CONTENTS
TITLE PAGE
CHAPTER 1 When the Going Gets Rough
CHAPTER 2 Stone Faced
CHAPTER 3 Let’s Play Nice
CHAPTER 4 Pet Peeves
CHAPTER 5 A Real Crowd Pleaser
COPYRIGHT PAGE
Finn the Human and his constant companion, Jake the Dog, travelled to the mountains of Ooo to spend some time with their favourite band of manly marauders.
‘You guys sure you want another round of squid ink?’ the cephalopod server asked as she poured a dark liquid into two mugs. Two blue beefy brigands nodded. Then each swallowed the ink in one gulp and tossed the mugs to the ground. They began to push and shove each other.
All around town, fighting marauders filled the streets. A pair of men with horned helmets banged their heads against each other.
Finn couldn’t wait to battle, too. He grabbed the head marauder’s helmet and pulled with all of his might.
‘Not too bad for a human boy,’ the marauder complimented him.
‘Not too bad?’ Finn huffed. ‘I’m better than that!’
Finn was all set to show the head marauder the power behind his punch when he heard the sound of sobbing in the distance.
‘Jake, do you hear that?’ Finn called to his best buddy.
‘What did you say?’ Jake yelled back.
Jake was in the middle of his own battle, riding the back of a four-legged, bearded beast that was bucking back and forth. The beast reared up, tossed Jake off its back and gave him a donkey-kick that sent him flying through the air.
‘WHOA!’ Jake cried.
Jake landed right at Finn’s feet.
‘I think someone’s crying,’ observed Finn, cupping his hand to his ear. Just then, the head marauder attacked. He slammed Finn to the ground.
‘Stop!’ Finn protested as he smacked the marauder in the face. ‘This is serious. I gotta go find out where that crying is coming from.’
Finn raced off toward the sobbing sounds.
‘Get back here, you chicken!’ the head marauder commanded.
The marauder’s buddies huddled around him and jeered Finn, too. Finn’s blood started to boil. He was a hero! How dare anyone question his bravery!
‘What did you call me?’ Finn hissed.
‘You can’t just walk away from a rough-house,’ noted the head marauder.
‘HEY, listen up, you cold-hearted marauders,’ Finn said defiantly. ‘Somebody’s out there crying for help, and I’m not going to ignore that.’
‘Aw, here it comes,’ said Jake. ‘Lay it down, Finn.’
The marauders gathered around as Finn told a story from his early days in the Land of Ooo.
‘A long time ago, when I was a baby, I went boom boom on a leaf,’ he began his tale.
‘Then I fell backwards and sat in my own boom boom,’ Finn went on. ‘I cried for a day, but no one came to help me. That day, I vowed to help anyone in need, no matter how small their problem,’ Finn finished. ‘And that’s why I need to go.’
Finn passed through the town gate. He then stopped to listen for a moment. Jake was trailing behind him.
‘It’s coming from up there,’ Jake said, pointing up the mountain that they were facing. Rocks and boulders were tumbling and crashing to the ground.
‘Someone must be caught in that avalanche,’ Finn concluded. ‘Let’s get it on!’
Finn hopped onto Jake’s back. The magical Jake, who could transform into any shape imaginable, immediately grew larger and stretched his legs so he could bound up the mountain easily. When Jake saw a ledge overhead, he stretched his legs even higher and lifted Finn to the jutting platform.
‘So who’s crying?’ Finn wondered.
‘I am,’ Mountain Man replied.
The ledge that Finn was standing on was actually Mountain Man’s nose.
‘Whoa!’ Finn, unaccustomed to talking mountains, gasped. Rocks dripped from two craters on Mountain Man’s face, which were, in fact, his eyes.
‘Aw, what’s wrong, fella?’ Finn asked. ‘Are you crying boulders?’
‘Yes, I am sad,’ Mountain Man replied. ‘I have been forced to watch rough-housing men for centuries,’ the tearful stone sobbed.
‘Oh, I see,’ Finn said. ‘You’re feeling left out, and you want to rough-house, too!’
To ease Mountain Man’s pain, Finn started pounding on Mountain Man’s stony face and stomping on his rocky nose.
‘Yeah, do it, Finn,’ Jake cheered. ‘Hit him with a boulder. And then hit him with another rock.’
‘Please! No rough-housing,’ Mountain Man protested. ‘It…it makes me so sad.’
Mountain Man’s eyes welled up with boulder tears until they were so full the stones exploded from them. Rocks rained down onto the plains of Ooo.
‘Why?’ Finn asked, clearly confused about Mountain Man’s disdain for violence.
‘Because they’re so rough on each other,’ Mountain Man sobbed.
‘But a smooth, well-controlled rough-house bolsters your guts and…uh… rejuvenates the muscle,’ explained Finn.
‘No!’ Mountain Man complained. ‘It’s raunchy and maddening!’
‘WHOA!’ Jake murmured. ‘This guy’s got problems.’
Finn’s mind flashed back to a time when he had had problems. He was all alone on a leaf in the forest. A mother bug and her son walked by Baby Finn.
‘Look, Mummy,’ said the son.
‘Honey, don’t look,’ the mother replied. ‘That kid’s got problems.’
Finn snapped out of his flashback, invigorated. He knew what his next adventuring mission had to be.
‘I’ll help you, Mountain,’ he cried.
‘WHOA. WHAT?’ Jake gasped.
‘I’ll stop those rough-housers from being rough,’ Finn promised.
‘Really?’ Mountain Man asked. ‘You’d do that for me?’
‘Yes, sir,’ Finn answered. ‘My name’s Finn, and I’m going to help you out!’
‘But, Finn, we’re not going to shut down the rough-house for real, are we?’ Jake asked, unwilling to give up this manly sport.
‘No way,’ Finn whispered. ‘But there’s gotta be some kind of a solution.’ Finn leapt onto Jake’s back.
‘I’ll figure this out, Mountain Man!’ he promised as they jumped to the ground below. ‘Yup!’
The boulder tears stopped flowing from Mountain Man’s eyes. He believed that Finn really would help him. Finn thought back to his helpless baby self and believed it, too.
The marauders were rough-housing as usual when Finn and Jake returned to the village.
‘HEY, GUYS!’ Finn called.
‘Ah, Finn,’ the head marauder called back. ‘Ready to get destroyed?’
Finn waved his hand in front of him and laughed.
‘No, no,’ he told them. ‘Actually, can you guys stop being so rough?’
‘WHOA!’ the head marauder said to his men, who were ready to revolt. ‘What are you talking about, Finn?’’
‘Could you just tone down the rough-housing…a little?’ Finn requested.
‘Finn, I’m sure this ‘tone down the rough-housing’ thing has something to do with your boom boom, and I can respect that,’ said the head marauder, trying to be more understanding than marauders usually are. ‘But how can we make rough-housing less rough?’
Just then, Finn spotted a small white duck that was quacking at a furry black rat.
‘I think I have a perfect idea!’ Finn told them.
Finn used a rope to tie a flock of ducks to the head marauder’s fists. Then he tied a pack of rats to the hands of another marauder.
‘This will soften your punches for smooth knockouts,’ Fin
n explained. ‘Like punching a dream!’
The marauders went back to rough-housing, their blows softened by a hodgepodge of animal padding.
‘Pigs on my knees!’ one marauder cried happily. ‘Pigs on my knees!’
Finn and Jake bumped fists. This solution was turning out even better than Finn had planned. Finn couldn’t wait to share the good news with Mountain Man.
‘That’s like math,’ Jake said approvingly. ‘Yeah!’
‘Mathematical!’ Finn agreed.
The two adventurers climbed back up to tell Mountain Man about their success.
‘What do you think?’ Finn asked. ‘Fixed all your problems, right?’
‘No, that was terrible!’ Mountain Man moaned. ‘Now the men are just punching animals. It’s worse than before, and it’s in no way a good solution.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Finn apologised.
‘Well, you should be,’ said Mountain Man. ‘It’s not fair to those animals. And it’s not fair to me! I might just start to cry again.’
Boulders began to well up in Mountain Man’s eyes.
‘Oh, man,’ Jake sighed.
‘Come on, Jake,’ Finn begged his best friend. ‘I’ve got to give this another shot.’
Jake wasn’t convinced. This Mountain Man seemed to have some pretty kooky ideas, and Jake didn’t think Finn should get sucked into his hang-ups. He told Finn just that.
‘But that’s what I vowed,’ Finn reminded Jake. ‘To help anyone in need, no matter how small their problem. At least I have to try, brother,’ he added.
‘So be it, brother,’ Jake replied.
Finn hopped onto Jake’s back, and they returned to the town of marauders.
‘Hey, guys,’ Finn called. ‘I’m back.’
One marauder with butterflies strapped to his hands battled another who had a pig attached to his elbow. A third marauder got knocked in the face with a turtle-covered fist. An alligator-wielding marauder knocked his opponent to the ground. The sounds of animals bleating, clucking and squawking echoed through the town as the marauders faced off.
‘HEY, GUYS! GUYS?’ Finn called a little louder. ‘Men? Men, please stop for a second.’
The marauders appeared to be too busy in their battles to hear Finn.
‘MEN? BOYS?’ Finn yelled even louder. ‘I have more to ask of you.’ Finn ran over to two marauders who had fish strapped around their faces.
‘BROS? MY BROS?’ he greeted them. ‘Brother?’
Finn gently tapped one of the marauder’s forearms in order to get his attention. The marauder turned around angrily to see who was disturbing his skirmish.
‘What?’ asked the marauder. ‘Did you just pet me? I’ll pet you!’
The marauder knocked Finn in the head a few times. Then he looked down at Finn and smiled.
‘HEY, THIS IS GREAT!’ the marauder observed.
He flung the fish off of his face and petted his opponent’s chest.
‘Hey, did you just pet me?’ the opponent asked.
‘Yeah, I did,’ the marauder answered.
‘Well, I’m petting you back,’ said his opponent.
The two marauders began to pet each other as eagerly as they had battled.
‘THIS IS AWESOME!’ cheered the opposing marauder.
‘All right!’ Finn applauded. ‘This could be it!’
Finn ran over to a pair of wrestling marauders and petted one of their legs. They stopped wrestling and immediately began to pet each other.
Finn petted a marauder with penguins strapped around his head, a marauder who was sitting on another marauder’s shoulder and a beaver-wearing marauder.
Soon all of the marauders in the town were petting each other.
‘Finn!’ the head marauder called. ‘You’re really mixing things up in the best of ways today!’
‘Maybe you can solve everyone’s problems,’ Jake, who was getting petted by an array of animals, remarked.
‘Okay, cool,’ Finn laughed. ‘I’m going to go tell the mountain.’
‘All right,’ Jake replied, feeling incredibly comfortable while sprawled on a sturdy log. ‘I’m gonna stay here this time.’
Mountain Man chuckled happily when Finn told him the good news.
‘So, everything’s fine this time, right?’ Finn asked nervously.
‘Yes,’ Mountain Man replied. ‘Thank you, Finn.’
Finn quickly returned to the village to fill Jake in on the success of the petting plan.
‘So the mountain is totally fine with everybody petting,’ Finn explained. ‘I feel great.’
‘Right on, man,’ Jake said while a pig petted his back. ‘The marauders are going crazy over the petting. Check them out.’
Finn eyed the petting marauders, but instead of feeling satisfied, he started to get worried. When Jake said they were going crazy over the petting, he really meant CRAZY! The marauders were petting each other so much that they were covered in sore spots.
‘They look kind of rashy,’ Finn noted.
‘Hey, Finn,’ the head marauder called to him. ‘Hey, man, as you can see, the petting got sort of out of hand. We’re going back to rough-housing.’
‘No, wait, fellas!’ Finn yelled. ‘The mountain doesn’t like rough-housing.’
‘Well, we don’t like not rough-housing,’ argued the head marauder. ‘You see the problem here?’
Finn considered the options. He wanted to solve Mountain Man’s problem, but he didn’t want to create a problem for the marauders.
‘Well, what if…’ Finn suggested. ‘What if…we rotate the entire mountain 180 degrees around, so the mountain is facing the other direction? That way you guys can keep rough-housing, and the mountain doesn’t have to watch it!’
‘Sounds fine with me,’ said the head marauder.
‘What do you say, Mountain?’ Finn shouted to Mountain Man.
‘That’s okay,’ Mountain Man called back. ‘All right, kids. Spin me the math around!’
Finn knew his plan was a good one, but he needed to figure out exactly how he was going to get it to work.
‘I just need some sort of pulley system,’ he said to himself. While Finn was thinking, a new voice came calling from the distance.
‘NO! OVER HERE!’ said the mountain that was located behind Mountain Man. ‘Don’t turn him around! If you do, then I’ll miss looking at his beautiful back!’
‘WHAT?’ Mountain Man gasped, intrigued. ‘Really?’
‘WHAT?’ Finn gasped, not intrigued at all. ‘Okay, um…maybe what we can do is…’
Finn’s thoughts were interrupted by a pair of mushroom creatures. They hopped over and looked up at Finn earnestly.
‘Excuse me,’ one mushroom creature said.
‘Huh?’ replied Finn, confused.
‘We need your help,’ the mushroom creatures explained. ‘There’s no music playing and we desperately want to dance.’
‘Oh, uh…hold on just a second, you guys,’ said Finn anxiously. ‘I’ll help you out in one minute, okay?’
‘Hey!’ Coal Guy shouted from the other side of the village. ‘Pipe down over there! I want some peace and quiet!’
‘Uh…let me just,’ Finn stammered.
Another small voice chimed in.
‘And I need to be pollinated,’ said Cactus Creature.
‘Everybody, please,’ Finn said. ‘One problem at a time.’
Suddenly, the ground quaked as an enormous fire-breathing dragon landed in the town square.
‘My butt’s itchy, but I can’t scratch it,’ the dragon whined.
Finn held his head, unsure of what to do. The problems seemed never-ending!
‘This water’s too cold,’ complained Ice Guy.
‘That guy stole our triangle,’ said the Electroids accusingly.
‘They swiped my plum,’ croaked Plum Toad. ‘We want to rough-house! We want to rough-house!’ chanted the marauders.
‘What’s happening?’ Mountain Man cried, boulders streaming down hi
s face.
‘AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!’ Finn howled. ‘EVERYBODY WANTS DIFFERENT THINGS!!!’
He looked around at all the petitioners and sighed.
‘And some of them want stuff that’s exactly the thing the others don’t want,’ he continued.
‘Whoa, dude, hold on,’ Jake said, trying to calm Finn down. ‘So this guy wants this, and that guy wants that. But man, what do you want?’
Jake’s words triggered a memory in Finn’s mind. He returned once again to the scene in the field, when he had been just a helpless baby on a leaf.
A hat-wearing dog, who looked remarkably like Jake, had approached and picked up Baby Finn.
What do you want, baby?’ the dog, named Joshua, asked. ‘Why are you crying?’
Baby Finn couldn’t speak yet, so he just cried and cried and cried.
‘Margaret, this baby won’t tell me what’s wrong with it, and it’s stuck to a leaf, and it stinks,’ Joshua said matter-of-factly.
‘Give it here, Joshua,’ said his wife. ‘This baby just needs some love and kisses to be happy.’
The caring dog with the flower-covered hat knew just what to do. Margaret cradled Baby Finn in her warm arms and kissed his head over and over until he giggled with glee.
‘There,’ she said. ‘See? Now it’s happy.’
‘You just kissed a boom-boom baby,’ noted Joshua. ‘So don’t expect any more sugar from me, sweetheart, until we wash your dirty face.’
Finn snapped out of the flashback with a renewed passion for his mission. He hadn’t been left all alone in the forest to fend for himself when he was a baby. There were creatures who helped him, and he needed to return that help to others who needed it now.
‘Jake, what I want is to help anyone in need so everyone is happy,’ he said.
‘Wow, that’s pretty corny, man,’ Jake snickered. ‘But let’s do it, dude. WHOO-HOO!
Memories of Boom Boom Mountain Page 1