Nothing But Trouble

by Matt Cain

  *

  A nicotine-blonde waitress with a face like a King Charles spaniel brought over the check and plonked it down on the table between Mia and Dan. ‘Have a great night!’

  They finished the last of their drinks and Mia felt a glow of satisfaction that the evening had gone so well. Dan really did seem to be everything she was looking for in a man. But she couldn’t allow herself to feel totally satisfied yet – it remained to be seen how he’d cope with the paparazzi, who were no doubt waiting outside the hotel that very moment. She gulped at the idea of subjecting him to the final – and without doubt the biggest and most difficult – test of the evening.

  *

  Leo was on his bike zipping down the Santa Monica Freeway, winding his way in and out of the traffic to get to the Mirage as fast as he could.

  He was trying to relieve his guilt about dumping Eden by telling himself that there was no way things could have ever worked out between them. And she was wrong about him having no feelings; the problem was that he couldn’t photograph anyone he did have feelings for. In fact, when he went to work it was almost like he had to switch off his feelings and adopt a different persona. And if he stopped being able to do this, he wouldn’t be able to carry on doing the job he loved.

  When he eventually made it to the hotel and parked up outside, he spotted a cluster of faces he recognized; the pack of paps in LA might have been big but most of them knew each other well from working the circuit. At the back of the pack Leo spied a bald head and a pair of little sticky-out ears and recognized his best mate Ronnie. He worked his way over to talk to him.

  ‘Evening, partner.’

  ‘Hey buddy, how’d it go with Eden?’

  ‘Oh you know – it went. But at least it’s out of the way now.’

  ‘That’s the spirit. And you still made it here in time to collect your pay check.’

  ‘Looks like it. She’s not come out yet then?’

  ‘Not yet. But she’s due any second – one of the valet boys has just gone to get her car.’

  Leo followed Ronnie’s eyes to the small group of people standing by the main entrance – two sniffy-looking doormen who were clearly gay but trying to butch it up, a pair of rich kids kissing like it was a whole new experience, and a fat man smoking a cigarette with the concentration of an addict about to catch a transatlantic flight. Mia Sinclair was nowhere to be seen. Phew! Looks like I made it in plenty of time.

  Leo was just about to turn away when he spotted the faces of the doormen light up. And he knew just what that meant; they’d caught sight of Mia Sinclair.

  When she emerged, it was hard not to stop and stare at her. She had baby blonde hair, a fresh complexion and piercing blue eyes. Tonight she looked incredible in a figure-hugging pastel blue dress with matching high-heeled sandals and a striking diamond necklace. And in case there was any doubt that the show was about to begin, she was glowing with an almost visible aura which Leo had come to recognize as good old-fashioned star quality.

  Her date must have gone well as she was smiling brightly on the arm of a rather handsome man who was focused on her so intently that he almost tripped down the first step. Whoever he was, his presence next to Mia meant the paps had their story.

  ‘Ker-ching!’ beamed Ronnie.

  In a matter of seconds, Leo and the rest of the pack jumped into Mia’s path and snapped away, all the time shouting her name so she’d look into their lenses. As the couple pressed forward and fought their way down the steps, using their hands to shield them from the brightness of the exploding flashbulbs, Leo darted around them to get the best shot, sometimes holding up his camera as high as he could and angling it downwards without looking through the viewfinder – a trick known to paps as the ‘Hail Mary’.

  To the casual observer, this sudden eruption of noise, movement and relentlessly blinding flashes must have looked frightening and almost violently intense. The balding fat man dropped his cigarette and watched from the entrance open-mouthed. But for Leo – and Mia too – this was simply the reality of everyday life.

  ‘Mia!’

  ‘Over here, Mia!’

  ‘To me, Mia!’

  ‘No, to me, Mia!’

  ‘Who’s the dude, Mia?’

  ‘Who’s your new man, Mia?’

  ‘Oh come on, Mia!’

  Within seconds, Mia and her date had reached the bottom of the steps and slid into their waiting car. Leo spotted the man take the driving seat and thrust a bunch of notes into the hand of the valet. For a few seconds he sat there frozen, clutching the wheel with a horrified expression on his face. Then he hit the accelerator and the pack of paps scrambled out of the way and rushed to their cars and bikes. Whoever this guy was, if they got a shot of him kissing Mia goodnight, or better still going into her place, then it really would be payday.

  *

  ‘Phew!’ gasped Dan. ‘That was intense.’ He whistled and shook his head.

  ‘Welcome to my world,’ chirped Mia, desperate to defuse the tension. ‘Don’t worry, you kind of get used to it after a while.’

  Dan raised his eyebrows and punched the steering wheel. He didn’t look like he wanted to get used to it.

  Oh no! she thought. Here we go again . . .

  Mia gazed out of the window and saw the bright lights of Sunset Boulevard whizzing by. Film posters glared down at her from all angles, often so big that they covered the sides of entire buildings. Right ahead was one for the DVD release of her last film The Princess and the Pauper. It featured a huge image of her wearing a tiara and gazing into the eyes of her leading man with a regal yet familiarly love-struck expression. Under the picture was the tag line ‘Can love truly conquer all?’ Right now she sure hoped it could.

  They turned off Sunset and onto Laurel Canyon Boulevard.

  ‘Wait a second,’ said Dan, looking in the mirror, ‘are they following us?’

  She twisted her neck and saw four or five paps on motorbikes hot on their tail. ‘I’m afraid so,’ she soothed, patting his knee. ‘Don’t worry – it’s perfectly normal.’

  ‘Normal? This is what you call normal?’

  Mia shrugged and sank back into her seat. She didn’t like to tell him that as well as the motorbikes, they were also being followed by the cars behind and in front of them as well as four or five others she recognized trailing further back. In her head she heard a loud nee-noo sound effect from the TV quiz show she’d been imagining earlier. If coping with the paps was Dan’s final test of the evening, it looked like he was about to fail miserably.

  One of the motorbike riders inched alongside their car and edged just in front of them to get a clear view. Mia spotted a sticker of the British flag attached to the back of the bike. The pap held out his camera and turned it round at them, flashing away on the off-chance he’d get a decent shot.

  Dan held out his hand as if to bat him away. ‘Jeez, this is insane!’

  ‘I’m sorry, Dan. It isn’t always like this, I promise. They just haven’t seen you with me before so they’re chasing a story.’

  ‘But I don’t do drama, Mia. I’m just a regular guy.’

  ‘Yeah, well there are ways to deal with it, you know. I have a car with blacked-out windows, which I drive if I don’t want the paps to see anything. And there’s always security . . .’

  ‘Security? Blacked-out windows? I make furniture for a living, Mia. This really isn’t my thing.’

  Uh-oh. It sounded like Dan would definitely be joining Seth, Hart and Buck on the casualty list. Mia bit her lip to stop a tremble becoming anything else. For just a moment this evening she’d dared to imagine a future for her and Dan. She’d dared to imagine that she might finally have found love. With Nice Man Dan, who unfortunately wasn’t quite nice enough to put up with the reality of dating Mia Sinclair.

  *

  Leo and the other paps raced down Mulholland Drive, heading off Mia’s car to arrive at her place before she did. They’d worked this route several times before so knew exactly wh
ere they were going. After a few minutes they turned off Mulholland and down a much quieter side street, stopping when they recognized the entrance to Mia’s house.

  One after the other they parked their cars, threw down their bikes and quickly assumed their positions, cameras at the ready to start snapping away. At times like this, paps like Leo not only had to put to one side all emotion and sensitivity; they had to stop viewing the stars they were following as human beings and see them simply as targets. He knew that to many people this might seem cruel but if he was going to be any good at his job there was only one thing he could focus on – and that was the picture. And right now Leo was wondering what would happen with tonight’s big picture.

  He was surprised when the car eventually appeared but pulled up outside the property and didn’t go through the gates. He assumed that the date hadn’t gone well after all and the man wasn’t being invited to spend the night. Never mind, he thought. If we’re lucky we might still get a kiss.

  *

  ‘Well thanks for a lovely evening. Are you sure you don’t want to come in for a nightcap?’

  ‘Gee, I’d love to Mia but I’ve got an early start tomorrow.’ For a fraction of a second his eyes flickered towards the paps snapping their conversation through the windscreen.

  ‘Oh, OK,’ she swallowed. ‘I understand.’

  Mia was crestfallen but didn’t want to show it. She could feel her chin start to wobble but did her best to smile through it. By now she was really glad she was an actress.

  She wanted to kiss Dan goodbye but knew that the paps would go crazy if she did and she’d be answering marriage rumours for the next few weeks. Before she had time to think about it, Dan moved in to kiss her and she puckered up, ready to meet his lips. He went for her cheek but the flashbulbs exploded anyway. Oh great, thought Mia. Tomorrow it’ll be all over the papers: ‘The First Lady of Love – dumped again!’

  ‘Well, goodnight then, Dan.’

  ‘Yeah. See you around, I guess.’

  But as he said it, she knew he didn’t mean it.

  She clutched the door handle and, before pulling it, stopped for a moment to compose herself. Whatever you do, don’t let the paps see you’re upset.

  She took a deep breath and opened the door.

  *

  As Mia stepped out of the car, Leo was at the front of the pack, snapping relentlessly as she walked over to the security gates and began tapping in her code. The look on her face was steely and no-nonsense; she was obviously determined to give nothing away.

  Leo stood watching as the gates to the house slowly opened and Mia disappeared behind them. The rest of the paps looked at each other and shrugged. The show was over.

  But not for Leo.

  Like most stars, Mia lived in a heavily gated property surrounded by bushes and trees and Leo knew from previous experience where to find a good peephole. As the other paps began looking back over their pictures, Leo slipped away and started scaling a huge tree with his bare hands, his camera dangling from around his neck. He straddled a thick branch with his legs and inched along until he came to a spot where, if he held his camera at the end of his outstretched arm, he could just about shoot through the leaves.

  Leo would do almost anything to nail an exclusive shot. And right now he might just nail a dynamite one of the First Lady of Love at the end of another disappointing date.

  *

  As Mia walked up her driveway she could hear the pack of paps on the other side of the gates, chatting amongst themselves as they compared the shots they’d taken.

  ‘Mmm, not bad.’

  ‘That’s a good one!’

  ‘That’s freakin’ awesome!’

  She stopped for a moment and sighed. The night had ended in disaster and she just wanted to go inside and forget about it. Those damn paps! Why do they always have to ruin everything?

  Following her every move from several feet above, Leo was just about to start snapping when Mia sloped off and disappeared into her front porch. Oh no! Why can’t she stand still and look towards the camera?

  Sheltered from his lens under the roof of her porch, Mia’s whole face began to tremble. She remembered her strict rule of not letting down her guard until she was safely behind the walls of her home. She took out her keys and prepared to enter her sanctuary.

  Leo frowned and switched off his camera.

  *

  Mia opened her door and entered the empty house, slamming the door shut and slumping back against it. Thank God, she thought. Safe at last.

  She loved her home but at times like this it felt like a prison, barricaded away from the rest of the world. And she found it exhausting to have to live her life as if she were permanently under siege.

  She tried to snap out of it by reminding herself of how lucky she was. It wasn’t so long ago that she’d been stuck with her mom in a tiny apartment in Cleveland struggling to make ends meet and dreaming about one day leading the privileged life of a movie star. But it was no use; however strong those memories were, they couldn’t stop her from feeling overcome by a devastating feeling of loneliness.

  And yeah, she didn’t want to turn into one of those needy, desperate characters she played on screen. But as she stood staring into her empty house, all she could think was that there was a big, gaping emptiness in her life too. And however brave a front she put on for the world, she knew that only love could fill it. The problem was, she was beginning to lose hope that she’d ever find it.

  She sank to the floor and buried her head in her hands. Within seconds she could feel the tears trickling down her face.

  Outside she could just about make out the sound of the last pap’s motorbike as it revved its engine and sped away into the night.

  Praise for Shot Through the Heart

  ‘A deliciously sexy romp that blows open the scandalous secrets of Hollywood’

  Daily Express *****

  ‘Scandal, glamour, love, sex: this novel has all of them in spades, and the plot scurries along at a pleasing pace . . . Need a companion for your beach holiday? Look no further than this fun, glitzy tale’

  Heat ****

  ‘Rollicking good fun . . . sexy, funny, I couldn’t put it down’

  Attitude

  ‘Brilliantly written and utterly engrossing, Matt Cain’s debut novel is a wonderful read’

  Sun ****

  ‘Jackie Collins, watch your leopard-print back! Matt Cain is in town with a biting wit and some good old-fashioned romance!’

  Jonathan Harvey

  ‘This debut is the shamelessly fabulous story of Hollywood’s biggest star falling for a Brit paparazzo, from someone who knows LA inside out’

  Elle

  ‘A first-class ticket to Tinseltown. A novel full of glitz, sex and secrets, it’s over the top and fabulously good fun. I raced through it’

  Fanny Blake

  Nothing But Trouble

  Matt Cain was born in Bury and brought up in Bolton. He spent ten years making arts and entertainment programmes for ITV before stepping in front of the camera in 2010 to become Channel 4 News’ first Culture Editor. Now a full-time writer, Nothing But Trouble is his second novel, following his debut, Shot Through the Heart. He lives in London.

  You can follow Matt Cain on Twitter @MattCainWriter

  www.mattcainwriter.com

  Also by Matt Cain

  Shot Through the Heart

  First published 2015 by Pan Books

  This electronic edition published 2015 by Pan Books

  an imprint of Pan Macmillan

  20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR

  Associated companies throughout the world

  www.panmacmillan.com

  ISBN 978-1-4472-7166-6

  Copyright © Matt Cain 2015

  Girl © Getty images/Simon Webb & Duncan Nicholls

  Background image © Shutterstock

  The right of Matt Cain to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the C
opyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, organizations and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, places, organizations or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Pan Macmillan does not have any control over, or any responsibility for, any author or third party websites referred to in or on this book.

  You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

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