by Amy Marie
Walker: Where’s Noelle?
Me: Bed
After fanning my heated body for ten minutes with no response, I decide to calm down and get myself ready for bed since tomorrow is a work day. My nightly routine does nothing to ease me and as I’m about to crawl under the covers a light tap hits my window making me jump. I slowly walk to the other side of the bed to see what the noise was and am met with ravenous green eyes.
Opening the window so Walker can slip in, I step back allowing him the room he needs to climb in like we are teenagers. He immediately wraps his arms around my waist, pushing me into his body and licks my lower lip. An involuntary moan escapes and I bite at his tongue just as he pulls it away.
“I missed you,” he whispers, gently placing small kisses along an invisible line straight to my ear.
My hands come up around his neck pulling on the hair at the nape. “I just saw you six hours ago.”
“I know.” His pelvis grounds into my stomach and his erection, large and throbbing, shows me just how much he missed me. “My heart hurt thinking about not sleeping with you in my arms, Erin. I’ve become accustomed to you next to me.”
I kiss him. Hard. All my anxieties from before have been forgotten. I love this amazing specimen.
Drawing back, I make sure our eyes meet. “I love you Walker Prescott. So much.”
He freezes and my heart stops. I think I scared him, and the longer he is silent the longer time feels like it’s standing still. We’ve said it a million times this weekend so I don’t understand why this one would scare him. As I start to push away he flashes his one sided dimple smile releasing the worry from my body.
He brushes a stray piece of hair off my face letting out a rush of air. “My God Erin. Do you realize that is the first time you have said ‘I love you’ first? It sounds so beautiful coming from those lips.”
His touch makes its way to my swollen belly caressing it with his thumbs. “I love both of you so much. I’d die before I’d let anything hurt either of you.”
At the sound of those words my future flashes before me. Getting married, having children, growing old, sitting on the porch watching grandchildren; and in each vision I see Walker by my side with gray hair and still devastatingly handsome. I thought I knew what love was. I was wrong. This is love. I feel whole when I am with him and that doesn’t scare me. Not anymore.
The sting of Robert’s infidelity doesn’t hurt as much any longer. If that never happened I wouldn’t have met Walker and I wouldn’t have the kind of love that I’m starting to realize I deserve. The kind of love I never had in the five wasted years with Robert. Walker deserves this kind of love, and trust. I know that he won’t hurt me, that no matter what, I am where I’m supposed to be right now; in his arms, pregnant with his child, about to fully commit myself, honestly and truly.
“I need to say something to you and I need you to understand how important it is that you just listen.” He nods and makes a zipping motion across his lips. “I’m serious Walker.”
“Ok, baby.” His lips connect to mine and quickly break away. “I’m all ears.”
“I’m about to say words to you that I’ve never in my life been able to say and fully mean. They truly mean so much more than any ‘I love yous’ that I could say to you or anyone else.”
I turn his body so his legs hit the bed and give a little shove so that he falls back. I lift one knee up onto the comforter and then the other to straddle his thighs and drape my arms around him. Looking deep into his eyes I make sure he will beyond a doubt hear what I am going to say. “I trust you Walker.”
A flash of confusion washes over his face. “I trust you too Erin, but I don’t think I understand.”
Letting out a huff I try to stand up but his iron grip around my body keeps me in place. How do I explain this to him?
Taking a deep breath I try.
“I know that you don’t like to hear about past relationships but just hear me out.” He nods. “With every boyfriend, and there hasn’t been many, I never fully trusted them. There was always something holding me back. I’m starting to realize that you cannot love someone and give your heart to them unless you can trust them with it, and I am giving my heart to you because I trust you. And I love you. Our little girl and I are so lucky to have you in our lives. I am so thankful for you.”
In a heartbeat I am turned and laid gently down onto my back on what is now my side of the bed. Walker grabs the top of the blanket, nudging me to lift up my behind and bring it down and over me. As he stands, I notice he is already graced with his usual gym shorts and t-shirt pajamas. Walking to the door, he turns to me giving me the sweetest smile I have ever seen, and flips the lights off. A moment later the bed dips and his warmth envelops me, bringing me ever so close to his body. His soft breath tickles my ear and he whispers. “I trust you too, Erin, and I love you more than words can describe. I don’t feel worthy of a gift as amazing as you and our daughter, but every day I am going to prove my worth to you. You deserve an extraordinary life. With me.”
With tears rolling down my cheeks Walker and I fall asleep cradled in each other arms and with a prayer going up to my daddy and God for sending him to me.
It’s been three weeks since I gave all of my love and trust to Walker and we are, yet again, walking into the school with all eyes on us. You would think that after the hallway display four weeks ago that the parents and students would stop making Walker and me the topic of their gossip. Walker can just let it roll off his back but he is getting increasingly annoyed with how much I’m letting it bother me. No one can seem to get over the fact that a teacher, who they all knew to be happily attached to a man named Robert, was now knocked up by a new, younger teacher, who just so happens to work in the same department.
My hands feel clammy wrapped inside of Walker’s as we make our way into the brick building. I feel his fingers tightly grip mine and I look at his reassuring expression. “It’s fine, baby. You really need to stop caring so much about what others think or say.”
He tries to ease me a little bit, but I’ve heard what they are all saying behind our backs. Apparently, I was the one that hired Walker, and in order to get the job he had to sleep with me, and now his job won’t be secure unless he sees the pregnancy through and sticks with me. Another story is that I cheated on Robert with him, though his infidelity is what led me to meeting Walker. I’m also faking the pregnancy, or so a few students who didn’t hear me walk into the bathroom believe, from what their parents have told them.
Emma isn’t helping my nerves either. Any chance she gets she touches him or laughs at something he says, pushing her most likely fake breasts into his line of vision. I’m starting to feel enormous and she looks skinnier than ever. He doesn’t lead her on but I’m still pissed.
Every day we walk hand in hand to show a united front, but as soon as we enter my classroom I drop his hold and stomp my way to my desk, tossing my bag across it with a thud.
“My God that is so embarrassing,” I huff out, turning to find a look of annoyance spread across his face.
“What’s embarrassing, Erin?” He grinds out through his clenched teeth.
Looking at him in disbelief I motion to the door. “That. People staring at us and talking about us like we can’t hear them! When is it going to stop?”
I don’t have time to even see him coming but he is there, nose to nose with me, instantly.
“What are you embarrassed about, Erin? Me? The baby? What? Because me....I’m relieved that they all know that you are both MINE. Why can’t you just let it go?” He seethes and then turns to leave.
“Because I can’t, ok? I just want them all to stop!”
“I don’t want to deal with this again. It’s not going to stop and I’m starting to get frustrated so I’m just going to go.”
Before I can get his name out of my mouth he is gone. Picking my bag back up, I start to unpack it. My students start to file in. I feel terrible, and know I have to make it u
p to him. I just don’t know how.
Three classes later and I’m feeling pretty crappy about myself. I should have gone after him and apologized. I don’t know how I would feel if Walker said he was embarrassed about people talking about or staring at us. I don’t know if he realizes I didn’t mean it how he thought, but either way I need to tell him I’m sorry.
Running to the teacher’s lounge to grab a cup of decaf, I stop just inside the doorway, catching Emma with her gaudy claws on Walker’s bicep. His back is to me and even though she is facing me, she is obviously distracted because she doesn’t see me.
“Walker, I don’t understand. I would never be mortified to have you on my arm even if you are way younger than me.” Her aggravating voice filters through the air and all the blood rushes to my face.
As I quickly whirl around to leave I get dizzy and grab onto the door frame for support.
He told her what happened? Emma out of all people? She would use anything she can to get what she wants and I know, from the lady boner she walks around with when he is near, that she wants him. I don’t know what I hate most...that he talked to her about it or that he didn’t come back and talk to me.
Knowing I’m now going to be late for my fourth period class, I get my bearings and walk away seething with every step.
I manage to avoid Walker the rest of the day but since he is upset with me as well, I don’t think he notices. I scurry out to my car thanking God I drove myself. Noelle is still complaining I spend too much time with Walker, and to soothe her a bit I’m having girl time dinner with her while he is meeting some friends. I leave before he does, grateful that I won’t have to face him until later tonight.
~~
“Erin, seriously. I get that your hormones have you crazy but if I have to Lysol our couch one more time because you and Double T can’t make it to the bedroom, I’m going to kick you out. Why can’t you spread your love juice on his couch?” Noelle, not so discretely, asks me in the middle of our favorite Mexican restaurant.
When I met her at her office I kept what happened today pretty quiet. I’m not sure I’m ready for her to know. She hates Emma just as much as I do but I want to figure out what to do on my own without any outside influence. With that said, she decides that the topic of conversation should be my extremely active libido. For the past three weeks I can’t get enough of him. We walk in the door and I have to have him then and there, but afterwards we always end up cuddled under my blanket in my room talking. We’re still in the honeymoon stage where we are getting to know one another. That stage might be ending very soon after what occurred earlier in the day.
“Can you lower your voice Noe and what is Double T?” I ask before grabbing a salsa filled chip and shoving it into my mouth.
“Thunder Tongue.” The nonchalant way she says it has my mouth gaping open. “Seriously Erin. Close your mouth. I don’t want to see where you store his cock.”
“NOELLE!” I yell a little too loudly and giggle. I don’t think her brain to mouth filter is working lately. Ok, well, ever. “Keep it down.”
“Why should I when you don’t? ‘Oh Walker do me now. Our daughter wants you to poke her in the head with that huge dick of yours.’”
I am mortified. Looking around I see business men but no children. Thanking God I don’t have to apologize to pissed off parents, I gaze farther across the restaurant and my heart starts racing as I see Anna sitting alone at a table.
“Oh my God, Noelle. Anna is here,” I say while placing my hand over my eyebrows hoping she doesn’t see me.
“That bitch that Robert cheated with? Where?” Noelle’s voice reaches an octave higher than usual.
Trying to discreetly point over my shoulder in Anna’s direction I realize that this won’t go down quietly. Noelle won’t stand back when the opportunity presents itself to confront the trash before us. She shoots straight up out of our booth with her eyes zeroed in on her target. I’m trying to figure out how much bail money I’ll need to take out from my savings account, when she immediately sits back down with fear in her eyes.
“What?” I ask turning to see what has her in panic mode. Before I can make it all the way around her hand is on mine, causing me to whip back to face her.
“Erin. Uhm, before you look, I just want you to know that I can take them both. You don’t need to be fighting while you’re pregnant.” Her wide eyes are scaring me.
Her hands tremble and my body starts to imitate them. Dread consumes me knowing that most likely when I turn around I will find Robert with her. My stomach is queasy and I just want to get the hell out of there. I’m not ready to face him and I surely don’t want to see him with her again. The images of them the last time I saw him flash before me. The betrayal stings, but a quick caress of my belly and I know I wouldn’t have my daughter or Walker if he didn’t.
I motion for the waitress to bring our bill and tell Noelle that it’s time to go. My curiosity gets the better of me and I stand up and face the windows where Anna sits, but I don’t find her with Robert. No. It’s much worse. What I find is Anna’s hands on either side of Walker’s face, smiling wide. His hands are lovingly holding her around her back. The nausea I felt minutes before returns and I have to sit.
“I’m so sorry Erin. I didn’t want you to see that. I was going to tell you...”
My hand flies up to stop her from finishing. I know she would have told me eventually, but her keeping it from me at the moment pales in comparison to what I just saw. Even Emma’s touches and his divulging information to her is just a blip on the radar of my anger.
Screw this.
Practically mowing over the server, I barrel towards the woman who has caused me way too much heartache so I can rip her arms off her body. Thoughts of having my baby in jail run through my head as I imagine her blood sprayed all over the floor. And Walker? Well by the time I am done with him, he won’t be able to have the three other children he so desires.
With Noelle flanking me we must come into their peripheral view because two sets of eyes come into contact with my livid ones. They separate from one another and I zero in on Anna.
“You fucking bitch!” I scream as loud as my voice will go, hoping there really aren’t any kids around. “One wasn’t enough? You had to go for two? Can’t keep your fucking hands to yourself?”
“Erin!” Walker’s deep voice radiates through my body as he tries to grab a hold of my arm.
“Don’t touch her Walker.” Noelle's warning comes from behind me.
“And you!” I shove my index finger into his chest. “You told me you were nothing like Robert and here I find you with your hands all over the same fucking woman! So much for going out with your friends, huh?”
“What are you talking about?” His tone is confused and he gestures over to a table of guys. “I am out with my friends, Erin.”
I quickly glance at the two men staring at the show in front of them.
“What am I talking about? I’m talking about you screwing around on me.” I direct my finger in a pointing gesture towards Anna. “First she fucks Robert and now you! Do you just go around collecting his sloppy seconds? Jesus, I thought you confiding in Emma was bad but this? This is bullshit.”
His eyes go wide looking from me and then to Anna and then back to me.
“Shut up Erin,” Anna finally chimes in. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Oh, I don’t huh? I catch you in my boyfriend’s apartment and in my boyfriend’s bed taking it from behind and now I see you with your disgusting hands all over my new boyfriend. Who else have you fucked? Maybe I should give your husband a call. Let him know he should get tested, you skank!”
“No need,” an unfamiliar voice speaks out from behind me. “I can hear it perfectly fine from right here.”
“Oh shit,” Noelle says griping me by my upper arm.
“Erin,” Walker quietly calls my name. “This is my cousin Anna...and this is her husband Bruce. I was here drinking beers with the
boys and saw Anna. I haven’t seen her in a while.”
“Cousin?” I ask making sure I heard him right.
He nods. “Yes, cousin.”
The entire restaurant is silent as the soap opera unfolds before them. A furious pregnant woman accusing her boyfriend of sleeping with his cousin? Yea, we’ll be on Springer in no time.
Reality sets in as I put pieces together. I just caused a scene in one of my favorite restaurants, used foul language, accused Walker of something he didn’t do, and called Anna out in front of her husband. The last part doesn’t bother me as much as the rest, but the situation kinda sucks.
“Let’s go Erin.” Noelle tries to pull me towards the exit.
“Cousin?” I ask again hoping it’s still true but feeling so fucking stupid.
“Yes, Erin! My cousin...,” Walker says.
“And her soon to be ex husband,” Bruce calmly proclaims before turning to leave the group.
Anna calls out, running to keep up with him.
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry,” I say, allowing Noelle to take me this time, leaving Walker staring after us, not bothering to follow.
The car ride is silent and Noelle takes me straight home instead of returning to her office to retrieve my car.
I blew it. Walker is going to hate me. I didn’t trust him and to top it off I may have set off divorce proceedings. Bruce deserved to know, but it still saddens me that I’m the one who told him in a not so discreet way. I’m a terrible person.
I can’t believe Anna is his cousin.
I sit straight up in my seat. “Fuck!” I yell.
Noelle slams on the brakes. “What?”
“If Anna is Walker’s cousin that means she will be this baby’s second cousin.”
The next morning I feel like I drank a whole bottle of tequila despite going to bed early from exhaustion. My head is pounding and every time I woke up last night to use the bathroom I would feel as though I spun in a circle for five continuous minutes. Deciding that I not only needed a mental health day, but also a “don’t want to face Walker” day, I call in and arrange for a substitute for my classes.