Just Say The Word

by Tiffany Patterson

  She held out her arms, shrugging. “What’s to explain? I don’t know who the father of my child is.” She shrugged again, trying to appear casual about it all. “Just think of me as one of those thots or whatever this generation is calling it. My grandmother used to call them loose women. Whatever. I’m one of them.”

  “Bullshit.” She was trying way too hard to come across nonchalant. But the tears that were forming in her eyes gave it away. “You’re trying really hard to avoid telling me the whole truth.” I moved closer, taking her by the upper arms, stilling her movements. “Just say the words.”

  Her eyes closed but her mouth began moving. “I don’t know who my daughter’s father is because I was unconscious when she was conceived …” She pushed out a breath. “Roofied.”

  I loosened my hold on her arms until my hands fell to my sides. Not because I didn’t want to touch her but because of the anger that pushed through my entire body, vibrated through every pore. I didn’t want it to spill over onto her. I took a step back as she raised those maple syrup pupils to meet mine.

  I watched as she inhaled a shaky breath and her lips parted. I didn’t want to hear anymore, but I kept my mouth shut, letting her continue.

  “Randy was my boyfriend, or so I thought. He was the star football player in my high school. We’d gone to school together for years and I knew him because his father was a city official. His mother and my grandmother were close. Anyway, our senior year, I started tutoring Randy in pre-calculus. We became close friends. Then in early spring he asked me out on a date. I was excited and agreed. But he told me not to tell anyone. I didn’t realize then it was because he already had a girlfriend at another school. I didn’t have many friends in high school and kept to myself. Anyway, when he tried to have sex with me, I told him that I wanted to wait until I was married to give my virginity to my husband. It was how my grandmother raised me. He balked a little but eventually let it go.”

  Her words were coming out hurried now. As if she needed to finally get this all out. It was obvious she hadn’t shared all of this with anyone. And in spite of myself, I made my body stand there and listen to every word. To take in every syllable she said.

  “We went to our prom together. Turns out, his actual girlfriend was out of town that weekend. I later found that out through the grapevine. Anyway, prom was terrible because he again ramped up the pressuring me for sex. I almost gave in but felt so disgusted by his behavior. He was drunk. I made him take me home. I was disappointed but he apologized, and I tried to let it go. We kept dating, and when I asked what we would do the following year when he was away playing football and I was still in Williamsport on my full ride, he shrugged and said we would figure it out. I thought I loved him. So when a couple of weeks after graduation he invited me to a party at his father’s place outside of the city, I trusted him enough to go. I already told him I wouldn’t have sex with him, and he said it was fine. It was the one time I lied to my grandmother. I told her I was staying with a girlfriend of mine for the night.”

  Sandra shook her head as if she, out of everything, she blamed herself for that little white lie the most.

  “When we got there two of his friends from the football team were already there. No one else. Randy said more people would be showing up later. I was uneasy, naturally, but I trusted him. He was my boyfriend and our families had known each other’s for years. When he passed me my first drink of alcohol I hesitated. I did recognize that I was the only girl in a home by herself with three guys, but again, I trusted Randy. And the two other guys weren’t paying me any attention aside from a few words here and there. I thought they were waiting for the girls they had invited to show up. It was all a lie.

  “Something felt off within a few minutes of taking my first couple of sips of the beer. I started feeling lightheaded and dizzy. But it was my first time drinking and I just assumed it was from the alcohol. I only remember flashes from the rest of that night …” Her voice trailed off and she stared toward the corner of her bedroom. “The next morning I woke up bloody and in pain. When I asked Randy what he did, all he said was that I kept saying I wanted it. I felt terrible and my body hurt all over but he made me take a shower. I did and then he drove me home. I was sick all that day and tried to discern what was real from what felt like a dream from the night before. Two days later Randy, who’d been ignoring my calls, sent me a text saying that he was breaking up with me because he couldn’t trust a girl who would do what I did with his friends.” She shook her head.

  “The worst part was a month and a half later, finding out I was pregnant. That was when I knew without a doubt what had happened. I went to a local clinic to schedule an abortion. I was certain I wouldn’t go through with the pregnancy. But when I got there, and the nurse started talking, I just couldn’t. I had no idea what I was going to do but I knew I couldn’t abort my baby no matter how she came about.”

  She moved to the bed, sitting down, her shoulders slumping.

  “That was why you wished every night to love her,” I stated, staring at the wall, putting two and two together. “Not because it was an unplanned pregnancy but because of the way …”

  “Yes. I was terrified that whenever I looked at her I’d see … them and that night.”

  “You never told your grandmother the truth?”

  “I never told anyone. Kayla was the first person I told, and that was just last year. I never told her all of the details.”

  “Kayla …” I turned to face Sandra. “And she helped you get your new job?”

  Sandra lifted her head, blinking away the tears, nodding. “I worked at Wittaker & Wittaker for six years. Last year, one day, out of the blue, I saw Randy being walked around by one of the partners of the firm. He was introduced to the staff as the newest attorney in the office. I hid behind a corner until they passed, and then I called Kayla. I told her what happened and that I couldn’t work at that firm any longer.” Shrugging, she cast her gaze toward the floor. “She asked me to send her my resume and she’d pass it along to Joshua to see what he could do. A few days later I had a call from Emma saying her firm was looking for a new paralegal and I’d come highly recommended. She had my resume in hand. I gave Wittaker & Wittaker my two weeks and worked from home for the remainder of my time with the company. Not until he walked into Mansfield, Duvall & Mason did I see Randy again.”

  Once she finally stopped talking was when I realized that my teeth were clenched so tightly that my jaw ached. I wanted to ask more questions, but I could tell she was drained. And at that moment, I wasn’t in my right mind. I didn’t want to scare her with the intensity of my anger.

  “I need to go,” I stated low, my voice hard.

  Her head popped up. “Go?”

  I turned back to her and knew I couldn’t leave this way, but I was too full of fury to explain exactly what I was thinking. Hell, I didn’t even know myself. I just knew somebody was going to fucking hurt.

  Moving closer to her, I pulled her up from her seated position by her arms and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

  “I’ll be back soon.” I released her and quickly moved to the door, my fingers itching to put my fist through somebody’s face.

  “Where are you—” She stopped when I yanked the door open, and on the other side stood her grandmother, tears streaming down her face.

  “Oh my God,” she cried, lips quivering, hands going to cover her mouth. “I didn’t know.”

  I glanced back at Sandra who couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. Yeah, it was time for me to go. Instead of saying anything, I moved past her grandmother and down the hall. I glanced across the hall at the closed door that lead to Monique’s bedroom. I hoped to God she was sleeping and didn’t hear any of what her mother had just revealed to me.

  Moving through the rest of the apartment, I exited, shutting the door tightly behind me before pulling out my cell phone. I punched in the name at the top of my contact list.

  “I need a favor,” I said into the
phone as soon as he picked up.

  “Been waiting for this call. Especially after tonight. What’s up?” Joshua questioned.

  I strolled down the hallway, taking the stairs to the front entrance of Sandra’s apartment building as I explained to Joshua exactly what I would need.

  ****

  Sandra

  I stared at Damon’s retreating back until it disappeared around the corner into the hallway. I didn’t have the strength to get up and ask him where he was going. And I honestly didn’t want to know what he was thinking. I couldn’t bear it if he thought less of me because of what I revealed.

  My gaze moved to my grandmother who stood just outside of my bedroom door, shaking, tears streaming down her face as she covered her mouth with her hand. She shook her head and slowly moved into my bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

  “Sandra,” she called, her voice barely above a whisper as she moved toward me. “Oh my God,” she repeated for at least the second or third time.

  I pushed out a breath. Obviously, she’d heard everything. I could see it in her eyes. The door to my bedroom hadn’t been closed all of the way.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I shook my head and sighed, moving to sit on my bed again.

  She followed, taking my hands into hers.

  In the past, I might’ve rejected her touch, but I’d forgiven my grandmother for her actions. She was a different person now than she was back then. I could see that.

  “I was ashamed, embarrassed. And you were so angry. So adamant about me getting an abortion. And when I tried to explain …”

  “I wouldn’t let you.”

  I nodded. “But I couldn’t find the words back then. It took me more than nine years to admit that I had been raped.”

  My grandmother let out a wail so deep it startled me. “I did it again,” she cried, her hands going to her chest as she let the tears fall. “I was so strict with your mother after your grandfather passed away that she rebelled. She wants nothing to do with me. And you. I was even harder on you, doing everything I could to ensure you wouldn’t end up like her that I pushed you both away. And I put you in a position to be hurt, and then kicked you out …” She broke off, her voice trembling as she cried.

  Before I could do anything to console her, she quickly wiped her eyes and shook her head. “No. I’m sorry. This isn’t about me. I won’t make this about me. Please, Sandra,” she demanded, sitting down again and taking my hands into hers, “tell me what you need from me.”

  I stopped and looked around the room but not seeing anything. What did I need? It’d been so long since someone asked me something like that. Especially, my grandmother. But a second later the thought came to me.

  “Now that you know, you need to promise me you will never treat Monique any differently. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me conceived out of the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It took me a lot of years to reconcile those two facts of my life. But I have, and if you have any reservations about whether or not you could love her the same, then—”

  My grandmother shook her head vehemently. “I love that little girl with my whole heart. I could never … you have my word.”

  Exhaling, I nodded. “Okay.” I stood and paced back and forth. It was only then that I realized my entire body was shaking. “Where do you think he went?”

  My grandmother stood, coming in front of me. “Damon?”

  I nodded.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you … do you think he sees me differently now?”

  “What?” My grandmother seemed shocked by my question. She shook her head. “Absolutely not.”

  “Then why did he leave?”

  “Sandra, men like Damon … they’re protectors. They’re not always the most talkative but more about action. Especially when it involves someone they love.”

  My eyebrows shot upward. “You think he loves me?”

  “Of course.”

  “He’s never said it back.” It hadn’t bothered me that he hadn’t said it back until that moment.

  “Actions, not words. Let his actions speak for him. The words will come. He may have just needed some time to sort everything out in his head. But I realized he loved you when he told me the reason he didn’t like me.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t get upset, but …” My grandmother explained the conversation she’d had with Damon the first time he’d met her, when they both came over for dinner. “He was protective over you then and he’s even more so now. Give it a little time. That man isn’t going anywhere.”

  I nodded, but in the back of my head I wondered if she was right. Maybe my past was too much for him to handle.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Damon

  “You like the view from up here?” I questioned with a grin on my face, turning to face Randy as we stood atop of my new Lakefront building. I frowned when he didn’t answer.

  “Cat got your fucking tongue?” I barked at him.

  A satisfied sensation moved through me when he flinched, blinking with his swollen eye and moving backwards. When he took one step too many, he backed up into the brick wall that stood behind him. Not an actual brick wall, but one in the form of a huge six-foot-six, bulked up head of Townsend security who went by the name Brutus.

  “The shit this job gets me into,” Brutus mumbled, shaking his head.

  I tossed him a grin. “But making sure rapists get what’s coming to them is worth it, right?” I questioned.

  Brutus nodded. “Touché.”

  I lowered my gaze to a petrified looking Randy and gestured to Brutus. “He speaks fucking French. Who knew?”

  Randy began shaking his head looking from me, to Brutus, to Sean, and to a silent Joshua, who stood to my right.

  “Look, I don’t know what this is abo—”

  I couldn’t stand another fucking word out of his lying ass mouth, so I popped his ass, effectively silencing him, save for the scream of pain he let out.

  I crouched low, since he’d buckled at the knees. “I’ll tell you when to fucking speak, bitch. You don’t get to say shit without being asked. ’Cause, see, you didn’t ask Sandra what she wanted that night you fucking drugged and raped her. No wait, you did ask and she told you no. More than once, she told you sex was off the table, but like the bitch you are, you took the decision out of her hands. Then, ten years later you come back demanding to know who the father of her child is?”

  My right hook landed in his jaw; a snapping sound I’d heard many times before while in the ring sounded. A bone breaking.

  Good.

  “Y-you can’t d-do this to m-me,” Randy managed to eek out through what I presumed was a broken jaw.

  I chuckled. “But I am.” At that point, I didn’t give a shit whether I went to jail or not. The knowledge that this sick fuck had not only raped Sandra but gotten away with it for years and then tried to move back into town as if nothing had happened had driven me past the point of no return. But in the weeks since Sandra had told me the truth, Josh’s security had done some background investigation on Randy Jameson. I wasn’t surprised by what Brutus managed to dig up.

  “See,” I began, picking Randy’s body up by the scruff of the collared shirt he wore, “I also know Sandra’s not the only woman you’ve done this to.”

  “D-done what? I didn’t do any—”

  “Now is really not the fucking time to be lying,” Joshua angrily said, cutting Randy off. “You see how fucking pissed he is?” Josh jutted his head to me. “I wouldn’t play the denial game if I were you.”

  “Me either,” Sean added, snorting.

  I moved in closer to, tightening my hold on Randy’s collar. “See, the only reason all three of them are here is to keep me from ending your life. Matter fact, you did say you wanted to see my building, right?”

  Without waiting for Randy’s response, I began dragging him toward the edge of the rooftop we stood on. It was well after midni
ght and we were the only people around for a few blocks, save for the other poor souls who were doing shit just as devious as we were. I didn’t need to worry about being seen or heard.

  “Wha-what? Help!!” Randy shouted as I bent him backwards over the edge of the rooftop.

  I glanced upwards. “From up here, you can see all of the fucking stars. It’ll be your last sight if you fucking lie to me again,” I growled, pushing Randy a little farther over the edge of the roof. “You ready to meet your maker or you want to stop fucking lying?”

  “Okay, okay,” Randy protested.

  I exhaled and took a step back, bringing him from over the edge of the building, but still crowding his space.

  “Jack Murphy and Leon Walker. Those were your two teammates who you had over that night you raped Sandra, right?”

  Randy visibly swallowed, staring wide-eyed at the three men behind me.

  I snapped in his face. “Hey, don’t look at them. I’m the one you need to be worried about. Jack Murphy and Leon Walker, they helped you assault her that night?”

  Slowly Randy nodded.

  “And Sandra wasn’t the only woman you did this to, was she?”

  Again, he hesitated, and I moved to push him over the edge again.

  “Okay, no, no! She’s not the only one,” he finally responded.

  “How many are there?”

  “I-I don’t know. Twenty maybe thirty.”

  I stood, moving back from him in disgust. “Fucking pathetic.”

  “You could just kill him.”

  That suggestion came from Joshua.

  “What? No—”

  “Shut the fuck up!” I growled.

  “I mean, you said you don’t want to put Sandra through a trial.”

  “I don’t,” I snapped at Josh. “But death is too quick for him.” I turned back to Randy. “So here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to drain every penny of your inheritance. What’s it like two point five million?” I asked as if I didn’t already know. I was well aware of Randy’s wealth, family history, and the devious shit he’d gotten away with over the years. “And you’re going to track down every woman you assaulted and pay them. You’re going to resign from the state bar because a piece of shit like you has no business practicing law. Any kind of law. Then, you’re going to leave Williamsport.” I stooped low, getting right in Randy’s face. “Look at me when I say this, you’re going to get the fuck out of here. Find someplace far from here. Hundreds of miles away, in a rinky dink little town, get a job as a bus driver or a busboy. I don’t give a shit which one, but you’re never to step foot in Williamsport again.”