by Pam Uphoff
She blinked in surprise. "I have had numerous unkind thought about The Free Trader, mainly because of that ghastly incense and the noisy wind chimes. But, out-and-out criminal activity? Nada. You might ask Julia what she heard, eavesdropping on the neighbors, the first day they were here. I missed the scary parts." She glanced at the back door, and suddenly wondered if that was a good idea. Too late now. "Julia is bit flaky." She led the way back into the garage and out to the alley where Julia was chattering away with Betelgeuse.
". . . and then he . . . " Julia broke off and looked over guiltily.
"Gosh, Julia, you just need to load up these last three chairs and you're done?"
"Oh, don't be sarcastic. You know I just started."
"Well give me the bottle and go talk to Detective Lanton."
Julia gave her a narrow eyed glare of suspicion, but followed the policeman back inside.
Betelgeuse watched them walk away. "Haven't they figured it out yet? Sheesh, I mean, it's got to be someone who wanted to kill Rex. We haven't been here long enough for it to be because of us."
Holly started unloading chairs. "Probably drugs or something. If they haven't figured it out yet, I doubt they will."
Betelgeuse nodded. "Well, back to the grind. Bald men by the dozen." She disappeared back inside.
Holly sprayed and wiped all the chairs, then started unloading the tables, cursing Julia under her breath. At least she turned up in time to help reload everything.
Holly waited until they were back in the AC and popping sodas before she asked.
"I don't think he believed what I heard. And really, the kids do look a lot like their moms, don't they?"
"Those two kids of Brian's both have blonde hair. Isn't that a bit odd?"
"Oh? Which ones are his?" Julia looked out the front window and perked up. "Hey, I'm going to ask John what the deer dream meant."
"That you need to hop in the sack with him. Isn't that what he always says? And do me a favor and knock over his wind-chime stand. It's too damn noisy."
"Holly, you really ought to be more friendly."
Holly watched her trot across the parking lot to the end shop on the far side. Elderberry leered, a tall scrawny man, perhaps thirty years of age with a little nub of brown hair on his chin, his long brown hair tied back with a leather thong with beads on it. He was perfectly suited to a shop that sold incense, candles, crystals and wind-chimes. And books about Stonehenge, runes, UFOs . . .
Chapter Eight
13 November 1999
Julia was giggling the next morning. "John says my affair with the deer is proof that magic exists in the world, and that the deer is a powerful wizard. He says I should exercise caution."
"Affair with the deer? Good grief, you dreamed of having sex with a deer? I prefer handsome men, like Brian, for my sexual fantasies." She pulled out the schedule. "This weekend is free, then the Thanksgiving rush starts and we'll be running flat out until January Two. Ugg."
"Don't ugg. We make enough this six weeks to pay the rent for the whole year."
"How true."
They puttered around, walked to Feng Chews for lunch, then collected the mail. No more bills, one more payment.
She called up the accounts, entered payments, wrote up a check for yesterday's bill. "You want to make the bank and mailbox run, or shall I?"
"Go ahead, I'm just going to sit here and fantasize about a deer. "
Holly bit back a snarky comment about better a deer than John Elderberry or whatever his name was and headed for the door. She stopped and bought stuff for dinner. She dropped it off at the house, thinking she really needed to figure out how to earn enough money to get an apartment all her own.
The early evening had triggered the parking lot lights when she got back to the shop. The door was unlocked, the front empty. "Julia? Any calls or shall we call it a ni . . . " The hand wrapped around her lower face muffled her scream as she was pulled off balance by her ponytail and shoved to the ground. Julia was bound and gagged in a chair beside her, huge-eyed with fright. Holly tried to kick, hit, or scream, but Elderberry had his knee in her back and a gag in her mouth before he even bothered to try and control her arms. Then he tied them behind her back and pulled her up to dump her in a chair and tie her to it.
"There. Very good! They didn't hear a thing, did they? Now girlie." He got down right in Julia's face. "You understand what to do?"
Julia nodded frantically.
"Good. Because you won't like running the business alone, will you?"
She shook her head.
"Good. Now go get what I need." He unfolded a straight razor and cut away her gag, and the bonds on her arms.
Holly eyed the razor, remembered descriptions of the murder scene. A single clean stroke across the neck, no hesitation.
Julia scrambled away.
"Don't rush. I need every possible bit of information."
Holly heard the front door open and close. Elderberry, what the hell was his name? Smith? Jones? Johns? No, she'd remember John Johns. James? Something like that. He stepped away from her, doing something with a machine against the wall. A tape recorder? With a mike on the wall? She opened her mouth, then shut it. He was ignoring her, and that was a good thing. He walked into the front. She heard the click of the door lock, and the light from that direction disappeared. He rustled around out there, moving a chair? Then silence as he apparently settled down.
Holly fingered the knots that held her. Tight, some sort of fabric, not a rope. She picked and tugged at the knots, trying to not break the silence, to not attract attention. She could hear the recorders running, and faint sounds from next door. A man's voice, laughter. Was Julia over there? What was she supposed to get or do? Had she had the sense to call the police? Holly suspected not. More faint laughter, voices high and low. She couldn't distinguish a word, and wondered if the recorders could. Time crept, broken by nothing but the whisper of the machines and the occasional indecipherable voices. Then suddenly the sound of a shifting chair out front, the click of the lock, and the swish of the door opening. Julia's voice, sounding a bit shaky. "This is what he gave me. Now go away." Hasty, clumsy footsteps, and Julia was tugging at her bonds, casting looks over her shoulder as Elderberry grabbed his two machines, glared their direction and walked out. Julia finally got the gag out of her mouth.
"Call the police, then get my scissors out of the desk drawer." Holly was shivering now, reaction setting in.
"He's completely crackers, you know. Either that or I am, because Heso knew what he wanted to know."
"Police. Scissors."
"I'm afraid to go out there."
"Julia!"
The state troopers were the first to arrive. Julia found the nerve to let them in, and they cut her loose. Detective Lanton was there soon after.
"He had a folding straight razor." Holly was wrapped in a warm blanket provided by one of the troopers. "And he put mikes on the wall and recorded what was happening over there. Julia? Were you over there?"
"God yes, and talk about strange! All the things he wanted me to charm Heso into talking about, crazy things, Heso never turned a hair. He talked about wizards and witches, and mixed up a 'potion' out of all these different jars to make me into a witch, and he talked about levitation, and shape changing. He said the goat was a friend of his under a curse. They're all insane."
"This Elderberry." Lanton started.
"That's not his name, it's John James or something like that."
Julia nodded. "Holly doesn't like him. Neither do I, any more. He always used to want me to come to his place for a sky clad ceremony. Naked, in other words."
"His place? His shop is empty. Do either of you feel well enough to come look and see if anything is missing?"
"He's got someplace out in the country. With oak trees. Old growth. Virgin groves, he says. I don't know where." Julia's teeth were chattering in reaction.
Julia clutched her, so they both walked across the lot, and looked around
the confusion of the shop. Holly hadn't been there often, but it hadn't changed much. It smelled of incense and dust. A coffee cup sat at the edge of the runestone display, a dark ring at the bottom. "Julia, what did you bring back from next door? You said something about a potion?"
"That's it, that's the cup Heso mixed it up in." She looked around for Lanton and pointed at it.
There was no other sign that John James had come here instead of jumping in his car . . .
"He has a red Toyota Corolla." Holly stared back at the lot. "It's not here."
Julia nodded. "Vanity plates. FREE T."
The radio crackled, giving the police an address.
Half of them hustled off, the other half were all over the Free Trader. Holly and Julia walked back to their place, and were set down (at one of their own folding tables and different chairs) to write out every word of what they'd heard. Some police women talked to them, read their statements and talked more, hunting for details. Holly didn't have many, Julia talked herself hoarse. The police women typed up their statements, and printed out copies for them to initial and sign. They got copies. Julia noted that hers was four times the size of Holly's, her voice a little hysterical.
They finally got taken home with some nice young men driving their cars for them. Mom was frantic, and distressed, and responded by cooking. Holly had no idea what; she crawled into bed and slept till noon.
In the morning the house was quiet, and a plate of cookies was on the table. She poured a glass of milk, spotted Julia's statement and picked it up to read. She skipped the, umm, intimate details, read what Heso had said about magic, levitation, the friend changed into a goat by a wizard, parallel worlds, gates and corridors, umm, and magic useful in sex. Under other circumstances, Holly suspected Julia would have had a lot of fun. And what he'd said while mixing the potion . . . long life, health, witch powers, bigger bust, thicker, blonder hair, lose weight . . . "Pretty good snake oil salesman." she told Julia, as she walked in.
"Hey I didn't read yours! No fair."
"I just sat there, trying to not attract Elderberry's attention. You screwed Heso how many times before you got away?"
"Well, he was kinda enthusiastic, and I didn't want John to send me back if I left before he'd told me everything. And maybe his potion will work, and I'll lose weight and gain a cup size."
"Yeah right." Holly straightened. "Well, we need to get ready for tomorrow. One birthday party, one family reunion."
"Back to normal. Isn't it nice?" Julia beamed.
"Yes. We'll need just Mike and Mark, I think. And them and Gary and Steve the day after. "
Chapter Nine
14 November 1999
Rior eyed the police car, not a bit surprised when Detective Lanton climbed out and asked to talk to him. "Again? Why not. Do come in." Heso, who was supposed to be on guard duty, was snoring on the couch in the front office. Judging by the smell, he'd had a girl in here last night, too.
"The Matlock sisters were attacked last night . . . " Lanton broke off as Heso rolled off the couch.
"Did not," He sounded indignant. "She came over here and climbed all over me, wanting to know a bunch of silly things."
"Silly things?" Rior frowned.
"Ah, she's one of those women with fantasies in their heads, so I told her I was a wizard and could do magic. I even made her a magic potion. But it was her idea, not mine."
"She's not complaining about you. Apparently the fellow that runs the Free Trader threatened to harm Holly if Julia didn't find out everything about magic from Mr. Amoson. Your fantasies must have satisfied him, as they both survived the experience. We arrested Mr. James as he was dancing around a campfire naked except for the fresh chicken blood all over himself."
"Eww!" Heso frowned. "Blood magic?"
Rior frowned. "He sounds very unstable. Do you think he killed Rex?"
"He's confessed to it, and forensics thinks his razor matches Mr. Hennessee's wound."
"Because he thought we were magic. And I had been so sure it had nothing to do with us. Old gods! He wanted magic?"
Lanton nodded. "We'll let you know if you will be needed for anything."
"Right. Thank you."
Heso was looking aggrieved. "I thought she liked me!"
Lanton snorted. "Very much, apparently. I'd recommend flowers or chocolate. Maybe both."
Rior frowned at Heso. "You slept through the police coming, last night?"
"She wore me out."
The detective rolled his eyes and left.
"What did you tell her? Are you insane?"
"Hey, no one here believes any of that. They treat it all like a big joke. I gave her a shot of joy juice with a couple of goodies in it and she climbed all over me. I didn't hardly use any of the constant orgasm and happy mommy spells."
Rior gave up and looked around the shop. "Why don't you go home and shower? Send a couple of the girls over for the scalp massages. This is getting so damn boring. We ought to steal something, just for the fun of it."
Heso grinned. "Hey, I've seen you eyeing Holly. Haven't you fucked the big sister yet? If you use those orgasm spells she'll be coming back for more."
"I don't need that sort of complication."
"Sex is not a complication, it's a necessity of life. Geeze, I think Mag was right, you did start out as a woman, didn't you?"
Rior glared. "Go home and shower. You smell as bad as Eldon."
Chapter Ten
15 November 1999
Eldon had forgotten what a zing even a non-magical virgin gave. And he'd heard it was good for breaking spells, but being a goat, hadn't actually put two and two together. He also hadn't expected the reversion to human to be painful, or take so long.
"Mahahaha, ow, ow, ow, ow. . . "
He jerked backwards at the ear-splitting scream. He'd lost his grip on the dazed-sleepy-just-a-dream spell. Not to mention his grip on the young woman, who, waking up from an erotic dream and viewing her assailant in broad daylight and mid-transformation aimed an adrenaline-fueled kick at some very exposed body parts.
Eldon bounced off a tree and into an agonized curl, while the woman set an all time best for her three mile morning run.
After some time, Eldon made it to his feet and headed home, trying to wrap an unnoticeable spell around himself while still in considerable pain. He limped inside, and leaned on the bathroom sink eyeing his beard, and the deer antlers. He touched one antler, tugging to be sure it was real, and it cracked off in his hand, crumbled into dust. "Ow, ow, ow!"
The other one cracked off too, and he cursed and headed for the fridge. At least he could open his own beers now. And maybe make an ice pack. He popped a cold one as the doorbell rang.
He swung the door open. "What?"
Mailman with a package. He backed away, tossing the box and a few other things in Eldon's general direction. "Jeeze, man, put some clothes on."
Eldon took too long deciding what to do to him, to actually do anything, and grumbling, picked up the box and the junk mail.
"I don’t have any clothes." He complained his way up to Heso's room and after trying on a few things had to settle for sweatpants, and they were damn near too small too. He scratched his hairy abdomen, and wondered if he'd been this fat before he turned into a goat. "You wouldn't think you could get fat eating grass." He finished the beer and crushed the can in his hand. "Of course, I did drink a lot of beer."
He popped another and walked out the back door. The toddlers took fright from the stranger in their playground and fled indoors.
Jade stalked out, left hand raised. "Oh, it's you. Good grief, you've gotten fat. Stupid goat. And you look like hell. Get in here."
After a shave and a haircut, and real people food, he felt a lot better. Still too sore to find out how far Jade's charity would go, though. Actually, with Jade, that was a bad idea, no matter how frisky one was feeling.
"Mind the kids, I'll go find some clothes for you. Rior has all the potions down at the shop, I'll pic
k up a lose weight one."
The kids were all settled down in front of the TV now, and he kept his distance, trotting out bags of chips and bowls of cheerios occasionally. Mace eyed him. "You're that goat, aren't you?"
Eldon burped, and nodded. The other kids all sat up and stared at him.
"Are you going to change back?" Lance, the redheaded one was all wide-eyed.
"I don't know how."
"Is it fun being a goat?" Roddie, Rior's kid, frowned. "I think being a horse would be more fun."
"I'm not big enough. I'd just be a pony."
All their eyes lit up. "We want a pony!"
Jade walked back in. "That would be against the rules and we really would have trouble pretending you were a deer."
But it was something to think about, Women had a thing about horses, after all. He wondered how to do spells like that . . . he had this big tangle of spells, just sitting there in the front of his head. Not doing anything. He poked at it, that one on the side was a spell for hair color, easy to invoke. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, mahahaha!"
The kids all cheered, Jade kicked him outside, then changed his horns to deer style again. While his brain was still working almost humanly, he settled down with her antler spell and looked at the horn spell it modified. Surely he could combine them, yeah, like that. His head felt funny and he shook it cautiously, then trotted back to his own house and checked the bathroom mirror. "Mahahaha!" Those were some serious antlers. His goaty brain gave up counting points at five and wasn't half way through with the first one. He bounced outside, and over the fence and trotted along the levee. When people spotted him, he posed dramatically and made sure they got a look at his rack before bounding off.
A couple of men made empty-handed shooting motions, and drove off suddenly. Ha! Going for guns were they? This could be fun.
Chapter Eleven
18 November 1999