I greeted each one in between my sweeping duties. Then Brother Jameson came up to me.
He gave me a hand shake and a pound. “What’s up, man?”
“Oh, nothing much. Just cleaning up a little since I’m here, that’s all.”
“Cool,” Brother Jameson said.
“I haven’t seen you around for a while.” I put the broom down. “How have you been?”
“We’ve been good,” Brother Jameson grinned. “I had an out of town assignment for a couple of weeks, and my wife and baby went to stay with her mother while I was gone.”
“Okay, because Alex and I have been looking for you around the church.”
“How is Sister Alex anyway?”
“She’s fine,” I smiled, proud to be married to my beautiful wife.
“The last time I talked to you, you all were trying to have a baby right away. How has Dr. Henley been working for you two?”
I let out a deep breath. “Well, we’re still believing, but I’ve got to be honest; it hasn’t been easy.”
“Hold on, man.” Brother Jameson shook his head. “It’ll happen for you guys when you least expect it.”
“I know,” I said.
“That’s how it happened for us, man.” Brother Jameson’s face became very serious.
I listened carefully. “I know.”
“Remember, it was three long years before my wife became pregnant. All those tests and stuff were driving me nuts, and then one day, bam. Just when we’d almost given up hope ... God blessed us.” He shook his head. “But I’m not gonna lie. Those were some rough times.”
“Yeah, it’s rough on us right now,” I said.
Brother Jameson scratched his short beard. “At least you already have one child.”
“That’s true, and don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful. But I’d just like to have at least one child with my wife.”
He nodded as if he understood my pain. “I know what you mean, man.”
“It would be nice to have a son to carry on the Benning legacy.”
“Legacy?” Brother Jameson laughed. “Now you’re really tripping, bruh.”
“Nah, I mean, I’m not saying that a daughter can’t preach or run a church. I’m just saying I come from generations of preachers. My dad and granddad were both pastors, and it would be nice if my son could be the fourth generation.”
“Yeah, I get it,” Brother Jameson said.
“We’re gonna keep trying.”
“God willing, you’ll have what you want,” Brother Jameson nodded.
I thought of Alex becoming pregnant with my child. “Then everything will be perfect, back on track.”
“I’ll keep praying for you two.”
“Thanks, man.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward me fast. “God bless you.”
Brother Jameson slapped me on the back. “God bless you too, brother.”
I watched him walk away, thinking what a cool guy he was. I’d like to hook up with him again soon to shoot some hoops, if I had any time to spare.
Before I could blink, Sister Yvonne appeared from around the corner.
“Hi, Joshua,” she said.
I grabbed the broom and started sweeping again. “Hi. What are you doing here?”
“I’m here helping my aunt.”
I looked down at the floor. “Oh.”
“You look a little down. Are you all right?”
“I’m cool.” I faked a smile.
“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with Brother Jameson.”
I sighed. “You were eavesdropping?”
“Oh, no, I just happened to be passing by.” Yvonne fluttered her fake eyelashes.
“Right, passing by,” I mumbled to myself.
“No, really. I mean, something you said caught my attention, but I wasn’t—”
I shook my head. “It’s all right. Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s just that I’m sure that fertility specialist of yours is highly recommended, and the Jamesons did have a baby, but three years is a long time to wait, though.”
I squinted my eyes at her. “What are you getting at, Yvonne?”
“Well, just that there are other options still.”
“Excuse me?”
Yvonne used her hands to express herself. “I mean, I have a friend who does that.”
“Does what?”
Yvonne leaned toward me like she was telling me a secret. “She helps couples have babies.”
“What?”
“She helps couples have babies,” Yvonne whispered again.
I looked around to make sure no one else was listening. “Helps them how? Is she a doctor?”
“No, she is a professional surrogate.”
“A surrogate?” I started shaking my head and my hands to indicate a definite no. I had heard a few things about surrogacy over the years, but unfortunately, everything I knew was far from good.
“Yes, she does that for a living, and she’s had five babies for other people so far.”
Yvonne stepped closer to me, and I could smell her flowery perfume.
“Sounds very interesting, Yvonne, but I want to have babies with my wife, not some stranger.”
“I know what you mean, but she can carry your baby for you just in case Sister Alex can’t.”
Now I was offended. “Who said my wife can’t? I would never ever accept that unless God Himself came down from heaven and told me.”
“Whoa, wait a minute now. It’s not me saying that. I mean, you never know, just in case.”
“Just in case?”
“Yeah, just in case things don’t work out the way you want. You two can use her eggs or Sister Alex’s. It doesn’t matter to my friend at all. She gets paid either way.”
“So it’s all about money for her?”
“Hey, don’t judge my friend. She’s just doing a service like everybody else in business.
It’s all very clean and legal.”
I swallowed hard at the thought that Alex might not be able to conceive. Then I snapped back. “Thanks for the offer, but we’ve got it under control.”
“Okay, but if you ever change your mind, here’s my new cell number.” Yvonne handed me a card with her name and number on it. “I’d love to help.”
Then at the sight of me sweeping furiously to avoid eye contact, Yvonne walked out the front door. I was angry now at how she had approached me and at how I had let her foolishness get in my head. Although I brushed her away, and I didn’t even want to think the unthinkable, after the next few disappointing attempts Alex and I went through, I couldn’t help but remember Yvonne’s words.
Chapter Thirteen
Alex
The next morning, Joshua was up early praying as usual. When he was done, he seemed to stay far away from me, quietly getting ready for work. I fixed breakfast and got Lilah and myself dressed. Joshua and I hardly talked or touched at all. Our hands did touch once as I reached to tighten his tie. He mouthed the words “thank you,” and then disappeared from the bedroom. Normally I would have followed him into the living room, but my mood was different too.
My mind was on Kiano and the other children in his village. I wondered what they would do when their orphanage closed. I pictured all of the children piling into one small building miles away, crying and smeared with mud. I remembered all the hardships those children had to face on a daily basis, and it almost broke my heart. Two trips to Kenya had been enough to settle what I needed to do. Still, I didn’t say anything. I just watched my husband play with his privileged child, Lilah, at the breakfast table.
Kiano didn’t sit at a table like this or have a breakfast of oatmeal and bacon like ours. He didn’t have parents to play with him or hug him before he went off to school. In fact, his village barely had a school, if you could call that raggedy one-room shack with one teacher and a few books a school. When I thought about the living conditions for him over there compared to the kind of home we could give
him here, my spirit cried out to rescue him. But I couldn’t do it alone. I blinked away the tears that were welling up in my eyes. Still, I refused to start an argument this morning, so I kept my mouth closed.
I watched Joshua in his model father role lift Lilah into the air, hug her tightly, and wave good-bye. He kissed me hard on the lips, and I closed my eyes to savor the moment, to pretend that everything that was out of order could be set straight with a kiss. My spirit didn’t rest, however.
Once he left for work, I took Lilah across the hall to Ms. Johnson, hopped into my pink car, and sped off. I hoped that another busy half day at work would at least occupy my mind.
Thankfully, it did just that until the dynamics of the workplace changed.
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Seger coming out of Dr. Harding’s office.
They were shaking hands, and I was more than just a little curious about what Seger was doing here at Missionary Bible College. Seger, in all of his dark manliness, towered over Dr. Harding. I took a deep breath before I walked over to them.
“Seger, what are you doing here?” I asked.
“Happy New Year, Sister Alex. It’s good to see you.” Seger gave me a quick hug as I patted the strong muscles in his back.
“Happy New Year to you. I’m surprised to see you here.” I looked back and forth between him and Dr. Harding for an explanation.
Seger laughed. “I’ll let Dr. Harding explain.”
“Brother Seger has agreed to be our new assistant director of admissions,” Dr. Harding said.
“Oh, I see. So he’ll be replacing Brother Jacob?” I avoided eye contact with Seger while I processed the information. I didn’t want Seger to notice my uneasiness, but a million things were running through my mind at once. I kept smiling.
“Yes, and I have complete confidence that he will do an excellent job,” Dr. Harding said, patting Seger on the back.
“Thank you, sir.” Seger gave us both a big smile.
“Welcome aboard, Seger,” I smiled back. “I’m sure you’ll be very happy here.”
“Yes, I’m sure I will.” Seger held his gaze on me a minute too long in my opinion.
I had to get out of there and figure some things out. Sure, Seger was my missionary buddy, and sure, we shared a common interest in ministry, and even a common bond with the Kenyan orphans, particularly Kiano. But was this friendship thing we were nursing worth the headache I knew I was about to have? As I walked down the hall I couldn’t help but go through a myriad of emotions. I was excited that Seger would be working with me, yet skeptical about what my husband would think when he found out.
I went back to my desk a little frazzled. Why did Seger have to get a job here of all places? Why couldn’t my life be simple? Why did complication after complication keep arising?
It just didn’t seem fair.
Later that evening I made Joshua his favorite dinner and set out caramel-scented candles.
I brought home a special Dora video for Lilah. Then I bathed in my lavender bath oil and slipped into Joshua’s favorite outfit of mine, a silky, hip-hugging, low-backed black dress. This was the dress that always got me what I wanted. I used my curling iron to do spiral curls, pinned up the back, and only left the few hanging down in the front to frame my face just right. I sprinkled Joshua’s favorite perfume, Obsession, behind my ears, on the inside of my wrists, and on my inner thighs. I looked at myself in the mirror, spun myself around, and despite the slight bulge in the waist area I couldn’t seem to get rid of, I was pleased. I had to tell him about Seger in the right atmosphere, when he was happy and secure.
When he came in he kissed me quickly and kissed Lilah who ran into his arms. He then immediately settled in at his desk with his briefcase and his computer. He looked deep in thought when I approached him.
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry, but I’ve got some serious work to do, if you don’t mind.” Joshua took my hand and kissed my palm.
I watched Lilah skip back and forth to her room, dragging two of her dolls behind her.
“I know. I was just hoping we could spend some real time together this evening.” I kissed him on the neck. I secretly hoped he didn’t misconstrue what I said, but I knew he probably had.
“Oh, don’t worry. We’re going to spend some time together, believe me.” Joshua patted me on the bottom.
I became sick to my stomach at the thought that he was only thinking about conception. I stepped back away from him. “No, I mean, time to talk.”
“Oh, okay.” Joshua put his arms around my waist and laid his head on my stomach. “As soon as I look over these numbers you can have me all to yourself.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
So after dinner, and after I put Lilah to bed, I put on soft music, lit a few candles, and pampered my husband. When the mood was right, and I had him all wrapped up in my arms, I told him about my day, and I told him about Seger. That was when his mood changed instantly, and he slipped from my arms as easily as he had come into them, blew out all the candles, and laid down Joshua’s law. He said that I could no longer be friends with Seger, and that he didn’t even want me working at the college anymore. He didn’t even want me mentioning Seger’s name.
And I had never heard it put down so sternly, the “you are my wife and you will do as I say” speech. I took it all in although I was rebelling in my heart. Under my breath I swore I’d be friends with Seger whether he liked it or not.
Since the next morning was Saturday, and since Saturday was typically when I went down to the gym to see my sister, I woke up early, showered, and dressed in my least fashionable workout clothes. I didn’t care what I looked like because I was still upset about the confrontation Joshua and I had the night before. Feeling defiant, I headed out the door before Joshua even woke up. I put a baseball cap on my head and kept it moving as I drove over to the Push It Fitness Center anxious to talk to Taylor. I walked past the front desk, waving at Jasmine, the bubbly receptionist, and went straight into Taylor’s office.
It was half decorated in turquoise blue and red with all contemporary furniture. One wall was only partially painted. Taylor sat behind her desk in her wheelchair, wearing a white and blue workout outfit and matching headband. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and when she looked up, I could tell she was surprised to see me.
“Hi, girl,” Taylor smiled.
I plopped down in one of her red vinyl chairs. “Hey, the renovations are really coming along.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” she said.
“I like it.” I looked around the room, nodding my head. “It’s really beginning to look like you and Keith in here and not like the old management.”
“Thanks. It’ll be really nice by the time of the grand opening.”
“Oh, yes.” I clapped my hands. “I can’t wait to get all the Giving Life girls out here. It’s going to be a lot of work, though.”
“We’re used to it,” Taylor said. “So what’s up?”
I spit it out. “Joshua wants me to quit my job.”
Taylor pushed her neck all the way back. “Quit?”
“Yeah, quit.”
“Are you crazy? You’ve already gone down to part-time.” She rolled her eyes. “What else does he want?”
“I don’t know. I guess he just wants me away from Seger. Period.”
“Hold on.” Taylor put her hand up for me to stop. “I missed something.”
“Seger is the new assistant director down at Missionary.”
Taylor nodded. “Oh, now I see.”
“No, you don’t see.” I put my head down on her desk.
“My life is a straight mess.”
“Oh, come on, it can’t be that bad.” Taylor stuffed a stick of chewing gum into her mouth. “Why is he so jealous anyway? I never figured preacher boy to be the jealous type.”
“Yeah, well, you were wrong. He’s convinced that Seger wants me,” I said.
“Why would he think that?”
> “I don’t know. Something about the way Seger looks at me.”
“Hmmm. That sounds hot.” Taylor used her hand to fan herself.
I pushed her. “Taylor.”
“What? It’s not my fault that some dude is hot for you.”
“Oh, come on. The only one hot for me is my overly zealous husband.”
“So what’s the problem then?” Taylor sucked her teeth. “You can keep your little job and be happy.”
“You don’t understand. Josh is very serious about this, and I need my job. First of all, we need the money. And second, the short hours will work well with my grad school schedule, and Lilah and—”
“And the new baby, right?”
“Yes, and the new baby,” I sighed.
“If you ask me, you’re doing too much at once.” Taylor bent over to take a protein drink out of her mini refrigerator. She waved it at me as if it were a warning. Then she spit her gum into the trash can and began drinking.
“Taylor, whose side are you on?”
Taylor frowned. “Girl, please. Ain’t nobody talking about you. I’m just saying. Why don’t you stop letting him push you around?”
“He’s my husband, and he’s not pushing me around.” I wasn’t sure I believed it myself, but I had to save face before my man-bashing sister ate me alive.
“Really? You’re the one in here stressing about quitting your little job. And what was it last week? Whining about how you’re tired of this whole baby thing.”
“I was not whining, just frustrated, and I do want Joshua’s baby,” I said.
“I didn’t say you didn’t, but what’s all the hurry?” Taylor sucked her teeth. “You two haven’t even been married a year yet.”
Now I was on the defensive. “So what?”
“So I ain’t babysitting, that’s what.”
“Taylor,” I said, with a hint of a smile.
“You’re the one trying to be super mommy, not me,” Taylor said.
Indeed, I did want to be super mommy with all my heart. I’d never in my life wanted anything more than I wanted to be that.
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