Silhouette

by Thalia Kalkipsakis

  ‘Look, this is a really big week for me. My body is my life.’

  Moss breaks into a sly grin. Whatever he was thinking has disappeared. ‘Yeah, and what a body it is.’ I get another kiss on the lips for that.

  Bruno grunts when I sit across from him on the arm of a lounge chair.

  I shift my weight. ‘Sounds like you’ll be coming to see more dancing.’

  A frown. ‘What?’

  I glance over at Moss, who’s laughing with a couple of guys. ‘Moss hasn’t said anything?’

  ‘No.’

  I turn back to Bruno and shrug. Maybe he just hasn’t had the chance. ‘Well, I think you’re coming to our end-of-year performance. All the senior dance students are in it. I might even introduce you to some of them. If you’re good.’

  Bruno shrugs, clearly not too fussed. ‘More like Grant?’

  Cheeky. ‘No. Different to Grant.’

  He lets out a laugh, picking up his beer and taking a swig. ‘Now that’s more like it.’

  A mobile rings a couple of times; Moss is up and down between the coffee table, the bar and the phone. I chat to Rachel for a while about her trip to New York. At one point, Bryn announces that they’ve run out of beer.

  When people start talking about heading out to a club, I check the clock. Twenty to ten. I find Moss and say goodbye. ‘Sorry, I have a big week.’

  I’m expecting him to try to talk me into staying, but he just says, ‘Sure? We’re set for a big one.’

  ‘Yeah.’ I nod.

  Moss walks me to the front door.

  ‘I’ll make sure the tickets are at the box office on Saturday night, okay?’

  ‘Cool,’ says Moss, placing his hands on the side of my ribcage, and pulling me towards him. His breath brushes my chin as he eases his chest against mine. Slowly our lips meet, tasting together. Lingering. Somehow it feels closer, more intimate than ever before. Maybe because it’s the first time we’ve kissed when I haven’t been drinking. As I pull away and slip out the door I can’t help wondering if it was a moment we shared, a moment when Moss felt the same way I do.

  ‘A strong latte, please,’ I say to the guy at the Academy caf. ‘Fullcream milk.’

  I can’t help laughing at his double-take. Full-cream sure isn’t a request you hear often around here. He’ll probably have to check the use-by date on the carton.

  ‘Sugar’s over there, if you want,’ he says.

  Carefully, I lift the lid and scoop in two teaspoons as the coffee aroma tempts me. For a moment, I just inhale. I haven’t had a coffee in days.

  Frothy, creamy, warm …

  No. The spoon goes straight in the bin. I don’t want to start drinking coffee again. Not unless I have to. I’ve been sleeping better than ever.

  Carefully I replace the lid and head along the hall to the front of the Academy. It’s still early, so there aren’t many people around.

  Down the main staircase, then to reception. I lean over the bench and hold up the cup. ‘Hey, Sal,’ I say to the receptionist. ‘Thought you might need a Wednesday morning treat.’

  Sally shakes her head, smiling warily. ‘Don’t even ask, Scarlett.’

  ‘Ask what?’

  Sally rolls her eyes. ‘Hold on.’ She presses a switchboard button. ‘National Academy of Performing Arts. Can I help you?’

  I shift my weight, easing off the leg with the bruise. Miss Penelope comes through the main door, phone to ear. She jerks her head my way, talking into the mouthpiece as she passes.

  ‘One moment, please.’ Sally presses another button then looks up at me. ‘Sorry, Scarlett.’

  ‘It’s okay. Anyway, you can have that if you want. They made mine wrong at the caf.’ Sally watches as I manoeuvre the lid off and place it in front of her. The sweet, rich aroma envelops the desk. ‘It’s just the way you like it.’

  She looks from the cup, to me, then back again. ‘All right, thanks. Can’t let it go to waste.’ Sally sips and licks froth from the top of her lip.

  ‘So I was wondering,’ I ask. ‘Can I get another two tickets for closing night?’

  Sally freezes mid-sip and her eyes narrow. ‘I already got you two extras, remember?’

  ‘Yeah.’ I scrunch my lips apologetically. ‘Now I need another two.’

  Sally sighs as she puts the coffee down. ‘Well, I can do two on Friday. Closing night is pretty much booked out.’

  ‘I really need these for Saturday night.’ Head tilted, eyes pleading. Pretty please …

  Sally shakes her head. ‘Sorry, Scarlett. Booked out means booked out.’

  Shit. I check out the poster for the graduation performance on the wall behind her. Moss and Bruno could probably come on Friday, but Mum will be in the audience on closing night. Lots of people will, Paige’s parents, Izzy’s mum. If he comes on Saturday night, everyone will see him. They’ll see he came for me.

  I lean over the bench again, and whisper, ‘What if I told you the tickets were for Moss Young?’

  ‘Moss Young?’ Her eyes widen. ‘Really?’

  I nod, eyebrows raised. Sally bites a lip and then checks over her shoulder into Mr Winchester’s office. Empty. ‘Well, we keep some tickets spare in case of last-minute VIPs …’

  I shrug a shoulder. ‘You can’t get much more VIP than this.’

  ‘Okay.’ She makes a note. ‘Moss Young and friend.’

  ‘No.’ Don’t like the sound of that. ‘Moss Young and Bruno O’Connell.’

  She keeps writing. ‘All right. They’ll be at the door.’

  ‘Awesome! Thanks Sal, you’re a star!’

  I leap up the stairs and keep running once I’m at the top. The future feels so close that I can taste it in the air. Fame. Freedom. So many possibilities. A dancing career …

  Soon they’ll see who I really am. They’ll see that he cares about me.

  It’s still early, but I check the caf, hoping to find someone from our group. Izzy often comes in around now. A few year nines and tens are talking in the corner. Grant’s alone at a table with his textbooks. Damn. I hesitate long enough for him to look up and see me. I can’t turn away. Besides, I’ve got news.

  ‘Guess who’s coming to closing night?’ I ask straight out, grinning.

  He leans back in his chair. ‘Mickey Mouse?’

  ‘No, Moss Young.’ I’m smug and happy, and not bothering to hide it. ‘He’s coming to see me.’

  ‘Then I was right.’ Grant pushes a hand through his hair.

  ‘I wonder if there’ll be any media on the night,’ I say, ignoring his jokes. ‘Might be good for the Academy.’

  Grant swallows. ‘Any publicity is good publicity, is that what you think?’

  All right. I let out a sigh. ‘Yeah, I know Moss isn’t perfect. But there’s a lot of pressure on him. Everyone’s watching, expecting him to come up with the next big hit …’ Grant’s about to say something when Paige and Tadpole turn up, so I don’t give him the chance. ‘Guess who’s coming to closing night?’

  ‘No! Really? Moss Young’s coming?’ Tadpole drops his bag and pulls himself onto the table.

  I grin up at him. ‘Yep. You’ll get to meet him. And his drummer.’ As I speak my eyes move to Paige. I can’t help checking her reaction.

  She purses her lips but says, ‘That’s … good news, Scarlett.’

  Tadpole leans towards me. ‘So Mum’s just finishing the beading on your costume. She said she’ll work all night if she has to. It’ll be ready for dress rehearsal tomorrow.’

  ‘Awesome. Tell her thanks.’ Everyone falls quiet. I scan the faces. ‘Only two more days,’ I say dramatically.

  Grant scrunches his shoulder and lets out an ‘eek’.

  ‘We’re ready, though,’ says Paige. ‘Bring it on, I say.’

  ‘Yeah.’ I’m nodding when Izzy finally arrives.

  ‘Where’ve you been?’ asks Grant.

  Izzy hitches her bag on her shoulder, standing beside the table. ‘I’ve been here for ages, actually, working in the l
ibrary.’ She’s looking at me as she speaks.

  I take the opportunity. ‘Guess who’s coming to closing night?’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Moss Young,’ say Paige and Tadpole at the same time.

  Creases appear on Izzy’s forehead. There’s a pained look in her eyes. ‘Have you seen the news this morning, Scarlett?’

  ‘No. Why?’

  ‘He was charged with possession of an illicit substance, a court appearance pending. Released early this morning.’ She speaks the words slowly.

  ‘What, last night?’ asks Grant and turns to me. ‘You said you were with him.’

  I nod, then move into a shake, which turns into a confused kind of circular motion. ‘I left early.’

  ‘Were they doing drugs?’ asks Izzy.

  ‘I … I don’t know. I said I left early.’ For a moment, my eyes flicker to Grant.

  ‘But you see him all the time,’ says Tadpole. ‘You must have seen some signs …’

  What can I say? ‘Yeah. It’s true. But it’s not like he’s a drug dealer or anything. He just has some stuff now and then. Everyone in the industry does.’

  Izzy and Tadpole stare at me. It’s as if I’m the one who’s been charged. I check the clock. It’s nearly time for the bell, but I don’t care.

  ‘I’m going to the library,’ I say and stand up.

  I’m not sticking around for any more questions.

  Other than what Izzy already told me, there isn’t much online. It’s mostly speculation about how the charges might affect Moss’s new solo album, and how fans will respond. A blurry photo on the side of the screen shows Moss walking beside a police officer. A link on the edge of the page catches my eye: Supermodel Kitty Hudson stands by her man.

  My stomach flips. Before I’ve even had a chance to breathe I click through:

  Speaking from a photo shoot on location in Saint Tropez, France, Kitty Hudson revealed that she would come home as soon as possible to support her new beau. Ms Hudson has previously remained tight-lipped about the relationship, but her publicist today confirmed that the couple have been dating for some time.

  Words swirl around me as I read it through twice, three times … Confirmed. Dating. Couple. They must have it wrong.

  I should know, I saw Moss last night. We kissed.

  My hands shake as I pull out my phone and select his name. It goes straight to voicemail. Damn. I swivel away from the computer, almost tripping over my bag, and see Paige and Izzy hovering to one side.

  ‘Scarlett,’ Izzy calls.

  There’s nothing they can say. I reach for my bag and sling it over my shoulder as I stand up. ‘I’m going to see him. Cover for me?’

  Paige blocks my path. ‘No, Scarlett! We’re doing our first full run-through.’

  Tell me something I don’t know. ‘I’ll be back in time.’ Rehearsal doesn’t begin until after lunch. I slip past Paige.

  She turns with me, calling out after me as she follows. ‘Don’t worry about him. He’s not worth it.’

  I turn back so fast that Paige jolts to a stop. ‘He messed up, all right? But that doesn’t mean he’s not worth it.’

  ‘He’s going down on drug charges,’ says Izzy, head shaking.

  ‘So? You have no idea what kind of pressure he’s under!’ Even I’m surprised at the tone of my voice. ‘What right do you have to judge when you have no idea what he’s going through?’ At the sting in my tone, Izzy’s eyebrows go up. Paige looks hurt.

  I head for the library exit without looking back. I’m out the door, along the corridor and down the front steps so fast that there’s no chance they’ll follow.

  My hand shoots up for the first taxi I see.

  SIXTEEN

  As soon as the door opens at Moss’s place, I step through. ‘Is he alone? How is he?’

  The housekeeper jerks back before regaining control. ‘I’m sorry,’ she says. ‘Mr Young isn’t taking any visitors. Wait here, please.’

  Fat chance of that. I stride straight past.

  ‘I’m sorry, could you WAIT HERE PLEASE!’ calls the housekeeper from behind me.

  There’s no way she can make me stop, but her yelling must be enough to wake Moss up. When I get to the living room, he’s pulling a dressing gown around his shoulders. Dark circles shadow his eyes.

  The sight is enough to make me slow and all my scripted openings disappear. ‘What’s going on?’ is all that comes out.

  Moss pulls a packet of cigarettes out of a chest pocket. ‘You saw the news? Don’t worry. My agent’s on damage control.’

  For a moment I scan his face as he places a cigarette between his lips. The lighter clicks and flares.

  ‘So what’s really going on between you and Kitty Hudson?’ I say, voice even. ‘The news says that you’re a couple.’

  Moss exhales a stream of smoke. He doesn’t even seem surprised. ‘Don’t worry about it. The media loves that kind of thing. It’s just a way of staying in people’s minds.’

  ‘But her publicist said you’d been dating for some time.’ Even as I hear the words come out I hate the way they sound.

  Moss’s face turns dark. ‘Jesus, Scarlett! What do you expect? Her profile is even bigger than mine.’

  ‘So you just use her for her profile? Is that it?’

  He throws his arms up. ‘I’ve had a hell of a night, and now you’re in my face about this shit again.’

  ‘Shit? Is that what this is to you?’ I’m losing it now, and I don’t care. I didn’t have anything here to start with. ‘What does Kitty say about me? Does she even know about us?’

  ‘Of course she knows about you. You’ve met before.’ But his eyes slide to the side, and I realise … I’m onto something.

  Small things that once annoyed me now come to mind. The way Bruno reacted when I turned up backstage at the Dixie Bar. The way Moss stayed with his arm around Kitty at his producer’s party.

  ‘She doesn’t know about us, though, does she?’ My words come out small. She doesn’t know about me. All this time, I thought I was part of his life.

  I’m just the one on the side.

  ‘Listen, babe. I need you to calm down about this. I’m under a lot of pressure.’

  His words make me stop. Only a short while ago, I used them to defend him. ‘Don’t talk to me about pressure,’ I spit.

  A couple of champagne glasses are on the coffee table nearby. Probably lipstick on one. I pick one up. ‘You think you’re so much more important than everyone else? You’re just a coward.’ With all my strength, I hurl the glass at Moss. ‘A coward and a CHEAT!’ I’m not expecting it to get anywhere close, but I’m a better aim than I thought. He ducks just in time before the glass shatters against the wall behind him.

  Moss pops up again, facing at the wall. ‘What the hell?’

  That felt good. I pick up the other glass, reaching back to throw again. But someone grabs the glass from behind and holds my arms against my body. I’m lifted off the ground.

  Bruno. There’s no mistaking those muscles. I wriggle against them but it takes only a few seconds to realise that I have no chance.

  But I’m not entirely helpless. I can make this difficult for him. ‘Let me go! Let me down!’ I scream, kicking and wriggling with all I have.

  Moss watches, mouth open, as I’m carried out of the room.

  ‘Let me DOWN! Bruno, I mean it.’

  We reach the kitchen and I expect that here, at least, he’ll let me down. But still my arms stayed pinned. Still Bruno says nothing.

  In front of the walk-in pantry, Bruno releases my arms. At last. I turn to yell as Bruno opens the door and forces me inside. ‘Hey, what the?’ I struggle against him. Pointless really. Bruno wants me in the pantry, so this is where I go.

  Cereal packets, muesli bars and bottles of mixers. We all get locked in the dark.

  ‘Bruno … let me out.’

  ‘Not yet.’ At least he’s finally talking. ‘When you calm down.’

  ‘I am calm.’
<
br />   ‘No, you’re not.’

  It’s only the idea of proving him wrong that keeps me from swearing. I sink to the floor. What am I doing?

  By the time the door opens, tears are falling. My face turns up to Bruno, standing above me. ‘I’m such an idiot.’

  ‘You’re not an idiot, you’re just seventeen.’ He gently pulls me up. ‘I’ll make a pot of tea.’

  It’s so out of place that I don’t know what to say. I plonk myself on a stool and check the doorway. There’s no sign of Moss. Bruno scoops tea leaves into a pot and fills it with water from the kettle. Milk next, into each cup.

  ‘Sugar?’ he asks and I nod.

  The tea tastes warm, mellow. It gives me focus. ‘I’m, ah … sorry I woke you up,’ I say after a while.

  Bruno pours himself another cup.

  ‘You mustn’t have had much sleep,’ I say. Still no response, but I keep going. ‘Did you … get charged too?’

  ‘No.’ Bruno places his cup on the bench. ‘Learned my lesson long ago. I know my limits.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I mumble. I’m learning to find my limits too. I take another sip and check the clock. ‘Shit,’ I breathe. The cup isn’t empty, but I tip the rest in the sink.

  ‘What?’ asks Bruno.

  ‘I have to go.’ I step around the bench, before turning. ‘I’m meant to be at school, but … thanks.’

  Bruno stands up, hand in pocket. ‘I’ll drive you if you want.’ Keys jangle in his hand.

  Again, I glance at the clock. This took longer than I had planned. A lift could really save me.

  Already, Bruno’s heading for the garage. ‘Come on.’

  I follow him through a side door and out to a bright blue ute. Bruno opens the driver’s side while I slip into the passenger seat.

  ‘Take the Avenue and get off at Woodpark Road,’ I say.

  Bruno grunts in acknowledgement, but doesn’t say more. I’m glad not to worry about small talk. All I have to do for now is sit there, feeling like a child next to Bruno. Watching his tattooed arm change through the gears.

  What happened with Moss meant so much to me. It was obviously different for him. It hardly seems fair. I always wondered how my first time would be. Now I know how it ends.

  ‘This is it,’ I say, pointing when we reach the Academy. ‘You can pull up over here.’