Losing Control (Losing Control Series Book 1)

by Wilder, Desiree

  “Good morning, beautiful ladies,” I sang when I opened my eyes.

  “Holy shit, you got laid!” Dana said as she jumped over to me and then sat there with big eyes, wanting details.

  “A lady never tells,” I said and pulled my blanket up over my face. I acted playful because I didn’t want them to see the truth about my half-lay.

  “Well, there should be no problem getting the whole story, then!” Dana yelled and tried to pull at the blanket, but she lost her grip and fell back onto the floor. We all laughed so hard I almost peed myself.

  “Seriously, there’s not much to tell,” I said, knowing that they wouldn’t leave me alone unless I gave them something. “I’m excited for a new day and a new adventure!” I really was.

  “You mean, you’re not going on the date with Ethan?” Dana sounded surprised. “And what about the VIP spots for the Poison show?” They all looked at me. Shit, I had forgotten about that.

  “Uh, I’m not sure yet.” I was trying to think of a way to let them down easy. “Let’s get all rocked up, get some drinks in us, and see where the day takes us. The Poison concert isn’t until tonight, and a lot could happen before that. We never make plans in advance, that’s what makes it so fucking fun, remember?” I said with a shitload of enthusiasm.

  Their eyes got big, smiles on all their faces. They could tell I was gonna be a spitfire today, and they were right. I got up and poured myself a cup of coffee, put a shot of Bailey’s in it, shook my ass at them and headed to the bathroom to shower. They jumped up and started getting dressed.

  While I was in the shower, I was fantasizing about what I wanted to happen today. I was so glad that I had decided at the last minute to throw my thigh-high boots and black mini into my suitcase Thursday night. There was something about being in heels and feeling that leather rub against my bare thighs that made me feel sexy as hell, and that was exactly what this day was all about for me. I wanted to feel sexy, I wanted to be under the influence, I wanted the music loud, I wanted to flirt and tease, I wanted the guys to look at me and to want me. The butterflies were wild now.

  I squeezed body wash onto my sponge and scrubbed every inch of myself. As I washed between my legs, I felt a little sore, but I quickly focused on something else, I wasn’t going to let that scene ruin my mood. When I wet my hair, I could smell Ethan’s shampoo and had to fight myself not to think about the amazing shower. I carefully shaved my legs and underarms. I was glad I had gotten a bikini wax a week ago, so that was good to go. I stepped out of the shower and dried off. I rubbed lotion all over myself and wrapped the towel around me. It was a little too short to completely cover my ass, but it was close. I put extra mousse in my hair and some body boost, so when I dried it and sprayed it upside down, it would have extra poof and bounce around when I walked. I put my makeup on meticulously, making sure the black eyeliner and smoky lids looked model-like and not clown-like. I stared at myself for a moment. Ethan was right, my eyes were beautiful… well, now anyway, with all the work I’d just put into them. I had to stop letting him come into my head. I had big plans today, and they didn’t involve Mr. Sensitive.

  I walked out of the bathroom and heard a male voice, then giggling women. I looked up and Trey was standing there handing something to Dana. I remembered I was wearing a towel, but before I could escape, Trey saw me. I couldn’t turn and run because I knew half my ass was showing and that would’ve been more uncomfortable for both of us, so I just stood there, nonchalantly making sure my other parts weren’t showing.

  “Hi, Gia,” Trey said, acting like I wasn’t half naked. “Ethan asked me to bring you girls over some VIP passes in case we got too busy to meet up before the concert.” But I knew the real reason. “We’re still gonna meet for the concert, right?” Ethan probably told him to ask that.

  “Of course!” Dana blurted. I think she knew something was up, but she didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity and I didn’t blame her. Plus, Trey was hot and seemed to be interested in her, so I didn’t want to take that away from her.

  Trey was still looking at me. It was like he didn’t believe Dana and he needed confirmation that I was going to be there, from me. Well, I wasn’t going to give him an answer because I didn’t know. I had other plans for the day and I didn’t have to have VIP passes for them.

  “Sorry,” I said, “I didn’t know we had company.” And I turned around, knowing full well what was showing, and walked back to the bathroom. I waited and listened until Trey left before I came out again.

  The girls were laughing. “Gia, you’re so bad! What’s gotten into you?” Jo giggled.

  “Nothing,” I said dreamily, “yet!” And we all giggled like little virgins.

  I walked over to my suitcase and dug out my thigh-highs, mini-skirt and black lacy bra with matching panties. I found my belt from last night and my new shirt. I dropped my towel right there and started getting dressed.

  Brittany whistled. “Dang, I wish I would’ve brought a sexier outfit! You look hot!”

  I thought of what she was wearing yesterday, which was similar to what she had on today and said, “Brittany, if you were wearing anything sexier, none of us would have a chance.”

  She seemed happy with that. “Thanks!” She looked into the door mirror.

  “I’m changing,” Dana said. “Can I borrow your boots from last night?”

  “Of course, borrow anything you like,” I said as I grabbed a pair of scissors and cut my new t-shirt down the neck several inches so I could show some cleavage. It fit just tight enough in the chest to pull it off perfectly. Then I put my belt over it and pulled some out the top, it was just the right length, too. The last thing I had to put on were my boots, so I slid my silky soft legs into them and slowly zipped them up, being careful at the top so I didn’t catch a piece of my skin. Then I walked over to the door mirror and looked at myself. Holy shit, if I couldn’t get anything and everything I wanted today, then I never could.

  Dana and Jo had both decided to change. They came out of the bedroom that Jo and Brittany shared in the back of the motor home and they looked amazing! I’d never seen Jo like that, she definitely didn’t look like a mother of two. She had a short school girl skirt on with a red lacy tank, probably Brittany’s, and red heels. I couldn’t believe her legs, they were sexy as hell. Dana had tight jeans on with rips in them, her new Ratt shirt, which she had also altered with scissors and a belt, and instead of my boots, she decided on her black heels, which looked smokin’ hot with jeans.

  “I wanna fuck both of you right now,” I said as seriously as I could.

  Dana put her finger in the air. “Wait,” she said and turned around. Her ass looked fabulous. Then she bent over and the rip opened just enough so you could see her matching Ratt panties. We were hysterical.

  We all grabbed a drink and made a toast to what we knew was going to be one amazing night. “Cheers!”

  Chapter 10

  Ethan

  When we got back to my place, I carried Gia, not because her feet hurt, but because I wanted to, inside and laid her on my bed. I slowly walked through the room closing the blinds, giving us privacy and trying to make her as comfortable as possible. I couldn’t believe I was about to have Hotness in the most intimate way. She was absolutely captivating to me and I couldn’t let her out of my sight for long. I walked over and picked her up and took her into the bathroom.

  I wanted this to be something she would remember, something beautiful and true, I was trying to romanticize what she thought she wanted and needed so badly. I needed to show her that pure passion could bring as much sexual excitement as carnal lust. I thought a shower might be a good start.

  I pulled her jacket off slowly—I kept my eyes on hers because I had to keep that emotional connection—and let it drop to the floor. I unbuckled her belt and pulled it slowly, making sure it touched her skin as it circled her beautiful body. I was already hard and we were both still fully dressed. I knelt in front of her and took off her shoes
and socks. She seemed to like me in this position, I’d have to remember that. I reached up and unbuttoned her jeans. As each button popped, my anticipation swelled and by the time I pulled them down, I had to force myself not to lay her on the bathroom floor and give her what she wanted. But I had to do this right. As I undressed her, she seemed to like it. I worked slowly, making sure to emphasize each article as it left her body, and by the time I reached around and took her bra off, I knew she was all in. Her eyes were still locked to mine and she was breathing heavy. I knelt in front of her again. When I pulled her panties off, they were wet. I could smell her and I wanted to taste her so badly.

  I stood, Gia was completely naked now and she hadn’t moved an inch. Was she afraid? I didn’t want that. No, she didn’t look afraid, exactly. She looked like she was enjoying herself, but she wasn’t joining in, either. Maybe she’d never done anything quite like this before. Well, that was going to change.

  I opened the shower and followed her in. She kissed me. I loved kissing her. I could stare into her eyes and kiss her for days on end. She ran her soft hands all over my upper body, her fingertips felt silky and when her nails touched my skin they left a trail of arousal behind. I fantasized that this was her first time touching a man. I knew it wasn’t, but she was almost acting like it was, and that was turning me on like crazy. My body was responding under her fingers, then, she tried to go for the package, so I grabbed the shampoo. Patience wasn’t one of her greatest strengths. I made a mental note.

  We locked eyes. I moved her under the water spray and started to wash her hair. I let my fingers comb through her long, soft locks, then I massaged the shampoo against her scalp, feeling the contours of her head, memorizing its shape beneath my fingertips. She took the shampoo and lathered some into my hair. Her fingers worked magic on my scalp, sending tingles all the way down my spine.

  She pushed me back against the wall. Whoa. A woman who knew what she wanted and took control. After her stillness earlier, this was a sexy change of pace. She kissed me harder, her lips demanding more from mine. I could feel her breasts and stomach against me. She sucked on my tongue and bit my lip. I was losing the battle, she’d won. Then she backed off. She stood back and looked at my nakedness for the first time. She was taking it all in. I took the opportunity to look at her—she was exquisite. She looked lean and strong, toned. She must work out. She had just a hint of a tan line and I could tell she wore a bikini. Her breasts were perfection, just as I remembered. Her stomach was divine and I wanted to kiss it as soon as I had the opportunity. “Jesus, Gia.” I startled myself because I hadn’t intended to speak.

  She turned and shut off the shower. She took my hand and led me back to my bed. I followed willingly, my eyes glued to her unbelievable ass.

  She pushed me down on the bed, opened my night stand drawer, and got out a condom. She opened it and I thought she was going to put it on me, but instead she handed it to me. Does she not know how to put a condom on? How much experience did Gia really have? She watched me put it on, so I did it very slowly. She gave me a sexy smile.

  She climbed on top of me and began rocking against me. She leaned down to kiss me, her damp hair fell against my face and tickled it as she rocked faster. She wanted me inside her already. I wanted to take over and show her how passionate this could be. I turned her over and looked down at her.

  “Fuck me now,” she said. The words took me by surprise and we locked eyes. I pressed up against her and rocked, she felt really tight.

  “Please, Ethan.” She was begging me. She pushed her hips against me. I had to think. I leaned down and suckled her nipples and tasted her divine stomach. Then I moved back up to her nipples. I was buying time.

  “Ethan, I want you to fuck me.” She looked right into my eyes, but they were different. They weren’t Gia’s beautiful eyes anymore. I pushed my hips forward. “Yes,” she whispered. She was so tight it almost hurt.

  I couldn’t do it, not like this. I grabbed some lube and played with her, hoping she would come fast, then I put some on myself and tried again, maybe she was more relaxed now.

  “Just fuck me, now.” Gia was louder this time. I tried. I went in a little further this time and stopped.

  “Please, don’t stop.” I moved forward just slightly and then back.

  She closed her eyes. “Harder,” she said, and I could see there were tears running down her beautiful cheeks. I didn’t move.

  “Ethan, I want you to fuck me harder, please!”

  Why was she doing this? What had she been through that made her think she was deserving of this? I was scared for her. She opened her eyes and looked at me.

  “I’m hurting you,” I managed to whisper.

  She begged again. “No, I want this, please.”

  “I can’t—I’m hurting you.” I felt horrible that I had allowed it to go this far.

  She looked at me like she had just been thrown away like a piece of garbage, “Yes, you’re hurting me because you don’t want to fuck me.”

  My heart broke. I slowly pulled out of her. “Please, Gia, don’t do this. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone, ever.” It was true and I had to tell her because I knew this was more about rejection than anything else, and I was in no way rejecting her. I wanted to share real stuff with her, intimate stuff. “But I’m not going to hurt you. Let me take care of you in a different way, please.” I knelt between her legs, waiting for permission.

  “No. That’s not what I want, Ethan. It’s okay, I’m fine. Could you just take me to the campground? I’m really tired.” Please, no, this couldn’t be happening, how could I lose her over this?

  “Gia.” She wouldn’t look at me. What had I done? All I wanted was to show her how much I cared about her. “Gia, look at me.” I needed her eyes. It was killing me that she took them away from me. “Gia, I know that didn’t go as either of us wanted, but it’s okay. We just need to take it slow and easy, not fast and hard. We’ll get there, I promise.” And I really believed that. “Let me take care of you, let me give you what you need without hurting you, please.” I was begging her, I wanted to make it right, I wanted her to feel wanted, I wanted her to look into my eyes again and know that I was the one who could do this for her. I could make her see herself the way I saw her, the most beautiful woman, inside and out, that I’d ever wanted to know.

  “No. It’s okay, Ethan.” She went into the bathroom. I was devastated.

  I put some clothes on and sat on the edge of the bed. What could I do, what could I say to make her see? I don’t want her to leave. I don’t want to be separated from her.

  She came out of the bathroom. “Gia—” I started, but she stopped me.

  “Ethan, all I want to do is get some sleep. I can’t even think straight right now. I’m physically and emotionally drained. I’m fine, you didn’t hurt me. Please take me to the motor home, please.” She stared down at the floor. She looked scared, hurt and ashamed. I wanted so badly to hold her and take it all away. Why wouldn’t she let me? But I had to do as she asked. Maybe after she got some sleep, she would.

  “All right, Gia.” And I took her to the campground.

  When we got there, I told her I still wanted to take her out and watch the concert with her. She didn’t look at me or answer me. She just went in and shut me out.

  I couldn’t bear the thought of going back home and reliving the past hour, so I drove around for a while. I drove up to Sunset and parked, but didn’t get out and walk up the hill. I reached in the glove box and got a smoke. What had happened to Gia that made her think she was unworthy of love? For the hundredth time, I went back to the first time I saw her—she was such an inspiration to me. And I recalled every other time I’d seen her after that. She inspired me every time, even when I could see the light that had always surrounded her was gone, because I knew she was special and she would shine again. And she did.

  I knew that I couldn’t give up on her. I knew that I didn’t want to ‘move the fuck on,’ as Trey had pu
t it. When she and I looked into each other’s eyes, it was like no one else or nothing else existed, we got lost. I felt it and I knew she felt it too.

  I headed back to the house. I had to get some sleep too. I had to be able to think of a way to get Gia to see me again.

  I sent Trey a text when I got home.

  Could u take 4 vip passes to the

  girls, they r in 69. Try to get a

  read on Gia, I’m not sure she

  wants to go with me. C u at the

  a.m. meeting. Thanx

  I wanted to send Gia a text to get ahold of me when she got up later, but we hadn’t even exchanged numbers. That was stupid, she couldn’t even call me if she wanted to. At least she knew where I lived, that gave me a little comfort. I got into bed. It was still damp from our wet showered bodies. I could still smell Gia, she had such a captivating scent.

  I dreamt about Hotness, as I had so many times before. She was at a concert with her friends and they were singing and dancing and having a great time. I was watching her, walking toward her, trying to figure out what I was going to say to her when I reached her, we hadn’t met yet. She was full of life, confident, beautiful, and sexy. As she looked around her, everyone lit up, they all wanted to be a part of her universe, as did I. I kept walking and walking, but I wasn’t getting any closer, so I started running, as fast as I could. Still, I wasn’t getting any closer, she saw me and waved. She kept looking at me, smiling, waving me over, but I couldn’t get to her. I was getting exhausted. She looked confused. She didn’t know why I wouldn’t come to her. I was trying, I was screaming for her to come to me, but she didn’t know what I was saying, she couldn’t hear me. I woke up in a cold sweat. My cell was ringing.