Angie told him that Marianne and Jon were going through difficult times.
Michael remarked, “I hope they are not as foolish as the two of us have been and
they don’t lose something very precious.” The words he spoke touched her heart. She felt tears spring to her eyes.
They also discussed Lizzie’s venture with advertising and the chance she had taken by going ahead and doing the ads for the O’Gradys without checking with Rex. Michael said that it did not surprise him in the least. Lizzie had always been very resourceful. He added that he was looking forward to seeing Rex again when he flew out to Dallas later in the week. They discussed each other’s families and caught up on all the happenings with each family member.
After they finished dinner and the dishes had been removed from the room, he poured her another glass of champagne.
“You know, I’ve had my limit, this is my last glass. I won’t even be able to walk back to my room.” Angie laughed as she gazed into Michael’s gorgeous eyes.
“Who says you have to go back to your room?” he teased her as his hand gently caressed her face, her ear, and her neck.
She stopped him with a gentle reminder. “Michael, you know the rules of this game.”
“Angie, my darling, I am going to be quite frank with you. I have led a miserable life without you for the last fifteen years. Professionally, I have done well, very well. But what has it all been worth without the one person in my life with whom I’ve always wanted to share it with? No one that I have been with since you has mattered to me the way you do. That’s why, when I found out that you had hired our firm to do your work, I maneuvered to get the assignment. I knew I had to see for myself if you had moved on, if you were happy, or if there was a chance for us. I was elated to find that you were single.”
“Michael, we might discover that we don’t even like each other now.” She laughed, knowing full well that was not the case.
“I highly doubt that, my love. But we won’t know if we don’t try, now will we?”
“Michael, are you saying that you want us to try again?”
“That is exactly what I am saying.”
“I won’t have an affair with you. You were once my husband. I won’t ruin the memory of that marriage with an affair. Can you understand that?”
“We can take this as slow or as fast as you want, but I am determined to make you my wife again. And hopefully, that will be in the not too distant future.”
“I just don’t know.” She looked at him helplessly.
“Do you love me?” he asked a simple question, waiting breathlessly for her reply.
“I never stopped,” she admitted it finally, looking down at her lap.
“And neither did I.” Simply stated, he took her in his arms and held her quietly for what seemed like an eternity. Her heart was pounding so hard she thought it would pop right out of her chest. Surely, he could hear it. But his heart was pounding just as hard. She caressed his tired face. All the pent up emotions from all the years past came flooding to the surface for both of them. She had missed him so much. She had missed this so much, the time spent in his arms, his kisses, and his love. This was where she was meant to be. They sat on the couch kissing and savoring the moment for several minutes. With a question in his eyes, Michael pulled away. “Why?” he finally asked. He had to know.
The moment of truth had arrived. The moment she had dreaded. Angie could not speak. She looked deep into his chocolate brown eyes and nodded. He grabbed her to his chest and held her close. Slowly, he kissed her again, on the forehead first, moving to her nose, then her lips.
When the kiss ended, she licked her lips and finally began to speak. “You have to understand that this is very complicated. I didn’t divorce you because I didn’t love you. I did it because I do love you.” Her emerald green eyes glistened with tears as they begged him to understand.
“Angie, I love you and I always will. We were so good together. What you are saying makes no sense. Why in heaven’s name would you divorce a man that you love?”
“I have always loved you, too, Michael. I am so sorry that I’ve put us both through hell all these years. We have missed so much time together.”
“Shhhh.” He kissed her again. They had many long years to make up for and tonight he was determined to get to the bottom of this whole mess and put it behind them once and for all. It was time to stop the nonsense and get their lives back on track, start a family.
“You know, Ang, maybe we should say to heck with taking it slow and get remarried right away, the old biological clock ticking and all.”
Angie winced. She was very quiet for a few minutes. How could she tell him?
“Michael, we have to talk about that.”
“If you’re saying you still don’t want kids, especially at this stage of the game, I will understand. But if you think that you might want to have a baby, we probably should get right on that pretty soon, don’t you think?” He pulled her close to him again.
Angie shook her head. “Michael, we have to talk about this. Please listen to me very carefully. This is very hard for me and I only want to have to say it once.” She looked away as she spoke softly, “I can’t have children.” There now, at least part of the tale is told, she thought with a twinge.
Michael looked at her in disbelief. When he finally spoke, it was with great concern. “I am so sorry, Angie, I had no idea. How did you find this out? When did you find this out?’
“I had a miscarriage several years ago. The doctor ran tests to find out why I did not carry the baby to term. Everything had seemed so normal. It seems that I have some sort of problem where my body thinks the fetus is a foreign object and rejects it, causing me to miscarry. Can you imagine how it felt to be told that my own body was rejecting my baby? To be told that I could never carry a baby to term. My body betrayed me, Michael.” Angie began to sob, the old pain returning tenfold.
Michael felt as if all the breath had been knocked out of his body. So she had tried to have a baby with someone else. He could not believe the incredible hurt and jealousy that he was feeling at this news. “How long ago was that, Angie?” he asked her warily. Do I really want to know?
Angie hesitated before she spoke again. Her mouth was parched, her body shaking. The time had come. There was no going back. She had come this far, she had to see it through. “Fifteen years ago, Michael.” She searched his face, waiting for the truth to sink in, waiting for his reaction.
Michael’s face was ashen. What was she saying? What was she trying to tell him? He looked at her with a question in his eyes. Was there another man back then? Or had she carried and lost his baby and not told him? But why on God’s green earth would she do that?
She went on to explain. “Not long after we began discussing starting a family, I found out that I was pregnant. You had gone on that three-week-long business trip. Remember, we had thought it better for me not to go because I was so busy at work. We thought I should not take time off so I could take a long maternity leave when we finally had a baby. I was incredibly happy when I found out. I couldn’t wait for you to get back from your trip so that I could share the news with you. I was so sure that we would be starting our little family and that we were going to live happily ever after, raising our babies together and building a life. The great American dream. I was making all kinds of plans for the nursery already. I couldn’t tell you over the phone with hundreds of miles between us. I had planned a special night for when you returned to tell you.”
“But then, one night, I began cramping and bleeding. I called Mom immediately and she came over and took me to the hospital, where I miscarried later that night. As I said before, the doctor ran a series of tests and the news wasn’t good. I was devastated. By the time you got back home, I was so upset by everything, I was simply numb. There is no other way to describe how I felt at that time. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I thought I could at least spare you from feeling the same pain I was fee
ling, knowing we had lost our baby and knowing that we would never have a child of our own. If you never knew about the baby, you wouldn’t need to grieve. Believe me, I did enough of that for both of us. So, being in the state of mind I was and knowing how much you wanted children, I filed for divorce, giving you the chance to have a family with someone else. At the time, it seemed like the best thing to do. I will admit that I probably wasn’t in the best frame of mind and wasn’t thinking clearly at all.”
Michael was silent. Angie thought that he would never speak again. He did not know whether to comfort her or to throttle her. How could she not tell him? How could she not give him the chance to grieve for their child as she’d had the chance to do? How could she say she had done it for him? She had given him no choice. She had taken away all of his choices. She had divorced him, giving him a freedom he did not want. He did not want to have a family with someone else. If they could not have a child of their own, they would have still had each other. How could she have done this to him? How could she have never told him? And how could she have thrown away their love like that? And why, if she still loved him, had she not found the courage to tell him before now? All these years, and she could have fixed it.
“Who knew about this?” he finally spoke.
“The only people who knew were Mom, the doctor, and me. For what it’s worth, Mom did not agree with my decision not to tell you.”
“Wish her daughter was as smart as she is. Angie, what could you have been thinking?”
“I wasn’t thinking straight back then. Like I said, I was totally numb. I thought I was doing it for you, Michael. I was grieving so much and I loved you so much. I wanted you to be happy and I felt that you could no longer be happy with me if you knew we would never have a family. I was afraid you would grow to resent that over the years. I gave you your freedom so that you could have the family you wanted with someone who could give you that.”
“Angie, I love you, Baby. But I have got to have time to process this. I have to grieve for that child, too. You have had fifteen years to deal with this. But it’s like it just happened for me.” He rose from the couch and extended his hand to help her up. “Let me walk you to your suite.”
“No, I will see myself out, if that’s what you want.” She watched in disbelief as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door. So just like that, he had walked out on her. This was how it was going to be, just as Angie had feared. She knew he was hurt. She hurriedly grabbed her purse and let herself out of the room. As she stood outside the door, she could not believe that just a short time before, she was in his arms, reunited. Just a few short hours ago, they were planning their future, planning to remarry.
Now, Angie did not know if they even had a future together. She had known that she was taking a chance by telling him after all these years, but it had to be done. If they were getting back together, she wanted there to be no secrets between them. He had to be told the real reason she had left him. She could only hope that in time, he would understand and be able to forgive her for what she had done all those years ago. She made her way back to the fifth floor. She hesitated before entering the room. She so needed to be alone for a while. What I really need is for Katy to come back from her date. Katy was her rock. But Angie had never told any of the girls about the baby, not even Katy. Would they hate her for it?
As Angie finally unlocked the door and walked into the suite, Lizzie saw the distress in her face. “Angie, what happened? You look terrible.”
“Michael and I probably won’t be getting back together, after all.” She walked into the bedroom, stripping off her new pink outfit, remembering how only a short time ago she had been in this very room, dressing for her date. She slipped into a nightgown and slid between the cool sheets. She felt cold and alone, the same way she had felt for fifteen years. Maybe I got what I deserved. The tears started to flow, all the tears she had held in check for all these years. Tears for all she had lost and for all she had given up. Tears for the baby she had lost, tears for all the babies she would never have. And most of all, she shed tears for Michael, the one true love of her life. Will I ever feel his arms around me again? Will we ever be lovers again? Would they ever be man and wife again? She lay in bed for quite some time, crying her heart out.
The other two girls sensed that Angie needed some time to herself. They waited a respectable amount of time before Lizzie finally knocked softly on the door and asked, “Do you need anything, Angie?”
Angie knew that the ‘Fab Four’ had to be told her secret too. She only hoped they would not hate her as Michael did. She could not lose Michael and her friends all in the same night.
“I’ll be out in a few. There’s something you all need to know. I might as well wait for Katy so I only have to tell it once.” Angie went into the bathroom, splashed her face with icy cold water and ran a brush through her thick hair. She put it into a pony tail, threw on her robe and looked around. Just a few hours ago, she was in this very bathroom, getting ready for her evening with such high hopes. And she’d almost gotten what she’d always wanted, a chance to make things right with her true love. How things can change so much in such a short time. she thought sadly. She walked out of the room to face her friends.
CHAPTER 15
Angie entered the sitting room of the suite to find her three friends deep in conversation. Katy had returned to the suite, apparently, while Angie had been in the bedroom. Thank God, Angie thought. I couldn’t get through this without her. Somehow, through the years, Katy had been the one in the group they all had turned to in times of trouble. Even when she’d had her own troubles, she had remained stoic and strong, doing what needed to be done.
“Oh, Katy, I’m so sorry. Who would have ever thought?” Lizzie consoled her as Marianne noticed Angie standing in the doorway.
Katy was also looking at Angie, a worried look on her face. She asked quietly, “Angie, honey, are you all right?”
The other two looked up. Angie’s face was splotchy and her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. It was very apparent that the evening had not gone well for their friend.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Katy asked. “It would appear that we have both had a very eventful evening.”
Lizzie and Marianne nodded. They had had such high hopes earlier that the evening would go well for both Angie and Katy. After hearing Katy’s sad story and seeing Angie so upset, it seemed like so long ago that the two were excitedly preparing for their dates.
Angie looked at them sadly and said, “There is something I need to tell the three of you. It’s something that happened a long time ago and until tonight no one knew except my mother. I told Michael and now the time has come to tell the three of you.” Angie was already dreading having to tell the story for a second time that night after remaining silent for so many years.
“Sit down, and take your time.” Lizzie made room for Angie on the couch as Katy handed her a glass of water.
“Whatever could it be, Angie, that has you so upset?” Marianne asked warily.
Angie sat down next to Katy. Katy took her hand as she began telling her friends about her nightmare of fifteen years ago. She slowly told them everything, stopping a few times to wipe her eyes. She could no more control her tears than she could control Michael’s hurt. I’ve lost him for good this time. Will I lose my three best friends, as well? I can’t bear that. They are all I have left.
Her friends waited for her to continue.
“And now, I have lost Michael forever. All because I thought I was doing the best thing for him all those years ago by setting him free to meet someone who could give him the family that he wanted so badly. I told him it was all because of my career. I had nothing left but my career, so it seemed like a good enough reason at the time.” She finished her story and looked at her friends. “I realize now that I was not in my right mind at the time. I should have received grief counseling, but it never entered my mind to seek out something like that. I guess I took the easy way
out. Although, looking back, it hasn’t been easy at all.”
“I can’t believe you have held all of this inside for so long.” Lizzie was the first to break the silence that had followed Angie’s story.
“Angie, I am so sorry. Why didn’t you feel you could tell us, of all people?” Marianne asked.
“You gave up the love of your life because you were afraid to tell him this. Oh, Angie, you should have trusted Michael more. You should have let him grieve with you. You should have given him a choice. He might have, no, I feel sure that he would have chosen to stay with you. He loves you with all his heart. He always has.” Katy was confused that her friend could have been so blind. But the mind can play strange tricks on us, she thought as she took Angie in her arms to comfort her.
“Do you all hate me too? I’m sure Michael hates me now. He was so cold to me after I told him. He told me to leave.”
“He was in shock, Ang,” Katy answered with a sigh. She of all people could understand that.
“We could never hate you, Angie. It’s just hard for us to understand why you felt that you had to keep this to yourself,” Lizzie replied.
“We need to forget about that and help Angie through this, now. She has kept all of this bottled up inside for so long. She needs to let it all out. She needs to grieve. She has never let herself do that. She needs us to comfort and support her. She does not need us to judge her,” Marianne said in her sternest nurse’s voice.
“You’re right, of course, Marianne. We, like Michael, are still in shock,” Lizzie replied.
“Angie, I really don’t believe that Michael hates you. I do believe, though, that he needs time. He needs to grieve. You never gave him the chance to do that. He has just learned that fifteen years ago he lost a baby that he didn’t even know existed. He just learned that there was a much deeper reason that you divorced him. And he doesn’t understand why you thought you had to do that,” Katy offered, knowing all too well what grief can do to a person’s thoughts.
Crossroad To Love (Fab Five Series) Page 10