Heart of a Rebel

by Glenna Maynard

  Tread stiffens at the mention of Baby, knowing they are on dangerous ground mentioning her.

  “Oh I got the message loud and clear, but boy you must be all foam and no beer, if you think I am letting you anywhere near Baby. You think I am just going to deliver her into your lap like a pretty package.”

  “Now listen here goddamn it!” Shred pounds his fist on the table knocking my beer to the floor. The glass shatters and some skimpy little whore runs over and begins cleaning the mess. “Just wanted to talk to her and see if she could answer some questions about her old man. Just trying to do you a solid.”

  “Maybe that is so but I’ve known Grim longer than Baby. You got questions, you ask them to me,” I grit through my teeth.

  “Understood,” Lasher answers in his brother’s place. “Shred meant no offense to the Black Rebels.”

  “I know damn good and well what he intended. You want to play on Baby’s emotions right after she lost her husband and her sister and use her. Not happening on my motherfuckin’ watch. Ya feel me?”

  “Again no disrespect. My sister has been under the protection of your club has she not?”

  I grunt with a nod. I don’t want to fight with these fucks today but I won’t hesitate in making myself clear. Should just slit their throats and be done with them, but these tick turds are the lesser evil, and we need them staying between the Undead Bastards and us.

  “I trust Rebel has been looking after Lil Bit?”

  Tread speaks up, “Your sister is faring well considering, but you already know that.”

  “Suppose I do,” Shred says with a grin.

  Can’t begrudge him checking in on her. I don’t see why she needs to stay with our club though. Rebel has made it well known he isn’t keen to her and the child.

  “Shall we get down to business then boys?” I ask not having much of a choice. It’s either kill them now and try to handle the Undead Bastards on my own, or tolerate them until I find Grim.

  After working out the details for the next run we’ll do with the Dry Ridge Sinners, Tread and I are ready to get the fuck outta dodge.

  “Do you find anything familiar or strange about tweedle dee and tweedle dumb?” I ask hooking my thumb back in the direction of the bar. I can’t shake this feeling. It isn’t sitting well with me.

  “Not that I can say. Not sure what he hopes to accomplish with Baby other than going to ground. Baby can’t tell them a damn thing that would lead to Grim, and why in fuck he’d think you’d allow Baby to sit down with him is well over my head.”

  “I don’t know brother. Don’t mention shit about them to Baby and when we get back, I want you to make sure Lil Bit doesn’t go sniffing around Baby. I wouldn’t put it past them to have made this whole pregnancy up as an in to spy on us and weasel their way in deeper with us. Who is to say the bitch is really pregnant?”

  Wouldn’t be the first time a woman has used her pussy to fuck us in more ways than one. Hell, Baby’s mother, Gypsy Red is still stirring the pot from the grave.

  Tread taps my arm lightly as I get on my bike. “Is that Cowboy’s rig parked down the road?”

  “Can’t tell from here but we are going to find out.”

  Laura

  “Dawn, you and Jamie stay in the car while I go in and fetch your sister.”

  I smile as I get out of the car and look at my children, happy and healthy. I didn’t think Romeo was going to be so lenient. He has been really nice about allowing me time with our kids. We have yet to discuss how we are going to handle things legally when it comes to our marriage.

  He doesn’t try to hide the fact that he is still fucking Baby. It is vile; she could be his daughter at his age. It isn’t proper no matter which way he tries to justify their relationship. If I were in a better position to make demands, that’d be my first—for him to send the whore packing.

  I know Baby is in a delicate spot but so am I. I have been trying to make things right in my life so I can be a mother to my children, and if I get my way, I’ll have my family back together soon. Romeo was mine first and he will be mine again.

  I’ll be damned if I lose him again. Now that I am clean and sober, I can think clearly. I know what I want and he is it. We have been through a lot…nothing short of death. He thought I betrayed him but I didn’t. Despite my jealousy and anger, I never would turn him over to the law.

  He is the father of my children…he is my husband. We have a lot to get past but I know eventually we can find our way back to one another. He’ll see. I’ll show him or I’ll ruin his life. His choice.

  Inside at the daycare Baby is here signing Colt out. Miracle is standing by her asking to go with her and that tugs at my heart. My daughter would rather have that tramp than me.

  “Miracle, sweetie, momma is here.” I hold my arms out for her.

  She smiles at me but says, “Go wiff Colt.”

  “Not today. Your brother and sister are waiting in the car.” I see the smug look on Baby’s face and tack on loudly, “We need to get to the store so we can cook dinner for daddy.”

  Baby does well hiding her emotions but I know that digs under her skin. That’s right sweetheart, mommy is home and I am taking back my man and my children. Prepare to fight for him, I think as I sign my name and take Miracle to the car pouting for Colt.

  There is one thing I’d like to say to Baby though, so I get Miracle buckled in and wait for Baby to come out to her car.

  6

  Baby

  I am onto LL’s game. I know she wishes to take Romeo and the kids and push me to the side. I won’t give him up unless he tells me it’s over. The asshole keeps sending me mixed signals. One minute he can’t live without me and the next it’s as if I am a pariah. I don’t know what to do. Do I push him harder or do I back off. Fucking Rebel sure as hell didn’t help the situation today when he put his hands and his mouth on me. What in the hell was he thinking? Why did he do that? And why did I enjoy it?

  One second Rebel was giving me hell and I could swear for a moment that it was Striker standing in front of me. I don’t know what happened. The next thing I knew Romeo was there and pissed. I don’t even know why he cares at this point with the way he has been behaving.

  I feel like Alice when she fell down the rabbit hole, nothing is the way it should be. I miss my sister. I want my father, if he hadn’t been arrested none of this would have happened. I can’t blame this on him, but I want to. If the club hadn’t went down, Striker wouldn’t have had to step up and take over, and we would be happily married right now expecting our second child.

  I feel aimless. I don’t know what I am supposed to do with my life. If it weren’t for Colt, I would have given up a long time ago. I’ve thought about leaving Drag Creek, doing as my sister wished…getting away from this place, and doing something with my life—building a life for myself and Colt. Being a woman—a woman he can look up to, and be proud of, but I don’t know anything else and the thought of it scares me.

  I wish my dad were here to guide me but he isn’t. I worry about him. I know he can handle his own, but I fear that I may never see him again.

  When I take Colt out to the car LL is waiting for me. Dawn is hanging out of the window of her mom’s car waving at me with a cheesy smile.

  I ask LL to allow me get Colt buckled in his seat before she says whatever is on her mind. She waves her hand casually but flippant.

  After getting my son situated and giving him his piggy—a stuffed pig on a Harley my father bought for him, I put on a brave face.

  Turning to LL I say, “Let me guess, you want Romeo back, and you want me to graciously step to the side, so you can work out your differences?’

  “Actually no—not exactly. I was going to tell you thank you…” She takes a deep breath and her cheeks are crimson red. This is hard for her. “Thank you for stepping up and taking good care of my kids when I wasn’t able. But I am back now, and I am their mother, and I would appreciate if you would take a step back in their lives
, so that I can be their mom again.”

  “LL, if Romeo wants me in their lives I will be, and even if he and I aren’t together, I will still love your children. I will respect you as their mother and never speak down about you to them. I want Romeo and you to be able to co-parent peacefully. Despite what you think of me—my role in their life won’t change until Romeo tells me to stay away.” I smile and slide into the driver’s seat before my temper gets the best of me.

  Outside I am cool, calm and collected, but inside, I am dying to rip her earrings out, and tell her to fuck off. I wait for her to leave so I can have my mini-meltdown in private.

  She gets in her car and apparently wants to do the same. I resign and take Colt to the Dairy Bar for a hotdog and milkshake, just like my father used to do with me.

  Colt is sitting on the top of the picnic table; his legs don’t reach the bench seat. He is kicking his legs back and forth, as he takes a bite from his hotdog with chili dripping down his chin. His bright red hair shines in the sunshine.

  I watch him questioning what the future will hold for him. Do I want him to grow up as a biker brat after seeing all that I have? This life has already touched him. It has taken his father from us. He already loves motorcycles. And God help me if he turns out like his father.

  He tries to feed me a bite and I shake my head no. He growls at me and shrieks “bite.” Bossy little shit. I take a bite and he smiles. Yeah, he is going to be exactly like his father.

  A motorcycle engine revs up and purrs in the distance. My thighs clench, that sound just does something to me, no matter what, that is a feeling I will always carry on with me. It will be a part of me until I die. There is nothing like being on the back of a motorcycle, wrapping your arms around your man, giving up all control to him and enjoying the ride.

  Colt’s head jerks upward hearing the bike as it rumbles closer. “Daddy?” he questions associating the sound with his father.

  “Daddy is in heaven, riding the highway in the sky.” I kiss his cheek and rub his head. “Daddy will always love you. He’d be here now sharing your hotdog if he could.”

  Colt accepts my explanation for where his daddy is the best he can and goes back to dropping most of his food into his lap.

  I take a moment to relish in the memory of riding free with Striker. There were times where when it was just the two of us out on the road and nothing could penetrate our happy bubble. But now there is one big prick who is bursting every bubble I blow for myself.

  Pulling my phone out I call Romeo. Straight to voicemail. I decline to leave a message and text him instead.

  Baby: What are we doing? Are we over? I’m here if you want me but if you don’t let me know now. I am sick of the back and forth. You are giving me whiplash.

  Romeo: Do I act finished with you? You want to go fuck someone go fuck them but it won’t change a motherfuckin’ thing. Ya feel me? Can’t talk further getting on the road.

  Baby: Enjoy your family dinner with your wife.

  My phone rings instantly. “Goddamn it Baby, I don’t know what the fuck you want from me. I’m trying here. You say you want me to do right by LL and the kids, but you sure as fuck have a funny way of showing it. I’m not a twenty five year old stallion that has nothing better to do than fuck for days. If that’s what you want…by all means go fucking find it. I’ve got shit to do.”

  “Then go fucking do it you bastard. It’s not just about sex. I need you to talk to me, but you can’t!” I shout in his ear and hang up on him.

  He doesn’t get it. The sex helps me to forget and it’s cheaper than therapy, but I can’t even bring Striker up without him freezing up on me. I need it all and he can’t give any of it to me.

  Rebel

  “I’m going to tell you something son and I don’t want you to go getting all pissy faced about it. Understand?” Foxie—my mother has that determined look on her face she gets when she is about to tell me something bad.

  “Sure do.” With my mom, it is best to just agree with her and go on. You try to tell her any different than what she thinks and you might as well start ramming you head against a brick wall. She is one hardheaded woman.

  My mom is pacing across my living room floor; this can’t be good…whatever it is that she is about to lay on me.

  “I have invited Lil Bit to live with me.”

  “You did what?” I jump up from my couch shouting at her.

  She motions her hands for me to calm down. “Now…don’t you go raising your voice at me boy. She is pregnant with my grandchild—possibly. Better she is with me than over at the Roadhouse with the whores and temptation. I figure if she is with me I can keep an eye on her, and she can’t be ratting on the club to her brothers.”

  “Whatever.” I blow out a defeated breath.

  After grabbing a beer from the fridge, I take my seat back on the couch.

  Mom is eyeing the clutter, dirty dishes and garbage bags I have piled up in the kitchen. “I’ll have one of the girls come over and clean tomorrow.” She eyes the box Baby gave me of my brother’s things. “You’ve seen Baby?” She looks shocked when I nod.

  Holding my bottle of Bud, I peel at the edges of the label avoiding my mother’s inquisitive stare.

  “I didn’t think she’d be open to a conversation with you so soon,” she states with her voice trembling with sorrow.

  “She isn’t really.” I suck my tongue debating on elaborating about my fuck up early today.

  “And?” She probes.

  I know I might as well get it over with and tell her, because once her mind is set on something, she is relentless. Can’t keep secrets from Foxie Black. Didn’t matter what Striker and I did growing up to hide something from her, she always knew what we were up to. And Baby was always there to rat us out too. I’d get so mad at her, but Striker didn’t care. She’d get us in trouble and he would still side with her.

  “I did something stupid, but I’m not sorry I did it,” I tell her, debating how to best phrase what I am feeling.

  “Imagine that,” she mummers. “I assume this has something to do with Baby.” She raises a speculative brow cocked in my direction.

  “It does.” Pinching the bridge of my scrunched nose I whisper, “I kissed her.” Closing my eyes, I avoid seeing her reaction to my confession.

  “Of course you did. It’s natural. You are both grieving and misery loves company. You both want something to cling to, something to ease the pain and make you move on somehow. How did she react?”

  “She raised a hand to me, but I know she felt something.”

  “Rebel, when I lost your father, I thought my life was over. We had our problems but I did love that man. I know things with you and Rumor were complicated, but you did love her didn’t you?” She comes over sitting next to me. She wraps her arm around my shoulder.

  “What kind of question is that? I married her. Yes, I loved her. Though I can’t help but think how things would have been different had I left her alone and chose Baby instead. Colt would have been my son and Striker would still be alive. When my brother was born I had an instant best friend…a partner in crime for life and I killed him.”

  “You can’t think that way. It will drive you crazy. What you are feeling for Baby is just a part of the grieving process. Being near her brings you closer to those you have lost. Lean on each other in friendship, but don’t do something you will regret later on by using each other physically for comfort. I know what I am talking about. So don’t ignore my words.”

  My head falls onto my mother’s shoulder and we sit, both of us unable to say anything more. I know she is so angry with me for what I have done.

  Although through this whole ordeal, she has been extremely calm, completely unlike my mother. I expected her to rip me a new ass, but she has been kind and patient, leaving me to wonder what is she hiding?

  The only person my mother loves more than Striker or myself is Colt, and she has been keeping her distance from him and Baby. I guess she has her re
asons. I know she places a lot of blame on Baby’s shoulders.

  “Have you seen Colt lately? I asked Baby if I could see him.”

  “No, it’s too hard to look at him. He looks too much like my Thomas, I can’t. Not yet.” She wipes at the tears I didn’t think she had in her. “So tell me…what is being done about Grim—when does he go to trial?”

  The only people that know Grim is missing is Baby, Romeo, Truth, Tread and our lawyer. I don’t think Sunshine even knows.

  “Your guess is as good as mine. When is Lil Bit moving in with you?” I want to know so I can keep the fuck away.

  “She is already there. I wanted to ask you to have dinner with us. I might ask Baby to come with Colt, unless you think that would be too awkward, but we are family, and family sticks together. I want Baby to friend her and find out what her motives are and where her loyalties lie.”

  I can’t help but laugh at her plan. “Baby doesn’t make friends with other women, if you haven’t noticed.”

  “She will if I ask her to. Tomorrow around sevenish I expect you to come. And leave things with Baby alone. It will only bring you both hurt and regret.” She gives me one more hug before leaving me to think on her words.

  7

  Romeo

  “LL you didn’t need to go to so much trouble, but I appreciate the thought. It smells delicious.”

  Dawn tugs on my arm forcing me to take a seat at the table. LL and the kids cooked a spaghetti dinner and want me to sit down with them, and their mother, as we used to, when we were a family. Only thing missing is Baby and Colt. I know LL would never go for that, and I am not sure Baby would want to dine with us either.

  Baby is driving me crazy; if I weren’t already turning grey I’d blame it on her. I don’t know what in the fuck to do with her. I want to fuck her brains out and throttle the hell outta her. I’ve never felt so motherfuckin’ torn in all my years.