by Radclyffe
“Please,” Tanner gasped, “give me a minute. Josh's coffee might kill me before the cold does.”
Adrienne laughed and hugged Tanner tightly. “Are you really awake?” Adrienne whispered after a few moments of watching Tanner’s breathing becoming more regular and the color return to her face.
Tanner opened her eyes, finally able to focus, and regarded Adrienne solemnly. “I am—I think. Or this could just be a very nice dream.”
Adrienne couldn't look away from those dark, captivating eyes. For a minute there, it had feel like a dream. She hadn't been alone.
Suddenly, a visceral memory of Tanner's lips on her own churned through her belly. She remembered the heat, and the tender almost shy stroke of Tanner's tongue over her own. A rush of arousal, completely unexpected, pulsed through her. She hadn't meant this to happen - hadn't wanted it to happen. She had only meant to help heal her.
Adrienne shifted abruptly on the narrow cot, slipping out from behind Tanner's nude body. She sat on the edge of the cot, staring at the floor, forcing her breathing to quiet. When she was certain her voice was steady, she replied, "It’s not a dream, something more like a nightmare. You had a pretty close call today, but I’m sure you’ll be fine after a couple of days’ rest. When you’re feeling a little better, I’ll drive you home.”
“Can’t we just stay here?” Tanner struggled to keep her eyes open and sighed, pressing close against Adrienne's back. It felt so good when you held me. So safe.
“No, we can’t. You need a hot shower and a good night’s sleep. Neither of which you can get here.” Adrienne's fear and confusion were being replaced by anger. Goddamn her for being so careless! And Goddamn me for caring!!
Adrienne stood, breaking the contact that was rapidly becoming uncomfortable. "I'll bring my car down. It won't help for you to get soaked again. Can you get dressed?"
Tanner nodded, too exhausted to protest. She struggled into the dry shirt and pants Josh offered her from his locker, and obediently followed Adrienne to her car. She slept on the short ride home, and when Adrienne pulled up in front of Whitley Manor, she had to shake Tanner to awaken her. “Tanner, wake up. You’re home now—it’s time to leave.”
Tanner stirred slowly and gazed at Adrienne, a mixture of fatigue and need in her face. “Will you stay with me?” she asked softly. "Please."
Adrienne shook her head. “No. But I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” She assured herself that was just a simple kindness. Anyone would do the same.
Tanner nodded and got out of the car without further protest. Adrienne watched her as Tanner made her way slowly around the side of the house to the path leading down to her bungalow. She hated to see her go, and didn't want to think what that meant. She only knew she couldn't get any closer to the lonely young woman and her secret pain. It was better to keep things uncomplicated, for both their sakes.
CHAPTER SEVEN
ADRIENNE SLEPT POORLY that night and woke before the sun was fully up. She busied herself around the house and fought off the urge to call Tanner. She'll be fine. She doesn't need you to worry over her. And you don't need something else to worry about either.
She went for a run, plagued the entire time by thoughts of Tanner. Finally, at nine o’clock she gave in to her persistent concern and called Whitley Manor. The phone was answered on the second ring.
“Whitley residence—may I help you?”
“This is Adrienne Pierce,” she said. “Is Tanner awake yet?”
“Miss Whitley is not in right now. May I take a message for her?”
“Not in?” Adrienne exclaimed, unable to hide the alarm in her voice. “Is she all right?” She could hear muffled voices in the background, and then Constance Whitley took the phone.
“Ms. Pierce? This is Constance Whitley. Tanner left quite early this morning. I’m afraid she didn’t leave word as to where she was going. She rarely does. Can I help you with anything?”
Adrienne sighed with relief. “No, thank you. I was just worried after last night that she might be ill.”
“Last night? I don’t understand.”
Of course! Tanner probably doesn’t make it a habit of informing her mother of her misadventures She recovered quickly, and continued smoothly. “I gave her a ride home last night, and she was soaking wet from the storm. I was worried she might come down with something.”
Constance laughed. “Well, I shouldn’t worry, Adrienne. Tanner is rarely ill. I’ll tell her that you called.”
“Thanks,” Adrienne said as she replaced the receiver. She stood with her hand on the phone for a few moments, wondering in exasperation why she even cared where Tanner was. If Tanner didn’t have enough sense to take care of herself, it certainly wasn’t Adrienne’s problem. She turned resolutely away, determined to forget the whole thing. She found to her supreme irritation, however, that her thoughts kept returning to the events of the previous evening. It frightened her when she realized that Tanner might not have returned at all. She decided that if she was going to keep wondering about her, she might as well check the marina. If nothing else, she could at least go sailing to occupy her mind.
The sky was unusually clear after the heavy storm, and it promised to be a beautiful day. Adrienne's spirits lifted as she neared the bay. She parked and walked down the pier. In the daylight it was easy to pick out Tanner’s boat. It was a beautiful craft, with a polished teak wood hull and maroon deck. The winches were all brass, and the cockpit had been centralized so that one person could handle all three sails. She could see several torn sheets and the remnants of the tattered jib, reminders of the previous night’s perilous journey. As she walked out onto the dock, admiring the fine workmanship, she heard whistling from below deck.
“Hello there,” she called. “Tanner?”
Tanner’s head appeared through the cabin hatch, and she grinned sheepishly at Adrienne. She looked pale and drawn, dark circles under her eyes, but her voice was cheerful. “Hi! Come aboard!”
Adrienne hesitated for a second and then climbed up to the deck.
Tanner climbed up from below to join her. “She’s a little worse for the wear, but no serious damage. I was just about to replace the jib.”
“How are you?” Adrienne asked dryly.
Tanner blushed. “A little worse for the wear, but almost sea worthy. Thanks for looking after me last night,” she said, her eyes serious.
Adrienne shifted her gaze away from those intently searching dark brown eyes. “You’re welcome,” she responded softly. She changed the subject quickly. “Your boat is beautiful.”
Tanner smiled with obvious pride and grabbed Adrienne’s hand impulsively, drawing her down into the cockpit. “Let me show you how she’s outfitted.”
Tanner took her on a tour of the boat, pointing out little modifications she had made that allowed her to handle it easily by herself. Adrienne was surprised to see that the cabin was completely stocked with food and wine, as well as a variety of books and CDs. The stereo system was elaborate, with speakers in both the fore and aft sleeping areas. She turned to Tanner, impressed. “It’s wonderful. All the comforts of home.”
“It almost is home to me,” Tanner responded. “I can sail anywhere and just drop anchor and stay there, if I want to.”
“It must have taken you a long time to get it into this kind of shape,” Adrienne commented.
Tanner’s face clouded for an instant, and then she shrugged. “I bought her just before my last year of high school, and I’ve been working on her ever since. It’s probably the only thing I’ve really accomplished since then.”
Adrienne didn’t know what to say, so she made a suggestion instead. “Listen, how about if I give you a hand refitting the jib.”
“Sure,” Tanner responded, her grin returning. “But only if you promise to come for a sail with me.”
“No,” Adrienne said quickly.
“Why not?”
Adrienne regarded her for a moment, and then laughed. Suddenly she very much wanted to be out on th
is sailboat, in the sun, in the wind, away from her worries and her fears. “I don’t know. Why not? I’d actually love to go out on her.”
Tanner grabbed her hand again and pulled her toward the ladder. “Come on, then. Let’s get to work.”
They worked easily together, pulling down the torn sail and restringing the new one. They didn’t talk much, but Adrienne found the silence comfortable. It had gotten quite warm, and both she and Tanner were sweating. The physical exertion felt good. When they finished, she stepped back and surveyed their work with a feeling of accomplishment. She realized that she had missed that feeling. Missed life having some meaning beyond mere existence.
“Ready?” Tanner asked. When Adrienne nodded, Tanner asked, “Do you think you can handle the sails while I take her out of the harbor?”
“I think so.”
Adrienne quickly got used to the rigging and winches as Tanner maneuvered them efficiently out of the crowded harbor toward the open sea. Adrienne found Tanner to be a decisive and neat sailor, wasting none of the wind and setting their sails to full advantage. They barely spoke as the craft moved swiftly out into the ocean, cutting a clean line parallel to the coast. Tanner led them into a secluded cove near one of the many islands that dotted the waters, and they dropped anchor.
“Why don’t you relax for a while,” Tanner called as she headed below deck. “I’ll be right back.”
Adrienne made herself comfortable on the forward deck, and Tanner returned shortly with a tray of fruit and cheese and a bottle of chilled white wine.
“Brunch, anyone?” she called as she spread out a tablecloth and weighted it down with plates and two frosted glasses.
Adrienne smiled in appreciation. “Great idea,” she said. She accepted the wine gratefully and stretched her long legs out in the sun. She sighed and surveyed the boat. “She sails wonderfully.”
Tanner nodded. “I know. You’re pretty good yourself. This afternoon you’ll have to take the wheel.”
“I’d love to,” Adrienne answered instantly. “It’s been a long time since I’ve sailed anything this big.”
“You can handle her. Do you have your own boat?”
“Uh huh,” Adrienne replied as she helped herself to some fruit. “A thirty-eight footer. Just right for long weekends. I used to spend as much time out on her as I could.”
Tanner regarded her thoughtfully. “What did you do—in the Navy?”
“I was, am, a civil engineer. I went to college on the ROTC plan and went active as soon as I graduated.”
“Did you like it?”
“Engineering or the Navy?”
“Both.”
“I enjoyed the work, and I like the organization of the Navy. It was very secure—at least professionally. It offered a lot of opportunity, despite its restrictions. And, of course, as an officer, I had a great deal of freedom. We lived in a house off base, right near the bay. I worked a pretty steady forty-hour week. It suited me.” She finished self-consciously, realizing that she had said more than she had meant to. She had been so relaxed that she hadn’t given it a second thought.
“Was it a problem, being a lesbian?” Tanner asked.
Adrienne laughed. “Being a lesbian? Or being a lesbian in the Navy?”
Tanner grinned back at her. “You know what I mean. Were you paranoid about it?”
“Sometimes. I led my own private life, and no one seemed to care. There were other gays, of course, both men and women. We were discreet, we had to be.”
Tanner poured them some more wine and munched a cracker thoughtfully. “Sounds like a pretty good life in some ways.”
“There's a lot that needs improving, but I knew that going in. ”
“So—” Tanner began.
Adrienne laughed good-naturedly. “Must you always ask so many questions?”
“Can’t help it,” Tanner replied. “I love details.”
“I’ve noticed.” Adrienne commented dryly. "And what about you? What do you do when you're not sailing?"
Tanner shrugged. "I pretend to help run the Whitley Corporation."
"Pretend?"
"I go into the headquarters now and then, but it's not serious. My father left my mother in charge."
Adrienne looked at her closely, remembering Josh's story about Charles Whitley's death. "I'm sorry about your father."
Tanner stared at her, then down at her hands. It wasn't something she talked about. Ever. When she looked back at Adrienne, she found only compassion. And then the words came.
"We fought – the day he died. We were supposed to go out to together, but he didn't wait."
Adrienne saw her hands tremble. "What happened?" she asked quietly, knowing there was something.
Tanner stood, walked to the rail, looked out over the endless sea, recalling the scene vividly. Her voice was low, and she spoke quietly, as if recounting a dream. "He asked me why I had broken up with Todd. He reminded me how close our families were, and how much he liked 'the boy'." She laughed humorlessly. "I informed him I wasn't interested in Todd or any other guy."
She shrugged, looked at Adrienne with wounded eyes. "He hit me. I told him to go to hell." She drew a shaky breath. "That was the only time he ever struck me. As soon as he did it, he looked like he might cry. And then he was gone – out on the boat, and he never noticed the storm --"
Oh god – she must feel so guilty. "Tanner—" Adrienne began.
"No need to say anything. It was more than ten years ago. I'm over it now," Tanner said abruptly, moving to gather the remains of their lunch.
Adrienne watched her in helpless silence. She of all people knew there were some hurts words could not heal.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THEY FINISHED THE wine, each still lost in memories, while the sun rose high in the sky. Adrienne was caught off guard when Tanner sat up suddenly and stripped off her tee shirt. For a moment, Adrienne was captivated. Sunlight bathed Tanner’s tanned shoulders and pale firm breasts in a golden glow, highlighting her strong, yet feminine form.
Oh, god. She’s so lovely! Desire struck out of nowhere, and she looked hastily away.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Adrienne asked harshly.
Tanner stood up and pushed her shorts down. “I’m going swimming. Come on—it’ll wake you up.”
Adrienne realized that her heart was pounding as she tried to avoid looking at Tanner’s nakedness. Unbidden, images of Tanner lying on the cot the previous evening kaleidoscoped through her mind. She swallowed hard and managed to say evenly, “You go ahead. I’ll stand guard.”
“There’s no one here,” Tanner protested playfully. She reached down and attempted to pull Adrienne to her feet. “Come on—it’ll be wonderful!”
Adrienne jerked her arm away. “No!”
Tanner failed to appreciate the note of panic in Adrienne’s voice. She was a little high from the wine, and wanted only to put the past out of mind. She grabbed for Adrienne again, determined now to get her into the water. “I’ll just have to throw you in then,” she cried as she innocently grabbed Adrienne’s shirt and tugged it out of her pants. She was caught totally off guard when Adrienne slapped her, hard, across the face. Tanner rocked back on her heels and looked at Adrienne in amazement. A red welt rose on her left cheek, but it wasn't the blow that stung.
“Jesus, Adrienne! What do you think I am? I wasn’t going to rape you,” she said in a stunned voice.
Adrienne stared at her for a second, then turned and rushed to the rear of the boat. All she wanted to do was to get away. She grasped the rail in both hands, trembling, and fought for composure.
A few minutes later, Tanner, fully dressed again, came to stand beside Adrienne. “I’m sorry,” Tanner began, not sure exactly why she was apologizing. "I didn't mean to upset you – Damn! I was just so – happy – that you were here."
Adrienne turned to her, a trace of tears still on her face. She looked miserable, and that was harder for Tanner than the slap had been. Adrienne's d
istress made her forget her own indignation. She caught her breath and touched Adrienne’s face lightly, brushing a tear away with her thumb. “Will you please tell me what I did?” She wanted desperately to understand.
Adrienne replied in a choked voice, “I don’t know if I can.”
“Can we try? Please,” Tanner pleaded gently.
Adrienne shrugged, almost in defeat, and walked slowly back to the fore of the boat where she sat down, her arms wrapped protectively around her bent knees. Tanner sat as close to her as she dared and waited quietly. Adrienne stared past her, her thoughts drifting with the waves. There were so many things she might say, or should say, and yet she couldn’t find the words. She had never been able, in all of the last lonely and terrifying months, to express her feelings about any of it. How could she possibly explain it to Tanner, someone she barely knew? Yet for some strange reason, she wanted to try. She wanted to tell her things that she had never told anyone, not even Alicia or Tom. She wasn’t sure why, it just seemed important. She met the dark eyes that had never left her face. They seemed very calm, and surprisingly comforting.
“Tanner,” she began, keeping her eyes level with Tanner’s, “I have—I had—cancer. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you before.”
Tanner continued to look into Adrienne’s face, searching for understanding. “What does that mean exactly?” she said at last, her voice tight but steady. She was frightened by the thought of any harm coming to this woman. “I mean, I know what it means, but what does it mean for you?”
Adrienne smiled a little. How refreshing not to be met with pointless platitudes. And how typical of Tanner to barge right in.
She shrugged. “That’s a good question. I wish I knew the answer. No one has ever asked me before. Everyone usually thinks they know precisely what it means. For me, it meant having my right breast removed. And then six months of chemotherapy that made me feel like hell. Luckily my hair didn’t fall out, and I only threw up for the first few days every month, but I felt like I didn’t have enough strength to get through the day. I tried to work, but it was difficult for me to put in a full eight hours."