Lady of the Highway

by Deborah Swift

  ‘You heartless—’

  ‘You dare to call me?’ Elizabeth jabbed a finger in my direction. ‘You’ve never shown an ounce of charity to man nor beast, if I had my way I’d—’

  Cutch cut in. ‘Which way did she go?’

  ‘We had words,’ Elizabeth said. ‘I was angry, and so was she. She’ll be all right, though. She always knew which side her bread was buttered. The father will just have to step up. She can go to him, can’t she?’

  ‘You don’t understand,’ I said. ‘It’s—’

  ‘Which way?’ Cutch loomed over her. He looked ready to strangle her.

  ‘Up the ways,’ she said hurriedly, backing away. ‘The bridlepath.’

  Cutch ran to mount up. Elizabeth took two steps out of the door towards me. ‘And don’t you talk down to me, miss high-and-mighty Fanshawe. All the world knows what you are – turning good folks out with no pay.’

  I flashed a glance to Cutch, mounted Blaze and gathered up the reins. We turned and I set Blaze to canter.

  Behind me I heard Elizabeth yell after me, ‘Don’t thank me then. I hope you rot in hell, the lot of you!’

  But I was already turning Blaze and galloping into the bridleway. Blaze seemed to know the way; he crashed along the muddy path, kicking up loose stones. Suddenly I heard a sound. Jamie crying. I pushed on round the bend and saw Abi, walking steadfastly forward, hardly a few yards into the woods. She must have felt the vibration of our hooves for she turned, an expression of fear widening her eyes.

  I leapt off Blaze and leaving him loose, grabbed hold of Jamie, hugging him tight to my chest. I sank to my haunches in the wet grass and loosened my bodice. The relief of holding him was so sweet. Jamie opened his eyes and his pale blue unfocussed eyes met mine. He screwed up his face, about to wail. I put my finger to his lips and he reached up tiny fist and closed it round mine. Such small fingernails. Like little pink shells. He began to suckle.

  A surge of protective love shot through me.

  ‘What are we to do?’ Abi asked.

  ‘I don’t know. They think he’s yours now.’ The words came out barbed. The thought hurt in a way I could not explain.

  Abi folded her arms defensively. ‘I had to say that. To protect him.’

  Cutch had dismounted. ‘So what shall we do?’

  Abi looked to me. ‘Best leave things be.’ She held out her arms. ‘I’ll take the babe.’

  ‘No.’ I said, holding Jamie tighter. ‘He’s mine. I should look to him.’

  ‘But you can’t keep him at the manor,’ Abi said. ‘Downall would soon winkle him out. He’s better with me.’

  I knew she was right, but I could not admit it. The thought filled me with visceral dread.

  Cutch put his hand on my arm. ‘Come Kate, it’s done now. Abi saved you both.’ He meant to be kind, but he could not see the turmoil that raged inside me.

  ‘It’s impossible,’ I said. ‘What will she do when he needs feeding and—’

  ‘I can feed him a little cow’s milk,’ Abi said. ‘I’m his aunt after all. It will be the best thing. Less risky.’

  ‘No. Wherever he goes, I go.’

  ‘And have half the county searching for you? Have you transported for adultery?’ Abi was adamant. ‘What good would that do him?’

  ‘I don’t know! All I know is I won’t let him go.’ I hugged Jamie tight.

  ‘Wait. Calm down. We need to think this through.’ Cutch sat himself down on a fallen log at the side of the track.

  ‘And what business is it of yours?’ His matter-of-fact attitude riled me. ‘I never asked for your help. I gave you a position because you were Ralph’s friend, but now Ralph’s gone.’

  Cutch leapt to his feet. ‘Are you trying to dismiss me? Because I was never a servant of yours, or anybody’s.’ He thumped his chest with a fist. ‘I serve myself and my own good conscience. You’ve got yourself into a mess and as far as I can see, Abi only tried to help you out of it. The sooner she hands that baby back to you, the better.’

  Jamie’s face creased and he began to cry. I jogged him up and down, but he kept on, his little face growing pinker and pinker.

  ‘Look what you’ve done!’ Abi cried. ‘Just stop it, both of you. All this arguing! I can feel the knives in the air.’ She turned to me. ‘Kate, give him to me. It’s not about what suits us, it’s about what’s best for Jamie. I’ll take care of him, I promise.’

  Still hesitating, I could see no way out of the dilemma. I trusted no one, not even Abi, I realised. Giving up my baby to someone else went against all my instincts. Besides, I did not want someone else to be mothering him. I held him close to my heart.

  ‘Have it your own way,’ Cutch said. ‘Don’t blame us when Sir Simon finds him, that’s all.’

  In my mind’s eye I saw again the whip hanging above the fireplace, felt its stinging pain. Not that for my son. I took a deep breath, held Jamie out. ‘There is only one place I can think of, where you could stay,’ I said to Abi, as she took him, ‘but you may not want to go there.’

  ‘Where?’ Cutch asked.

  ‘No.’ Abi was already protesting, but I spoke over her.

  ‘Your mother’s cottage.’ I took the key from the chatelaine on my belt and held it out. ‘I’m sorry, but it’s the only place that has no tenant.’

  ‘Don’t ask me to go there. I couldn’t. I couldn’t sleep there, knowing that’s where… that’s where she died.’

  ‘I like this as little as you do. But I need time. It’s all come too quick.’

  Abi turned away, rocking Jamie up and down, her mouth pursed. My stomach twisted with guilt that I had put her in this position. I could almost read her thoughts. That I should have planned better in the months before.

  Cutch went to put his hand on her shoulder, to turn her. ‘Perhaps your mother’s cottage will be a comfort. It will be better there, than taking your chances in the village. You know, we went to Elizabeth’s to try to find you.’

  ‘What did she say?’

  Cutch shook his head. ‘News spreads quick. You’d best wait now until the scandal dies down. Keep away from the village and all those wagging tongues.’ He mimed talking with his hand. ‘And the cottage has been cleaned, so there’s no trace now of any… unpleasantness. And it’s far enough from the manor,’ he said. ‘You’ll be safe there for a few days, and I’ll come with you, to see you settled.’

  I did not like this, the idea of Cutch and Abi taking Jamie. I stepped between them, put on my haughty manner. ‘It will only be temporary, you understand. Just a few days, whilst I think of something else.’

  Cutch lowered his eyebrows and jutted out his chin. ‘Thank you. You could at least say thank you to Abi.’

  His look was so belligerent that I swallowed my pride. ‘Thank you,’ I mumbled.

  ‘Sign it for her,’ Cutch insisted.

  I went to Abi and patted my hand to my heart, miming the words.

  Abi’s eyes filled with tears. ‘No matter. It’s what friends are for.’

  20: A Green Sleeve

  For a week I rode out to see Abi and Jamie. As soon as dusk came, and I could make an excuse to go to my chamber, I hurried down through the back stairs of the old priest hole, a narrow, stone-stepped passage that led to the library. I’d used it last year escaping the Roundhead rebels. From there it was a short run to the back door, and Cutch was usually ready for me, with Blaze saddled up.

  Today, I rode the quiet way through the woods, glancing up at the moon shining through the branches like a half-coin as I kicked Blaze on, down the track to the cottage where I knew Abi would be expecting me.

  The cottage was shrouded in darkness, with just a wisp of smoke from the chimney. Abi did not want to alert anyone to her presence there, because she had been told by my stepfather to leave Fanshawe land. So far Sir Simon had been absent so much he had not re-let the cottage after Abi’s mother’s death, and nobody had paid it any attention. The door was ajar. Abi could not hear anyone knock. I pushed it
open and slipped in.

  Jamie was sleeping in Abi’s arms as she dozed by the tiny fire. The sight gave me a pinch in the heart.

  At the draught, Abi’s eyes opened, flaring with panic, but seeing it was me, she stood and held out the sleeping baby. I took him and sat down in the other chair, but Jamie did not stir.

  ‘You’ve fed him,’ I accused.

  ‘He wouldn’t wait. His face was red as an apple.’

  ‘You know I like to do it myself.’

  She sighed wearily. ‘I know, but his little mouth was open, and he was yelling. Keeping awake to see if he needs feeding again is driving me to bedlam. And sometimes I don’t know what he wants. I don’t know how to do this. I watched Mother with William and it looked easy, but Jamie’s different, he always seems to want something, and it’s harder when I can’t hear him.’

  ‘It’s not his fault,’ I said. ‘He probably just wants his Mama, don’t you, little man?’ He snuffled and sighed in my arms, fast asleep.

  ‘You don’t know what it’s like. Someone might hear him if I don’t keep him quiet, and it’s hard for me because I don’t know how loud he cries.’

  ‘You should wait for me before you feed him. I look forward to it.’

  She ignored me, as she did sometimes, pretended not to understand.

  I leaned to touch her skirt, to get her attention. ‘Look at him. He’s grown though, hasn’t he?’

  ‘Pff. It’s only been a few days. You imagine it.’

  ‘I wish I could take him home. I don’t want him to be brought up here.’ I looked around the tiny parlour with its cramped walls and thin fire, and made a face.

  Abi bridled. ‘I was brought up here, and so was Ralph. It did us no harm.’

  ‘But it’s not what I want for my son. I want to give him the best.’

  ‘But you always said you didn’t care about wealth or fortune.’

  ‘I don’t. Not for me,’ I said. ‘But now I have Jamie, things are different.’ I walked over and put him down gently in the cradle.

  Abi stood up, her hand pulling on her hair, her expression worried. ‘But you told Ralph you’d give it all up, join the Diggers. I thought you were all for the Diggers’ ways?’

  ‘I didn’t have a baby then.’ I turned so she could see my lips. ‘The manor’s his inheritance. What will he think when he grows up if I give it away?’

  ‘You make me crazy!’ Abi burst out. ‘You can’t have it all ways, Kate. I can’t keep him forever. You have to let go of something. Don’t you see? It’s us or them. Sir Simon’s way, or ours.’

  ‘Do you think I like it? I don’t want to hide him. I want to be able to hold my head up with pride and say, “This is my son, James Ralph Ferrers.”’

  Abi shook her head. ‘Chaplin,’ she said. ‘Ralph was a Chaplin. He would have wanted him to be a Chaplin.’

  I glared at her. ‘But Ralph isn’t here. He will carry on my family name.’

  ‘What family? You have no family.’

  It hurt, but I put back my shoulders. ‘He is my family.’ I looked down at Jamie.

  ‘What about me?’ Abi said. ‘Don’t I count? He’s my brother’s son, so we’re family now, like it or not. When Jamie gets older he can still have a good life without all the trimmings of the aristocracy. Not a Diggers life, not the one Ralph would have dreamed for him, but still – a plain and simple life like the rest of us.’

  All of a sudden I was overwhelmed. ‘I’m lost Abi. I don’t know how to be like you. I feel like I’m pretending, when I try. I can’t farm, or spin, or churn the milk. But I know how to manage an estate, how to give orders and make sure they are obeyed. Those are my skills, Abi. You can’t turn me into something else.’

  ‘Then I feel sorry for your son – pulled this way and that, neither fish nor fowl. A farmer’s son one minute, and a fine lady’s son the next. Ralph was happy with simple things.’

  Ralph. The name brought forth such a multitude of emotions. What would he think if he could see his son?

  I blinked back hot tears.

  He should have been here. Why did he have to die? The Diggers would have listened to him, I knew. Instead, my grand scheme to pay them back had hardly begun. Had they even noticed my gifts, I wondered?

  ‘Don’t you dare cry,’ Abi said, her voice cracking. ‘It’s not so bad for you. Look at me and Jacob. He called me a whore. He’ll never marry me now.’

  Her words struck me like a blow. ‘I didn’t mean for this to happen,’ I said.

  ‘No. But you’re like Ralph. Somehow you always make trouble.’

  *

  We did not mention the subject again, but I found it hard to eat for worrying. My body was scrawny now, my belly flatter than parchment. My ribs showed under my skin. One morning I was just dressing, trying to tighten the loose bodice so it would fit, when Downall appeared at my door. His knocking startled me.

  ‘Jacob Mallinson’s here, with Miss Chaplin.’

  ‘What? With Abi?’ My head swam.

  ‘No, not that slut of a maid – the other sister. There’s been another robbery, and a murder. Don’t tell me you know nothing about it, because I know you do.’ His chest was puffed out like a prize cockerel.

  I backed away, wary.

  ‘You have a choice,’ Downall said, with a self-satisfied smirk. ‘I can tell them what I know – that I’ve seen you ride out at night dressed in men’s clothes. Or I can keep quiet.’

  ‘You can prove nothing.’

  ‘Oh, I think they will believe me, unless…’ He let the words drift.

  My stomach turned to a tight knot. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘I know you sent Sir Simon off to York. And I know as well as you do, it’s probably a wild goose chase. Designed to prevent me pressing my case for our marriage. But the house is ready. I don’t want to wait any longer – write to Sir Simon, tell him you think Thomas is dead, and to come home so that we can be wed.’

  ‘No.’ The word was a whisper.

  ‘Then I will tell Jacob Mallinson what I know.’

  What would happen to Jamie? At the same time I knew I could not marry Downall. What to do? I vacillated. ‘No. I mean… wait. I need time…’

  ‘Hello?’ Jacob’s voice from below, sharp with annoyance.

  ‘Come, we mustn’t keep the deputy constable waiting.’ Downall gripped my arm and propelled me downstairs.

  I took in the scene in a glance. Jacob’s face was white and haggard. His eyes burned with enmity. And there behind him, Elizabeth, dressed all in black, grim faced, like his shadow. I did not want her in my house, and she knew it. Her eyes glittered at the sight of my discomfort.

  ‘Where were you last night, Kate?’ Jacob spat the words at me.

  ‘At home, of course.’

  ‘So you didn’t ride out?’ Elizabeth’s voice was reedy in the echoing hall.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Show her, Jacob.’ Elizabeth prompted him.

  Jacob reached into his satchel and drew out something green. A piece of fabric with gilt embroidery and hand-sewn eyelets. A sleeve. I took a sharp gasp of air. I recognised it. My sleeve – one I’d given to the highway thieves on the night I rode out to fetch Mrs Binch.

  ‘This was found on the road, near our house. Elizabeth says it’s yours; she’s seen you wearing it. In God’s name, why, Kate? What has my father ever done to harm you?’

  I sense of dread crept up my spine. I heard my own voice as if from far away. ‘Who? What’s the matter?’

  ‘Someone set our thatch afire last night,’ Jacob said. ‘Father smelled burning and I let him go out to see what was afoot. We heard a shot…’

  I was already moving back, surely he couldn’t think that I—

  ‘He died on his own doorstep. How could you do that? Father had done nothing to you. Why Kate? That’s all I want to know. Just some good reason.’

  ‘I swear, Jacob, I know nothing.’

  Downall sat down on the nearest chair. ‘Your father’s dead?’
/>
  ‘Was it because of the sequestration committee? You can keep your damned house. Just give me my father back. He was to teach me everything about the law. And then there he was, lying on his back with his chest split open. Or was it me you wanted, because I’m too outspoken against the King? If I’d gone to the door, then it would’ve been me.’ His face crumpled. ‘Why wasn’t it me?’ He raked his hand through his hair. ‘There’ll be no more words now. No more lessons for me on the letter of the law. And he’d only just started…’ Jacob’s voice cracked. He couldn’t go on.

  ‘You vicious bitch,’ Elizabeth said. ‘We’ll make sure you hang for it.’

  Hang? A cold wash of fear swamped me. What would become of Jamie then? I looked helplessly to Downall. His face was pale. He gave me a searching look. It was then I realised, he too thought I had something to do with it.

  I dare not hesitate further, for Jamie’s sake. ‘I’m sorry Jacob, I’m sorry about your father… but Downall will tell you I was here all last night.’ It was a gamble I hoped would work.

  Downall stood, before his face broadened into a slow smile of satisfaction. ‘Indeed she was.’

  Elizabeth looked to Jacob, indignant. ‘But what about the sleeve?’ she asked.

  ‘Sorry to disappoint you, Elizabeth, but it was stolen from me a few months back, by a dishonest maid,’ I said, hoping my hot cheeks did not give away my lie. ‘Why would I ride out and cast off a sleeve? I swear, I had nothing to do with Mr Mallinson’s death. Someone is trying to discredit me.’

  ‘Discredit? You discredit yourself,’ Elizabeth said. ‘You don’t need any help from anyone else.’

  The vixen. I glared at her, but she stepped behind Jacob.

  ‘Come, Elizabeth,’ Jacob said, turning to her and sighing. He rubbed his hand over his face, as if to rub away the lines of grief etched there. ‘Happen I’m not myself. We jumped to the wrong conclusion. We must look elsewhere.’

  ‘But it’s her sleeve,’ Elizabeth insisted. ‘Ned Soper saw her galloping past. You don’t believe her, do you?’

  Jacob took her gently by the arm. ‘I know you find this as upsetting as I do. Why don’t you wait for me outside. I need to talk man to man with Downall.’