by Botts, Liz
“Let’s go,” I answered.
Josh grabbed his backpack and headed for the front doors. I followed quickly, hoping and praying that none of my friends saw me leave. Or worse yet, Hayley. Would they believe me if I said I just went out to lunch?
The security guard stopped us at the main entrance, and I swear my heart just about burst from anxiety it was pumping so fast. But the guard only congratulated Josh on his last baseball game. Josh grinned, accepting the praise with good-‐-natured humility. Was there anything this guy wasn’t good at? Then Josh made some joke about being careful who the security guard bet on because you never knew how a season would go. They both laughed as Josh and I left the building.
“You do leave a lot, don’t you?” I repeated.
Josh shoved his hands in his pockets. He gave me a sidelong glance, and then said, “I used to. Before I started to hang out with you guys.”
“Why?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” Josh sighed. “I guess I just didn’t really have any real friends to sit with.”
Something in his voice told me not to press him anymore, so I just fell into step beside him as he strode to his car. Unlocking it, he tossed his backpack in the back seat and slide behind the wheel.
I climbed into the passenger seat, tucking my backpack by my feet on the floor.
We sat silently for a few moments before I started wondering why we weren’t going anywhere. I glanced at Josh expectantly.
“Seatbelt,” he chided.
I’m sure I blushed because I could feel my face get hot.
Quickly I buckled my seatbelt and looked out the window as Josh laughed.
Pulling out of the lot, we fell into a heavy silence. The air in the car felt awkward and tense. All of the casual, light banter of the past weeks was gone. In its place was something new and strange. I couldn’t stop myself from fidgeting and picking my nails, so finally I shoved my hands under my legs to keep them still. When we had to sit at a stoplight, the constant clicking of the turn signal threatened to drive me insane.
“So where are we going?” I finally burst out.
Josh glanced at me as he eased the car onto a side street. “My house.”
“Your house?” I squeaked.
“Yeah, is that okay?” Josh replied, laughter lacing his voice.
“Um…sure,” I said. “But what if your, um, parents come home from work early. Or what about your brother and sister?”
Josh burst out laughing. “You worry a lot.” He chuckled.
“My parents are out of town at work. And the last time I checked Jess and John have to stay at school until the end of the day just like all the other good little students.”
We pulled into a darkened two-‐-car garage, and as the garage door shut behind us, I could have cut the tension in the car with a knife. “So,” Josh finally breathed. “Guess we should go in and get some lunch. You hungry?”
“Starved!” I replied a little too enthusiastically. I guess I was just relieved to have something else to focus on, other than this new weirdness with Josh.
Josh led the way into a cozy little kitchen cluttered with stuff. He dropped his backpack on the nearest counter and reached to take mine. His hand brushed mine as I gave him the bag. The jolt of electricity that passed between us caused me to drop my bag, and then the two of us just stared at it. My brain was chiding me for being so stupid and cliché. A jolt of electricity? How original. But I swear that’s exactly what happened, and from the way Josh was acting, he felt it too.
Finally, Josh cleared his throat, retrieving my bag from the floor. “So, um, what do you like for lunch?”
I blushed. “Anything’s fine,” I hurried to assure him.
“Usually I just have peanut butter and jelly.”
“I know,” Josh said softly. “And chips and an apple and a cookie that Kaylee always eats half of.” He stopped, a shocked expression on his face. I realized he’d let me in on way more than he intended for me to know. Recovering, he grinned, “I meant, what would you like for lunch today, now that you’re in the gourmet kitchen of Josh Larson?”
He bowed with flourish and grabbed a pastel floral apron hanging by the stove. Tying it on, he grinned at me bigger. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Well, then, what are the specialties in the gourmet kitchen of Josh Larson?” I giggled.
Josh opened the refrigerator. “Grilled cheese and tomato soup,” he announced.
“Sounds perfect,” I said. “Is there anything I can help with?”
“No,” Josh insisted, seriously, setting ingredients on the counter.
Watching Josh cook gave me goose bumps, and shivers up and down my spine. This little crush of mine was getting wildly out of hand.
“So do you think we’ll finally rehearse the kiss scene today?”
Josh said it so casually I almost missed the significance. As his meaning sank in, I felt cold all over, followed by a blistering wave of heat as my face fired up in yet another blush.
“Um…I don’t, um, know. I mean, um, Kyle’s been really, ya know, um, changing so much, um, stuff on us, so yeah, um, I don’t know.” I stammered.
I caught Josh’s bemused smile as he opened a drawer and pulled out a knife. He worked quietly for a minute buttering the bread for the grilled cheese sandwiches. I couldn’t help but stare at his profile. He really was the most amazing boy I’d ever been this close to, not that that was saying much, but I really felt awed somehow just to be in his presence.
“You know, I think Kyle likes you,” Josh said finally, carefully slicing some cheese.
My jaw dropped. “Are you kidding?”
Josh glanced at me. “No,” he said. “I’m totally serious. I think Kyle likes you, and that’s why he keeps coming up with reasons for us not to rehearse the kiss scene.”
I just stared at Josh dumbly, my brain synapses zipping, trying to process the concept of Kyle liking me. And why it left me with such a nauseous feeling. I had pretty much gotten past what had happened in February. I’d almost forgiven Kyle. And I thought I’d conveyed my complete dislike of Kyle to Josh. When he made comments like that, I stumbled in my confidence as to whether or not Josh actually liked me back.
“It doesn’t matter if he likes me.”
“Must matter to Kyle,” Josh persisted. “No guy acts like this unless he’s really serious about a girl.”
“I don’t care,” I repeated. “It doesn’t matter to me if he likes me.” “Maybe he’ll ask you to prom,” Josh said. He gave me a teasing grin, but the smile didn’t even come close to lighting up his eyes, and the nauseous feeling in my stomach got worse.
“That would be so embarrassing,” I groaned. The thought of Kyle asking me to prom, and of having to turn him down when plenty of girls would have sold their souls to go with him, was downright horrifying.
Josh dropped the sandwiches in a pan on the stove. They sizzled, oozing delicious smells. “Are you still seriously insisting that you don’t want some guy to ask you to prom?” His words tumbled out, and jumbled into one another. It took me a minute to figure out what he was asking.
I shook my head. “I just don’t want to be embarrassed. Like the rest of the female population of our school apparently can’t wait for. I don’t have anything against prom itself.”
“So, you’re saying that if the right guy asked you, you’d go?” Josh said.
“Sure,” I squeaked. Here we went again into dangerous, uncharted territory. The more time I spent with Josh, the surer I was that he reciprocated at least a tiny fraction of the monster crush I had on him. I took a deep, gulping breath that caused me to hiccup. To cover my embarrassment I said sharply, “I already told you I’d go if the right person asks me.”
“Crap,” Josh muttered suddenly as the tomato soup began to spit at him. I jumped off the stool I had been perched on and hurried to the stove. I grabbed the spoon and started stirring. Josh grinned at me as he flipped the sandwiches.
“We make a good
team,” he commented softly.
That right there was nearly enough to make me pass out.
Instead, to diffuse the obvious tension, I dropped the spoon. The tomato soup began to spit again. A small red puddle was spreading on the spotless white linoleum. Josh jumped into action to save our lunch, and I dashed to the sink for cleaning supplies so I could save the linoleum. By the time we had everything saved and cleaned up, the weirdness was gone.
“Want to eat outside?” Josh asked rummaging through the fridge for two Cokes.
“Sure,” I agreed. The early May weather was warmer and sunnier than normal, and it did seem a shame to waste such a perfect day inside, especially when we had already skipped school.
As Josh gathered plates and bowls and spoons onto a serving tray, he stopped short. “Wait. I have to go call the school for us. Would you mind getting everything else ready?”
I shook my head as Josh hurried to the other room. I finished assembling all the necessities and gently opened the screen door.
Stepping out on to the back deck, I was met by a lush green garden alive with birds and tulips.
“We’re good,” Josh announced as he stepped out onto the deck behind me.
“Oh, great,” I replied, distracted by the beauty of the yard.
“Your yard is gorgeous.”
“Thanks. But I had nothing to do with it. That’s all my dad.
He’s a gardening freak.”
“Oh, yeah, well it shows,” I said. When Josh laughed I realized what I’d said, and blushed again. “I mean, it shows that he loves to garden. Not that he’s a freak or anything.”
“I knew what you meant,” Josh assured me. We sat down at a nice wrought iron table on the deck and tore into lunch. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until the food was in my mouth.
“Mmm,” I sighed. “This is really good.”
“Thanks. Like I said, it is my specialty.”
We chomped on our food in silence for a few minutes.
Finally, I took a long drink and settled back in the chair, sated.
“So,” I said, “I’ve been meaning to ask you, how did you get so good at singing and theater and stuff? You know, considering your other extra-‐-curricular activities.”
Josh wiped his mouth with a napkin and flushed slightly. “I just have a gift, I guess,” he shrugged.
I frowned, although only slightly, because the sight of Josh blushing was really cute. “I mean it. I’ve been really curious. You’re amazing in this show. You’ve done theater before, right?”
Tossing his napkin onto his plate, Josh stood up and started collecting our lunch dishes. As he stacked them on the tray, he said,
“Let’s go inside, okay?”
I nodded, curious why he seemed sort of offended, or put off, or something. Still, I followed him into the kitchen, and then up the stairs to his room. I hesitated at the door because, um, it was his room. His bedroom. Where he slept. And did all sorts of other bedroom-‐-ish things. I mean, what exactly did boys do in their rooms? Josh grabbed something from his bookshelf and flopped down on his bed. He patted the empty space next to him. My mind slowed to a complete halt. What? Did he want me to join him? On his bed?
Somehow, my feet propelled me to his bed without the help of my brain, and I sat down far too close to him for comfort. I had to remind myself to breathe as he readjusted himself, draping one arm around me, or maybe he was just leaning on the headboard, and opening what I now saw was a yearbook across our laps.
I threaded my hands together nervously on my lap, waiting for him to make the next move. I was pretty sure I was holding my breath. But honestly, at that point, who really knew? Josh definitely moved his arm around my shoulders then, his fingers gently toying with loose strands of my hair. I vaguely remembered Kyle doing something similar months ago when he was trying to convince me not to audition for Kelly. And as similar as it was, this was also completely different. Kyle had been…intimidating almost, and Josh was being sweet.
A shiver zipped along my spine, and without meaning to, I leaned closer to Josh. I felt him pause before flipping open the yearbook. I watched intently as he turned page after page of typical school events. As the activity pictures began, I waited for him to stop at the football team or the basketball team or the baseball team and show me who he had been at his old school. Instead, he stopped at the drama club picture.
His hand nervously smoothed out the page. “This is who I used to be,” he said, pointing to a scrawnier version of himself in the back row of the picture. He actually looked a lot like how his brother John looked now.
I glanced up at him, surprised by the uncertainty in his voice. His eyes met mine, waiting for my response. Smiling, I said,
“I knew you had to be a theater kid. That explains a lot.”
And I was met with silence. It grew to such unnatural proportions that I began to get nervous and had to glance back down at the picture to see if maybe I had missed something.
“That’s it?” Josh finally asked.
“Um…and you look a lot like John?” I added.
Josh exhaled suddenly, and I realized that he’d been holding his breath. He really had been nervous waiting for my response to his revelation. “You don’t have…any other questions?”
This confused me. I wasn’t sure where he was trying to lead me, so I took another stab. “You look like you’ve grown a lot since that picture was taken?”
Josh laughed, sounding relieved, and I dared glance up at him. “What were you so worried about?”
“Who says I was worried about anything?” Josh asked, still playing with my hair.
I rolled my eyes and waited for his response. Finally he said,
“We moved here, and I started over, but not completely obviously.
And, I don’t know, some people seem to like me because of the way I started over.”
He was so serious, and I knew he meant a whole lot more without really wanting to say it out loud. Carefully, I said, “I’m not some people, you know.”
“I know,” he said quietly, so quietly that I wasn’t sure I’d heard him at first. We sat there staring at each other for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a minute. A car door slammed outside, and we both jumped. Josh’s head swung around to the clock frantically, and he only relaxed when he saw the time.
“It’s not my parents.”
I nodded, my heart still beating in my throat. Getting off the bed seemed like a good idea, but as I contemplated that, I realized I didn’t want to move. I was just getting ready to settle back against Josh when the doorbell rang. This time I scrambled off the bed so fast that Josh burst out laughing. I glared at him as he unfolded himself a bit more slowly and headed for the stairs.
“You can stay here,” he suggested, but I shook my head firmly and followed him down the stairs.
I booked it into the living room while Josh went to the front door. Sinking into the couch, I tried to talk some sense into myself, noting that it was probably just a FedEx guy or something. Instead, I heard Kyle’s voice.
“Ms. Bard was alarmed that both you and Hannah weren’t in class this afternoon. She sent me out specifically to locate the two of you,” Kyle said stiffly. I could picture him standing at the door in his yellow argyle sweater, those pretentious glasses perched at the end of his nose, clenching and unclenching his fists.
“That’s really nice of Ms. Bard to worry,” Josh said in a calm, relaxed voice. “I had a chiropractor appointment this afternoon, and I can’t miss those.”
In my mind, I could see Josh leaning against the doorframe, hands in his pockets, thoroughly enjoying giving Kyle a hard time.
“Do you know where Hannah might be?” Kyle asked.
“Hmmm,” Josh drawled. “I think she mentioned something about having a dentist appointment.”
“A dentist appointment?” Kyle repeated. “Seriously?”
“What? Don’t you go to the dentist every six months?” Josh asked with
mock seriousness.
“What? Of course I go to the dentist,” Kyle said, annoyed. I almost giggled. Josh was too good at this.
“Well, did you think about calling her cell phone?” Josh asked. “That might be the best way to find out where she is.”
Kyle was silent for a moment. Finally, he said, “I hadn’t really thought of that.”
“Did you think Hannah and I were skipping together? Did you expect to find us in various states of undress when I answered the door?” Josh was teasing Kyle now, but there was something sharp in his voice. I knew it was anger and frustration for all sorts of things that Kyle had done over the past few months. And Josh didn’t know about my incident with me and Kyle. He’d smash Kyle’s face if he knew about that.
“Well, it wouldn’t surprise me,” Kyle replied nastily.
“Hannah is such a little slut.”
Silence reigned from the entryway. Finally, Josh said in a low, even voice, “I think you better get back to school. And if I ever hear you say anything like that about Hannah again, I’ll break your face.”
And with that, he slammed the door. I fidgeted on the couch, while Josh remained in the entryway. When he rounded the corner, he shook his head. “He’s such a pretentious jerk.”
“I know,” I said, standing up.
“Hey, do you want me to make you a milkshake or something?” Josh asked suddenly.
I laughed a little. “We just finished lunch.”
Josh shrugged. “It’s never a bad time for a milkshake.”
“True,” I agreed. “You can make me a milkshake.”
We headed back into the kitchen. Josh rummaged around in the freezer for some frozen yogurt that he insisted was the best thing ever. He also pulled out chocolate chips, chocolate syrup, and some milk.
“You’re a chocoholic,” I giggled.
“You’ve learned my dirty little secret,” Josh agreed. “Would you mind grabbing the chocolate syrup for me?”
I grabbed the bottle off the counter where Josh had set it, and was pulling off the top when I squeezed it accidentally.
Chocolate exploded everywhere; on the cabinets, on the floor, and on my shirt. I groaned. Josh took one look at me and burst out laughing.