“Hey Sweets, what do you want for breakfast?” She has a funny look on her face.
“Toast is fine with a cup of coffee. I really don’t want to eat too much before I go to the station.” She sounds different than when we were in her bedroom this morning, she sounds as though she has put her walls up again. I don’t know what has happened in the length it took her to have a shower, but something has.
“Are you sure that is all you want? I can make you an omelet?” I make a great omelet.
“No thanks Sammy, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it all down. I’m too nervous.” She murmurs. Fuck I’m such an ass, of course, that’s what’s bothering her. She has to re-tell her story yet again. I make her toast and hand her a cup of coffee.
“Sweets, I won’t be here tomorrow. I have to go to my mom’s house and see my niece.” She looks at me with a deep frown.
“Niece?” She looks shocked.
“Yeah my niece Katelynn, she’s four and loves Peppa Pig. I don’t know how many episodes I’ve watched with her.” I’m rambling, and I don’t know why.
“I thought she was your daughter. I overheard your phone call, and I jumped to the wrong conclusion. I’m sorry.” She looks really apologetic if not embarrassed, her cheeks are a bit red which is kind of hard to tell with her tanned skin.
I understand why she presumed Katelynn was my daughter, but I would have told her from the beginning if I had a child and there is no way in hell any child of mine would be anywhere else but under my roof.
“Don’t be sorry. Katelynn has been through a lot, I told you about my sister Laura and her wild ways after our dad died. Anyway, she met this guy Adam and cleaned up her act about six years ago, they seemed perfect together. Laura got pregnant, and they got married, we thought they were happy.” Winter’s staring at me with such concentration, she looks worried.
“Two days before George’s christening, I got a phone call that changed the lives of my family. My brother in law was found dead, a gunshot to his head, they ruled out suicide straight away since there was no note and the gunshot was to the front of his head.” I hear her gasp and see she has tears in her eyes.
“Yeah, after a bit of digging turns out my sister started doing drugs Adam found out and threatened to take Katelynn away if she didn’t clean up. Laura didn’t, she killed him hoping the life insurance she had taken out on him a few years previous would help maintain the habit she acquired.” Winter’s tears are falling fast.
“Please don’t cry, Katelynn is happy living with my mom, and I see her as often as I can. She asks for her mom, and I know we’re going to have to tell her that her mom isn’t coming home. She’s doing good, I promise.” She’s shaking her head. I remember last Christmas, damn that girl was the happiest I have ever seen her.
~*~
“Wake up Uncle Sammy! Santa’s been here.” I look at the clock, and it’s only six in the morning, I groan and scrub my face with my hands. “Uncle Sammy wake up.” I think she might have woken the whole of the country up, she’s that loud.
“I’m awake,” I shout back and the next thing I know, there is a little ball of energy running through my room. “Buttercup, why are you awake so early?” I throw the covers off me and start walking to the bathroom. I hate these flannel pajama pants. I prefer shorts, but I forgot to bring them with me.
“Grandma woke me up. She’s cooking.” She says as she jumps onto my bed and proceeds to use it as a bouncy castle. I go to the bathroom and on my way out I realize what she just said.
“Buttercup, why is your Grandma cooking at six in the morning?” She looks at me like I’m stupid, still jumping on the bed, but hands on her hips.
“Uncle Sammy, the turkey doesn’t cook itself.” And then she jumps off my bed. “Uncle Sammy, hurry, and we can open presents.” And she’s gone, and I know I wasn’t the only one to ask why my Mom is cooking Christmas dinner at six in the morning. I pull on a tee and go downstairs. Katelynn is bouncing around the place, she’s hyped up, and I hope to god she hasn’t eaten any candy yet. “Oh yay. Grandma, Uncle Sammy’s here, I can open my presents now.” Oh, so that was her game, mom told her she wasn’t allowed to open any until I was up.
“Okay Katelynn, you can open them now.” I watch as she smiles and pounces on the massive pile of presents she has. I may have gone a little overboard, but I can’t help it. It’s been a long time since I’ve had Christmas at home. She goes to the biggest present, the one she can’t lift and I know that it contains a play kitchen. She has wanted one for a long time. She starts ripping the wrapping paper off and her face turns from happy to looking like she’s going to cry. Her face starts scrunching up and then the tears come.
“Buttercup why are you crying?”
She looks at me, “This is the best present I’ve ever got. Thank you, Uncle Sammy.”
~*~
“I’m not just crying for Katelynn, God that poor child, but I’m crying for you too, Laura is your sister it must hurt knowing what she’s done and knowing that if you want to see her, you have to go and visit her in prison.” How is she so compassionate? After everything, she’s been through how does she always thinks of others.
“Yeah it does, it hurts knowing my sister is in prison.” She walks over to me and hugs me from behind. Knowing she’s touching me of her own accord makes my heart soar. “Knowing why she’s in there hurts even worse. Imagining how dad would feel if he were still alive burns deep Sweets, I’m not even going to lie. It hurts like hell but we’re surviving, we’re getting through and taking it a day at a time with Katelynn.” She doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t move. She holds me and lets me say what I need too.
I feel like a fucking ass laying all this out on her when she has so much to deal with already. I spin around in her arms, and she looks up at me in surprise, she retightens her grip around my waist her face that just a second ago had a soft look turns hard.
“Don’t. I mean it Sammy. Don’t even say what you were thinking, yes you should have told me. You took my mind off everything except you.” She has such fierceness to her tone that I daren’t argue with her,
“Okay. I’ve got to tell you. I fucking love that I’m the only thing on your mind,” I tell her with what I’m presuming looks like a sly grin. That or I look constipated. I know from the roll of her eyes that it’s a sly grin. She moves her hands from my waist and places them on my chest, she leans in and kisses my cheek.
“Sammy, I’m scared. What if the police think I’ve wasted enough of their time by not giving them everything in the beginning? What if they don’t help me?” She looks frightened yet again, and all I want is to take her somewhere and keep her safe until this bastard is caught so I don’t have to see that look on her face.
“Listen, anyone in their right mind would take you seriously. Just tell them the truth and tell them about the phone calls and give them the recording and the cameras that were here and send them to Ryder and Oscar and they will talk to them.” She swallows and a lone tear slips from the corner of her right eye, I swipe it away before it even hits her cheek.
She looks up at me and fuck me I see it in her eyes, that look on her face tells me that she wants this. I can’t stop myself. I just hope that I don’t fuck up everything we have just built. I lean down to her, and my mouth touches hers. Fuck! She opens up to me, and I take, I kiss her like I need her like she’s my air. She’s kissing me exactly the same. It’s only seconds, yet if feels like minutes and I reluctantly pull away, I lean my forehead against hers. Both our breathing a little erratic.
“Fuck, I intended to take things slow with you. I wanted you to set the pace.” I watch as she looks to the ground. “I’m not sorry for kissing you Sweets. I don’t think I ever will be because you taste fucking delicious.” She looks up, and I see the smile on her face. “Tell me honestly, was that okay? I haven’t pushed you too far have I?” Her pupils are dilated, and her eyes are wide. She swallows twice before she answers me.
“No you
haven’t pushed me too far. It was more than okay Sammy. Thank you for letting me set the pace. I feel so at ease around you. I feel safe. I feel as though…” Before she can say anything the doorbell rings, she shakes her head and walks away to answer the door, and I’m left wondering what she was about to say. Just as she reaches the door she turns her head to me, her eyes look conflicted. I’m hoping she will tell me what’s going on.
Chapter Nine
Winter
I can’t believe I almost said it. What in the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t, that was the problem, his kiss turned me to mush. It was the best kiss anyone could ever have, and I let all my walls down and started spilling my guts on how I was feeling. I almost told him the truth.
I feel so at ease around you. I feel safe. I feel as though I’m falling in love with you.
Oh my God, thank God for the doorbell. I turn my head and look over at Sammy and see his confusion. I hesitate at the door, do I go to him or open the door? I open the door because I can’t tell him that I’m falling for him it’s way too soon.
“Hey Wints, you ready for this?” It’s Luke at the door with Soph and Nathan behind him. I feel Sophia’s eyes on me, and again she knows me so well she senses something’s up. I ignore her stare and focus on Luke, I open the door wider to let them in.
“Not really. It has to be done. I want him caught so he can’t hurt anyone else. I should have done it a long time ago.” I feel so much guilt, I can’t stop wondering if he has hurt anyone else if he has I don’t think I would be able to forgive myself.
“We’ll be with you Wints. We will take it at your pace, you need a break you will get one. Okay?” Luke says as he walks into the apartment, he stands next to me as he lets the others into the apartment behind him. Luke places his arm across my shoulder, and I flinch, it’s not an obvious one as I steel myself as both Luke and Scott love to hug both Soph and me, they always have and always will.
“Thank you so much Luke.” I lean my head on his chest as his arm is still around my shoulders. I look to Sammy who has a weird look on his face. I give him a smile, and his face gets soft. His bright blue eyes shine with happiness.
“Soph, are you still okay with coming with us?” I ask, worried that she might not be able to.
“Oh, she wants to. It’s all she spoke about. How she’s not letting you go through this alone again. How you deserve to have the people who love you around you when you need them.” Nathan says, and I see Soph roll her eyes, these two are so much fun to be around, I could watch their shit all day. They could make a show about it!
“Okay, that’s settled. Now I’m starving. What’s for breakfast?” Luke says, and on cue, his stomach starts rumbling.
“What do you want and I’ll make it? Oh, Soph. What are you doing tomorrow?” I say and start walking to the kitchen, I don’t want anyone to see the disappointment in my eyes when I have to tell them why I have to find someone to stay with me tomorrow.
“I don’t care anything,” Luke says at the same time Soph says.
“Nothing yet why?” I sigh.
“Can I hang with you tomorrow?” I feel someone behind me, and I turn quickly. I see it’s Soph, she has a worried look on her face.
“Nathan and Sam, you’re on breakfast duty.” And with that, she grabs my hand and pulls me from the kitchen into my bedroom.
“Spill.” Is all she says, it’s all she needs to say, she’s my best friend, and she knows me well, so I spill everything.
“Okay so Sammy has to see his mom tomorrow, and I was wondering if it would be okay to hang with you and the kids? Also, I kind of, sort of, might be falling in love with Sammy!” I say the last in a rush hoping she wouldn’t understand it. No such luck.
“Wow! Okay, let me start off by saying ask me again if you can hang with me and I’ll bitch slap you. You never have to ask, second of all, hon I didn’t know it was that serious. Why didn’t you tell me?” I look at the bed that I had the best sleep since the attack in and realize that I’m scared.
“I don’t know, we’ve kissed once, and that was this morning. I’m crazy! I know I am. What am I going to do Soph? I have these feelings for a guy I’ve known a week. How the hell does that happen? I can’t be falling in love with him in a week.” She has this weird smile on her face.
“Welcome to my world hon, I fell for Nathan that quick, it was exactly the same. I started falling for him within the first week. I was completely gone for him within the month. So I’m the wrong person to ask, everything between Nathan and me was at super speed. Listen to your heart hon, it’s the thing that has the biggest investment in this. It will steer you right.” She’s right she and Nathan were fast, but they belong together.
“What am I going to do Soph? What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if a few months down the line and I’m still not ready for sex? What if he gets sick of the drama? I can’t go through that.” She has tears in her eyes the same as me.
“Listen to me. You deserve all the love in the world, not because of what happened to you, but because of who you are, on the inside. Wints, you are one of the best people I know. I love every single thing about who you are. Sam would be lucky to have you love him. Just like I am. So if he is that much of a douche, then he doesn’t deserve you. But the Sam I know, the one who looks like you walk on water, he will be everything you need and so much more. You have to decide if you are willing to take the plunge?” This is one of the things I love about Soph, she’s in your face without being in your face.
“What am I meant to say, Soph? Hey, Sammy, I really like you, in fact, I think I may be falling in love with you. I really hope you feel the same but please be patient with me and don’t break my heart. That sounds so fucking stupid.” She has a small grin on her face.
“Yeah I think that works well. It’s the truth.” She’s staring at me and smiling I can’t help but smile back at her. The words I hear next take both the smiles off of our faces.
“Yeah Sweets, that did work well, I just wish I could have seen your eyes when you said it.” I see Soph’s eyes widen, and her mouth goes into an O shape, I’m pretty sure mine’s the exact same. I turn my head and see Sammy standing in the doorway. He’s looking directly at me. A smile on his face.
“Soph, do me a favor will you leave us alone?” I turn and see her look at me in question, and I nod my head she comes over to me and hugs me,
“Tell him the truth. It will be fine, if not remember I’ll kill him and hide the body, no one will ever find him.” With that, she walks out of my room leaving me alone with Sammy. I’m nervous as hell.
“Don’t be scared Sweets, please.” He says in a gentle tone. I sigh and walk to the bed and sit down I place my back against the headboard and bring my knees to my chest.
“I’m not scared, I’m nervous.” He raises an eyebrow at me, and I shake my head. Bastard.
“Fine, I’m a little scared. Nosy bastard.” He chuckles and sits beside me.
“Winter was that what you were going to say when we were in the kitchen before we were rudely interrupted?” He can’t be serious. I’m not answering that. I just shrug.
“Look at me. Please.” I do and see he has a look on his face I’ve never seen before, it looks so loving, but that could just be my wishful thinking. “I want you to know that I feel the fucking same, you’re under my skin Sweets, and I’m not letting you go. Know this Sweets, I will not willingly break your heart, and I will always be patient. You’re setting the pace Winter.” That right there pushes me closer to the edge.
“Tell me if you can’t take any more please,” I say it quietly, I hate being like this, one minute I’m fine I can be almost myself the next I’m retreating, being scared to say what I have to. It’s fucked up.
“Take any more of what?” He looks so concerned.
“Of my craziness, one minute I’m fine and happy I’ve taken a huge leap forward the next I’ve taken ten steps back and retreated, I hate it I can’t imagine what it’s got to be like fo
r you.” He reaches for me and puts his hand on my ankle and pulls me, I let out a squeak. He lifts me and places me on his lap.
“Carry on, Sweets, and I’m going to spank you. First of all, you are not crazy. You’re coping the best way you know how, when you need to retreat I’ll let you, I’ll give you time and then I’ll pull you right back to where you were. My feelings are that I want you happy that is the end of it, you want to retreat - don’t worry about me, Sweets I know that it’s not about us, it’s about you internalizing things.” He leans down and kisses me again. Damn! I turn to mush. I lean in and let the kiss consume me. Yet again he pulls away before it gets too hot and heavy. He lifts me off him and stands, my legs are weak from the kiss and the bastard has a smirk on his face.
I stand just as he says “Breakfast is ready; do you want coffee?” I walk up to him and kiss his cheek. “Sweets, you should know before you go that it’s not going to take much more for me to go from falling to gone.” He says as I start walking towards the bedroom door.
“Yeah I’ll grab a cup. Oh, just so you know, there is no way in hell you will ever spank me.” And walk out of the room hearing him chuckling behind me. I have a smile on my face knowing that I’m not alone in feeling this way.
“Whatever you say Sweets, just know that every time you put yourself down, I’m going to spank that gorgeous ass of yours.” He says into my ear as he catches up to me. His breath on my ear has me blushing and squirming. “Yeah that’s it, your ass will be the same color as your cheeks are now.” His words are turning me on, leaving me confused, I know I’m not ready for sex, yet when he talks like that it turns me on.
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