?”

  “No, sweetie. No.” She brushed the hair off Ella’s face. “Today I saw the judge again. But it was a good thing. Today he signed a special piece of paper that means no one can ever take you again.” She put her hands on Ella’s cheeks, looking at her with utter sincerity. While the kids had been slowly settling the last month, she hadn’t made clear-cut promises to Ella, just in case. But now, she wanted her to have some security, and Anna could finally offer it. “Hear that, Ella Bella? All the police and all the judges have a piece of paper that says you stay here, with me.”

  “So…they can’t come and put us in a car again?”

  “No.”

  “And—and we stay with you, all the time? For good?”

  “All the time, sweetie.”

  The way Ella hugged her took Anna’s breath away.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Warm lips were running up Anna’s spine. Naked thighs straddled her legs. Anna burrowed her face into the pillow and yawned, relishing waking up in such a manner. The lips reached the back of her neck, and warm breath washed over her skin, making her shiver.

  “Morning.” Lane’s voice husked out next to her ear.

  “Morning.” Anna rolled onto her back, and Lane straddled her hips, hands pressing either side of Anna’s head so they lay flush against each other. Anna gently tucked a tendril of hair behind Lane’s ear.

  “You were sleeping late.”

  When Anna glanced at the clock and saw it was after ten, her eyes widened slightly, and she looked back at Lane, voice low with sleep. “I really was.”

  “I thought I’d wake you up.”

  Anna wrapped her hands in Lane’s hair and pulled her down, kissing her. The appreciative hum Lane gave made Anna smile.

  “I never sleep later than you.”

  “Yeah, well, you had a rough week.”

  “Yeah. It was long.”

  Lane rubbed her nose against Anna’s neck and kissed behind her ear before pulling back again. “Long, and with no time for us.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, don’t be. It wasn’t your fault.”

  “You got stuck with the girlfriend with a crazy life.”

  Lane kissed her once. “I like my girlfriend and her crazy life.”

  “Even the crazy kids?”

  “I love the crazy kids.”

  “Even though Toby threw up on you?”

  Lane made a face. “That was not my favourite Toby moment, I won’t lie.”

  With a chuckle, Anna tugged so she was laying on her side, half-sprawled over Anna, head resting in her hand to look down at her. “They were so sick.” Anna wrinkled her nose. “It was so gross.”

  As Lane finally flopped her head down on the pillow, Anna rolled onto her side, hooking a leg over Lane’s hip as she snuggled in, face pressed into her neck. The stroking of Lane’s hand in her hair relaxed her, and she was able to close her eyes.

  “It was really gross. Days and days of stomach flu and crazy hours were a fair excuse to not have much time for us,” Lane said.

  A lazy grin made it’s way onto Anna’s lips. “We made up for it last night.”

  “So maybe it wasn’t just your crazy week that made you sleep late.”

  “We did only fall asleep after four.”

  “Yeah we did. The joy of the kids requesting a sleepover at your mum’s.”

  Opening her eyes, Anna settled back so she could look at Lane. “They do love a sleepover at Grandma’s.”

  Lane pushed Anna’s hair back, hand resting gently against her neck. “I have missed you this week.”

  “Me too. I liked going out to dinner last night. We actually got to have a conversation.”

  They lay for a few minutes, enjoying the silent house and time just for them, naked and warm in the morning. Anna loved the kids, but not being jumped on at six a.m. was feeling especially nice. Two months on from the trial, Ella was sleeping better than she had been, while Toby was mostly back to his old self. Anna brushed her lips to Lane’s chest, sighing contentedly. While it was great the kids were returning to normal, even slowly, it meant lots of energy and early wake-ups.

  The silence was broken when Lane said softly, “I wish I didn’t work at one.”

  “Yeah, me too. I have to get the kids in about an hour anyway. Mum has an appointment.”

  Lane’s fingers trailed up and down her sides, fingers tracing ribs. “What are you going to do with your afternoon?”

  “Meet Kym and take them to the zo
o.”

  Lane’s eyes lit up. “I love the zoo!’

  “You are such a kid sometimes.”

  Shrugging, Lane didn’t even look embarrassed. “It’s why Ella and Tobes love me.”

  “True.”

  A more serious look replaced the playfulness on Lane’s face. “And it’s twelve months today?”

  “Twelve months since Simon died. I’m, uh, going with her, before the zoo, to the cemetery. I was going to take the kids to see Jake and Sally.”

  “That’s a good idea. I wish I could come.”

  “You’ll be there next week when we go with Mum.”

  “You want me there?”

  Lane smiled as Anna leant forward and kissed her again. “Of course.”

  The touch of Lane’s fingers along her hip made Anna fall back against the pillow. “If we start we won’t stop.” Her murmurs of protest didn’t hold much conviction as Lane’s lips started to trail against her jaw and her neck.

  “I see nothing wrong with that.”

  “Work and, uh—” She moaned softly as Lane sucked on her pulse point. “I have to get the kids.”

  The kissing paused. “Shower?”

  “Shower. We’ll be saving time.”

  “Yeah, let’s look at it like that.”

  Without warning, Anna rolled away, Lane half falling into the warm spot she left behind. The bewildered look on Lane’s face made Anna smirk. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up, Lane’s surprised face switching to a grin as she stared at her.

  Anna winked and started walking towards the bathroom. “Join me in five?”

  “Twist my arm.”

  Anna threw a smile over her shoulder and shut the door.

  In the shower, hot water came quickly just as Anna heard Lane call out, “Your cell phone’s ringing!”

  Not caring, Anna stepped into the hot water, sighing at the sensation against her skin. “Can you see who it is, in case it’s Mum?”

  There was silence, and then the sound of the door opening. Lane entered with a strange look on her face.

  Anna pushed the shower door open completely to look at her. “Who was it?”

  Lane didn’t step into the shower, instead leaning stark naked against the wall and looking at Anna with an odd expression on her face. “How often does your ex call?”