by Botts, Liz
“It’s not funny,” I insisted, grinning in spite of myself. “We have to go back to school in half an hour. I don’t have time to go home and change.”
“I’ll go grab one of Jess’s shirts. She won’t mind if you borrow one,” Josh said.
“No!” I panicked. “If I wear one of Jess’s shirts people will know I was here.”
Okay, maybe that was irrational, but Jess would know I was here, and that was enough, wasn’t it?
“Okay, I see your point,” Josh nodded, ignoring my irrationality. “How about one of my baseball practice shirts?”
When I hesitated, he added, “It’s clean, I promise.”
I laughed. “That sounds great,” I agreed.
Josh ran upstairs, and returned with a baseball t-‐-shirt in the school colors. Josh’s last name was emblazoned on the back along with his number. I wasn’t sure this was any better, but I couldn’t resist. It was clean and it smelled like Josh. Did I mention it smelled like Josh?
“I’ll just finish our milkshakes while you change,” Josh said, giving me a funny look all of a sudden, like maybe he realized what people would think when they saw me in his shirt. “There’s a bathroom down the hall. Second door on the right.”
“Thanks,” I said taking the shirt. I pulled the shirt over my head. It was way too big on me, but tucked in to my jeans I thought it looked pretty cute.
When I got back to the kitchen, Josh was sitting at the island with our milkshakes in front of him. He stared at me with that funny look again. I hopped up beside him and grinned. “What, no two straws?” I asked, making a very lame attempt to flirt. Things were getting so murky. And I knew that this crush was a full blown case of unrequited love, even though I knew Josh liked me back, which made everything that much more confusing.
Josh grabbed my glass and my straw, and stuck the straw in his glass. He raised an eyebrow in a mock challenge.
“Great,” I grinned, leaning in to take a sip. Josh leaned in at the same time. We were closer than ever, even closer than we had been during play rehearsals since we never got to practice the kiss.
I never thought something as simple as drinking a milkshake could be so intimate.
“It’s really good,” I murmured.
“Yeah, really good,” Josh repeated.
I thought he was going to kiss me. We were so close. Inches away from each other. And he had this look, determined. But he didn’t. Instead, he sighed, and sat up. Glancing at the clock, he said,
“I guess we better get back to school.”
I looked up at the clock and had to agree with him. As we gathered up our backpacks, and Josh cleaned up our dishes, I watched him. He was such a mystery to me. I knew he liked me.
And yet…he seemed unwilling to make the first move. I wished I had the nerve to make the first move, but sadly, I was just as much of a coward as he was. Even though I thought I was right, what if I was wrong? The pressure was too much. I really wished that he’d just put me out of my misery.
Chapter Seventeen
I sat down heavily on one of the red auditorium seats in the first row, leaning my crutches against the chair beside me. Stupid curb that I stepped off of yesterday morning. Josh waved from his spot on stage, and I almost turned around to see who he was waving at. But instead of embarrassing myself, I gave him a small wave back. He looked like he was going to come over and talk to me, but Ms. Bard called the rehearsal to order.
Kaylee hopped off the stage with her assistant director’s binder and came to sit beside me. “You missed the victory dance,”
she whispered.
“What are you talking about?” I whispered back.
“Jenny,” Kaylee said. “When she heard you’d been injured and she got to rehearse with Josh today, she actually did a victory dance all around the stage. It was ridiculous.”
“Oh,” I said softly. Jenny. I hadn’t given her much thought before this whole ankle thing. Yes, I’d known she was my understudy, and yes, I had known she was in love with Josh. Most girls were it seemed like. Not that that bothered me. Still if she was that excited about my injury, it seemed like a good idea to keep her on my radar, as competition for my part if nothing else. But, my part as what? Kelly or as Josh’s girlfriend.
The idea jarred me as it always did lately, but my thoughts were quickly shoved aside as Ms. Bard arranged the scene. The scene was one that Josh and I hadn’t had the chance to rehearse fully yet. Kelly and Chad finally get the chance to dance at a school dance, and Chad confesses his attraction/love for Kelly. The song was a medley of two 1980s Eric Carmen hits, Hungry Eyes and Make Me Lose Control. Even though I didn’t care much for Kyle or his style, I loved what he had done with these songs. He might have even been right about the 80s being an underappreciated time for music.
On stage, Jenny was preening, literally, as Ms. Bard explained what she wanted from the scene. Josh was listening thoughtfully, but his gaze kept sliding to me. I felt warm. Was I blushing? Suddenly Jenny suctioned herself onto Josh’s arm. She was gazing up at him with a sickening adoration that made me cringe.
Ms. Bard yelled, “Places, everyone! Places!”
People cleared the stage, the rehearsal pianist played the opening bars, and Josh began the scene. “May I have this dance?”
Josh’s voice was so perfect, so achingly sweet and uncertain. Even spewing out hideously trite and clichéd lines, I wanted to listen to him. “Absolutely,” Jenny breathed.
I watched Josh lead her to the center of the stage with a tightening knot in my stomach. As he began the first lines of the song, looking into her eyes, I realized I couldn’t handle this. I struggled to my feet, making quite a commotion with my crutches, but just not caring. I hobbled to the choir room before I let several tears of self-‐-pity slide down my cheeks. Seriously, what was wrong with me? It wasn’t like Jenny was really going to get my part. My ankle would be fine in a few days. The doctor had assured me of that. But was that what was bothering me?
After several long minutes of wallowing, I shook myself out of my funk long enough to realize that if I wasn’t going to watch rehearsal I should at least use my time productively. With my ankle out of commission, I wasn’t allowed to drive.
Pulling my history book out of my backpack, I decided to poke at our unit on the Cold War. We had fifty pages of reading, plus two packets with essays due by the end of the week. Normally history flew by for me, but this unit was so boring it threatened to put me to sleep just thinking about it. I read through several paragraphs before the choir room door creaked open.
“There you are.” I glanced up at the sound of Josh’s voice. I felt warm again. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Why’d you leave rehearsal?”
I closed my book and shrugged. “My ankle was bothering me, I guess.”
Josh raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, just sat down next to me. He scooted away from me a bit, and I must have given him a strange look because he grinned.
“Give me your foot.”
I hesitated. What a weird request. What if my foot smelled?
Or what if my foot was sweaty?
“Come on.”
Still hesitant, I let Josh lift my foot onto his lap. I shivered as he tugged off my shoe and peeled off my sock.
Gently he began to massage my ankle. There was a sharp burst of pain followed by warm relief that spread quickly. I sighed happily. “How’d you know to do this?”
Josh smiled softly. “I’ve spent my fair share of time injured.
Physical therapists can work miracles when they have to.”
He continued to rub the pain out of my ankle as we fell into a comfortable silence that quickly turned tense, bordering on awkward. I cleared my throat nervously. “So, um, how did rehearsal go?”
“Oh, fine,” Josh said, suddenly concentrating very hard on my toes. “Jenny’s a very good dancer. Technically speaking, anyway.”
“Oh, that’s good,” I said, trying desperately to shove my massiv
e jealousy aside. Why was I jealous? He wasn’t my boyfriend. And, okay, yes, we had been spending a ton of time together, and I had a massive crush on him. And even though I was pretty sure he liked me back, he hadn’t asked me out, which made me feel vaguely stressed.
Josh smiled this smile that said he had something he wanted to say, but wasn’t going to. It was almost like he was laughing at me, but in a nice way, not a mocking one. “Hmmm, yeah, it was good, I suppose,” he finally said. “It didn’t feel right, though.
Dancing with Jenny.”
My breath caught and my heart sped up. Instinctively I knew he was going to confess something. “Oh?”
“Jenny and I just don’t have the chemistry we have,” Josh said.
Blood rushed to my ears. I’m sure I was blushing furiously.
My whole body felt warm. “No.” I said. I had meant it as a question, but it came out as a firm statement that made Josh smile bigger.
“How does your ankle feel now?” He asked.
I flexed my foot and swiveled my ankle several times.
“Pretty good,” I acknowledged. “You’re amazing.”
Now it was Josh’s turn to blush. I kid you not, his cheeks darkened involuntarily. “So,” he said, “do you think you could dance on it?”
“I’m not sure,” I said, doubtfully. “Wouldn’t that make it worse?”
“Probably not,” Josh assured me. “I’ve played on a lot worse injuries and they’ve always been okay. I just…I just want to run through the Hungry Eyes scene with you. We haven’t had the chance to rehearse it yet all the way through. I just want to see how it feels with you.”
I’d never had anyone say something so nice to me before.
With Josh’s help, I got my sock and shoe back on, and stood. My ankle did feel a lot better, and even though I wasn’t super sure I should dance on it, there was no way I was going to pass on the opportunity to dance with Josh and be serenaded.
We got into position. “Just follow my lead,” Josh said. “We get to really dance however we want.”
I nodded, simply staring up into Josh’s eyes. He began the song, and instantly I was lost in his voice. My ankle was a distant memory, and all I could think of was that Josh sounded awfully sincere as he sang the words. Was this his confession of how he felt? Were these all the things he hadn’t been able to say to me?
“Isn’t this cozy?”
The spell was broken by someone’s voice at the door. Josh and I stopped mid spin, startled. I would have fallen down if Josh’s arms hadn’t steadied me. He kept his hand on the small of my back as we faced Kyle. His features a riot of emotions, anger and spite swirling with other things I couldn’t quite name. I was thankful for Josh’s support as I faced those intense emotions. I hated the way Kyle made me feel bad when I was doing absolutely nothing wrong.
“We were practicing a scene,” I said, lamely, hating the fact that I felt the need to apologize and explain.
Kyle smiled a sarcastic smile. “And, here I was under the impression that your ankle was preventing you from rehearsing today,” he sniped.
“It was, but Josh…” I began to say.
“What is your problem, man?” Josh interrupted me, glaring at Kyle. “Her ankle is feeling better. We probably shouldn’t have been dancing, but it’s not like we were committing a crime.”
Kyle glared back in a silent face off. Finally, he grumbled,
“Whatever.” He walked a few feet forward, and reached out to grab my arm. “Come on, Hannah, we have to go rehearse, too.” He hung on a little too firmly, and when he yanked on me, I stumbled, twisting my ankle again. As pain shot up my leg, I gasped. Josh lunged forward to keep me from falling. If I hadn’t been between them, I was sure Josh would’ve gotten in a good swing at Kyle.
Tears pricked my eyes. “I don’t really feel like rehearsing today, Kyle. I’m really tired. And I’ve got a ton of homework. Josh, do you think you could take me home?”
“I’ll take you home,” Kyle snapped.
“No thanks,” I shook my head. “I have some stuff in Josh’s car that I need to get.”
“I’ll wait.” Kyle eyes narrowed as he got more insistent.
Josh grabbed my backpack and shouldered it before turning to Kyle. “Thanks anyway, but I’ll take her home today. Besides our parents are having dinner together tonight. It’s just simpler for me to head out with her.”
With that, Josh offered me his arm, but I shook my head and grabbed my crutches. As much as I wanted to stay connected to Josh, I really didn’t feel like provoking Kyle further. I really did just want to get out of there. Josh seemed to understand, and he gave me a slight smile as we headed for the door.
I could hear chairs clattering together as Josh and I made our way out of the music wing. We were silent until we emerged into the warm April twilight.
“Kyle has quite the temper,” Josh remarked.
Nodding, I wasn’t sure what to say. “He scares me,” I confessed.
“I thought…” Josh began, but quickly trailed off, shaking his head.
I glanced sideways at him. “You thought what?” I prompted.
“Nothing,” Josh said, suddenly serious. “It’s nothing. Let’s get you home. I need to run home, too, before we come over for dinner tonight.”
“Wait, what?” I stopped. “I thought you were just making that up.”
“No, why would I make up something like that?” Josh asked. “Your mom is hosting some thing for families in the department. We’re all coming.”
Hmm. Josh at my house. That was an interesting turn of events. Why must my mother forget to tell me everything? And, oh my, what if she had invited Harlow? There was about a zero chance that I could hope to keep Josh’s attention with Harlow there. I doubted Mom would invite Grandma and Duke.
“You know my family’s crazy, right?” I blurted.
Josh laughed and opened the car door for me. “All families are crazy, especially when one of your parents is an academic. No worries.”
“Yeah, but just in case my grandma happens to be in attendance, I think it’s only fair to warn you that she’s, um, a little different,” I began.
“Okay,” Josh said. “Different is fine.”
“No, like she’s marrying a guy thirty years younger different. Like she met him at the strip club where he works different. She was there for amateur night different. As a performer different,” I blurted in rapid succession.
Josh burst out laughing until he realized that I was serious.
He still couldn’t stop laughing as he said, “I really hope she’s there.
She sounds much more interesting than my grandma. My grandma’s idea of fun is going to play bingo at the Knights of Columbus hall.”
I buried my face in my hands. “This is so embarrassing. I can’t believe I told you that.”
“It’s no big deal, Han,” Josh said, still chuckling. “It makes things interesting. And to tell me means you trust me, and that’s really cool.”
I peeked at him through my hands. Maybe he was right.
Maybe telling him the truth would be better than keeping all my feelings all bottled up. Josh stopped laughing, and for a long, intense moment, we stared at each other. But then someone honked and the moment passed.
Josh dropped me off saying he’d see me soon. Mom was in a tizzy when I walked in the door even though the whole thing was catered and a professional cleaning service had made the house sparkle earlier in the day. I slipped up the stairs to my room without being noticed and changed into a blouse and skirt that Mom would like.
And then I went downstairs to wait. Hayley met me in the living room. “Grandma and Duke aren’t coming,” she said, relief evident on her face.
“How come?” I asked.
Hayley rolled her eyes. “You don’t want to know, but let’s just say that there is a special event at the Sugar Bomb tonight and Grandma is the star.”
“Ew!” I said, covering my eyes as if I could physically block
the image. “That is not something I need to infest my brain.”
Hayley and I sat in squeamish silence while we both tried not to imagine our grandmother in her new career as star stripper at the local strip club. Not an easy task.
“Did you know Josh’s family is coming to this little shindig?” Hayley said. Then she laughed, “Of course you do.”
“At least I don’t have to worry about Josh meeting grandma and Duke tonight. Can you imagine?” I said, shuddering.
“At least Josh knows about Grandma and Duke,” Hayley lamented. “I never mention that sort of stuff to Mike. It’s too embarrassing.”
“Hayley! Hannah!” Mom yelled from the kitchen. “I need you!” We scooted off the couch only to be put to work unloading containers of appetizers that the caterers had failed to plate to Mom’s approval. As we began our thankless task the doorbell rang, and Mom abandoned us to play hostess. By the time we finished, most of the guests had arrived. I was on my way to see if Josh’s family had come yet, when I got waylaid by Harlow.
“Sis,” Harlow said, blocking my path. I tried to see around her nonchalantly, but she shifted in front of me.
“Harlow,” I said, not sure how to deal with this little meeting. We hadn’t really spoken since she ditched me at the party.
“I didn’t know you were coming.”
“Free food,” Harlow shrugged. “So how’s that little thing you’re in at school going?”
I rolled my eyes. “You mean the musical? Great. It’s going great.” “Well, if you need any pointers, you know, I’m a pro,”
Harlow offered. Or at least I thought that’s what she meant. She might have just been bragging, which she did fairly often.
“Hey,” Josh grinned at me from around Harlow’s elbow.
I felt warm and beamed back at him. The evening suddenly looked a lot more promising. Harlow turned around, following my smile. I saw her eyes widen with interest, Josh smiled politely at her before turning his attention back to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Harlow flush with frustration or anger.
“Oh, you must be Kyle,” Harlow said, all fake light, but I could hear the malice in her voice. “Hannah has told me so much about you.”