Mother by Design

by Susan Mallery

  “Catherine is coming with all four boys, but her husband will be a little late.” Nadia lowered her voice. “He’s buying her a new car, if you can believe it. That man spoils her so much. So I’m going to keep her busy.” The older woman laughed. “Because the four boys don’t distract her enough, eh? Check the potatoes, Lily. They look done.”

  Of course they were. Jake returned to the kitchen, this time wearing a shirt. His mother put him to work draining the potatoes, then cutting them up. Lily was banished to the table where she was told to put up her feet and rest.

  “Anne Marie said to tell you she has that baby name book you want to borrow,” Nadia said. “She’s already at the house. Catherine with four boys and Anne Marie with three girls. Little Teresa with two of each. Every day is a blessing.”

  Jake glanced at Lily. “A baby name book? I’m wounded.”

  “Jake thinks I should name the baby Sam,” Lily said.

  “It’s a great name and she doesn’t have to worry if it’s a boy or a girl,” he said proudly.

  He mother reached up and slapped the back of his head. He stared at her.

  “What was that for?”

  “You’re not making Lily’s life easier. Sam for a girl.”

  Lily giggled. Jake shot her a wounded glance, which only made her laugh harder.

  “I’ll get you for this,” he promised.

  “I can’t wait,” she said, and meant it.

  “So, she lives with you now,” Jake’s mother said from her place in the shade.

  It was nearly four and the picnic was in full swing. Two babies dozed on a blanket, toddlers alternatively walked and sat when they lost their balance, and the older kids raced through the sunny afternoon intent on their game.

  Jake leaned against the tree trunk and sipped his beer.

  “You already knew that,” he said.

  “You told me she’d moved in, but that’s not the same as knowing. I saw the two of you together this morning. Things are different.”

  “No, they’re not.”

  His mother’s gaze narrowed. “So tell her the truth and change them yourself. You’ve known her for over ten years, Jake. Creating the universe didn’t take this long.”

  He grinned. “You don’t actually know that.”

  She wasn’t amused. “What I know is that you love her. It hurts me to watch you be hurt. There’s love inside her, too. There has been for a long time.”

  “Friendship,” he said.

  “Maybe more. You can’t know until you ask.”

  “You’re right.”

  His mother raised her gaze to the sky. “May the angels in heaven have a party tonight. My own son said I was right.”

  He ignored that, instead glancing around until he saw Lily. She sat with Catherine. They were close to the babies and deep in conversation.

  “I’ve been waiting for the right time, but I’m beginning to think there isn’t going to be one. As soon as she’s back in her own house, I’ll come clean.”

  “Why wait?” his mother asked.

  “Because she needs a place to stay while her house is being repaired, and I don’t want her to have to go looking for another one because living with me is uncomfortable.”

  “Good point.” She glanced at Lily. “She’ll say yes.”

  “To what?”

  “When you propose.”

  He put down his beer, then held up his hand in the shape of a T. “Not so fast. I don’t even know if she’s interested in more than friendship.”

  “She is,” his mother said confidently. “And then you’ll propose and finally get married. You’ll see.”

  “Maybe.” But he had a feeling things weren’t going to be that simple.

  Lily held Anne Marie’s littlest on her lap. The baby girl—Emma after her grandmother—had big brown eyes and a smile that could light up Kansas.

  “You’re going to be a heartbreaker,” Lily murmured as she blew on the baby’s tummy and made her laugh. “All the boys are going to think you’re amazing and your daddy is going to have a heck of a time chasing them off.”

  “He’ll have help,” Jake said as he strolled over and joined her on the blanket. “I’ll be there to keep those guys away. Isn’t that right, Emma? Because you’d never love any stupid boy more than your Uncle Jake.”

  Little Emma beamed in delight and held out her pudgy arms.

  “See,” Jake said as he took her and held her high above his head. “Who’s my best girl?”

  Emma squealed and Lily’s heart clenched. Jake was always terrific with the kids. Despite being an unrepentant bachelor, he enjoyed his nieces and nephews at every family gathering. She happened to know he’d done more than his share of babysitting and had an annual weekend of wild fun with all the kids who were old enough to attend.

  “So why don’t you have any of your own?” she asked, knowing she wasn’t going to get any more information than she already had.

  “Haven’t met the right woman.”

  “You’ve certainly met enough.”

  “But quantity doesn’t guarantee a perfect match.”

  “Is that what you’re looking for? Perfection?”

  He set the baby back on the blanket and let her grab his hands. “It would help.”

  “It’s not going to happen.”

  “I’m starting to get that. So I’ll settle for someone imperfect.”

  “Sometimes you are so guy-like,” she complained. “Women don’t sit around expecting perfection.”

  He stretched out on the blanket and pulled little Emma up on his chest. The baby balanced there, facing him and grinning with delight.

  “What does the phrase Mr. Right mean if not perfect?”

  “Oh.” She really hated it when he had a point. “I guess some women are looking for perfection. You should form a club together.”

  “I don’t know that I’d like the other members. After all, I’m not perfect.”

  She looked at him as he lay on the blanket. He was barefoot. Worn jeans hugged his long legs and narrow hips, emphasizing his masculine build. His brightly colored T-shirt had grass stains on it from the fast-moving tag game he’d started with the older kids. Little Emma drooled on him and he didn’t seem to notice or care. His strong arms held her securely in place with a confidence that came from years of practice. He was good-looking, slightly mussed and smiling. So what exactly was there not to like?

  “When is Rob due to arrive?” she asked to change the subject.

  Jake glanced at his watched. “Any time now. Think Catherine will be surprised?”

  “That he traded in the sports car he’d been restoring to buy her a new minivan? I think she’ll be overwhelmed.”

  “She should be. It’s more than I would do.”

  Lily poked him in the ribs. “You are so lying. That’s exactly the sort of thing you would do.”

  “Give up a sports car for a woman? Not likely.”

  “What about the time you gave up your trip to Mexico to stay with Anne Marie because Dave was still on active duty and overseas and she’d just had her appendix out?”

  “That was different. Mom was in Italy visiting family. I didn’t want her to come back early. Catherine and Teresa were busy with their families.” He frowned. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “See. You’re a great guy. You can’t help it. In fact, it’s kind of like a disease.”

  Jake blew kisses at the baby. “We’re going to ignore Auntie Lily, aren’t we, pumpkin? Because she’s a big ol’ doodoo head.”

  Lily smiled. “Doodoo head?”

  “Hey, I can’t swear in front of the kid, right?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Lily stretched out next to Jake and stared up at the sky. This had been a good day, she thought as she placed her hand on her stomach. She felt safe and a part of something. Right now it didn’t matter that her house was uninhabitable and that she’d made a mess of the majority of her interpersonal relationships. She had Jake and
that was saying something.

  “Whatever you’re thinking about, stop,” he told her, sounding stern. “It’s giving me a headache.”

  “Jenna and Rachel,” she admitted. “And Michael. I’ve messed up a lot in the past year or so.”

  “Michael is long gone.”

  “I know. I almost never think about him and the whole anger thing has pretty much faded. Looking back, I wonder why I was fooled.”

  “Because you’re honest and lead with your heart and he was a guy who took advantage of that.”

  “I like your logic.”

  She turned toward him and supported her head on one hand. “The Rachel and Jenna problem isn’t so easily explained.”

  He glanced at her. “I’m a little flummoxed by it myself.”

  Despite the seriousness of the conversation, she couldn’t help laughing. “Flummoxed?”

  “It’s a perfectly good word.”

  “Sure, if you’re from another century.”

  “I’ll have you know, I was born in another century.”

  “I don’t mean the one we just had—I mean the one before that.”

  The baby relaxed on his chest. He rubbed one hand against her back. “Do you want my advice or not?”

  “I haven’t stated a problem yet.”

  “Sure you have. You miss your friends and you want to connect with them.”

  “Sure, but first I have to figure out what went wrong so I know what I’m apologizing for.”

  Jake turned his head toward her and touched her cheek with his free hand. “Does it matter?”

  “Maybe not.” Lily considered the question, then sighed. “Yes. I know I overreacted with Rachel. None of it was her fault.”

  Jake didn’t answer, which was a real clue that he didn’t agree.

  “Rachel didn’t know Michael was the guy I’d been seeing,” Lily said. “Remember? They didn’t meet until the engagement party.”

  “She could have said something then.”

  “I guess.” Lily was less and less sure about that. “I don’t know what I would have done. For the first time in her life, she acts impulsively and gets naked with a guy she barely knows. Two weeks later she finds out that he’s not only the mystery boyfriend I’ve been talking about, but that we’re engaged. She made the decision to keep quiet. I’m not sure I would have done anything differently.”

  “She knew the guy was a jerk. She should have told you.”

  “Oh, sure. That works. Like the time I told you that Amber was dating one of the doctors at the hospital and you didn’t believe me? You were furious and we didn’t speak for nearly two months.”

  He pulled on a strand of hair. “I’ve apologized for that about four hundred times.”

  “And I’m okay with it. My point is, this sort of news isn’t easy to tell or hear. Rachel got scared and kept quiet. The real problem came when she told me right after Michael dumped me. I wasn’t in the mood to handle it graciously.”

  “You know she only told you to make you feel better.”

  Lily nodded. “She had the best of intentions and I completely freaked out. Then I wanted Jenna to take my side. Apparently Rachel was also pulling on Jenna, which caused her to disappear rather than handle the tension. What a mess.”

  “You’re smart,” he told her. “You know how to fix this.”

  “So I should stop worrying about what I’m apologizing for and just say the words?”

  “Sounds like a good start.”

  Lily agreed. The plan made sense. It was time to act because the hospital was big enough that she never ran into her friends. But what she didn’t tell Jake is that she was scared. What if she called Rachel or Jenna and they both wanted nothing to do with her? They’d been friends for so long. Living with the hope of a reunion seemed easier than living with certain rejection. Still…

  “I think it’s time,” she murmured.

  “I agree.”

  Smiling, she pushed herself into a sitting position. “Great. So you’re going to hold this over me forever, aren’t you? That you were right?”

  “I wasn’t just right. You were…” He paused expectantly. “Come on. You can say the W word.”

  “Wrong,” she said with a laugh. “Okay. I was wrong.”

  “Music to my ears.” He handed her the baby and stood. “Come on. Rob should be here any second. I want to see the look on Catherine’s face when she sees the car.”

  Lily held out the baby. When he took Emma back, Lily pushed herself to her feet. As they walked in comfortable silence, she thought about all the years she’d been coming to Jake’s mother’s house. To the happy celebrations and warm family times. She’d opened presents with them, helped stuff the Thanksgiving turkey and had handed out candy on Halloween so Nadia could go out with her grandchildren. She’d been made welcome and she never wanted to leave. But how much longer would this all go on?

  “What happens when you get married?” she asked abruptly.

  Jake stopped and stared at her. “What are you going on about?”

  “I’m here all the time, but when you get married your wife won’t want me hanging around.”

  “Why would she care? You and I are friends. Marriage isn’t going to change that.”

  “I’m not so sure.” Lily couldn’t explain the aching feeling she got inside when she thought of Jake marrying.

  “Would you have thrown me out of your life if you’d married Michael?” he asked.

  “No, but that’s different.”

  “How?”

  Jake looked faintly annoyed as he spoke, and she realized she couldn’t tell him the truth—that there was no reason, only a faint feeling of dread.

  Just then a blue minivan drove into the driveway. As if sensing an impending surprise, children came running from all over the property. Nadia led Catherine out of the kitchen.

  “What?” her daughter asked. “Mom, I was in the middle of doing the dishes.”

  “So, you’ll finish them later. I think Rob is here.”

  “I told you, he had to work today. There was an out-of-town client who…” Her voice trailed off as her husband stepped out of the minivan.

  Like all the Stone women, Catherine was petite, dark-haired and lovely. Right now her perfectly shaped mouth hung open. Eddie, her oldest son, raced up and grabbed her hand.

  “Look, Mom, it’s Dad and he’s got a new car. Is it for us?”

  Rob, a tall blond man with an easy smile, shrugged sheepishly. “Hey, honey.”

  Catherine continued to stare at him. “I don’t understand. What are you doing with a minivan? You always said you hated them.”

  Rob ruffled his son’s hair, then pulled his wife close. “You always say how you need one. I traded in my sports car for this. For you.”

  Catherine started to blink very fast, as if holding in tears. “But you love that car.”

  “No. I love you.”

  Catherine gave in to tears as she hugged Rob tight. The whole family gathered around the new van and urged her to step inside. Lily felt her own hormones kick in and had to sniff a couple of times.

  “That was so cool,” she whispered.

  “Yeah, it was.” Jake shifted the baby to his other arm and looped his arm around Lily. “Rob’s a good guy.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Lily watched as Anne Marie cuddled with her husband and Teresa smiled at her spouse. Jake’s mother stood surrounded by her grandchildren. It hit Lily that she and Jake were the only two adults here who hadn’t experienced a life-changing love. She was thirty-four years old. What if it never happened? What if she lived the rest of her life alone?

  She told herself that getting married didn’t matter. That she was thrilled about the baby, and delighted to be a mother at last. That given the choice between a child and a husband, she would choose a child. The thing was, she wasn’t sure if she believed it, nor did she understand why she had to chose.

  Jake came in a little after seven in the evening. He usually worked
twenty-four hours at a time, but today he’d worked twelve hours to cover for a buddy at the station. They’d had four runs, one to a serious house fire. He was tired, but content. He liked the days when he made a difference.

  As he pulled off his boots and stepped into the kitchen he was surprised to find the room dark. While he didn’t really expect Lily to cook for him, she usually had something started for dinner.

  “Lily?” he called as he walked toward the hall.

  He heard a sound he couldn’t recognize. Visions of her having fallen, or doubled up in pain because something was wrong with the baby gave him speed.

  “Lily?” he called again, fighting the frantic worry. Dear God, she had to be okay.

  “In h-here.”

  Her voice was muffled, as if she’d been crying. Panic turned to temper. Had that rat bastard been back in touch with her? He wouldn’t put it past Michael to dump her publicly, then try to make things right later. As if Lily would ever go back to a man who’d lied about being married then left her at the altar. He walked into the living room and paused. She wouldn’t, would she?

  Lily sat curled up on the sofa—at least, as curled up as her pregnancy would allow her. She’d been crying, although when she saw him, she swiped her hand across her face.

  “Is it seven all ready? I didn’t notice the time. How was your day? I’ll get started on dinner right away.”

  He crossed to her and settled on the sofa. “Are you okay? Is everything all right with the baby?”

  “What?”

  She was still in her scrubs, with her hair pulled back into a braid. Her lashes were spiky from crying and her cheeks flushed. She looked amazing and it was all he could do not to pull her close and kiss her. A real kiss, not one of those brief pecks they often shared.

  She cleared her throat. “The baby’s fine. I’m okay.” A tear spilled out of her right eye. “Well, maybe not completely okay, but there’s nothing physically wrong.”

  Sweet relief flooded him as tension fled his body. If Lily and the baby were all right, then they would deal with whatever the other problem was.