VIBGYOR

by Keerthana Jayaraj

“This isn’t supposed to happen. I mean..you blacking out.”

  Good old Goldy. One can always trust her to state the obvious. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her that I am sufficiently intelligent to work that out by myself but I refrained. I knew genuine concern when I saw it.

  “So..I’ve been thinking about it. You know…I wondered if you were getting…you know…more involved…than you were supposed to.”

  “Involved? What in the heck do you mean by involved?” I burst out without thinking. “I didn’t punch Nandan till his face was all red pulp and…”

  “That’s not what I meant.” Goldy said calmly. “I mean…that was ok. He was an as…” she paused.

  I couldn’t help smiling. “Finish it.” “He was a jerk and he deserved every single hit. That wasn’t what I meant. I..I mean…You are obviously caught up in this girl’s world. You are concerned about what happens to her. You are angry at the person who hurt her and…you…” Goldy looked away from me, as if knowing what she is about to say next will cause offense. “You named yourself after her dead daughter. I think it qualifies as getting involved. Involved in a way we spirits aren’t supposed to be.”

  It took a while for Goldy’s accusation to sink in in it’s full intensity. According to her, I had crossed some invisible line. I had stepped away from my mission and became immersed in the life of Shivani. I started to care too much. Did the same rule apply to humans as well? Care too much…Sympathize and Empathize too much and you get hurt. End of story.

  “Now we know that Nandan killed his own daughter. The story is complete isn’t it? Let’s get over with it, Shakti. Let’s finish this.” “No…”

  Goldy looked as if a four headed monster just appeared before her.

  “You have to! You can’t care about her like this. You’ll only get hurt!”

  For a moment I didn’t reply. My mind reeled with many images that I struggled to process. Shivani, half in the dark, tears soaking her pillow. The felt book that burned me. Shivani, broken to a thousand pieces as her husband got engaged. And the blood…Dried blood on a broken framed photograph…Blood inside a cabinet. I retched again, feeling a dull throbbing in my head.

  Goldy caught me just as I stumbled.

  “See what I mean? Do your job. Just…forget about her.”

  “No…”

  “Shakti…plz…”

  I stood up slowly, feeling a bit of my strength returning to me.

  “No…”

  “I think…”

  “Do you think you’re up for a few more pranks today?”

  “I…”

  “Isn’t it better that we ‘do’ our job as you say?”

  We waited around the house till 9:30, watching everyone going about a mechanical routine. I could very well have made a daily task list. S hiva’s Mother - Kitchen, cooking

  Shiva’s Dad - Study, working on the umpteenth business deal

  Shiva - In her room, working on her typewriter

  Goldy, understandably, got a bit restless. She became the one eager to go out and make things happen. Things like giving Nandan a few punches, scaring him out of his mind and…other fun stuff. We were just about to start when we saw Shivani all ready to go out.

  “Mom…There was a mess up at the library. I’ll have to go and sort it out. Be back before lunch.”

  No answer. Just the irritating droning of the grinder. Shiva called out one more time and she was out of the door. “A mess up at the library?” Goldy looked at me curiously.

  “Let’s find out.”

  Shiva stood still for a moment in front of a familiar humongous apartment building, her hand gripped tightly on a bag. A faint smell of old paper was emanating from it. Ah! I thought I understood the mix up. The elevator nearby pinged. Shivani boarded it as a fat man came out. It pinged again in the top floor. She came out just as me and Goldy got in through a window. The ding of a calling bell and the creak of an opening door. Shiva and Dan stood looking at each other.

  “Hello…I…Didn’t expect…”

  Poor Dan. So likely to get into a mix up over words.

  “I am not interrupting any plans, am I?” Shiva asked politely. “You see…Our books got mixed up at the library. I only noticed when I picked them up to read.” ‘Shivani…”

  Jacob’s voice, cheerful and bubbly as always, came from inside.

  “Hi!”

  Without waiting for any invitation, Shivani stepped inside and greeted him. As I Without waiting for any invitation, Shivani stepped inside and greeted him. As IVIBGYOR

  caught sight of him, sitting alone beside a desk, I noticed that his eyes weren’t as happy as his voice. Shiva seemed to notice the same.

  “I didn’t come at a bad time, did I?”

  “You came at an excellent time Shivani! Dan and I were getting ready to celebrate my birthday.”

  Birthday…The word brought a conversation to my mind. And a depressing image of a quiet, forlorn birthday party.

  “Oh!” Shivani looked taken aback, but only for a moment. She put on an awkward smile only to say a very quiet happy birthday. Jacob guffawed dissolving the shadow of misery in his eyes.

  “Sorry…I didn’t mean to be rude, laughing at a lady’s greetings.” He said, when he stopped. “It was just so striking.” Utter bafflement spread all over Shiva’s face. The effect was pretty cute. “Excuse me…but what’s striking?”

  “Your greeting. You see…my aunt called me this morning and wished me the same and I have to say your greeting is quite different from her’s.” “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Shiva asked cautiously.

  “Why don’t you ask Dan what he thinks of my aunt’s birthday wishes?”

  A simple glance in Dan’s direction was enough to tell me that he thought quite a lot about the so called Aunt’s birthday wishes.

  “If you must know,” he said as Shiva looked at him. “As always, she is too busy to come down and like always she missed the ‘many happy returns of the day’ part.” Shiva mouth feel open. Something close to horror leapt into her eyes. “My dear man…” Jacob chuckled. “You can’t expect her to say that when I’m practically a pest sitting between her and the family fortune.”

  “How can you laugh at such a thing?”

  The quiet response came not from Dan as I expected but from Shivani. Jacob’s empty eyes turned towards her, twinkling with amusement.

  “I can laugh at everything. One of the perks of my condition you see!” He paused, smiling from ear to ear. “You can laugh at anything and everything when you no smiling from ear to ear. “You can laugh at anything and everything when you noVIBGYOR longer care.” For almost a minute, there was an awkward silence. Shiva twiddled with a ring on her fingers, her eyes gazing out of the window. Jacob drummed absently on his wheelchair, occasionally letting out a sigh or two. Dan kept looking at them, opening and closing his mouth in quick succession.

  Goldy, on the other hand, took advantage of the situation by turning on her never ending chatter box again. “So these are the men you keep talking about…I like them. They…”

  “They are nice men. Yes…I know.”

  “Maybe we should sort through the books and get it over and done with.”

  Dan had had enough of the silence. He made as if to go towards a shelf full of books but Jacob stopped him. “Books?”

  “Yes. That is actually why I am here.”

  Shivani explained. “Our books got mixed up.”

  Dan went to the bookshelf and pulled down six of the ones on top.

  “I better fix that before we get lunch.”

  “If you don’t mind me asking,” Shivani said as she opened her bag. “What are you plans for today?”

  Dan explained that they had ordered lunch at a hotel and were going to pick it up. “I thought he shouldn’t have to endure my awful cooking today.” He said, turning red. Shivani looked thoughtful. A few seconds trickled away before she spoke. “My cooking’s not that bad. If you two wouldn’t mind…”

>   Dan blinked very quickly a few times. Jacob looked up suddenly, startled out of whatever he had been thinking of.

  “No…No…You shouldn’t…” They said together.

  “I honestly don’t mind. And since I was rude enough to barge in on someone’s birthday without a present…” She smiled. Shiva was quick and nimble-fingered. She hovered around in the kitchen for an hour, Shiva was quick and nimble-fingered. She hovered around in the kitchen for an hour,VIBGYOR cutting all kinds of vegetables, boiling this and that, sprinkling delicious spices and finally deftly transferring the fruits of her labour into brand new smelling plates. Drenched in sweat, Shivani put down the plates on the table before smiling at Jacob and Dan.

  “Would you like to guess how many dishes have been prepared for lunch?” I sniffed the air although I could see all of them just fine. Hmm…Shivani was quite a good cook. I’m sure it would make human mouths water like anything. Beside me, Goldy was suffering from human-greed-for-tasty food syndrome. Her face was bent over the plates, like a terrier dog over a tasty bone.

  “I will only say that you have worked too hard.”

  Their eyes locked - one full of colours, the other cursed to eternal darkness. Yet, at that moment, I felt that they could see each other.

  “And thank you.” A smile spread across Shiva’s face, lighting up every inch of it. Her mouth opened to throw out a brief word of acknowledgment of the gracious thank you but it never came out.

  “Shivani?”

  “You’re welcome is too trite, right?”

  “Guess so.” Jacob laughed.

  The grandfather clock in Jacob’s apartment moaned, creaked and clanged. Talk about rotten timing!

  “Oh! The time…I…”

  Shiva glanced uneasily at her watch. In a flash, I could see her remembering her promise to her mother. She moved towards the door, her eyes still fixed on Jacob. “I really…”

  Both Jacob and Dan looked surprised.

  “Please…I mean…you…”

  “My birthday present.” Shivani smiled. “That was my birthday present.” “You shouldn’t have…”

  “And I have one more.” Her smile widened. “Dan, can you fetch me a book your collection?”

  Dan ran to the bookshelves and came back with a glossy book as thick as a heavy brick. Shivani took it delicately from him and sank down beside Jacob’s wheelchair. She opened the book, her dainty fingers flicking the pages.

  “Chapter 1…” She read. Dreamy, dramatic and passionate Shiva’s voice held both Jacob and Dan spellbound. Poor Dan. His mouth was open the whole time Shiva read. Jacob, with his eyes closed, was leaning back on his wheelchair, something of a smile playing on his lips. No one moved for a few minutes after Shiva was done.

  “I would read you the whole book if I had the time. It’s one of my favourites.” As she shut the book and passed it to Dan(who still had his mouth hanging open), Jacob took both her hands in his. Tears glittered in his eyes. “I…”

  “Shhhh”

  Shiva said playfully, putting a finger to her lips.

  “Thank you is so trite, isn’t it?”

  “I…”

  “I’m not a fan of trite.”

  Jacob managed a small smile.

  “You gave me the best birthday ever.”

  “Trite again.”

  Jacob laughed.

  “What is it that you want?”

  “Will you promise me that you won’t say no?”

  Jacob’s eyes twinkled mischievously.

  “What kind of a gentleman refuses a lady’s wish.”

  “Sing for me.”

  For the briefest of moments Jacob looked shocked. Then, his expression smoothed out to a ‘you didn’t just ask that’. Next to me Goldy muttered something about ‘bribes’. But Shiva remained unfazed. She eased her hands out of Jacob’s grasp speaking gently.

  “Don’t think for a moment that I…I am being insensitive. Well…maybe a bit… but…” She paused awkwardly. “But I want to hear you sing again. I really do.”

  “You are being insensitive. So please…”

  Dan’s voice, obviously trying hard to keep anger at bay, interrupted. But Jacob silenced him by raising his hand.

  “I told you, Shivani…I have forgotten how to sing.” “You won’t know until you try, would you?” Shiva said softly. “Why don’t you try… It’s just Dan and me here and we won’t care if you sing in the horriblest, screechy voice ever!”

  Jacob chuckled at that. Even the angry Dan cracked a smile.

  “Promise me you won’t rush out of the room without saying goodbye.” “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “Dan?”

  Dan’s opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish.

  “Dan?”

  “You…You really are going to…You…”

  Jacob leaned back on his chair and cleared his throat. His mouth opened slowly but the only sound that came was a depressing sigh. Shivani’s eyes were on him, a silent plea passing on without words. Jacob’s lips parted again. A few painful tears eased out of his eyes.

  What can I say…What can I say…

  Words just run away from me…

  My voice is broken…the scars till bleed and hurt…

  I stood up automatically after his voice trailed away leaving a tearful smile. Tears glittered in Shiva’s eyes too. As for Dan, he ran forward, enveloping his friend in a bear hug!

  “See…” he said, in a voice choked by tears. “There’s nothing wrong with your voice!”

  “Thank you…”

  Shiva’s eyes were full of unspoken words. They shone through her tears but refused Shiva’s eyes were full of unspoken words. They shone through her tears but refused

  VIBGYOR to come out through her mouth.

  “Hey! You were the one who said, thank you was trite.”

  Shiva wiped away her tears as she smiled.

  “I’m going to cut this conversation in half and simply ask you what you want.” “I want you to read for me.”

  “But…”

  “Not just any book…”

  Shiva’s eyes widened as comprehension dawned.

  “It’s just a few pages.”

  Jacob smiled.

  “I don’t mind. Promise?”

  Shiva hesitated only for a second.

  “Promise…”

  She said, slowly placing her hand in his.

  CHAPTER 12

  After Shiva was gone, silence invaded the apartment. A few flies buzzed around the food that was letting out all the heat and warmth. The clock struck two and then three but nothing changed. Jacob, in his wheelchair, remained by the window, staring at blackness, his ears shut to the world. Dan sat at the head of the table, his head resting on his hands.

  “We are done here, aren’t we?” I heard Goldy’s restless question, without really taking it in. The gloomy birthday theme was back and it was suffocating to say the least. And to make it worse my head had started throbbing again. Was the reason the sudden wave of anger I felt for Jacob’s heartless aunt and uncaring relations? Now that I think about it, I might have taken advantage of the quiet atmosphere to contemplate many punishments - the kindest of them being buried in a pit with scorpions. Goldy, obviously, didn’t have the pleasure of such entertainment, and that, obviously, made her bored.

  “Why are we sitting around when Nandan is nearby?” Nandan was nearby…Strutting around in his manor house without even the slightest bit of remorse…The thought did not fuel my anger. I did not feel like giving him a shock like last time. Chained…Chained to this pit of misery.

  “Shakti?”

  Just as I was about to speak, Dan’s voice broke through the silence.

  “Jacob…There is really no need to treat today like any other birthday.” “Isn’t it?”

  “You didn’t just say that.” Dan said incredulously, his gaze shifting briefly towards the group of flies surrounding the open plates of food. “She wouldn’t appreciate that, you know.”

&nbs
p; “She was kind. But that doesn’t change what happened on my birthday…What happened because I was way over my head…” “Jacob!” Dan went slowly towards his friend and took his hand. “It was an accident.” Jacob sighed and leaned back on his wheelchair.

  “Accident…Accident that I drove dead drunk…Accident that I hit a car and killed an entire family…” Hot tears spilled out from his eyes. “I can accept what happened to me and laugh about it. But…what…What I did that day was unforgivable… unforgivable…”

  It was as if someone hit me on my head. The apartment faded into darkness as the sound of a crash echoed in my ears. The smell of blood…The screams and the desperate cries for help. The day when birthday became...

  “Jacob…” Dan squeezed his friend’s hand. “It was an accident…

  “Even after three years that is all you have to say…”

  “Jacob…” Dan sighed “Does every birthday have to pass like this? Me ordering some food in the hope that you will eat it. But both…I mean you skipping food and water all day…”

  Jacob managed to smile a little.

  “You may as well say both because I know you don’t eat or drink either.” Dan went a bit red.

  “And still you let me sit around hungry? What kind of a friend are you?” he asked in mock sternness.

  “Would it be mad to say…say that I have sentenced myself to this punishment and you don’t need to share in it?” “Mad would apply to the majority of your ideas so I’m not commenting on that.” Dan laughed. “But the second part…Whatever mad punishment you have imposed on yourself…I’ll share it. Telling me not to would be a waste of your breath.”

  For one half of a second, Jacob’s eyes regained their twinkle.

  “I am not going to bother.”

  “Do we have to stay here all day?”

  I was startled to hear a whiny voice quite unlike Jacob’s or Dan’s. It was a few minutes before I associated it to Goldy. I watched Jacob, his eyes staring eerily out of the window and Dan shifting the food to a refrigerator tray.

  “I think we’re done here.”

  Goldy jumped high into the air and whooped. Then she took a dive right out of the window, screaming at the top of her lungs.

  “Follow me!” I heard her call out about half way down.