by Radclyffe
She continued to walk, unmindful of any destination, lost in the memory of dark wounded eyes and ravaged lives. The beach was still—even the waves seemed to realize it was nighttime, breaking softly and rolling gently onto the shore. The half-moon cast soft shadows over the sand. Adrienne fell into step with the regular rhythm of the ocean, walking steadily along the edge of the tide pools. She half expected to come upon some shipwrecked sailor in this unreal world of sound and shadow. She was only slightly startled when her solitude was shattered by a husky voice calling out to her in the darkness.
“You do look good in a uniform.”
Adrienne could make out a still form hunched over in the protection of a gently rising swell of dunes. She approached silently and sat down on the moist ground.
“Where’s your friend?” Adrienne asked.
“Asleep in my bungalow.”
“What are you doing out here?” Adrienne continued, studying Tanner’s set features. The effects of the alcohol appeared to have worn off. She looked tired, but composed. “It’s much too cool to sleep out here.”
“Couldn’t sleep,” Tanner answered lightly. She could never figure out why the presence of another person in her bed disturbed her. She was always wide-awake after sex, unaccountably restless. “How about you? Pretty late for a walk on the beach, isn’t it?”
“The ocean relaxes me,” Adrienne answered noncommittally. She took a deep breath and continued. “Listen, I’m sorry I went off at you back there at the party. It’s just that…”
Tanner interrupted with a shake of her head. “No need. You were right. If I’m going to screw myself up, the least I can do is have the decency not to involve other people. I’m sorry.”
Adrienne stared at her, shocked by the hollowness in her voice. This was not the cocky, confident woman she had verbally jousted with earlier. She seemed so defeated! Adrienne much preferred her maddening arrogance.
“That’s not what I was trying to say to you!” she continued without really thinking. “I was worried about you—and angry at you, too. You could have really hurt yourself!”
“Why should you care?” Tanner said without rancor. “It doesn’t really matter all that much.”
“Oh, Tanner!” Adrienne cried. “You’re so wrong. It matters so very much! You have a choice about your life, about what happens to you. You mustn’t throw that away!”
Tanner looked at her questioningly. “We all have those choices, don’t we? I just choose not to decide. C'est la vie, and all that.”
“It’s not always that simple. Sometimes life slips through your fingers, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.”
Tanner turned, searching her face. Adrienne wasn't looking at her. She was staring out at the water, her face in the moonlight almost otherworldly - distantly beautiful, remote and untouchable. “You’re not really talking about me, are you? You’re talking about yourself. What things can’t you control?” Tanner continued to study her, aware of the tenor of pain in her voice. What is it? What has hurt you so much?
Adrienne looked away, her jaw clenched. “I didn’t mean me, exactly. I just meant you – everyone -- should be more responsible.”
“No you weren't,” Tanner continued quietly. “There’s something else you’re not saying, Commander Pierce. But you can keep your secrets—for a while.” She leaned back on her arms, watching the flickering shadows highlight the little creatures scuttling along the beach on their midnight errands.
“Did you ever feel like there was something you wanted, but you didn’t know what it was?” Tanner asked at length, her gaze still fixed on the sea.
Adrienne followed her gaze, caught up in the mellow tone of her voice. Moonlight glinted on the water in broken streaks of silver. “I think so—a long time ago. It’s been a very long time since I can remember wanting anything that badly—so badly I could feel it like an ache in my bones. Is that what you mean?”
Tanner nodded. “What was it you wanted?”
Adrienne laughed. “Probably not what you’re talking about. I wanted a career, a future. But tell me what it is you think you want.”
Tanner ran a hand through her already tousled hair and frowned. “I don’t know. I can’t seem to settle anywhere. I wander around, but I always seem to return to Whitley Point. I make love, but I can only sleep when I’m alone. I drink, or worse, but I only feel emptier. Nothing seems to mean very much to me.” She sighed and looked at Adrienne with a sheepish grin. “Pretty pathetic, huh?”
Adrienne smiled at her, touched by the wistfulness in her voice. “Confused, maybe. God knows, I don't have the answers. What makes life worth living is different for everyone. And sometimes it's very hard to know what those things are.”
“Is that why you came to Whitley Point—to find those answers?”
Adrienne shrugged, sifting sand through her long fingers, tossing bits of broken shells into the darkness. “I thought I did, at first. Now I’m not sure. Maybe I just came here so I wouldn’t have to face not knowing. It’s a nice place to hide, this island. After a while it’s easy to forget that there really is another world out there.”
“Was there someone you left behind—back there in California?” Tanner asked quietly.
“No,” Adrienne said abruptly, turning her face away.
Tanner sighed. “I’m sorry. I always seem to hit some sore spot with you. It’s just that you don’t seem to be the kind of person not to be involved." You're too beautiful, and too tender, to be so alone.
Adrienne shifted slightly in the sand so that she could look into Tanner’s eyes. They were warm, and welcoming. There was something about this woman that made her want to talk. She felt almost safe with her. Still, Adrienne hesitated, afraid of what she might feel. Tanner awakened thoughts that she had avoided for months. She hadn’t talked to anyone, not even Tom, about the events of the last year of her life. He was one of her closest friends, and she knew he cared about her very much, but she couldn’t bring herself to put words to her emotions. Because if she did, she'd have to face the pain, and the fear. Nevertheless, the honest concern in the Tanner's dark eyes gave her courage.
“There was someone,” she began slowly, trying to find the right words.
When Adrienne hesitated, Tanner urged her on gently, sensing Adrienne's struggle. “Is that the reason you left the Navy?”
Adrienne shook her head. “No. I...she left me for the same reason I left the service, something else. Something personal.” Adrienne felt no need to explain her relationship with Alicia. Somehow she sensed that Tanner had recognized her particular preference in partners. Certainly Tanner made no secret of her interests. But she still couldn't tell her all of it. She couldn't expose herself, couldn't bear the pity.
“That’s the real secret, isn’t it? The reason that you’re here at Whitley Point.”
“Yes.”
Tanner couldn’t miss the thinly veiled anguish in Adrienne’s voice, and she longed to offer her some comfort. “What is it?”
Adrienne’s reply came softly. “I can’t talk about it, not right now. I’m sorry.” The last words came out in a choked whisper. Adrienne's eyes brimmed with tears she refused to shed, had never shed, not even in her darkest hours.
Tanner sensed her withdraw, and knew she couldn't ask Adrienne to go on. Her suffering was too clear. God, she hurts so much!
Tanner responded without thinking, offering the only comfort she knew. She leaned slowly towards Adrienne, her eyes never leaving Adrienne’s troubled blue ones, until their faces were only inches apart. At last they were so close that she had to lower her head slightly so that she could bring her lips gently down to Adrienne’s. Adrienne did not pull away under the pressure of Tanner’s kiss. Tanner moved her lips gently over Adrienne’s soft mouth, her tongue gently, tentatively, exploring. She didn't hurry, or touch her in any other way. She was lost in the sweet surprise of the moment. She could barely believe the tenderness of this simple kiss. It was not a new experience for her,
and yet she felt all the wonder of the first time. There had been so many others since then, and no one had moved her quite like this silent, tormented woman. Her tongue slipped into Adrienne’s mouth, and the warm serenity of it was almost more then she could bear. She moaned softly, as her whole being flowed toward Adrienne. With one trembling hand, Tanner cupped the side of Adrienne’s face, feeling Adrienne's heart beat in the pulse just below her jaw. Tanner rose slowly to her knees, caressing Adrienne’s neck, tangling her fingers in the strands of blond hair near her collar. Her head was buzzing, and she was having trouble catching her breath. Her belly pounded with desire, her thighs quivered, and remotely, she heard herself groan. Suddenly the kiss was broken as Adrienne pulled away sharply.
“No!” Adrienne cried.
Tanner stared at her, shaking, her vision cloudy with need. “Oh God – I didn't mean – I --” She reached out to touch Adrienne's arm, her hand trembling badly. "Please, I only wanted –"
Adrienne jumped to her feet, her eyes fixed on Tanner’s flushed face. “I’m sorry, Tanner—you just don’t understand! I can’t—I’m sorry!” She turned away and began to run.
“Adrienne! Wait—please! Just talk to me!” Tanner called after her. Adrienne didn’t reply but continued to run until she was out of sight, leaving Tanner still kneeling in the sand.
CHAPTER FIVE
TANNER SAT ON the beach until the sun came up. She was still thinking about Adrienne. Every time she thought about those soft lips against hers, the heat of Adrienne's mouth, the soft brush of skin against her palm, she felt another wave of desire. It was so strange! She didn’t understand why this woman, whom she hardly knew, could have such a powerful effect on her. But the sensation was undeniable.
She wasn't sure what to do. She was used to being pursued. Most often it was her name, or her status, or her reputation that attracted the women. She usually took the easy way out, giving in to someone else's attraction, only to withdraw quickly when the situation became too intense. This time, she didn’t want to pull away.
Her first instinct was to go to Adrienne and insist that they talk. She wasn't a patient person, by nature or by breeding. She was used to having what she wanted. And though she knew it wasn't wise to confront Adrienne, she almost didn't care. She wanted to unlock the secret that held Adrienne captive.
Tanner stood up in frustration and walked slowly up the path that led to her bungalow. When she entered she found Jean still asleep on the unmade bed. She shook her gently, calling, “Jean! It’s time for you to get up. Jerry will wonder where you are!”
The blond rolled over lazily and smiled, still drowsy from sleep.
“No he won’t. I’m sure he already knows where I am.”
Tanner frowned in exasperation. “Great! Just what I need—an irate husband crashing in here at six o’clock in the morning!”
Jean reached up for her with a grin. “He wouldn’t do that. He knows I’ll come home, as long as he doesn’t interfere with my little escapades.”
Tanner stepped back, out of Jean’s reach. “Wonderful. I’m glad you two have such an understanding relationship. But I’d still rather not end up in the middle of it.” She gathered up Jean’s dress and handed it to her. “Come on. Get dressed.”
Jean stretched leisurely, stood, and pulled the dress on over her head. She looked at Tanner with inquisitive eyes. “Where have you been?”
Tanner looked away. “Out for a walk.”
“Hmm. With that visitor from down the road?”
Tanner flushed and looked at her angrily. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Jean shrugged and picked up her handbag. “Nothing. I just noticed that you spent a lot of time watching her last night. And, if you ask me, my dear, you should forget her. She looks like a cold bitch to me.”
“Well, I didn’t ask you!” Tanner responded shortly. “Now, would you mind leaving before the entire household sees you?”
Jean kissed her sensuously on the lips as she made her way toward the door. “Certainly. But you’re a fool if you think that anyone at that party doesn’t know I spent the night with you.”
Tanner stared after her as she slipped out the door. She pulled off her shirt and threw herself down in disgust on the bed. Her last thought before she finally slept was of Adrienne’s face as she turned to run from her on the beach.
* * *
Adrienne had not spoken to anyone in the two weeks since Constance Whitley’s barbecue. She had even avoided the general store until necessity forced her to make the trip. She still walked on the beach each day, but she never walked north. She didn’t want to be reminded of the night on the shore with Tanner. She was angry with herself—angry for dropping her guard, angry for letting anyone breach the protective barrier she had so carefully erected around her feelings. How easily Tanner had penetrated her defenses! How easily she had come, with her dark eyes and wistful words, right into the center of Adrienne’s consciousness.
Now Adrienne found she could not get Tanner out of her thoughts! And she did not want to think! She did not want to think about San Diego, or Alicia, or her former career, or any of it! And she especially did not want to think about Tanner. Because every time she did, she was reminded of how gentle Tanner’s lips felt against her mouth, and of how sweet her touch had been on her face. Tanner’s sexual energy was compelling, and Adrienne knew desire again. A desire as unbidden as the desire to breathe. There was no good reason for it! It was purely physical. And that was what frightened her—she had not felt anything like it for so long that it was hard for her to accept. It there was anything she had been sure of, it was that such feelings had been obliterated by the trials of the last year. Now she wasn’t certain of anything—except that she had to avoid seeing Tanner again at all cost.
She read, she ate when she could remember to, and she tried not to think. She found that the tranquility of her solitary existence had disappeared. Her body longed for activity, and she grew intolerably restless. She felt that she would go mad if she didn’t find something with which to occupy herself. That was when she remembered her conversation weeks previously with Mr. Simms.
Early one morning, she packed some gear and a lunch and set out for the marina. She parked her car in the shade and went into the general store. She found the friendly proprietor unpacking cans at the far end of an aisle.
“Good morning!” she called. “I want to rent a sailboat!”
Mr. Simms looked up and smiled, dusting his hands off on his faded khaki pants. “That’s simple enough. Just walk on down to the office and talk to Josh Thomas. He’ll fix you up.” He pointed through the windows to the gray-shingled, all-purpose boat repair and rental building at the end of a wooden pier with sloops moored on either side.
Adrienne smiled her thanks and left. As she walked down the pier, she smiled, feeling almost happy for the first time in weeks. She was looking forward to being out on the ocean again. Her smile disappeared when she saw Tanner’s silver sports coupe parked on the pier close to the water’s edge. She almost left, and then shook her head angrily. “No!” she whispered to herself. “I can't keep running from her. Seeing her won't be a problem. I hope.” She pressed resolutely on, finding the manager of the marina overhauling one of the sloops hoisted up in dry dock.
Josh Thomas was a weather beaten, bearded man of indeterminate age. He had the look of a native about him, and when he called down a greeting to her, Adrienne recognized the distinctive New England accent. She introduced herself and told him what she wanted. He turned out to be a charming man who took her enthusiastically down to the dock and helped her choose a craft. He described to her in loving detail the particulars of the boat she wanted.
“That’s it, then, Ms. Pierce,” he said finally. “She’s all yours. Just be sure to keep an ear on the weather bulletins and get her in by nightfall. Summer squalls blow up quickly in these waters, and this harbor is difficult to navigate in the dark.”
“I will,” Adrienne replied with a s
mile. As she turned to climb aboard, she added, “By the way—isn’t that Tanner Whitley’s car over there?”
Josh looked in the direction she had pointed and nodded. “Sure is.” He laughed and shook his head. “She’s been out before sun-up every day for the last two weeks. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was out poaching lobster pots!” He continued to chuckle as he walked away, leaving Adrienne alone with her craft.
Adrienne sailed slowly for the first hour, getting used to the pull of the sails and the unfamiliar waters. Finally, as the wind peaked in the early afternoon, she let her sails out and made a fast run with the wind, exhilarating in the freedom and power of the boat under her. Physically she felt wonderful, and the boat was so demanding under full sail that she didn’t have time to think about the disturbing events of the last few weeks. She anchored in a quiet cove on the lee side of one of the small islands that dotted the coast. She was starved and looking forward to the bottle of wine she had brought along as a treat. She stretched out on the deck after her meal, basking in the sun. She relaxed and allowed her mind to wander, free from the questions that plagued her most of her waking hours. She must have napped, for the next thing she knew, the wind had grown cool, and the boat rocked heavily on the tide. She opened her eyes and was surprised to find the sun already low on the horizon. She hastily gathered the remains of her meal and got under sail, anxious to make port before darkness. Even with a good wind it was almost dark when she sailed into Whitley Harbor. Josh Thomas ran to meet her on the pier and caught the towline she tossed to him.
“I was getting a little worried there,” he called. “It’s almost dark!”
“I know,” Adrienne replied as she jumped down onto the dock. “I must have fallen asleep in the sun. I’m sorry.” She smiled at him, feeling exhilarated. “It was wonderful out there!”
“Can’t argue with that,” he responded as he walked with her up toward the marina.