Yesterday's Embers (Clayburn Novels Book 3)

by Deborah Raney

  “What is the point then?”

  She shook her head. He’d said he loved her. “Doug, I never thought you could be interested in me—that way. It’s so soon…after Kaye. I always thought the pressure was off with you.”

  He studied her for a moment, and what she saw in his eyes terrified her.

  He reached as if to touch her arm, then drew it back, resting his hand on his knee. His hands fascinated her. The strong hands of a laborer. Yet so gentle when they caressed his children, or when they touched her.

  “I meant what I said, Mickey.” His voice was husky, and he reached for her hand, seeming confident this time. “Maybe I’m speaking out of turn, but I’m not going to pretend otherwise.”

  “Oh, Doug.” Was it possible that she could feel the same way about him? So soon?

  She’d known Doug DeVore for years. She remembered the twins as babies. Remembered when Harley was born, and Doug came in, passing out bubble gum cigars and bragging that he’d finally gotten that Harley he always wanted. She smiled at the memory. He still didn’t own a motorcycle, but oh, was he devoted to that little girl.

  She knew the kind of man Doug was, admired him as a father, and as a husband, but she’d never allowed herself to look at him the way she looked at him now. He’d been a married man most of the time she’d known him.

  The weight of his hand smothered hers. “Mickey? What are you thinking?”

  “I don’t know, Doug. I…I’m confused.” Maybe she had a right to love him now that Kaye was gone. But if he could forget Kaye so soon and fall in love with someone else—with her—what did that say about him? About her?

  For the second time, she pulled her hand away. “I can’t think with you—touching me that way.”

  “I’m sorry.” He didn’t look sorry. But he rearranged his lanky frame back behind the steering wheel.

  “It’s just too soon, Doug.”

  He reached for her, then seemed to remember her rebuff, and pulled his hand away. “Kaye’s not coming back, Mickey. I loved her with every cell of my being, but she’s not coming back. I believe God put you in my life for a reason.”

  “I…I don’t know what to say.”

  “I won’t rush you, Mickey. But I know what I want. And I intend to go after it.” Tentatively, as if she were a wild animal he meant to tame, he reached across the seat and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. “I love you.”

  “Doug…” Something inside her snapped, and her breath left her slowly. No man had ever treated her with the tenderness she felt beneath his gentle touch right now. Since college, in spite of the fact that her brothers’ wives were always trying to set her up with somebody, she could count the dates she’d had on two hands. Clayburn wasn’t exactly a mecca for eligible singles.

  If Doug was ready for a relationship, why should there be any reason to hold back? He was a good man. A godly man. With him, she wouldn’t need to worry for one minute that there were secrets in his past or things she didn’t know about him.

  She’d seen the kind of man he was, and if she hadn’t, the entire town of Clayburn would have testified on his behalf. Everybody loved Douglas DeVore.

  As if he’d read her mind, Doug took her face in his hands. “What’s holding you back, Mickey?”

  What was holding her back? Doug said he loved her. He knew what love felt like. She’d never been in love before, so maybe she was just slower to recognize it. She could trust him. Trust his love.

  She placed her hands over his, trembling at the revelation. “I don’t know what’s holding me back, Doug. I…I think I might love you, too.”

  He enveloped her in his embrace and kissed her thoroughly. And she stayed there, willingly, feeling as if she were exactly where she’d always belonged.

  Chapter 22

  “Hey, I hope it’s not too late notice, but do you want to go to church with us?” Doug squeezed the phone between his ear and his shoulder and held his breath, waiting for Mickey’s answer.

  “This morning?”

  “Yeah. We’d pick you up about eight-forty-five. You don’t have to dress up or anything.”

  “Well…um…”

  He could almost hear her internal calculator tallying the minutes: how long it would take to shower, dry her hair, do her makeup, get the kids dressed—

  The thought brought him up short. It wasn’t Mickey’s “calculator” he was hearing. It was Kaye’s. If he didn’t quit doing that—mixing them up in his mind, blending their two unique personalities into one—he was going to stick his big fat foot in his mouth one of these days and be in deep, deep trouble. He shook his head, as if doing so could reset his memory.

  Mickey’s short laugh broke his reverie. “I guess I could make it,” she said. “But what do you mean I don’t have to dress up? Can I wear what I wear to bowl?”

  “Sure.” She always looked like a million dollars. He wasn’t worried about that.

  “You’re positive? I’m not going to get there and want to kill you because every other woman has a dress on, am I?”

  “I promise. Anyway, you’d be the most beautiful woman there if you wore a gunny sack.”

  “Oh, aren’t you racking up the brownie points?”

  He smiled into the phone. “Yes, aren’t I.”

  “Well, if I’m going, I don’t have time to stand around chit-chatting.”

  “Okay, babe. See you in a little bit.”

  Babe. The endearment had rolled off his tongue so naturally, but he’d never used it with Mickey before. The dial tone rang in his ear. Babe. He wondered if Mickey had noticed, and more importantly, if she’d known that Babe had been his pet name for Kaye.

  Today would be a test of sorts. It had been over a week since they’d left the coffee shop and taken the cream puffs to Mickey’s house—cream puffs they never had gotten around to eating. He smiled at the thought of those sweet kisses in his truck. Sweetness that had moved quickly to passion. He’d walked her to the door and left—before things heated up too much.

  Since then, they’d only seen each other briefly when Doug picked up the kids from daycare. But he’d called her almost every night after he got the kids in bed and they talked for hours at a time. Their relationship had definitely gone to the next level.

  He could talk to her so easily…and about anything. He was definitely in love with the woman. One thing ate at him though: since he’d declared his love for Mickey, it seemed like Kaye was all he could think about. Last night he’d awakened in a sweat, from a dream about Kaye—and Rachel, too. He spent several minutes in a world where that terrible Thanksgiving Day had never happened. He’d floated on joy. And then, before he was awake enough to grasp that it was only a dream and his precious wife and daughter were gone, he relived Mickey’s sweet kiss. And the guilt had overwhelmed him—as if he’d cheated on Kaye. Irrationally, a remnant of that guilt still clung to him now.

  That was one thing he couldn’t very well talk to Mickey about. He just prayed to God he didn’t accidentally call her by Kaye’s name one of these days. She might accept “Babe,” but if he ever called her “Kaye”… He shook off the thought. The more he worried about slipping up, the more likely it was that he would.

  Mickey was waiting on the front porch when he pulled up to the curb a few minutes later. He jumped out and walked up the sidewalk, wondering how she would be with him today.

  She had definitely spiffed up a little more than usual, with her hair down and brushing her shoulders, and her cheeks and lips rosy with makeup. She looked great. But a little nervous, maybe.

  He and Mickey had talked about God a lot during their nightly phone calls. He’d been relieved to discover that she believed much the same as he did about the things that mattered: Jesus, salvation, taking the Bible as God’s inspired Word, living a clean life. She’d told him she went to mass with her brothers and their families on the Sundays they had their big family dinners, but that was only once a month.

  She’d confided how hard it had been gro
wing up Catholic in Clayburn, where half the people belonged to Community Christian and the other half were split between First Baptist, the old Lutheran Church, and the New Covenant Church out on the highway.

  It bothered him a little that church didn’t seem more important to Mickey. But then, he didn’t have much room to talk. If it hadn’t been for Kaye’s prodding, he probably wouldn’t have gotten in the habit of church every week either. He was glad she’d pushed him to go when they were newly married. Especially after what had happened. Since he’d lost Kaye and Rachel, Pastor Grady and their friends in the church had done their best to provide comfort and answers when he was struggling to make sense of things. It had made the difference between going crazy and going on. It was still hard to sit with his kids lined up on the pew and no Kaye at the end of the row to complete the “bookends”––and no Rachel in between. But Community Christian was the one place where he and the kids could be broken, yet still feel they belonged.

  “Good morning.” Mickey gave an awkward little wave as they met on the sidewalk, and he realized she was as nervous as he was about how they should be with each other. Taking the bull by the horns, he went to her with arms outstretched.

  She accepted his hug but turned her head when he tried to kiss her. He felt her looking over his shoulder.

  “The kids, Doug…”

  He drew back, chuckling. “I don’t think it’s going to mar them for life to see us kiss. In fact, they’d better get used to it, because I plan to be kissing on you all day.”

  “Douglas!” But her coy grin said she didn’t exactly dread the possibility.

  His spirits soared. Man, he’d missed her.

  In the car, she greeted each of the kids by name, and even Kayeleigh seemed to warm up to her a little.

  But later, after church, when they went to Carlos O’Kelly’s for lunch, Kayeleigh tried to orchestrate the seating so she was between him and Mickey.

  “Huh-uh, sweetie, that’s my chair,” he said, taking her by the shoulders and steering her to the end of the table. “I’d like you to sit by Harley and help her with her dinner, please.”

  “No fair, Dad. I always have to babysit Harley.” She dragged the chair out and plopped into it, slumping down with arms crossed over her chest.

  Forcing his temper down, Doug glanced at Mickey to catch her reaction. “That’s not true, Kayeleigh. Here, Landon”––he pulled a chair to the other side of Harley’s chair—“you help Kayeleigh out. And put that video game down. I told you not to bring that in with you. We’re eating.”

  Landon stretched his neck out and made a show of panning the table. “Where? I don’t see any food.”

  “Don’t get smart with me, buddy.” He glared at Landon until he finally tucked the game in his pocket and assumed an identical posture to his big sister.

  Great. This was really going to impress Mickey. She’d stood by silently, but he felt her watching—evaluating how he was handling the situation.

  “Sorry,” he mouthed to Mickey over their heads.

  She shrugged, but by the little shake of her head and the look in those gorgeous violet eyes, he didn’t think he was getting a very high score.

  He pulled out her chair, took the one beside her, and casually slipped an arm around her shoulders. He pulled her close for a brief hug, testing the waters.

  Trying for nonchalance, he glanced around the table. Landon’s eyes bugged out, Kayeleigh slumped lower in her chair, and deepened her scowl, burying her nose in the book she’d brought. The twins looked at each other as if to say, “What in the world is Daddy doing?” Harley was the only one who’d missed his amorous attention toward Mickey, and only because she was leaning out of her highchair, trying to reach the basket of tortilla chips on the table.

  Mickey must have felt the kids’ stares, too, because she sat forward in her chair, shrinking from his touch, suddenly intent on unwrapping her silverware from the napkin.

  Their server came, a sullen, high school-age girl who made Doug fear what Kayeleigh might be like at seventeen if he didn’t nip her mood swings in the bud. He helped the kids order and got them settled with their drinks.

  While they waited for their entrees, Mickey surprised him by reaching for his hand under the table. He pulled her hand onto his knee and knit his fingers with hers. Over the rim of her Diet Pepsi, she shot him another one of those demure, just-for-him smiles he was learning to love.

  Their food came and the kids quit eyeing them. He and Mickey spent the rest of the meal playing footsie under the table and holding hands between bites. Mickey’s smoky violet eyes said more than all the words she’d ever spoken to him put together. It was obvious her feelings were running as high as his, and he realized that today, for the first time since Thanksgiving, he felt truly happy.

  Chapter 23

  Doug parked the Suburban in front of her house, and Mickey reached for the door handle, reluctant to let the day end. “You guys want to come in for a little bit?”

  The twins voted with a cheer and the click of their seatbelt releases.

  “Just for a little while, guys,” Doug warned. “You can play in the back while Mickey and I talk, okay?” He climbed out and went around to extricate Harley from her car seat.

  Mickey herded Sarah and Sadie off the street into her yard. “Wait for Landon, girls. He can open the backyard gate for you.”

  Landon raced off across the yard with the twins trailing him.

  From the backseat, Kayeleigh challenged Mickey with narrowed eyes, then addressed her father. “I’m gonna stay in the car and wait.”

  Doug set Harley on the curb, keeping one hand on her pudgy arm. “No, I want you to watch Harley in the yard.”

  “Can’t you take her with you? I watched her at the bowling alley.”

  “Kayeleigh, come on.” Doug kept his voice low, as if not wanting to embarrass her, but Mickey could tell he was growing increasingly frustrated with her attitude.

  Kayeleigh unfolded her long legs from under her and crawled out of the car, but as she passed by, she shot Mickey a look that said, “This is all your fault.”

  Over the top of the vehicle Doug rolled his eyes for Mickey’s benefit. She forced a commiserating smile, but if Kayeleigh hadn’t been twelve, she would have told Doug his daughter needed a good spanking. Yes, Doug was asking a lot of Kayeleigh, but she had been an insufferable brat all day. And now she was threatening to ruin the evening.

  Mickey bit her tongue and waited for Kayeleigh to pick up Harley and carry her to the backyard. She led the way up the front walk. “You want something to drink?”

  “Sure. I’d drink some iced tea if you have it.”

  “I can make it.”

  “Oh…no, don’t do that.”

  She tossed a look over her shoulder. “I don’t mind. I want some too.”

  She went into the kitchen, filled the teakettle, and put it on the back burner to boil. She rummaged in the cupboards looking for teabags. “So did you get your taxes done? Tomorrow’s the day, you know.”

  She sensed him behind her, but he didn’t answer. Instead, she felt his arms come around her from behind. He bent his head and nuzzled her neck.

  She dropped the Lipton box onto the counter and turned to face him. “Hey, you…you didn’t answer my ques—”

  He cut her off with a kiss and locked her in the embrace she knew this entire day had been leading up to. When he let her up for air, she snuck a look over her shoulder and out the sliding doors that led through the dining room to the deck. The twins and Harley zipped back and forth across the yard, Landon close behind, growling like a bear. Their playful squeals floated into the kitchen through the screening. Good. They’d be happy out there for a while.

  She turned her full attention to Doug, pulling his head down to match their mouths. Where had this man been all her life? Instantly she chided herself. Don’t answer that question, Valdez. She didn’t want to think about Kaye and Rachel—or even Doug’s kids right now. For now, it was o
nly the two of them, together, with this incredible electricity zinging between them. Passion, maybe even… Was it possible that love had sneaked up on her just when she’d almost given up on ever finding the right man?

  Doug gave a little groan and pulled her closer, kissing her again and again.

  Things were moving fast. Too fast. But she didn’t care. She loved this man. She did. She’d waited thirty years for God to answer her prayers, and he’d answered them very, very well in Doug DeVore. “Thank you, Lord…”

  “What’s that?” Doug whispered close to her ear.

  She hadn’t realized she’d spoken the words aloud, but it didn’t matter. He should know. “You’re the answer to all my prayers, you know.”

  He pulled away and cocked his head. “I am, am I?”

  “Yup. Now shut up and kiss me.” She silently reveled in the fact that she could rattle off such a request to such a wonderful guy and be fairly certain he would comply.

  As if to prove her thoughts, he laughed and kissed her again. But when he pulled back to look into her eyes, his jaw tensed. A sheen came to his eyes, and she knew the teasing moment had passed.

  He ran a finger down the bridge of her nose. “Why don’t you just marry me and get it over with?”

  Oh. Maybe he was teasing. “Get it over with, huh?” She feigned a bashful grin, playing along. “Now why would I want to go and do a fool thing like that?”

  He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. A delicious warmth surged through her veins.

  “I’m serious, Mick. I love you. And if I’m not mistaken, you love me, too.” He leveled a look that dared her to answer otherwise.

  “I…Doug, I––”

  He laid a finger to her lips, then bent to silence her with another kiss. “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.” His murmured words tickled her ear and thrilled her heart. “You just happen to be the best thing that’s happened to me in a long, long time.”

  She sobered and drew back. He didn’t say “the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” But maybe that was splitting hairs. This poor man had been through so much. It was a wonder he hadn’t collapsed under the stress of his grief, and trying to be a single dad to five kids.