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Nothing But Trouble

Page 23

by Matt Cain


  ‘No I didn’t.’

  ‘Yes you did. And I know what you’re trying to imply, Harvey – that I’m not in control and I’m being weak and stupid.’

  Harvey minimized the window and snapped his laptop shut. ‘Lola, that’s not what I meant at all.’

  ‘I don’t believe you, Harvey. It’s blatantly obvious you still have a problem with me and Jake. And it’s about time you got over it. Because for your information, it’s all going brilliantly.’

  Oh what the hell? It serves him right for being so down on me and Jake from the start. Not that it looked like he believed her.

  ‘Really? Is it really going brilliantly?’

  ‘Yes, actually – it is.’

  ‘But I thought you said you were just having a bit of fun and you could break it off whenever you wanted?’

  ‘Yeah, well, maybe it’s got a bit more serious now. Despite you shoving your nose in and doing your best to put him off.’

  ‘Lola, what are you on about?’

  ‘Oh come off it, Harvey. It’s blatantly obvious you’ve not stopped having a go at Jake ever since Barcelona.’

  ‘But that’s not true at all – I haven’t spoken to Jake once since Barcelona. I wouldn’t dream of interfering in your personal life.’

  I can’t believe you. I have to believe it’s you making Jake lose interest. She picked up her coffee and took another swig. ‘Yeah, well, if I were you I’d keep a closer eye on your own personal life.’

  ‘And what exactly is that supposed to mean?’

  She cast her mind back to Freddy’s comments about Spike during their date – and her hunch that something had gone wrong between them. ‘Just that if I were you I’d forget about my love life and concentrate on your own.’

  ‘For your information, Lola, my love life’s going brilliantly.’

  Yeah, course it is. ‘Listen, Harvey, I’m only saying this because I’m looking out for you –and I want what’s best for you. I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.’ Wasn’t that exactly what he’d said to her? She hoped she’d got the words right so they’d make maximum impact.

  ‘Yeah, well, there’s nothing for you to worry about,’ he trilled. ‘And I’m not in any trouble.’

  She looked him in the eye and could tell he was lying. What was it Freddy had said? That Spike wanted to do the right thing. Which surely implied that he hadn’t. ‘Listen, darlin’, all I’m saying is, just because somebody wants to be good doesn’t necessarily mean they will be.’

  Harvey’s jaw fell open in outrage. ‘Yeah, well, wanting to be good and trying to be good is a lot better than not even giving a shit about being good – which is what you’ve got with Jake. And you might think he’s going to change but if he doesn’t want to then I can tell you now that you’re only deluding yourself.’

  She could feel her temper spiralling out of control. How dare he say that? ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about, Harvey!’

  ‘Oh no, don’t I? I suppose you think because you two have great sex that means you’ve got something special? Well, I’ve got news for you, Lola – it doesn’t. Just because a man wants to shag you doesn’t mean he cares about you. It doesn’t even mean he particularly likes you. That’s something I learnt the hard way. And once the sex starts to dry up with Jake you’ll learn it too.’

  Lola wanted to throw the rest of her coffee in his face. How can he know our sex life’s starting to dry up? She couldn’t listen to him anymore; suddenly his flat vowels and Northern accent, which she used to love, had become excruciating. ‘Listen, Harvey, you’re really starting to overstep the mark now. Just you remember who’s the boss here.’

  Even as she said the words she couldn’t believe they were coming out of her mouth. All this time the two of them had called themselves a partnership; it had never occurred to Lola to pull rank. But she just had – and Harvey looked stupefied.

  ‘Well, if that’s the way you want to play things,’ he mouthed, ‘fine. From now on, let’s stick to business. At least we’ll both know where we stand.’

  ‘Fine,’ she growled.

  Oh what have I just done?

  Harvey opened up his laptop and clicked back onto the photos. ‘OK, boss, what do you think about this one?’ She could see a thick vein throbbing on his forehead; he was clearly still seething.

  She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. She looked at the picture on the screen and saw herself gazing down the lens with one hand on her hip and a snarl on her face. She wasn’t sure what she thought about the pose – or what it said about her. Punky and rebellious or cold and heartless?

  Come to think of it, she wasn’t sure she knew which of the two more accurately reflected the person she was these days. Was she really still just being feisty or had she turned into a total bitch?

  *

  A fat gay’s a lonely gay, Spike chanted inwardly as he pushed and pulled with a passionate rage. A fat gay’s a lonely gay. A fat gay’s a lonely gay.

  It was a mantra that had motivated him to pound his way through a two-hour workout that had already included a five-mile run on the treadmill, a long session lugging heavy free weights, and was now culminating in a stint on the cross-trainer that was feeling as endless as the DFS sale.

  A fat gay’s a lonely gay. A fat gay’s a lonely gay.

  Not that Spike was worried about being fat but he was terrified of being lonely – and it was a terror that had increased since he’d gone out and cheated on Harvey. Was he destined to spend the rest of his life sabotaging his happiness every time he fell in love?

  He gave a loud grunt and came to a stop, collapsing forwards to lean on the control pad as he caught his breath. He stepped off the machine and his legs almost gave way as they touched the floor. He needed to end this workout now before he did himself an injury. He hobbled over to the stretch area and lay down on a mat to straighten out his muscles.

  Guts and Butts was an exclusively gay gym in the centre of Soho and as he looked around the main exercise area, Spike recognized several regulars. Stretching out next to him was a geezer who must have been less than five foot tall but who’d overcompensated by taking so many steroids his chest had expanded to roughly the same dimension. Dead-lifting a barbell was a man whose face was so ugly it reminded Spike of the villain from a Roald Dahl story, though from the neck down he had a body that was so beautiful it could rival that of any superhero. And attempting to catch their eye was Ivor Shufflebottom, a wizened old queen who never seemed to do any exercise but instead sloped around the gym desperately trying to engage people in conversation. As Spike watched him stalk the floor he noticed everyone duck their heads or quickly look away. He wondered whether one day he’d end up like Ivor – so lonely he had to trawl the gym to scrape up every last crumb of human connection.

  It had now been a week since he’d told Harvey about his infidelity – a week during which he hadn’t heard from the man he loved more than any other. Serenity had tried to drag him out on the town, instructing him that the best way to get over someone was to get under someone. But he had n’t been able to face it and had instead stayed at home rearranging his trainer collection, aimlessly YouTubing pop videos and generally wallowing in self-pity. Things had reached a head last night when Freddy had taken him out for a drink after work and given him a stern pep talk. And that’s when he’d decided not to give in but to start fighting back. He wasn’t going to be lonely – and he certainly wasn’t going to be fat.

  He did one last stretch and turned to head downstairs. All day he’d been thinking of the best wording for a text message in which he’d tell Harvey how he felt about him and what had happened. He’d already tried to call several times but was always diverted to voicemail. At least with a text Spike knew he’d read it. He went into the changing room and punched in the code to his locker. He opened up his bag and fished out his phone.

  ‘What up Harvey,’ he typed. ‘Can’t tell you how sorry I am. Please give me another chance. I
fucking love you. Spike x’

  He reread it and hit Send.

  He shut the phone in his locker, undressed and padded over to the showers. As he shuffled along the tiles he became aware of a pair of eyes watching him from behind. He tried to ignore it, switching on the water and feeling it surge down with such force it bounced off his shoulders. He turned to rinse himself on both sides and through the jets of water spotted a generic gay standing just a few feet away drinking a protein shake and looking him up and down suggestively. The man had a shaved head, was wearing tight-fitting Aussiebum underpants and had the name of some no doubt long-forgotten ex-boyfriend tattooed on his bicep in Sanskrit. He held Spike’s gaze as he removed his underwear to reveal an enormous semi-erect schlong.

  Man, talk about making it obvious!

  Spike couldn’t help watching as the geezer strode across the empty changing room, stark naked, his towel casually dangling from the tips of his fingers and trailing along the floor. As he hung it up and stepped under the shower head next to him, Spike could almost feel the desire emanating from his eyes like an electric charge. He knew that several men followed their workout at Guts and Butts with a whole different type of exercise in the showers, sauna or steam room – and the staff not only tolerated it but sometimes even joined in. Spike himself had been known to indulge on several occasions before he’d met Harvey. But he didn’t feel in the slightest bit tempted now. He wasn’t actually sure that he and Harvey were still together but he was sure that he wanted to win back his affection. And splashing around in the showers with this geezer would hardly be the right way of going about it.

  He watched as the man squeezed liquid soap out of the dispenser and curled his mouth into a lewd grin. He began to work the soap around his dick, sliding his hand up and down the shaft until it was standing fully erect. Sure, the old Spike wouldn’t have wasted any time in helping the man soap himself down but the new Spike was different. He wasn’t interested in some generic gay making eyes at him in the showers. He was only interested in Harvey. And he was determined to win him back, whatever it took.

  He switched off the shower and wrapped himself in his towel. The man’s grin wilted and his dick began to deflate. Spike gave him a curt nod and headed back to his locker.

  He was looking forward to checking his phone – and seeing if he had a reply.

  *

  Harvey looked at his phone and reread the text.

  ‘What up Harvey. Can’t tell you how sorry I am. Please give me another chance. I fucking love you. Spike x’

  It was obviously sincere and he knew Spike well enough to know he’d be really hurt by what had happened between them. But he was hurt too – and his argument with Lola had only hurt him even more. His sadness had swelled until it cast a shadow over his soul, while his thoughts endlessly pinballed between the two most important people in his life and what they’d done to him. And right now he was too overwhelmed by all kinds of emotions to work out how he felt about his relationship with Spike – or how he was going to reply to the text.

  Besides, now that Lola had reduced their partnership to a purely professional arrangement he couldn’t risk neglecting his mounting workload. Which was why, at eight o’clock in the evening, he’d agreed to accompany Carlson Bent on a visit to an old aircraft hangar near Heathrow to check on the progress of the set being built for the show. An eye-wateringly large amount of money was being spent on moving and extending platforms; a twenty-foot long fireman’s pole for the dancers to slide down; a travelator that ran the length of a runway thrusting out into the audience; and a podium that would lift Lola high above the stage and then out over the sea of fans for her big encore. Every aspect of the Trouble tour was now being upgraded in full expectation of it being extended to include a second leg in the States next year. The more successful Lola’s career became, the more pressure this seemed to generate. And even though he was feeling ground down by problems both professional and personal, Harvey was determined not to buckle under the strain.

  Carlson led him into the vast space and switched on the lights so the set flickered into vision. It wasn’t even half finished but Harvey could already see how it would fit together and felt a little surge of excitement sparkling through the sadness that had swamped his last week. Carlson guided him around, talking him through the progress of each element and updating him on the designer’s evolving vision.

  After a while, Harvey broke off to stroll to the end of the runway and look out onto the enormous empty space. In just under a month this view will be completely different, he told himself. He pictured the opening-night audience screaming at the stage and felt the impact of their energy as they waited to be wowed by the sensational show they’d been promised at the press conference in Paris and in so many interviews since. If he could just draw together all the different creative strands being worked on by all the different artists, designers and musicians, Harvey had no doubt the show really would be sensational. But pulling it off would be a challenge far greater than any other he’d faced in his career so far.

  He turned around to speak to Carlson and found himself staring at an empty set. ‘Carlson?’ he shouted. ‘Carlson, where are you?’

  Just then he heard the squeak of bare skin on steel and spotted an almost naked Carlson sliding into view down the fireman’s pole. He came to a stop at the bottom and sprang onto his feet, revealing that he was covered by nothing but a pair of Aussiebum underpants and a tattoo in what looked like Chinese characters on his bicep – a bicep which, like the rest of his body, Harvey now saw was strikingly well sculpted.

  ‘Here I am,’ he drawled, striding down the runway towards him.

  Flippin’ ’eck! He is seriously fit.

  ‘I thought you and me might put on a little show of our own,’ Carlson grinned.

  Hold on a minute, said a voice in Harvey’s head, you can’t do this – you’ve got a boyfriend, remember?

  What are you waiting for? asked another. Spike cheated on you – he can hardly expect you to be faithful!

  Carlson came to a stop right in front of him, so close Harvey could almost sense his body heat. He felt the desire emanating from Carlson’s eyes like an electric charge. His fingers touched Harvey’s bare forearm and gently stroked their way down to his hand. As he felt Carlson weave his fingers through his, Harvey’s eyes settled on the cute little dimple in his chin.

  ‘So what do you say?’ asked Carlson softly. ‘Shall we make a start on our opening number?’

  Oh go on! Stop fighting it. If you want to have some fun, just do it . . .

  Don’t do it! You’ve fought too hard to stop cheating on boyfriends. You’re so much better than this!

  It suddenly struck Harvey that his response to Carlson’s invitation would not only determine the outcome of his relationship with Spike but also the success or failure of his last three years of therapy and abstinence.

  Don’t throw away everything you worked so hard for . . .

  All that hard work and where did it get you? Right back where you started . . .

  He had to admit, Carlson did have an incredible body.

  Harvey opened his mouth to answer him.

  There was only one way he could respond.

  *

  Lola opened her mouth and stepped up to the mic. She was back at Musicmaker in Bermondsey for a band rehearsal of Miss Chief. After a week of tension with both Jake and Harvey she’d had enough of feeling like everything was her fault. She’d had enough of being awash with guilt and self-pity. Now she was ready to fight back.

  Nothing you can say or do,

  Will ever make me bow to you.

  The way you act is beyond belief,

  Don’t forget that I’m Miss Chief.

  As she growled into the mic she tried to reconnect with the strength she’d felt when she’d sacked her last assistant for speaking to the press about her affair with Fox Marshall. It had been great to exercise her power in the eyes of the whole team and remind everyone she was
in charge. It was a message she could do with certain people understanding now.

  I’m smart and strong and I’m the boss,

  Losing you would be no loss.

  The way you act is beyond belief,

  Don’t forget that I’m Miss Chief.

  She channelled all her energy into the vocal, feeling elevated by a strength and self-assurance that was returning to race through her once more. Her sense of exhilaration was so intense she was convinced she could feel it reverberating around the room. This was just what she needed – and just what she needed everyone else to witness. She caught sight of Harvey nodding along to the music next to a grinning Mike Henry. She gleamed at him and moved back in to the mic.

  You think you can walk the walk,

  But I can tell you’re just all talk.

  The way you act is beyond belief,

  Don’t forget that I’m Miss Chief.

  She hoped everyone in the room could pick up on the intensity of her emotion. Arranged in their positions around her, Danny, Smudge and Chuck played their instruments with what she was convinced was an increased vigour, while Gloria and Sharonne delivered their vocals as if totally transformed by the meaning behind the lyrics. But it was Jake she most wanted to register her transformation – her argument with Harvey had focused her mind on the problems between the two of them. The more she thought about it, the more she realized she was sick of him treating her like some pathetic weakling he could pick up and toss aside whenever he felt like it. Why should she put up with any more of his shit?

  She waited to catch his eye but he didn’t give her even the briefest glance. Instead, his gaze was trained firmly in the direction of her backing vocalists. She caught him flash over a cheeky wink, the same wink he’d flashed at her on the day they’d met – and then again on the set of Lucky Star when she came face-to-face with Rex Watson. Well, she wasn’t going to stand for it. It was blatantly obvious something was going on between him and Sharonne. And she’d put up with it for long enough.

 

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