by A. L. Cook
“Everything okay?”
Cameron spun in the chair to where Erin was leaning in the doorway. How much of that had she heard?
“Sure is,” he told her. “My mom’s just trying to round my sisters and me up and see who’s free for Christmas. This year, we all are. She’s excited.”
Erin smiled. “That’s nice.”
“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” Cam asked, pulling out another chair for her to sit on. She sat, and he turned so they were sitting knee-to-knee. “I want to ask you something,” he began, “and keep in mind that I’m asking as the kid who brought home the geeks that got picked on, and the poor kid in his class who needed a feed, or the kid whose parents were deployed overseas for months on end,” he told her in a rush.
Confused, and clearly suspicious, Erin nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“Not as your boyfriend or whatever, because you’ve made it very clear that that’s not what I am.” He seriously hoped the disappointment in his voice wasn’t as obvious to her as it was to him.
“Right,” Erin said, her tone clipped.
“And I want you to promise you’ll think about it, not just reject it out of hand, and I don’t want an answer now-”
“Cameron, spit it out,” she ordered.
He took a deep breath. “I want you to consider coming and spending Christmas with my family and me.” He held up a hand as Erin began to speak, no doubt to refuse, and continued speaking. “It’s not a pity thing, and it’s not a date thing,” he told her, cheerfully omitting the part where it was all part of plan to get her to acknowledge more than just the intense physicality of their relationship. “But you mentioned once that your parents had passed, and I hate the thought of you spending Christmas alone in a new place.”
He hesitated, then pulled out the big guns. “Maggie is my mom’s best friend, and she always has Christmas with us. I know she considers you to be like her family, and it would make her happy for you to be there too.”
Erin narrowed her eyes. “Cheap shot, Cam,” she muttered. “Look,” she told him, her hands gesturing tightly the way they did when she was stressed. “I’m not fun around the holidays. I don’t think it would be a good idea to show up and go all Grinch-like on your family.”
Cam shook his head. “Just think about it?” he asked her. “There’ll be great food, drunken carolling by the fire, and a football game with my sisters at some point that is much more competitive than you would think. No one will harass you, if that’s what you’re concerned about, and the house has lots of places to hide if you need the breathing space.”
Erin stared at him for a long moment, then looked away. “I’ll think about it,” she told him reluctantly, before getting to her feet. “Now come on, Amy sent me to get you for your photo.” She pulled her phone from her pocket and flicked the camera on with an evil smirk. “I can’t wait.”
Six
The Saturday morning of the fundraiser dawned clear, the first morning of no rain in a week. Erin, Shelley and Maggie drove down to the lot behind a tour office close to the station where the fundraiser was being held to deliver sweet and savoury pastries they had baked especially for the day to feed the crowd that had come out to support the station. Once they had dropped their delivery off at the refreshments tent, they safely stowed the cake Erin had made and decorated in the bakery’s delivery van, where it would wait until it was time to be raffled off.
Tickets had been available for purchase at several places around town in the weeks leading up to the fundraiser. The various donated items and services would be won by having a ticket number drawn from the pool of tickets created by people interested in the certain item. Shelley won a spa facial within the first hour of their being there, and Maggie allowed herself to be drawn caricature-style by a high-school art student who had set up an easel and was donating all his earnings to the station.
The day was cold but clear, and the wind held back to a gentle breeze. The atmosphere on the block was festive, with a live local band, the smells of fresh hot food and coffee from various stall vendors winding around the crowd, balloons bobbing over the heads of small children with painted faces who ran around squealing.
Nursing a coffee in one hand and sporting a constellation of rainbow-coloured stars over her left eyebrow, Erin smiled as she stepped aside to avoid being ploughed over by three middle schoolers and pushed her sunglasses further up her nose.
It had been so long since she had allowed herself to feel settled and involved in something so community-spirited. Her small hometown had had small fairs and fetes like this with some frequency, from what she could recall, and the community of Redondo Beach in California where she and Daniel had lived did the same, frequently holding concerts, art exhibits and food festivals on the pier.
As the sounds of music, laughter and conversation surrounded her, Erin began to wonder if Juneau was the place she’d now call home. Since Daniel had died, this was the longest she’d spent in any one place, and she knew it was partly due to the relationships she had begun cultivating here. When she’d left California she’d left everything behind. Her job, her home, Daniel’s parents, and their friends and colleagues, all because the burden of memory became crushing.
But with the passing of time had come the easing of that weight. It wasn’t gone, and she had no way of knowing if it ever would be completely, but by allowing herself to start building her life again into something with meaning Erin had begun to enjoy the lightness and fun her life had once held.
Stopping for a moment to listen to the band, she thought about what Maggie had told her. Take life with both hands and live it as passionately and fully as you can, had been the older woman’s advice. It was the philosophy Erin had once lived by, until Daniel’s life had been snatched from him, cruelly and abruptly. And with him went everything Erin had valued. She had no family, her friends and co-workers couldn’t look at her without pity in their eyes, and though they meant well, the visits from Daniel’s colleagues to make sure she was all right in the weeks after it happened were like stabs to the chest.
Things were changing now, though. Erin had friends again, people she let herself care about. Her job was fulfilling, the nightmares were all but gone, and she knew that given half a chance, Cam would slot himself right into her life and heart as though he had always been there. She was logical enough to know that he’d never take Daniel’s place, and she thought she’d be okay with that. But would he?
What if Cameron always thought she was comparing him to Daniel? What if she did? How could she allow herself to love someone with the ferocity that she had loved her husband, let alone overcome the bone-deep fear she had that something would happen to him the same way it had before? Because it was such a risk. Every time he put on that helmet, Cam risked his life. How could she be with someone who ran into the fire when all she wanted to do was run from it, as fast as she could?
And how was that her luck, really? She laughed bitterly to herself at the incredible bad fortune to have found the first person in four years to make her blood sing, only to have him be a firefighter too. Why couldn’t he have been a teacher, or a rancher, or a stockbroker? Anything but a first responder.
But it was done, as Daniel had said so often when Erin had lost her temper or gotten upset over something not worth the emotion. It was done, and now she just had to figure out what to do with it. The more she thought about it, the more confused she became.
And then there was Cam’s invitation to spend Christmas with him and his family. Erin wanted so badly to say yes. How long had it been since she’d had a real family Christmas? None since Daniel had died, and no proper celebration while they had been together, either, as he had always been at work. They had agreed that it would be fair to work the holidays before they had children, so that when they did finally start a family, they could cash in some of the good will that would have earned them and start some family traditions of their own.
If she said yes, that would be the start of
their relationship changing, Erin knew. No matter what Cam said, there were strings the size of ropes attached to the invitation. He knew what he was doing- had been doing for the last few weeks- and she knew it too. The hell of it all was that it was working, despite her best attempts to resist him. They were dating, in all but name and public knowledge, and had been since the first time they’d slept together. She had tried to deny it to herself, but it had really gone beyond that now.
The way she felt when he touched her, when he smiled at her as he came through the door of the bakery, when her phone lit up with a text from him just proved it. She was in love with him, utterly and undeniably. She suspected he was falling in love with her too, and that really only left her with two choices: she either gave in to it, beginning an honest and complete relationship with Cam, or she ran, like she had when Daniel had died.
She was so tired, though. Of running, hurting, shutting herself away. But she kept circling back to the fact that Cam was a firefighter, and how that was, essentially, a deal breaker. She couldn’t imagine being able to get over that large a hurdle, no matter how much she might be starting to wish she could.
Going around and around in her head was driving her crazy, so she decided to ignore the problem for a while and just enjoy the day. She started taking more notice of her surroundings and was startled to realise just how many familiar faces she knew. It seemed she had begun to form more ties here than she had realised. She stopped to chat briefly with several regular customers and their families, and was thanked by several more for whom she had recently made event cakes.
Thirsty, Erin went in search of a vendor selling cold drinks. As stopped and selected a bottle of water, her body suddenly began thrumming with an energy she had experienced only when she was with Cameron, a moment before he appeared by her side and paid the friendly young woman serving her.
“A drink for the beautiful young lady,” he grinned, his eyes hidden behind mirrored lenses as he handed the bottle to Erin.
“Thank you,” she smiled back, her mouth dry. He was in formal dress, and he looked utterly incredible. Erin had to take a drink of water to keep from saying something very inappropriate in the crowd.
“I’ve been looking for you,” he told her as they stepped out into the stream of people and began walking together. “We’re raffling your cake soon, if you want to be there for that?”
“Sure,” Erin agreed, and they began to make their way to the stage at one end of the park where all the draws were about to begin. She allowed her eyes to roam appreciatively over Cam’s tall form, from his blond hair, covered by his cap and which was starting to grow long and curl gently over his ears; down the broad expanse of his shoulders and trim waist emphasised by his black jacket and down to his backside and those long legs clad in perfectly pressed slacks. She smiled a little to herself as she checked him out, so of course that was exactly when Cameron turned to look at her.
“What are you smiling about?” he asked, but the cocky grin he flashed her suggested he knew exactly where her mind had been.
“Nothing,” Erin told him, trying to affix a stern expression to her face in spite of the blush she knew he could see. “Stop grinning like that, you look demented,” she told him, laughing when he tried for serious and failed miserably.
“I like seeing you like this,” he told her with a careless smile. “Carefree, happy, light. It suits you.”
She stared at him, at the easy affection on his face, his unabashed pleasure at seeing her at ease, and something in her heart seemed to crack wide open, oozing warmth through her like the comfort of a hug. She stepped closer to Cam and opened her mouth to speak when another female voice beat her to it.
“Cam? Well don’t you look good enough to eat?”
Erin froze, the words she hadn’t had the chance to give voice to crowding her throat like they were trying to choke her. Cam’s expression went from hesitant and expectant to horrified and resigned in a split second, before coming to rest on distantly polite.
“Aw, hell,” Erin heard him mutter under his breath, shifting his attention to the woman who actually knocked Erin out of the way to wind her arms around Cam’s neck and give him a full-body hug that lasted just a few beats too long to be friendly and innocent. “Hey, Ebony.”
“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you,” the newcomer purred, her voice husky and sensual.
Erin lifted her eyebrows as she gave the woman a once-over. She was short, with dark hair cut into a sleek bob that swung at jaw level, and curves for days. She was dressed in head-to-toe black, from the leather jacket over a thin sweater to the gloves, jeans, handbag and impractical leather boots that were for sure going to be ruined from walking around in the slush. When the woman turned slightly to cut a sidelong glance at Erin, she saw that the black theme had extended to a significant amount of eyeliner and a dark red lip.
“I guess it has,” Cam agreed, taking a tiny step towards Erin, which Ebony intercepted by taking a step of her own, her large bag again knocking into Erin.
“I’ve left you a few messages, but I guess you’ve been busy,” Ebony smiled, darting glances between Erin and Cam, as though trying to figure out who Erin was and what connection she had to Cam.
Cam shot her a pleading glance and, trying not to laugh, Erin stuck her hand out right in front of the other woman so there was no way she could avoid it, and gave her a huge smile.
“Hi,” she chirped. “I’m Erin. Cameron was just showing me where the raffles were taking place before he went to go and get ready for the auction,” she said.
“Ebony,” the other woman said reluctantly, taking her hand in a limp grip, before dropping at fast as she could.
“Uh, yeah, I have to get a move on,” Cam agreed quickly. “I guess I’ll see you later,” he said to Erin, before nodding at Ebony.
“Count on it,” Ebony said with another flirty smile as she ran a hand down Cam’s arm. “I’m looking forward to the auction,” she told him.
“Me too!” Erin interjected cheerily, drawing Ebony’s attention solely to herself so Cam could make his escape. He shot her one more pathetically grateful smile before he disappeared.
Great. Now Erin was stuck with her. The other woman clearly felt the same, because her eyes suddenly narrowed and her head tilted to one side, her perfectly shiny hair swinging.
“Sorry,” she said, sounding anything but, “but what did you say your name was?”
“Erin Campbell,” Erin told her.
“Right,” Ebony nodded, her expression calculating. “You’re the one from the bakery that Cam’s apparently been panting over.”
That startled a laugh out of Erin before she could reign it in. “What?” she asked, incredulous.
“Yes, that’s right. Carla Ianucchi said she saw the two of you eating breakfast together in the bakery last week, and Sarah Young’s husband said you go running together every morning.”
Erin had no idea who either of those women were, but the name ‘Young’ sounded familiar. “Sure,” she agreed easily. “Cameron comes in for coffee every morning and he sometimes stays to chat while I’m on break, and we run in the morning because we’re both up that early before work and we run a similar route.”
“Uh huh.” Clearly Ebony doubted that. “Just so you know,” she began, her tone condescending, “Cam and I have had a bit of a thing going for a while now, so you might want to watch where you step. Just a friendly tip.”
For the first time in a very long time, Erin was gobsmacked. “Did you seriously just try and warn me off a man who clearly has no interest in you?” she asked, laughing incredulously. “Because from where I was standing, he could not wait to get away,” she said baldly.
Two spots of high colour rose on Ebony’s cheeks and she stepped closer to Erin, her expression becoming calculated. “I don’t know who you are, or what you think you’re doing,” she said silkily, her tone vicious, “but this thing between Cam and I has been going on for a hell of a lot longer tha
n you’ve been around, and, quite frankly, you’re not at all his type.”
She gave Erin a blatantly contemptuous smirk, but Erin just laughed. “Whatever you say,” she agreed easily, before turning to walk away. “Enjoy the auction,” she tossed over her shoulder as she strolled off, not bothering to turn back and gauge the expression on the other woman’s face. She had no doubt that it wasn’t a pleasant one.
Erin had been prepared to bid for Cameron, certainly with the intent to win, but it would have been no big deal if she hadn’t, as it was all for a good cause. But Ebony had been a grade-a bitch, and Erin would be damned before she let that pseudo-vamp win any time with him. She picked up her pace as she made her way through the crowd. She needed to find an ATM.
*
Cam actually shoulder-checked Mikey in his mad dash through the crowd.
“Hey, man, I’m so sorry,” Cam apologised, shooting a glance over his shoulder as he reached out to steady the younger firefighter.