Finding Forever (Living Again #4)

by L. L. Collins

  Lacey looked at Brant. “One more thing,” she whispered. “Then it’s really over.” She had decided to go ahead and do the partial hysterectomy, as much as it pained her, because she just couldn’t take the chance of having to go through this again or having a pregnancy that would be detrimental to both her and the baby. Of course, nothing was fool proof, but she felt like if she could do something to prevent it, she should.

  “So, what did Dr. Blaise say?” Sam asked, taking a bite of her salad. Lacey had missed Sam a lot over the last few months. She had been busy after releasing her new album. But she was back now for a few months, and they were trying to spend as much time together as they could.

  Lacey beamed. “In remission.”

  “Wooo hooo,” Sam said. “Who’s the super star now, huh? I’m so happy for you, Lacey. What did you and Brant decide about the surgery? Are you going through with it?”

  Lacey poked at her salad. Her taste buds were still not what they once were; eating was a chore rather than something enjoyable. “I’m going to do it.”

  “Both?” Sam looked shocked.

  She nodded. “I have to, Sam. I can’t take the chance that if I don’t do the hysterectomy that I’ll have to deal with this again in a few years. I know that there’s no guarantee either way, but it’s kind of like when I had the mastectomy I was going to do both if they suggested it. If Dr. West and Dr. Blaise both think it’s for the best that I do that, I can’t say no. It’s bad enough that I waited a whole other year longer than Dr. Blaise wanted me to for my mammogram. If I would’ve listened then, instead of being scared, who knows if I would’ve had to go through all of this. At that point, it might’ve only been in my breast and not spread to my lymph nodes. I was so stupid.”

  “You can’t beat yourself up over that,” Sam said. “You had good reasons for being scared.”

  “Still no excuse,” Lacey argued. “So this time I’m being smart. I’m listening to the doctors and following their recommendations. It’s bad enough that every time I go to the doctor for the rest of my life, I’ll be worried if that’s the time the cancer is going to come back.”

  “And you’re doing the reconstruction because you want to, not because you think it’s what Brant would want?”

  “Brant doesn’t care; I genuinely believe that. I want it because as much as I’ve been through, I want to feel normal again. I want to look at myself in the mirror and not cringe. I know that it’s never going to look like it used to, but it can look better than a wrinkled, scarred patch over my chest. And when I make love to Brant, I want to feel sexy.”

  Sam smiled. “It sounds like you’ve really thought through all of this. Have you and Brant set a date yet? What about the whole surrogate thing?”

  Lacey laughed. “Geesh, you want the info and you want it now,” she teased.

  “That’s right, girl! Give it to me! I miss a lot of stuff in this crazy life I have.”

  “I want to get married within the next few months, sometime after my reconstruction and surgery is all past us. I don’t want anything huge; something with just our families and friends is perfect. I want to have some more hair first,” she laughed, touching her short spikes.

  “It’s growing so fast,” Sam said, reaching over and touching it. “It’s softer than Kerri’s hair.”

  “As far as the surrogate thing, or adopting, I’m not sure. It’s all a little overwhelming. I’d like to say that we could be married for a bit before we decide all that, but we also know that whichever option we choose, it can take quite a while to actually have a baby. Right now, I’m just trying to get the final step of this cancer phase behind me, then marry Brant.”

  “Marry Brant,” Sam repeated. “Do you know how happy that makes me to hear you say that? A year ago there was no way in hell you thought you were getting married.”

  “I’m not the same person I was then,” Lacey admitted. “I mean, I am. But Brant has changed me for the better. He showed me that loving someone isn’t a weakness. I honestly don’t think I would’ve survived this without him. And I’m not saying that like I couldn’t have done it. We both know I could’ve beat the cancer. But where I am in my life right now, I owe all of that to Brant Tucker falling in love with me.”

  “He surely never let you give up,” Sam agreed. “You needed him. He was the person supposed to be with you through this.”

  “Did I ever tell you I had a dream about my mom, and she was telling me that Brant was in my life for a reason?”

  Sam’s fork clattered to the table, making both of them jump. “You’re kidding me.”

  Lacey shook her head. “No. We were walking the river, and I was so happy to be seeing her again. Then she told me that he was in my life for a reason. We were standing right where we spread her ashes all those years ago.”

  “Lace,” Sam breathed. “That gives me goose bumps.” She held out her arm to prove it. “Do you think that was really a dream, or her?”

  Lacey shrugged. “I like to think it’s her. She said she’s always watching out for me. It was like she was telling me that she sent me Brant, to be there for me when she couldn’t.”

  Sam fanned her face, blinking her eyes. “You’re going to make me bawl my eyes out. I completely believe that was her, not just a dream. Oh, I have something that I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “That sounds serious.”

  “Ellis and I have been talking, ever since you told me what the doctor said,” she began, and Lacey felt the tears coming. She had no idea what she was going to say, but she knew it was going to be classic Sam. “I want you to talk to Brant about this and when you’re ready, we could work it out.”

  “What are you talking about?” Lacey laughed nervously.

  “I want to be your surrogate,” Sam announced. Lacey’s mouth dropped. Never in a million years was that what she thought she was going to say. She couldn’t stop the tears from filling her eyes this time.

  “Samantha Warner,” Lacey choked out, getting up to hug her best friend. “You’re the most selfless person I’ve ever known.”

  “I mean it,” she said. “I’d do anything for you, Lace.”

  “I know you would,” Lacey answered, wiping her eyes as she sat back down. “You’ve shown that over and over again. Thank you. Are you sure? I mean, your life is so crazy busy.”

  “Never too busy for you. I’d cancel anything to help you.”

  “Speaking of things you’ve done to help me,” Lacey said. “Guess where we’re going when we leave here?”

  “You’re really going to do it?”

  “Yes. It’s the right thing to do. It feels like what I’m supposed to do with the money.”

  “Then you know I’m right there with you. Ready to go?” Sam stood, holding her hand out. The two friends walked from the restaurant, their hands linked.

  “Sign here and here,” the agent said. Lacey signed her name in the required spots, then sat back and beamed at Sam.

  “Since this is a cash offer, how soon will I know if they’ve accepted?”

  The agent smiled. “Ms. Russell, I would expect that you would hear something by tomorrow. I wouldn’t see why they would object. You’ve gone above list price on your offer, with no contingencies.”

  Lacey nodded, holding out her hand to shake the agent’s hand. “Thank you, Don, for all of your help. I’ll look forward to your call.”

  He looked at her, taking in her almost nonexistent hair, then at Sam, the mega country star. She knew he didn’t know what to make of her, but with Sam there, he knew she wasn’t blowing smoke. She had the money and had proved it.

  “Thanks for the business, Ms. Russell, Mrs. Warner. Have a good day.”

  Sam held the door for Lacey as they exited the office.

  “I think the guy just ran to the door to watch you walk out,” Lacey giggled. “He’s probably licking the window right now. He was totally fangirling over you in there. He could barely show me where to sign. What does that feel like?”
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br />   “Oh, stop it,” Sam laughed, unlocking the doors. “So he asked me for my autograph. That’s no big deal.”

  “And a picture with you?” Lacey roared. “The man’s like forty years old.”

  “Maybe it’s for his daughter,” Sam laughed. “I don’t ask anymore. Anyway, focus, Lace. Do you know how proud I am for what you just did? When are you going to tell him?”

  Lacey tapped her finger on her lips. “I’m not sure. But I need to make it really good.”

  “Hmmm…” Sam said. “You could tell him in bed. That’s always a good time to tell the man you love something. They really listen then.”

  They laughed all the way back to Lacey’s house.

  “There’s an offer on the ranch,” his dad said. Lacey had set up the visit, and Brant was glad. It was weird, but he actually looked forward to the time that they spent together now, all because of Lacey.

  “Really? That’s amazing!” Brant wasn’t sure how he felt about that, guilt still seeping in even though his dad hadn’t made him feel guilty at all. “Is it decent?”

  His dad’s eyes shone. “This is the best part. It’s a cash offer, and it’s above asking price.”

  Brant looked over at Lacey, whose smile looked like the cat that ate the canary. What was going on with her? “Why would someone give you more than you’re asking?”

  Robert shook his head. “I have no idea. Our realtor said that maybe they think it’s worth the price, or they know the reputation. I couldn’t sign those papers fast enough.”

  “So it’s a done deal?” Brant was so happy for his parents, but the fact that they were going to have to move out of the only home they’d ever had made him feel sick to his stomach.

  “Well, nothing’s done until it’s done and I have the money,” he answered. “But, I accepted the offer.”

  “Where are you going to go?”

  “We’re going to stay in Nashville. We thought we’d look closer to you and Lacey, if that’s okay.”

  Brant smiled, reaching for Lacey’s hand. She still looked ridiculously happy, and he wondered again what was going on with her. “Of course that’s okay. I love Lacey’s neighborhood.”

  Lacey sat up, clearing her throat. Everyone looked at her. “You won’t be moving.”

  “What?” Brant was confused. She wasn’t making sense. Was she feeling okay? They had just said they were moving.

  She looked over at him briefly, then back to his parents. “Robert, Jane, I bought the ranch.”

  Robert looked at her blankly, exactly the way Brant felt. What was she talking about? “You what?”

  Jane, obviously on the same wavelength as Lacey, covered her mouth with her hands. Brant looked back and forth between Lacey and his parents.

  “I bought the ranch. You aren’t moving. It’s yours, for as long as you want it.”

  When Robert recovered from what she said, all that came out was, “How?”

  It was then that it clicked for Brant. The money that Sam had given her from the benefit. Over the last few months, he had asked her what she wanted to use it for. “The money,” he whispered.

  She turned to him, her eyes dancing with mischief. “Yes.”

  “Can someone help me here? What’s going on?” Robert said.

  Lacey smiled, and Brant thought that he couldn’t possibly be more in love with her than he was at that second. This from a woman that said she wasn’t worth being in a relationship with and she had just given his family their ranch back.

  “When I started down this path, my best friend Sam did a benefit for me, remember? While we were in Florida?”

  Jane nodded, seemingly understanding. Robert looked at his wife, then back at Lacey.

  “She raised a ridiculous amount of money for me. Money that I’ve been holding onto for the right purpose. I can’t think of a better way to use it than to keep your ranch in the Tucker family, where it belongs. So the cash offer is mine, but it’s really just to give to you, not for you to sell to me. It belongs to you, and I want you to keep it.”

  Brant watched as his dad registered what Lacey just said. His mom was already up and hugging Lacey, tears streaming down her face. Robert looked at his son, and Brant watched as his throat worked, trying to get the words past the lump in his throat.

  “You’ve got yourself one hell of a woman,” he finally choked out.

  Brant laughed. “Don’t I know it,” he answered, shaking his head. “She never ceases to amaze me.” He stood, walking over to his mom and Lacey and embracing them both at the same time. Within moments, his dad joined, and the four of them stood, holding onto each other.

  “I can never thank you enough,” Robert said. “This is so hard for me, accepting this from you.”

  “Don’t think about it that way. I always knew I was going to do something that would benefit someone else with that money. I couldn’t fathom keeping all of that for myself when there are so many other people in need. Brant and I, we have what we need and we’re young and can earn our way. But you, you’ve worked so hard for all of this and I just couldn’t let someone take it away from you and change it. You are Tucker Ranch. And if you need more staff to help you be able to take a step back, then let me know and I’ll work on that, too.”

  “No,” Brant interrupted. “I want you to teach me.”

  Three pairs of shocked eyes turned to him. “Son?”

  He nodded. “This past year with Lacey has showed me so much. Yes, I’ve loved the nine years I’ve lived my dream. But I did it. I was successful, but my dreams are different now. I’m going to marry Lacey and, God willing, have a family of my own. Modeling and traveling the world are no longer my dreams; the dream of coming home every night to my wife and family mean so much more to me. I don’t ever want to regret that I haven’t spent enough time with my family, because we all know that all it takes is a second to lose everything you love.” Brant looked at Lacey. “Ever since you said you were selling, Dad, I had been thinking about it. But now that Lacey has done this, it showed me that what I was feeling was the right thing to do. This ranch belongs to all of us. We’re family, and this is where we belong. So, I want you to teach me what I should’ve learned years ago.”

  Lacey flung herself into his arms, and he held onto her, his eyes never leaving his dad’s.

  “I never thought I’d see the day,” his dad said. “I can’t believe it. Brant, I would be proud to show you and have you someday take over. And if you decide that it isn’t for you, I’ll respect that. I’m just so thrilled that you’re even willing to attempt it. Thank you, Lacey. Not only did you save my ranch, you gave me my family back.”

  Brant cupped Lacey’s face in his hands and kissed her for all the words he didn’t have to say.

  “I’ll be right here when you wake up,” Brant said, leaning over to kiss her. “You’ve got this.”

  She smiled up at him, her head covered in a blue net. He was happy she had enough hair to wear one of those now. “Last time,” she whispered.

  “Last time,” he whispered against her lips. “Next event, our wedding. No anesthesia or IV’s needed.”

  “Thank God,” she laughed.

  He watched as they wheeled her down the hallway and through the doors. Even though he knew this wasn’t considered major surgery, anytime she went through those doors it terrified him. This was it. Any chance Lacey ever had of carrying her own child would be gone. He wasn’t sure she had come to terms with that, focusing still on doing what she needed to do to try to be cancer free for as long as possible. He admired that about her. She had also told him that Sam had offered to be a surrogate for them. The lengths that she would go to for Lacey still amazed him.

  He walked back into the waiting room, and Aubrey and Craig stood up. Craig had been making more of an effort, but his lack of just being there for Lacey still made Brant mad. He couldn’t imagine not being there for his daughter while she went through all that Lacey had.

  “How was she?” Aubrey asked.

&nbs
p; “Smiling and happy,” Brant answered. “We’re just so thrilled this is all going to be over, for once and for all.”

  “I’m so glad,” Craig said. “Brant, I know that I haven’t been there for her the way I should’ve. It’s my issue, I know that. Seeing her like this, it just reminded me so much of Kathryn that…”

  Aubrey whimpered, the pain of her mom being gone still so raw. Brant put his arm around her as Craig continued.

  “I never wanted to see my little girl suffer like her mom did,” he admitted. “As if it wasn’t bad enough to lose Kathryn. When I found out Lacey was also going to have to go through this, it put me right back in that bad place I had been before. I haven’t been the father that I should’ve been. Not to either of the girls.”

  “What about me, Dad? I have to live with the fact that not only did my mom die from cancer, but that my sister had it, too. What does that mean for me? It makes me want to just have a mastectomy now and eliminate the problem altogether, but we all know that doesn’t mean it will. I’ve lived most of my life terrified that this is going to be me, most of it without the love and support of anyone but Lacey.”

  “Had your mom been alive now, she probably would’ve survived,” Craig said. “The treatment is so much more successful now. You can’t live your life scared for what might happen.”

  “Just like you can’t live your life afraid to love your daughters because you lost their mom.”

  Craig nodded. “You’re right. I’ll spend my life being sorry for the way I handled that. But no one gives you a manual on how to raise two young girls without the love of your life. No one tells you how to keep living when your very reason for existence is ripped away from you.”

  Brant knew exactly what he meant, because that’s exactly how he felt about Lacey. Memories of that dream still haunted him, and he knew that if he ever lost her, a part of him would die with her.