by Botts, Liz
Something had broken free inside of me, and it actually felt really good to have stood up to her.
Chapter Nineteen
Opening night was always on a Thursday, which meant I had to get through an entire day of school. What a joke. I didn’t pay attention to anything my teachers said for the first three classes of the day at least. My mind alternated between obsessing about the show and about my feelings for Josh. It probably didn’t help that Josh was in two of those three classes, and he kept giving me little silly smiles. He looked so happy, just like I felt. We were perfect mirrors that day.
During third hour, Josh sat down next to me, and after class started, he held my hand. I felt so conspicuous with our hands intertwined, hanging between us in the aisle. And yet, we weren’t noticed at all as far as I knew. Even though we’d never discussed our relationship status—and it seemed increasingly likely that we would never get the chance to have that discussion—and we’d never even really been on a date, I was pretty sure that we’d transitioned to boyfriend and girlfriend fairly effortlessly.
After third hour, Josh reluctantly let go of my hand and we gathered our stuff so we could head to the auditorium. Another tradition at our school was for the cast to perform for the local elementary school kids. They got a field trip, and we got a little extra practice. This year we were doing three rounds for various local elementary school kids. We weren’t doing the whole show either, just the songs and the blocking that went along with them.
Unfortunately, the kiss wasn’t included in the blocking of any of the songs, so the anticipation of that would keep building until tonight. Unless, of course, Josh and I managed to get a little practice in beforehand.
And, oh, the anticipation of kissing Josh was nearly killing me. Every time he smiled and his lips quirked, I found myself staring at them mesmerized, simply imagining what it would feel like the moment his lips met mine. Down moments barraged me with thoughts about how Josh would taste. All I could think of was that if he tasted half as good as he smelled, I didn’t think we would ever stop kissing. Not that there would be any problem with that.
“I’m sort of nervous,” Josh admitted as we made our way down to the green room.
“They’re just grade schoolers,” I teased. “Nothing to be nervous about.”
Josh smiled at me. “You aren’t nervous at all?”
My heart stuttered. Of course I was nervous, but not about what he thought. I guess I stopped smiling because Josh frowned at me all of a sudden. He stopped in the middle of the crowded hallway and grabbed my hand again.
“I promised,” he said. And with that, he leaned toward me.
My brain went blank. I literally had no thoughts. Time slowed down. All the cheesiest, most clichéd moments were happening to me in that moment. I’d love to say that Josh finally kissed me.
Instead, I got pushed roughly from the side. I would have fallen down if Josh hadn’t been holding on to me. When I righted myself, I found that I was looking into the face of my ever so delightful understudy, Jenny
“Oops,” she said with her eyes big and wide, all faux innocent. “Are you okay?”
Josh pulled me a little closer. “You should be more careful, Jenny,” he chided. “Hannah’s our star.”
Jenny frowned at Josh, looking both frustrated and chastised at the same time. “Well, you two shouldn’t be standing in the middle of the hallway,” she snapped. “We’re going to be late.”
She actually stood there like she was waiting for us.
“Okay,” I said, maybe a touch snarkily. “We’ll see you in the green room.”
Jenny huffed in frustration and flounced down the hallway. I actually giggled. “That girl has it bad for you,” I said.
“I know,” Josh replied. “I’m trying to let her down gently.”
“Yeah,” I said, suddenly breathless. “Gently is good.
Because there’s someone else?”
Josh laughed. “You even have to ask?”
We could have dawdled in the hallway all day doing our little back and forth dance. Instead, we got ourselves down to the green room, separate, and get ready for our performances.
As I was putting on my make-‐-up, Kaylee came twirling into the green room. She giggled and threw her arms around me. This was definitely not the Kaylee that I knew. Regardless, I hugged her back and asked, “What’s gotten you so… so delightful?”
“I’m always delightful,” Kaylee laughed, smacking me on my shoulder. It actually hurt quite a bit. “Seth just asked me to prom!”
I squealed and hugged her tighter. She had liked Seth since we were seven. And she never ever talked about him. I had no idea how on Earth he knew to ask her but thank goodness he was smart enough to figure it out.
“How did he ask?” I knew that was the question of all questions.
Kaylee sat down on the chair next to me, her eyes shining.
“He left a fishbowl on my doorstep with a really pretty fish in it.
The note said ‘out of all the fish in the sea, you’re the one I want to go to prom with me’. And he was waiting on the lawn with a dozen roses. I almost fainted. It was so exciting!”
“I have to admit,” I said, picking up a make-‐-up sponge.
“That’s incredibly romantic. I’m sort of jealous.”
“Don’t worry.” Kaylee’s mouth curved mischeviously at the corners. “Josh’ll ask you to prom eventually.”
“Shh!” I grabbed her arm, looking around to see if anyone had noticed what she’d said.
Kaylee laughed, “Everyone already knows that you two are completely in love. Even if you two won’t do anything about it.”
“Are you kidding?” I said. “You hush. Although that would probably explain why Jenny just tried to cripple me again in the hall.”
“Well, you be careful,” Kaylee said, handing me a jar of foundation. “I’ll be on the lookout for any would be assassins.”
“Thanks,” I said. “It’s good to know you’ve got my back.”
“Always.” Kaylee grinned. We hugged again and Kaylee went off to attend to her assistant director duties.
I finished putting on my make-‐-up and sat back to give myself a final perusal. That’s when Josh appeared in my mirror.
“You look beautiful,” he said.
My whole body flushed. We didn’t say anything else as we headed up on stage, but just his presence calmed me down and sped me up all at the same time. That was the thing about Josh that always got to me, he had me talking in contradictions and clichés and I loved every minute of it.
The performances for the elementary school kids flew by.
We sang every song as if it were really show night, and little kids proved to be such a phenomenal audience. After each show, we did a little autograph signing in the Commons. It was so cute when the little girls would shyly put their autograph books in front of me like I was truly a star who they looked up to. It was even cuter when they handed their books to Josh and then giggled. Not even little girls were immune to his charms.
During the lunch served in the green room, I folded up some notebook paper and pushed it in front of Josh. “Can I have your autograph?” I asked, hoping I was being flirtatious.
Josh took it and wrote something down. Then he folded it up and put it in his pocket. “You can have it back after the show tonight,” he said.
I went home after school soaring on a cloud. See? More clichés. I literally did feel like I was floating. The adrenaline rushing through my body gave me a euphoric feeling like none I’d ever known. That combined with the fact that I was going to kiss Josh in mere hours had me twirling around the house at a frenetic pace.
Apparently, I got really bad because Hayley started to help me pack to go back to school. “You’ll be great,” she said, practically shoving me out the door. “Break a leg. We’ll see you after the show.”
I got back to school way too early. When I walked back into the green room, the first person I saw was Jenny.
She was working on her hair, but even I could see that her bangs weren’t cooperating. Eighties hair was big, hair sprayed, and complicated.
After stowing my stuff in the principles dressing room, I took a seat next to her. “Do you need any help?” I asked her.
Jenny let out a frustrated noise and kept fiddling with the curling iron and her bangs. I waited, but she kept ignoring me so I started putting my foundation on.
“I wouldn’t ever want help from you,” Jenny snapped suddenly, throwing the curling iron on the dressing table. I scooped it up quickly before it could burn anything. Before I could reply, Jenny continued, “You have everything.” She turned to me, and I saw tears shimmering in her eyes. “And you don’t even get how lucky or talented you are. Have you ever listened to yourself sing? And you have Josh completely in love with you!” She balled her hands into fists and the tears started to fall.
We sat in silence while her shoulders shook. I grabbed a Kleenex and handed it to her. She rubbed her eyes violently. I knew I needed to say something, so finally, choosing my words carefully, I said, “Jenny, you have a lot of talent yourself. Just wait until next year or the year after.” I paused. “And there will be a guy for you, but I will tell you it isn’t Josh. And I’m sorry you feel things for Josh that he doesn’t reciprocate. That sucks, and I’m the last person you want to be talking to about it, but I’m here.”
Jenny sat still, her eyes puffy and there were streaks in her make-‐-up. Occasionally a hiccup would burble up as she shredded her damp Kleenex. She took a deep breath.
“Can I help you fix your make-‐-up?” I asked, picking up a sponge. Jenny nodded her consent, and in no time, I had her looking pretty much like she hadn’t just cried her eyes out. “It helps, too, if you use a little hairspray before you use the curling iron.” I finished my make-‐-up and disappeared back into the dressing room. I put on my first costume and decided to hide in the music wing until show time. Even though I desperately wanted to see Josh, after Jenny’s meltdown and confession, it just didn’t seem fair to rub it in her face. And seeing Kyle or Claudia before show time just made me sick to my stomach.
In the music wing, the orchestra kids were busy tuning instruments and doing their own pre-‐-show rituals, and the back door was propped open to let some cool night air in. The sun hadn’t quite set so a milky blue twilight was settling in. Even though it had been a pleasantly warm May day, the air was much cooler now. I stood at the back door watching little dots of airplanes trail their lights across the sky.
“How’re you holding up?” Maggie appeared beside me.
“Nervous as all heck,” I admitted. “I think I might throw-‐-
up.” “Charming.” Maggie patted my arm while her face split into a grin. . “What are you nervous about? You were great today.”
“Thanks,” I replied, looking back up at the night sky.
Glancing at her out of the corner of my eye, I said, “Yeah, not so nervous about the acting part.”
“Then what?” Maggie eyebrows knitted together.
I shook my head. “Kissing Josh,” I confessed.
“Um…okay, not sure what to tell you,” Maggie said.
I laughed. “It’s just that it feels like our first kiss shouldn’t be in front of an auditorium full of people.”
“Okay,” Maggie said. “But at least you know you’ll be the envy of every girl in the place.”
I frowned. “That’s not the point.”
Maggie shrugged again. “Everyone in this school knows you two are together. It’s almost painful watching you two dance around the issue. Especially when you both know how the other one feels. This kiss will be good for you.”
Good for me. Ha. I gave one last glance up at the night sky, took a deep breath, and headed back to the stage.
The first act flew by in a blur of dancing, smoldering looks, and big hair. At the end of the last scene, Josh and I danced to the Eric Carmen medley and the entire world faded from view. It was just the two of us, and we stopped acting. Our hearts melded together, raw and vulnerable. When the song ended, Josh took my face in his hands, our eyes met, and he leaned in.
The kiss was searing, and it definitely turned our G-‐-rated play into at least a PG-‐-13 rated show. As the music began to fade, Josh broke away and stared at me, looking as dazed as I felt. The applause jolted both of us from our reverie, and we quickly ran off stage. The curtains zipped shut behind us. People began to chatter in the auditorium. Intermission.
We were immediately pulled apart by people wanting to tell us how amazing that scene had been. Just as I was about to politely excuse myself to find Josh, a hand grabbed me roughly around the elbow. Before I could process anything, I was dragged out the side stage door into the hallway.
“What was that?” Kyle let the door slam against the wall with a metallic clang as he unleashed a string of obscenities.
I blinked, temporarily taken aback by his anger. Then anger surged up in me, and I shook his hand off my arm where it was beginning to bite uncomfortably into my skin. “What was what?” I snapped back.
“That grotesque make-‐-out session on stage,” Kyle spluttered. “That’s not the way I wrote it. Kelly is a sweet girl, not a slut.”
Despite the aversion that I had developed for Kyle in the past few months, his comment still stung me to my core. I couldn’t think of a way to defend myself, so I simply swallowed and looked at the floor.
“You need to take that back,” Josh said so quietly we barely heard him.
Kyle turned. “What business is it of yours?”
“I was one half of that kiss, and there was nothing grotesque or sluttish about it,” he replied.
A bubble of laughter escaped my throat. I couldn’t help myself. Another bubble escaped, although it sounded more like a gasp than a laugh. Pretty soon, I was giggling. Then the uncontrollable laughter with the hiccups and the gulps of air started. Tears streamed down my face, and I could feel Josh and Kyle staring at me. I forced myself to look at them. Kyle glared at me, but Josh grinned.
“You’ve ruined the play,” Kyle said flatly to one or both of us before stalking to the backstage area.
My laughter died down, and I sank onto a step. Josh sat down next to me. “We ruined the play, huh?” He said, not sounding contrite at all.
“Mmmm,” I replied. “I think we made it better. That kiss Kyle wrote was so lame.”
Josh was quiet for a moment. “I…um…I wasn’t, you know, acting when I kissed you,” he said.
He sounded so nervous I couldn’t believe this was the same Josh talking to me. I gave him my best flirtatious sideways grin, and said, “Yeah, I know. You just aren’t that good of an actor.”
Josh’s eyes opened a little wider as he turned toward me abruptly. When he saw that I was teasing him, his mouth tugged up at the corners and he reached over to take my hand.
“I wasn’t acting either,” I whispered, as Josh’s thumb traced little circles on my palm.
We could hear some of the orchestra kids coming out of the auditorium through the double doors toward the other end of the hall. Josh stood, pulling me up with him. We ducked into an alcove before anyone saw us. I found myself pressed firmly against Josh’s chest, which seemed to be my favorite place as of late. When I looked up into Josh’s eyes, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was going to kiss me.
And then he did, and it made me wish that we didn’t have to go back out on stage to finish the show, because I could definitely do this all night. When he finally broke away, I was surprised to see how serious he looked. Quite frankly, I felt like I was floating.
Somehow, we found our way back to the green room, hands intertwined, only to have a chorus of praise from our fellow cast mates. The rest of the show sped by, and I barely heard Ms. Bard’s notes and praise. Hayley, my parents, Grandma, and Duke were all there as promised with hugs and flowers. There was no sign of Harlow but that didn’t surprise me, and it didn’t upset me in the least. I blush
ed as Josh’s mom gave me flowers.
“We’ve been waiting for months to hear that Josh finally asked you out,” she confided, causing my blush to deepen tenfold.
Josh offered to bring me home, and I was so red by that time that when Dad said, “We won’t wait up,” with a playful nudge and a wink, I nearly fainted. Everyone laughed.
Then Grandma came up and clapped her hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Well done tonight, young man,” Grandma said. “Now are you my granddaughter’s boyfriend?”
“Way to beat around the bush, Grandma,” I muttered.
Grandma, of course, didn’t notice, she just waited expectantly for Josh to answer.
Josh shifted uncomfortably as Grandma leaned heavily on him. He glanced at me, and I stared into his eyes to see what he would say. “Well, yes, I am,” Josh affirmed. The look in his eyes asked me to confirm.
I sighed. “Okay, Grandma, now you know he’s my boyfriend. Happy?”
Grandma ignored me. “Now listen, young man,” she said, leaning in close with a confidential tone. “This girlie needs to get laid.” “Grandma!” I gasped.
Josh had the decency to blush. I, however, nearly fainted.
Luckily, Josh steered me away from Grandma and Duke, and if his hand hadn’t been on my back, my knees very nearly might have buckled. Who says things like that? Who has a grandmother like mine? Seriously. I was fairly certain I’d never recover from the trauma of that encounter. Funnily enough, I wasn’t even all that embarrassed, it was more the response Josh had given that was really causing tremors to race through my body.
“Have you, um, done that a lot?” I asked boldly.
“Done what?” Josh asked, grinning. “Dealt with crazy grandmothers? Sure, all the time.”
I cleared my throat. “That’s not, um, what I meant.”
“Oh, you mean do I make a habit of getting girls laid?” Josh asked directly, seeming to enjoy my vague discomfort.
“Um, yeah,” I muttered.