Finding Forever (Living Again #4)

by L. L. Collins

“Cosmo, check out the hottie at three o’clock,” Evan said, indicating down the beach. Brant shook his head at his friend, the insufferable ladies’ man.

  “Cosmo?” Taylor scoffed.

  Brant looked at Evan. “Thanks, man.”

  The three others roared with laughter at his nickname, so then of course they had to tell the story about why he called him that.

  “Group of hotties, nine o’clock,” Evan announced again.

  Brant rolled his eyes. “Seriously.”

  “Oh I forget that you’re all whipped now,” Evan joked. The three men turned to Brant, questions in their eyes.

  “I’m seeing someone,” Brant explained.

  “Too bad,” Jesse said, indicating the beach. “Sure seems to be a plethora of choices down there for us handsome guys.”

  Brant laughed, settling back in his chair. He really enjoyed hanging out with these guys. They acted like they were players, but they weren’t. Well, maybe Taylor was. The rest just liked to talk about it. A lot. Evan had been in a serious relationship for several years that had just ended within the last few months, and Brant was convinced he was still hung up on her.

  “So, don’t leave us hanging,” Jesse said. “Tell us about her.”

  “Yeah, we must know who the woman is that took Mr. Nashville off the market,” Caleb joked. Brant groaned. He hated that ‘Most Eligible Bachelor’ thing that he had been dubbed at home. Who came up with this stuff?

  “Well, my dog Max was hit by a car a few weeks ago,” Brant began, explaining for Jesse, Caleb, and Taylor.

  “Shit man, that stinks,” Taylor commented. “I love my dog. Is he okay?”

  “Yeah, he is, thankfully. Anyway, she was one of the vets that took care of him.”

  “Oh, hot damn! She’s a doctor?” Taylor lifted his glasses to look at Brant. “Please tell me you have a picture of this said doctor.”

  Brant did, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to share it with him. He snapped pictures of her all the time, much to her chagrin. When he didn’t answer, they all started ribbing him again.

  “Come on, Cosmo, just show us,” Evan joked. Not even Evan had met Lacey at this point. He had been keeping her under wraps, wanting her all to himself.

  Unable to resist showing her off, he clicked through his phone until he found the one he was looking for. He had taken a picture of her on one of their many outings over the last few weeks. She was standing outside his house on the porch, wearing a hot pink sundress. Her hair was straight down her back, and her eyes were bright. She looked better than any supermodel he had ever seen.

  “This is her,” he bragged. The four men leaned in to see the screen of his phone.

  “Damn,” Caleb said first. “You hit the jackpot, buddy.”

  “Agreed,” Jesse said. “She’s beautiful.”

  “I’d hit that,” Taylor commented, and Brant smacked him upside the head, making them all laugh again.

  “Nice work, Cosmo. She’s way out of your league, with that ugly mug you have and all.” Evan, always the jokester.

  “What’s her name?” Taylor asked, still staring at the picture. Brant wanted to hide it from him at the way he was looking at her.

  “Lacey.”

  “Hmmm… Lacey. Well when she tires of your ugly self, tell her you’ve got this friend…” Taylor waggled his eyebrows up and down at Brant.

  “No way, man. She’s too good for you. Hell, she’s too good for me.”

  Evan gave him that look, the one that only the friends that have known you the longest can give you when you can have a whole conversation without saying a word. He tucked his phone away, all the talk of Lacey making him miss her and hope she was okay. He hadn’t talked to her much over the last few days, since he had been busy at the shoot and she had been working a lot. They had mostly texted late at night. And even though he was having a blast relaxing in Florida with the guys, he couldn’t wait to hold her in his arms again.

  She thought she might throw up. Again. She couldn’t do this, but she had to. Her hands shook as she took out her car keys. Her nerves were shot. Thank goodness Brant was out of town and she could avoid conversation with him for the most part. Sam was also busy, working in the studio on her new album. Aubrey was dealing with the beginning of the school year, and that meant that everyone had left her alone to fall apart over the last few days.

  She lied to Brant, but she knew she had to or he would’ve never gone to Miami, and she needed him to go. She knew he had seen through her at lunch before he left, and that’s why she had to make up the lie about the dog being put to sleep. Her lies just kept having to compound on top of each other. In the long run, it was for the best. She knew what was about to happen to her, and this was exactly why she had never wanted to be close to anyone. She had been stupid to allow anyone to change her mind about that, but not again.

  Brant would be okay, she just had to keep telling herself that. He was a great guy that would forget about her and fall in love with someone that wouldn’t break his heart.

  Pulling into a parking space, she looked at the drab white building. She hated this place. She had come here a few weeks ago under the ruse of a checkup, and now was on the verge of hearing her life was over. She knew it, otherwise they wouldn’t be doing a biopsy and talking about tumors. What was the likelihood that after all this they were going to say, oh just kidding, you’re fine?

  She wrote her name on the sign in sheet, then sat and stared at the wall, wishing she could turn off her brain for a few minutes. Her phone sounded with a text, and she whimpered softly when she saw it. Of course it was Brant. He had no idea what was going on, but always had a sixth sense about when she needed to hear from him.

  I miss you! I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. I’ll come right to your house from the airport.

  She would have to find an excuse to not see him tomorrow. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to; her entire body and soul craved him. But she knew that it would be better for him if she let him go. She’d have to figure out how to get Max to him, but she could do that.

  “Lacey Russell?”

  She stood, each step feeling like she was walking to her death. Couldn’t a big hole just open up and take her with it? The world would go on without her.

  After what seemed like an eternity, the same tech came in, the same smile on her face. Lacey wanted to tell her to wipe that idiotic grin off her face, but she just looked away instead.

  “I’m going to numb you first,” she explained. “Then the doctor is going to come in and do the biopsy.” Lacey hoped it wasn’t the same guy she saw before. With her luck, it probably was.

  After she was numb, the tech brought in the same ultrasound machine she had used on her earlier, then she set up a tray full of instruments. Her stomach turned as she saw the needle in the sterile package.

  The door opened again, and in walked a female doctor. Lacey almost groaned with relief.

  “Lacey Russell? I’m Dr. Oliver, and I’ll be doing your biopsy this morning.” She smiled thinly at Lacey, and she decided that she liked this woman already. “Are you holding up okay?”

  Lacey nodded. “As well as I can.”

  “Understood. Okay, I’m going to insert a needle into your breast, using the ultrasound to guide me. I’ll take out what I need, then we’ll be done. Should take less than fifteen minutes. I’ve studied your films and am very familiar with what I’m looking for.”

  She felt as comfortable as she could, being here. “Okay.”

  The doctor stopped, putting one of her hands over hers. “Don’t panic yet, okay? I know this is terrifying. Let’s do one thing at a time.” Lacey felt tears pricking the back of her eyes. “I’m going to put some gel on your breast now and use the ultrasound to find the area.” She was silent for a few moments as she searched for what she was looking for. “Okay, I’m going to have April hold the ultrasound wand while I insert the needle. You shouldn’t feel much of anything, maybe some pressure.”

  Lacey closed h
er eyes, not wanting to see what she was about to do. She pretended she was lying on the beach in Florida with Brant, him rubbing tanning oil on her back and kissing her while he did it. Oh, if that was only possible. She’d love to have her hands running along that chiseled body of his… too bad that wouldn’t happen now. He would always just be a dream that she had gotten to have for a little while before having to wake up to reality.

  “Okay, you’re all done,” Dr. Oliver said gently. “Do you feel okay?”

  Did she feel okay? That was a funny question. She quite possibly had breast cancer. She knew the doctor was asking her if she felt physically okay after the procedure, but all she could think of was that she would never feel okay again.

  “How long will it take?”

  “We’ll get the sample to the lab today, but it could be a few days. You’ll get a phone call from our office to come in for the results. I hope it will be sooner rather than later. Try not to worry in the meantime.”

  Lacey wanted to laugh. She was twenty-six years old and just had a biopsy on her breast for possible cancer. Try not to worry. That was the most ironic thing she had ever heard. Nodding, she looked away as the doctor and tech went out of the room. She got dressed quickly, wanting nothing more than to get out of this building as fast as possible.

  I’m home. I can’t wait to see you. Will you be home in an hour?

  Lacey stared at the text for a full minute, not sure how in the hell to answer him. She wanted to see him, she knew that much. But seeing him meant trying to keep the truth from him in person, and that had been virtually impossible in the past. He was going to have to get Max, she knew that. She should’ve brought him to work with her and then left early, claiming an appointment. Damn herself for not being of right mind lately.

  Everyone at work had noticed she was off, and Chloe had assumed it had something to do with Brant and had offered her support multiple times. She knew Chloe meant well, and she was a great friend, but no one needed to be burdened with this. Thankfully, the only contact she had with Sam over the last few days was text, since she was in studio twelve plus hours a day.

  Welcome home. I’m at work for a few more hours. Crazy week. What she didn’t say, of course, was the many times she had to leave work early or come in late because she couldn’t gather herself.

  Can I grab us some take out and meet you at your house when you get off? I’m sure Max would rather stay with you, but I miss the guy (and you too of course).

  Lacey exhaled. She couldn’t think of a reason to keep him from coming over. She could do this, right? Get through one more night of pretending with him. Then, once she got the results, she could decide one way or another if she was going to continue with him. He didn’t need a sick girlfriend he could pity. Not when he had so much potential; had so much love to give.

  Sounds good. I’ll call you when I’m on my way.

  A few seconds later, he responded. Don’t tell Max, but I think I’m more excited to see you than I am him. I can’t wait to kiss those gorgeous lips.

  Her stomach fluttered. Why was he so good to her? She didn’t deserve it. Putting her phone back in her desk, she stood up and smoothed her coat. She had work to do. The rest was going to have to be worried about later.

  Lacey paced the living room, watching out the windows for him to arrive. She had called him a half hour ago and he said he was picking up food and would be right over. She had spent the last thirty minutes practicing in front of the mirror so he couldn’t tell how stressed she was.

  The dark circles that seemed a natural part of her look now were a dead giveaway, so she put some extra makeup on. If he asked, she would say she wanted to look her best for him. She had also changed into a comfortable but sexy strapless sundress and had curled her hair. She looked the part. Now she needed to act it.

  The rumble of a truck down the street sent her nerves on fire. He was here. You can do this, she told herself. Just act normal. It’s all okay. The thing was, she really was ecstatic to see him. When he put his arms around her, everything else seemed to go away, and that’s what she needed tonight.

  “Your daddy is here,” Lacey sing-songed to Max. He woofed under his breath and made his way to the front door, his stubby tail wagging furiously. Sophia and Maggie, his new sidekicks, stood next to him, looking at him for the next signal for what to do. He had a few new groupies after this week of staying with her.

  She watched as he stepped out of his truck, and her heart physically hurt looking at him. She had missed him so much. He was wearing a pair of loose fit jeans that hung from his hips in the way she loved, and a short sleeve black shirt that hugged his delectable body. His hair was spiked in the front, and he wore aviators over those sexy eyes. He was tanner than usual from his time in Florida, and the desire she had to run out and throw herself at him almost overtook her. He took bags out of the back seat and turned to walk up to her porch. That was when her feet took over her brain, and she rushed to the front door and flung it open.

  The dogs followed her out, but she made no mind of them as she met him at the top step of her porch. Once he had seen her coming, he had put his shades on top of his head and the bags down on the chair on the porch. She needed to feel his arms around her, even if he had no idea why.

  He opened his arms and she fell into them, breathing in the smell of him that she had missed more than she wanted to admit. “Brant.” When he squeezed her tightly, it took everything in her to not fall to her knees on the porch and tell him everything.

  “Doc, I missed you so much,” he said into her hair. She felt him reach down and rub Max’s head, then his arm came back up and stroked her back. Forcing herself to choke back the emotion that kept threatening, she waited a moment before looking into his eyes.

  Stepping back slightly so she could look at him, she was surprised when she saw emotion shimmering in his eyes. “You okay?”

  He nodded, bringing his hand up to touch the side of her face. “Never better.” Dipping his head down, he brushed his lips to hers, and she swore that a fire ignited in her belly. It was amazing how much he could turn her on with something as simple as a kiss.

  “Mmm,” she murmured against his lips, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Feeling his tongue against hers made her want to go way further than just kissing him. He hadn’t let go of her face with his one hand, and his other was holding her flush against his body. She could feel every indentation of muscle against her, straining to keep control. He tilted his head and sucked her tongue into his mouth, biting her lip slightly. A groan she didn’t even recognize came from deep within her.

  All of a sudden, he broke the kiss. “Inside,” he said, his voice low. He reached to pick up the food bags, greeted the dogs, and followed her inside.

  Her legs were jello and she couldn’t believe that after all of her motivating talks to herself, he hadn’t even made it to her door and she had been sexually assaulting him. But, for those blissful few moments, she had forgotten. Maybe that’s what this could be. Goodbye.

  Brant shut the door behind him and gripped her hand, pulling her back to him. “Hell, Doc. That… on the porch? I’m trying so hard to be a gentleman, but hot damn.”

  Lacey grinned, loving the effect she had on him. “Is that so, GQ?”

  He furrowed his brow. “GQ?”

  “Yeah,” she laughed. “You look like a GQ model to me. Always hot, no matter what you’re wearing, and you smell good, too.”

  “You think I’m hot?” He smirked, closing the rest of the distance between them.

  She rolled her eyes. “Duh. As if you didn’t know that already.”

  “But you’ve never said that before,” Brant teased. “And maybe I should go away more often. I like this sassy Doc standing in front of me.”

  Lacey felt relief spiraling through her. It was working. She should’ve known it would. A sure fire way to get Brant to not question her would be to keep him busy thinking of other things.

  “Hey buddy, sorry to ignore you, b
ut you know Lacey is cuter than you.” Brant rubbed Max’s head. “Have you been a good boy?”

  “Fabulous. He’s really getting around well and he’s healing well.” Lacey indicated Maggie and Sophie. “He has some new groupies.”

  “Ah, there you go, my man. Get the ladies.” Brant grabbed the food bag and headed into her kitchen. She tried not to think how natural it was that he walked around her house like he had always been here.

  “What did you get?”

  “My other favorite cheat foods. Burgers, fries, onion rings, and milkshakes.”

  Lacey laughed, shaking her head. “It’s amazing that you can look like that and eat that way. I’m going to have to go to the gym double to keep from getting fat with you around.”

  Brant’s eyes darkened as he looked her up and down. “I doubt that very much. I know models that would kill for your body.”

  Oh now she knew he was full of it. “Brantley Tucker, don’t blow smoke up my ass.”

  Before she could react, he had crossed the kitchen and pressed her against the refrigerator. “Dr. Lacey Russell, are you calling me a liar?” They were so close to each other, she could barely breathe. And not because she didn’t have enough air.

  “Maybe,” she answered, trying not to let those sneaky thoughts into her head that said she was the liar.

  He ran his hand up her bare leg, and she gasped. His gaze never left hers as he reached her ass and squeezed. He hadn’t crossed that line yet. But she wanted him to continue, even though the voices in her head were screaming that she was making a huge mistake.

  “I say you are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever—and I mean ever—seen, and if I say so, then that’s the way it is. You got that, Doc?” If he expected an answer, he wasn’t going to get one, because he dipped his head to kiss her neck and she lost all rational thought.

  She should stop him, she knew this. She threaded her fingers into his hair as he continued kissing both sides of her neck, then down her bare chest until he reached the line of her sundress. She curled her toes against the tile, pleading with him to stop and not stop all at the same time.